Download 2014 Ch7 CPA

CHAPTER SEVEN: CODEPENDENCY, THE ADULT CHILD OF
ALCOHOLICS SYNDROME,
AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS FOR ASTROLOGERS1
The two major issues that clients bring to the practicing astrologer are love and career.
The most troubled relationship histories—and, all too often, the most snarled-up
career patterns—have a common root of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Dysfunctional families, including those with alcoholic or abusive parents, incline their
offspring to form codependent relationships with mates, bosses, co-workers, and friends.
In this chapter, we'll discuss how these concepts apply to astrology clients, including the
chart patterns to expect. We’ll consider case examples using the charts of some famous
people. We'll find out about types of resources clients can use. In addition, we'll look at
ways that being codependent or being an ACA yourself can influence your astrological
practice.
What is Codependency?
Codependency is an addiction to an addict or to some other person. The obsession with trying to help or change that individual grows in strength until it takes over your life,
giving you no peace. It doesn't change just because that
person leaves, but instead can become a pattern carried over
to new relationships.
Melody Beattie, in her best-seller, Codependent No More,
defined it in this way: "A codependent is one who has let
another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is
obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.2"
The term codependency originally derived from the field of chemical dependency and has been applied to families and
significant others of alcoholics and addicts. Because of the
way they grow up, almost all adult children of alcoholics who
have not addressed this background form codependent relationships with mates, lovers,
family members, friends, and even bosses. They tend to become involved with one
alcoholic or addictive personality after another. Alternately, they may avoid from
1
This chapter was originally my contribution to the anthology, Astrological Counseling, edited by Joan
McEvers for the Llewellyn New World Astrology Series, 1990, and is reprinted here with permission.
2
Melody Beatty, Codependent No More, Harper/Hazelden, New York, 198, p.31.
codependency by staying away from committed relationships, especially after being
burned a few times.
Rather than lavish all that energy on fixing one person, other ACAs work long,
poorly paid hours in service fields like astrology, where they may play the role of
rescuer. There's nothing wrong with service, but when it's compulsive and driven by
codependent needs, it can ultimately be damaging to both practitioner and client.
ACAs aren't the only people who develop
codependency. It can develop at any stage of life
when you love someone who has a severe physical or
emotional problem. Parents aren't the only source—it
could happen if a beloved brother started using drugs or
a mate began drinking alcoholically. Grandchildren of
alcoholics can also have the full-blown ACA syndrome,
even when the parents are teetotalers. The grandparent
passes it on to the parent who passes it on to the child.
Many traits common to ACAs apply to members of
severely dysfunctional families as well. It's been
estimated (Lord knows by whom) that 95% of all
families are dysfunctional to some extent. I'm not
talking about your average unfulfilling, emotionally
illiterate, uncommunicative parents who don't validate
your creativity or worth.
I'm referring to families where there was physical or sexual abuse or where a parent was
chronically and severely physically or mentally ill. It can happen where a parent died
early or committed suicide, where a parent was a gambler or promiscuous, or where there
were severe or bizarre eruptions and disruptions. It could happen if your bedridden
grandmother lived with you and her illness controlled the entire family, or if your sister
was a child schizophrenic.
Since books on the topic topped bestseller lists in the 1980s-1990s and sold millions of
copies, lt’sfair to say that codependency is a widespread problem. Popular awareness of
codependency grew throughout Neptune's stay in Capricorn, but first gained widespread
professional and popular recognition during the Neptune-Saturn conjunction in that sign.
Saturn represents boundaries and limits, and Neptune represents the dissolving of them,
so defining boundaries and learning to set limits became issues in the world at large. In
particular, it seems to be an issue for the Neptune in Libra generation, for whom that
perfect relationship has been the Santa Claus that never came.
As recognition of codependency grew, so did knowledge of how to get free. In that era,
there were many helpful books on recovery from codependency and the adult child
syndrome. Both regular and New Age bookstores commonly had special sections
dedicated to these needs. Self-help groups, workshops, trained counselors, therapy
groups, and inpatient treatment programs grew rapidly. In addition, approaches
developed elsewhere, like assertiveness training, anger management, and inner child
work have proven useful, keeping in mind the part dysfunctional backgrounds and
codependency play in the problem. Many of the books referred to in this chapter are no
longer in print, but may be found used on Amazon.com, at the public library, or even at
garage sales and thrift stores. Keep looking—they’re more than worth it!
The Hidden ACAS in Your Client Population
Statistics show that one person in four has been deeply affected by a relationship
with an alcoholic. Therefore, at least 25% of the people who come to you for charts are
family members, lovers, or close friends of alcoholics. However, I suspect lt’smore than
that, for reasons we will presently discover.
If you aren't finding this to be true of your own clients, it may be that they're
ashamed to tell you this family secret. It's not the kind of information they readily
volunteer, and they don't necessarily view you as having a need to know. After all, they're
not coming to you about the firmly buried past, but about the future and about when their
relationships are going to get better. Until I came to know the chart patterns that go along
with an alcoholic family background and began asking the crucial questions, very few of
my clients told me about the alcoholics in their lives.
It isn't always simply a case of being secretive. One of the major traits of families of
alcoholics or addicts is that everyone, beginning with the alcoholic, tends to deny the
addiction. This protects the addict from having to give up the habit and protects the
family from the pain and shame of seeing how destructive a problem it is. A Neptunian
defense mechanism, denial means that they either don't recognize that an addiction exists
or don't recognize that they're addicted to the addict. Many see the addiction and yet deny
the extent of the damage. ACAs say things like, "Yes, my Dad drank, but he stopped
when I was 16, and it was so many years ago, it doesn't have any impact on my life
today." As we'll see later, the residuals are considerable, especially in the ways ACAs
relate and work.
So, in the consultation, if clients deny the addiction or its impact, and we don't recognize
it, it's not addressed. Then there's no clear answer as to why their relationships are so
crazy and addictive, why they're so isolated, why they just can't get along with their
bosses, why they keep on getting victimized, and why they're in so much pain. All they
get from you is the momentary comfort of hearing, "It's just your Neptune." And yet this
momentary comfort carries a long-term sense of helplessness. You can't do anything to
change where Neptune is in your chart, except to die and be reborn.
Why ACAS Are Drawn to Astrology
Many adult children of alcoholics or other addicts come to astrologers, psychics, and
other consultants looking for an answer to their inexplicable confusion, turmoil, and
pain. A major reason they come to us is that when you grow up in a chaotic,
unpredictable household, predictability has its appeal!
Another reason they're drawn to us is that astrology and other such disciplines help
ACAs solve that puzzling question of who they really are, as opposed to roles their
families conditioned them to play.
Alice Miller, an important writer about treatment for ACAs, spoke of the path to health as
finding the TRUE SELF, as opposed to the roles parents conditioned they to play. In The
Drama of the Gifted Child, Miller said that the alcoholic parent is narcissistic and may
love the child, but mostly as an extension of the self. Their love is given only on the
condition that the child's self be buried to meet the parent's need for attention, admiration,
and approval.3 Astrology, numerology, and other related tools can be major arenas for
exploring the true self.
Our clientele may also have a higher proportion of ACAs than the general population
because, I suspect, more ACAs believe in us than do other kinds of people. When you're
a little kid and you have a grandiose parent whose brain is befuddled with alcohol, you
are programmed with some remarkable ideas. (A kinder interpretation is that alcoholics
are visionaries who stimulate offspring to look beyond everyday reality.) Like Alice in
Wonderland, you may be required to believe six impossible things before breakfast. So,
it's not that much of a stretch to believe in astrology, past lives, absent healing, holes in
your invisible aura, parallel realities, or, for that matter, in
capsules that will burn the fat in your body without the need to
diet or exercise.
Finally, ACAs and people from dysfunctional backgrounds
may have a special yearning for spirituality, unless they've
been so wounded that they wind up hating God. Those who had
disturbed or addicted parents may have a strong need to find
closeness with a Father/Mother/God who is loving,
understanding, wise, and all-powerful and who cares deeply
about them personally. And, yes, it's also profoundly comforting
to know that this wretched life, this crazy set of parents, this
troubled history is not the only chance.
Since we inevitably confuse the relationship with the divine with
the relationship with our parents, rarely is the spiritual path
without potholes, detours, and false turns for ACAs. The
problem is not so much with the Divine, but with the messengers, to whom they transfer
that need for an all-knowing, all-loving parent.
They look for godlike qualities in astrologers and others who seem to be in touch
with the Divine. When the messengers, themselves, are ACAs—and we’ll discover that
many are—the potential for distortion is compounded. For example, one such messenger,
the fundamentalist evangelist, Jerry Falwell, is an ACA. His father was a wealthy 3
Miller, Alice. The Drama of the Gifted Child. Basic Books Inc. NY, 1981, p.14.
bootlegger who murdered his own brother and then became alcoholic out of guilt.4
A disproportionate number of astrologers also come from dysfunctional families.
They may have many of these same defenses—and many of the same difficulties in
their personal lives. Thus, they, too, may feel safer being the helper. It can be more
comfortable focusing on clients' problems while denying the effects of their history on
their own lives. There is a problem with insisting that a client needs help while denying one's own hang-ups. Astute clients tend to notice the discrepancy and to reject the referral
along with the source. (Watch out for those eagle-eyed Plutonians especially. Nothing
gets past them!)
Why Astrologers Should Know about Codependency
Astrologers need to learn about codependency for several reasons. First, it will help
explain why so many of our clients repeatedly become involved in painful, crazy,
abusive, addictive relationships. Second, we're on the front line for referrals to helpful
resources. Many who come to us would not go elsewhere, even if they only come to ask
when the alcoholic is going to straighten up. The codependent is used to being the helper
and has difficulty asking for help. When you go to an astrologer, you aren't asking for
help, oh, no, you're just curious as to what the future holds. Because there are resources
for codependents, astrologers need to be able to recognize the syndrome, educate clients
about what's wrong, and suggest where they can go for help.
Most importantly, we need to educate ourselves about the ACA syndrome and
codependency because many of us are ourselves codependent without knowing it,
and, as we are going to see, it has an effect on the way we practice.
Talking to astrologers and healers around the country and the world, I find that,
like myself, a very high percentage, including many of the top speakers and writers,
are ACAs or come from severely dysfunctional families. The reasons given earlier as
to why ACA clients are attracted to these disciplines are also reasons we're attracted to
study them. They become our path for understanding ourselves and other people. Even
more, they're an outlet for the common ACA need to rescue and fix people, as we were
never able to do for our parents.
Common Characteristics of Codependents and ACAs
In his important book, A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics, psychiatrist, Timmen
Cermak discussed the major characteristics of codependents.5
4
AstroDataBank gives the birth information, rated A, from his twin brother as about noon, EST, 8/11/33,
Lynchburg, VA, 37N25, 79W09. Family history discussed in Falwell's autobiography, Strength for the
Journey. and Schuster, NY, 1987. The chart is not presented here because this time doesn't seem to fit well
with the events in his life.
5
Timmen L. Cermak, MD. A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics, Second Edition, Health Publications,
Inc., Deerfield Beech, FL, 1989, pp. 19-23. Reprinted with his permission.
1) Codependent people will hide or even change their identity and feelings in order to
please and be close to others.
2) A sense of responsibility for meeting other people's needs comes first for
codependents, even at the expense of their own needs.
3) Low self-esteem and very little sense of self to begin with is common to most
codependents.
4) Compulsions and addictions drive codependents and keep them from having to
confront their deeper feelings.
5) Just like alcoholics and other addictive personalities, codependents hide behind denial
and have a distorted relationship to will power.
Cermak, who was the first president of the National Association for Children of
Alcoholics, lists traits many ACAs share. Although not every ACA has all of them, these
are common. They are fearful and especially fear their feelings, losing control, conflict,
authority figures, and angry people. Although they're fiercely self-critical and suffer from
low self-esteem, they're frightened of criticism from others, so they constantly seek
approval.
ACAs take on too much responsibility and feel guilty standing up for themselves.
Intimate relationships are a special area of difficulty. Because they're afraid of being
abandoned, they'll do almost anything to hold on to their relationships, which are often
with addictive personalities or other unavailable people. They confuse love and pity,
often becoming attached to people who are victims or whom they can rescue. They can
also place themselves repeatedly in the victim role6.
One statement in a list of traits circulated at ACA Twelve-Step meetings is that, "even if
we never picked up a drink, we took on all the characteristics of the disease of
alcoholism." That is, ACAs who never drink can still act like alcoholics at times because,
like all children, they pattern much of their behavior on parental models. Specifically,
grandiosity and defiance are two main characteristics
of alcoholics, and a great many New Age people are
massively grandiose and defiant. (It sounds like
Neptune and Uranus!)
In their cosmic dimensions, studies like astrology
encourage grandiosity. We may see ourselves as
very, very special because of what we know and may
subtly or even unconsciously encourage clients to
see us in the same way because of that hunger for
approval. We may even come to see ourselves as
having a direct pipeline to the Divine. This arises
6
Cermak, pp. 34-37.
from ACAs' need for a close tie to an all-loving Heavenly Father without the problems
we experienced with our earthly father.
The defiant, rebel ACA often masks these traits by rigidly acting just the opposite. This
doesn't mean they've overcome the conditioning from their alcoholic families, but rather
that they're controlled by having to act out the opposite pole. As Cermak and others in the
field have remarked, ACAs react, rather than act. For instance, rather than showing their
fear of authority figures, they may glory in defying authority. Rather than seeking
approval from society, they may go out of their way to dress and act in ways that get
negative attention. (In astrological terms, these are the Uranian types.)
Astrological Indicators of the ACA Syndrome
Let's look at chart signatures that go
along with the ACA syndrome. No single
aspect can be taken as a certainty, so you'd
be looking for several confirmations.
Neptune, naturally, is prominent, often in
the 1st, 4th, or 10th, or in aspect to the Sun
or Moon, or with Pisces in any of those
spots, or many Neptune aspects or Pisces
planets. The 12th house may also figure
strongly, with the Sun or Moon often
appearing there. An individual who has
many of these signatures would be
classified as Neptunian.
It’s often possible to distinguish which parent was
alcoholic, because when the Moon is aspected by
Neptune, the mother generally is either an addictive
personality or made severely dysfunctional by the
situation. Sun/Neptune or Mars/Neptune aspects
hint at the males of the family as the addicted ones.
Saturn/Neptune aspects often show that the
authority figures were unable to provide consistent
structure, security, or discipline, with alcoholism
only one of the possible reasons.
Neptune aspects also indicate psychic abilities, in which we lose our boundaries and
merge with others. Psychic abilities and boundary problems may just be two ways of
describing the same phenomenon. As discussed in The Medium, the Mystic, and the
Physicist, Lawrence Le Shan found that healers were able to heal when they could let go
of self and become one with the person in need7. The problem for many with psychic
abilities is shielding--i.e., establishing boundaries so that people's thoughts, feelings, and
needs do not bombard them.
Psychic merging is common in addictive and dysfunctional homes, as the child or spouse
uses psychic radar to monitor how the troubled person is doing, to prevent an eruption.
Thus, psychic gifts are common in ACAs, as a survival skill. Many intuitive astrologers
are ACAs who use this gift in their work. We who are psychic need to examine ways in
which we may be codependent or have difficulty with
boundaries in our practice. Many who study astrology but
don't practice are wise to hesitate. They may sense that
they haven't established firm boundaries and don't know
how to set limits or to shield themselves psychically.
A WHO'S WHO OF FAMOUS ACAS:
In case your client files aren't full to over flowing with
recognized or confessed Adult Children of Alcoholics,
here are the data for some famous ACAs whose charts
you may want to analyze.
CAROL BURNETT: Both of Carol's parents were alcoholic, and a grandmother raised
her. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth record quoted, as 4/26/33, 4:00 AM CST,
San Antonio, TX, 29N25, 98W30. (She herself gives the time as 4:15 AM.)
LYNDON B. JOHNSON: The alcoholics were his father and brother. AstroDataBank
rates his data as A, data from his mother's diary as 8/27/1908 at sunrise, 5:00 AM CST in
Johnson City, TX, 30N016, 98W24. Family history in Kearns, Doris. Lyndon Johnson
and the American Dream, Signet, NY, 1976, pp. 24-26.
JOAN KENNEDY: The alcoholic was her mother, as discussed by Joan in a speech at
the Houston Council on Drug Abuse and Alcoholism in 4/87. AstroDataBank rates her
data as AA, birth certificate quoted. She was born 9/5/35, 6:10 AM EDT, NY, NY,
40N45,73W57.
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS: The alcoholic was her father, Black Jack
Bouvier. AstroDataBank rates her data as A, from memory. Profiles of Women, p. 159,
as 7/28/29 2:30 PM, Southampton, NY, 40N53, 72w23. Family history in Adler, Bill. All
in the First Family, G.P. Putnam's Sons, NY, 1982, p.112-3.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT: Her father was an alcoholic, and away most of the time,
and at the age of 9, her mother died of diphtheria. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA,
based on a family birth record submitted by Joan Negus. She was born 10/11/1884, 11:00
7
Ballantine Books, NY, 1982.
AM EST, NY, NY, 40N45, 73W57. Family history discussed in Roosevelt, Eleanor, with
Helen Ferris, Your Teens and Mine, Doubleday, Garden City, NY, 1961, pp. 21-22.
LILY TOMLIN: AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth certificate quoted. She was
born 9/1/39 1:45 am EST Detroit, MI, 42N20, 83W03. This puts Neptune on the IC in a
grand trine with Uranus and Mars.
Below are charts of two famous ACAs, Drew Barrymore and Suzanne Somers, who have
written about their parents in their autobiographies.
Chart Examples of ACAs
As an example of the Neptunian type of ACA, Drew
Barrymore's chart is shown above8. Part of the famous
Barrymore theatrical family, Drew began her career in the
movies at the age of six in E.T. and has appeared in a great
many movies since.
The Barrymores have been noted for alcohol problems,
including Drew's father, John Drew Barrymore, and her
grandfather, John Barrymore. In fact, Drew has called herself
a fifth-generation alcoholic. Drew began drinking at nine,
smoking pot at ten, and using cocaine at twelve. By 1989, her
drug problem was serious enough that, at the age of 14, she
went to rehab centers twice and tried to commit suicide9. In
maturity, she lives a lively, unconventional life, but appears to
have left addiction behind and is a fine actress.
Neptune is strong in her chart, within 10° of the Descendant but in the 6th, the house of
work. This suggests that the pressures and terrors of fame at an early age may have
contributed to the addiction. The legendary success of the father's side of the family as
well as their addictions are shown by the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter in Pisces in the 10th
house. Although the relationship has been a difficult one, her mother does not drink and
was the main stabilizing force, as seen by the Moon/Saturn conjunction in Cancer.
Strangely enough, Pluto is often as prominent as Neptune in ACAs charts and is also
often found in the positions noted above. Thus many ACAs would also be classified
as Plutonians. Here Pluto signifies the sober or less addicted parent who struggles
mightily to keep the addiction and the addict under control. It also signifies the child's
efforts to control his or her environment and keep it safe, efforts that continue into
adulthood, long after the original threats have passed.
In my practice, these same Neptune and Pluto signatures, undiluted, often appear in the
charts of grandchildren of alcoholics whose parents are not alcoholic. The ACA patterns
of behavior and relating listed earlier get passed on through the parents. Although a great
many ACAs themselves have addictions, the strongly Plutonian type may at least resist
the parent's drug of choice in an effort to maintain control.
Suzanne Somers’ chart, shown above, is an example of the Plutonian type of ACA10.
In her autobiography, Keeping Secrets, she was open about her alcoholic family
8
AstroDataBank rates her information as AA, birth certificate in hand. She was born 2/22/75 11:51 AM
PST, Culver City, CA, 34N01,118W25.
9
Family and adolescent history discussed in, "Falling Down and Getting Back Up Again," by Jeannie Park
and Robin Micheli, People Magazine, 1/29/90, pp. 57-61.
background. (Warner Books, NY,1988.) Pluto squares Suzanne's ascendant, a potent
aspect that is easy to miss in these charts. It’s in the 4th house, conjunct Saturn, the ruler
of the 10th, a combination in itself suggesting a difficult childhood and possibly abusive
parents. (Drew Barrymore had a square. I've seen Pluto/Saturn aspects in the charts of
several child stars like Danny Bonaduce and Britney Spears.)
The Pluto-Saturn conjunction squares angular Jupiter, Mercury, and Mars in Scorpio,
aspects that lend additional Plutonian energy. The Moon again is in Cancer, which does
not in itself suggest an alcoholic background, but may show that the issue of nurturing is
a critical one for the individual. Neptune is quincunx the Ascendant, but otherwise
unaspected except for a mild sextile to Saturn. Richard Idemon used to say that an
unaspected planet was like a loose wire, often more important in the native's life than
would be expected.
Chart Signatures of Codependency
Astrologically, who are the codependents? Obviously
many of the same patterns will be seen as in ACA charts,
but there are additional indicators and interpretations.
1. People with Neptune aspects to the Moon are often
addicted to giving others the nurturing they themselves
never got.
2. Those with Neptune aspects to the Sun may have their
self-esteem and identity bound up in rescuing.
3. People with Neptune within 10° of the Ascendant keenly
feel the needs of everyone they meet. When Neptune is
near the Midheaven, rescuing can be a career choice.
4. People with Neptune in the 7th or aspecting Venus are especially prone to
committed but agonizing relationships with addicted people.
5. People with Pisces planets in any of these places can have similar tendencies.
Note that many of these placements can also signify an addicted or dysfunctional
individual. Such people can become vulnerable to addiction, even BECAUSE they
rescue, as a way of coping with the depletion and sorrow of rescuing. While not all of us
are codependent, we all have Neptune somewhere. We could become vulnerable to the
syndrome, given the right predisposition, the proper transits, and a painful set of
10
Suzanne Somers was born 10/16/46, 6:11PM PST, in San Mateo, CA, 37N34, 122W19. AstroDataBank
rates her data as AA, birth certificate in hand.
circumstances. (The child you adore starts using drugs, your beloved mother has a
massive stroke, or your spouse develops cancer.)
Neptune's house and aspects in your chart show areas of confusion about where you
leave off and other people begin—where your boundaries are blurred. In those areas,
you may have trouble setting limits and can be taken advantage of or even victimized.
Thus, Neptune in the natal chart is often where we feel powerless—a victim or martyr.
It’s also the area where you’d be most likely to become involved in codependency if the
right set of circumstances triggered it. With Neptune in the 3rd, one could be a life-long
sucker for siblings, some of whom may be alcoholic or addicted; in the 5th, with your
love affairs or children; in the 8th, with sexual partners; or in the 11th, with friends.
The Liza and Judy Show--a Case Study
As a case study in codependency, let's look at the
charts of Judy Garland11 and her Oscar-winning daughter,
Liza Minnelli12. Judy's long struggles with alcohol, pills, and
suicidal depression are as much a Hollywood legend as her
gifts. Liza herself has been in rehab many times for addiction
to pills and alcohol.
Although Liza remains intensely loyal to her mother's
memory, her childhood sounds like an ACA’s nightmare. By
age 10, Liza was begging for food for herself and Judy and
sneaking out of hotels and apartments to avoid paying bills
and back rent. She was her mother's confident, comforting
Judy after her many suicide attempts13.
In her teen years, the relationship between them became more
explosive, and Judy would periodically kick Liza out. In 1962, Liza left home for good at the age 16, going to New
York with $100 to pursue her show business career.
Liza's chart is a prime ACA profile, qualifying strongly as Neptunian and less obviously
as Plutonian. Her Sun in Pisces is in the 12th house. The trine from the Sun to her angular
Moon/Mars/Saturn/IC conjunction in Cancer shows her closeness to her mother, but also
the mutual dependency. Liza's Venus and Mercury are also in the 12th, opposite Neptune.
Pluto in the 4th makes a wide 8° square to Liza's Ascendant—but wouldn't you say it
works—plus a 3° sesquiquadrate to that 12th-house Sun.
Judy's Neptune does not immediately register as a strong one, and yet she was both a
sublime musician and actress and an addictive personality--all Neptunian pursuits. Then
we note that her Neptune forms an eye of God with her Pisces Uranus/MC conjunction
and her Descendant. The strain of being constantly in the public eye and a sensation from
her teens onward must have contributed to her addiction. We also discover that Neptune
forms an odd-shaped triangle of semisquares and sesquiquadrates with her Mercury and
her Sagittarius Moon (definitely somewhere over the rainbow, but how do you do a
relocation chart for those coordinates?).
Like Liza, she has a strong 12th house containing Sun, Mercury and Pluto, although Pluto
is closely conjunct the Ascendant. Both had a waif-like, lost quality, which can be
AstroDataBank rates Judy Garland’s data as AA, birth record in hand. She was born on 6/10/22, 6:00
AM PST, Grand Rapids, MN 93W31; 47N14.
12
AstroDataBank rates Liza Minnelli’s data as AA, birth record quoted. She was born on 3/12/46, 7:58 AM
PST, Los Angeles,CA, 34N04, 118W15.
13
Family history discussed in Petrucelli, Alan W. Liza! Liza! an Unauthorized Biography of Liza Minnelli,
Karz-Cohl Publishing Inc., Walled Lake, MI, 1983.
11
attributed at times to the 12th house. Once more, we see the prominence of Cancer, with
the Ascendant, Mercury, Pluto, and Venus. Pluto isn't exactly pallid, being on the
Ascendant, widely conjunct both Venus and Mercury (a midpoint), trining the Uranus/MC conjunction, and squaring the Nodes and Jupiter. Once more, there's that
child-star signature of a Pluto-Saturn aspect—here a wide square to Saturn.
When you look at the connections between their charts, you will note that Judy's Venus at
19° Cancer is exactly conjunct Liza's Moon and IC, and closely conjunct Liza's Mars and
Saturn as well. Liza's Neptune falls in Judy's 4th, conjunct Judy's Jupiter/North
Node/Saturn conjunction, suggesting confusion about which one of them was the parent.
Liza's South Node on Judy's Moon suggests that nurturing her mother was an automatic reaction. Judy's Neptune is widely conjunct Liza's Pluto.
Even though those are placements, common to a whole generation, they do suggest a
truth about the relationship, which was that Liza perennially had to keep the situation
under control when Judy was falling apart.
There are wide Sun-Uranus contacts on both sides. They not only show the stormy nature
of the relationship and the wildness shared by both women that the relationship may have
sparked, but also that each supported the genius, charisma, and uniqueness of the other.
The contacts also form a restless but lively T-Square in mutable signs involving Pisces,
Gemini, and Sagittarius. The outlet for the T-Square is on Judy's Virgo IC, and the two
traveled constantly during Liza's childhood, never successfully establishing a home.
How Having an ACA Background Can Affect Astrology Practice
As we got to know the astrological profiles of the ACA and
codependency syndromes, did you find some of your own chart in
it? You're not alone—as mentioned earlier, a great many of us
in the field of astrology, myself included, are ACAs. It’s up to us
as individuals to recognize and work on how the dysfunctional
background affects their personal life. My concern here is to explore
how it can affect your astrological practice.
Many of us have worked very hard to transform ourselves
through a variety of healing tools. Thus, we are generally able to give good service. By now, many of us have already worked on our
ACA issues. Yet, unless we remain conscious and vigilant, we may
still be triggered into ACA and codependent patterns when clients'
problems are similar to those of family members or others we
love—or to our own problems. I myself attended ACA groups and
later Al-Anon for several years and thought I had some good quality recovery. Yet, when
reading the material on codependency, I was dismayed to face my blind spots.
The issue to think about now is your practice. Many ACA astrologers and ACA clients
are still in ignorance and/or denial about the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or
dysfunctional background. When we don’t deal with this information consciously, the
personality traits identified with the adult child syndrome can profoundly affect the ways
we relate to clients. The following exploration of traits of untreated ACA therapists was
developed by Cermak in A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics14. My comments
about how these traits may manifest in astrological sessions or healing work are
highlighted in yellow.
Cermak says that untreated ACA professionals can be recognized by the way that they
encourage you to be angry for their own purposes. They often push you to take action
before you're ready. (Although astrology clients may come to you about a life concern
like a marital separation, they aren't necessarily ready to make a move.) They
intellectualize, rather than encourage you to express your feelings. (If you suddenly find
yourself inundating the client with astrological jargon and technical material, ask yourself
if the emotional content of the session is making you uncomfortable.)
They are uncomfortable with silence. (When the client pauses for reflection, do you rush
in with a metaphysical lecture or information about their fixed stars, asteroids, and so on?) Untreated ACAs resist exploring Twelve-Step programs and are certain that they've
already dealt with all their codependency issues.
Reading other writers on the subject like Claudia Black, Melody Beatty, Alice Miller,
and Janet Woititz, led me to consider additional ways the ACA syndrome and
untreated codependency can cause difficulty in our sessions. For instance, in The
Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller says narcissistic practitioners, as many ACAs
can be, have a great need for approval, understanding, and validation from clients. There
is a pressure for the client to meet one's expectations and to present material to fit one's
concepts and belief systems15.
Miller notes that the codependent practitioner easily becomes defensive and needs
validation and stroking from clients. Do you get upset if a client questions your chart
interpretation or doesn't tell you how right on target your interpretation is? Many of
us are overly-attached to clients’ approval and
admiration. We feel we have to know it all and
have the right answers. We do tap dances to
dazzle and amaze.
We may also be overly-attached to being right
in our predictions and interpretations, at the
cost of a true dialogue with the client. We can
get depressed after the consultation if we don't get
enough positive feedback. Then we question
ourselves, our work, and our worth.
14
15
Ibid., pp. 69-70. Used with his permission.
Ibid., p.24.
Boundary problems show up as over-identification in its various forms. The client's
problem becomes your problem, or conversely, your own difficulties get confused
with the client's. You may feel pain or anxiety about giving clients interpretations and
predictions other than what they want to hear, even though the transits or progressions
are anything but positive.
There may be problems in setting limits—e.g., taking too many phone calls from a
client whom you allow to become excessively dependent or else your sessions may go on for hours. Fuzzy boundaries can also result in being drained afterwards. (This may
mean you're doing energetic healing without conscious awareness and need to channel
divine energy rather than your own energy.)
The common ACA need to fix people may have motivated us to do charts in the first
place. That need may lead us to want to rescue clients who are addicted or in severe
difficulty. We may try very, very hard to solve every problem in the client's life through
three-hour sessions. Where we are overly responsible, we may take on too much of our
clients' problems or spend too many hours preparing. For instance, astrologers may think
they have to do several years' worth of transits, progressions, harmonic charts, midpoints,
and fixed stars. (This can result in an information overload for the client, far too much to
assimilate in one session.) The pervasive trait of low self-esteem may result in not
charging or charging too little.
Untreated ACAs and codependents also tend to be extremely controlling, although they
can be subtle and gifted at manipulation. (Keeping things under control was a survival
skill at home. Are we talking Pluto?) When clients don't respond by doing what ACA
astrologers recommend or don't believe that this is THE ANSWER, ACAs can
sometimes become agitated, enraged, or vindictive. They may respond by guilttripping, shaming, and invoking their divine connection, scaring clients about their Pluto
transits, or threatening clients with cancer if they don't straighten out their way of
thinking. Similarly, there can be agitation and even rage when clients don't change in the
way the ACA thinks they should.
There are two main issues clients come to us about—career and relationships.
Unfortunately, two primary characteristics of untreated ACAs are that they have
authority problems and distorted relationships. If we haven't addressed these issues in
our own lives and are in denial, it's a matter of the blind leading the blind.
If we have difficulty around intimacy or anger, can we teach clients how to have healthy
relationships or be positive role models for them? Let's suppose you're still living out the
victim role and have a history of being betrayed in relationships. You’d bring your ACA
mind-set to the session, so when clients ask about difficult relationships, you counsel
them to watch out for betrayal.
Similarly, out of unresolved anger toward our own parents, we may encourage
clients in anger against their parents or bosses. If we're grandiose, we may encourage
clients in grandiose career plans, rather than taking a grounded and realistic approach to
vocational astrology. Many ACAs—and astrologers—live on the edge financially, due to
improper grounding in their unstable families, and the financial path in career astrology is
anything but sure. Many of us have serious difficulty working for anyone else, and that's
part of the attraction of being self-employed.
When a client is having difficult 8th or 2nd house transits, we may ignore the possibility
that this client has gone deeply into debt with credit cards and bill-payer loans16 or we
may be inhibited about asking the relevant questions. (In such a situation, the currently
popular equation of the 2nd house with “values” simply does not meet the client’s real life
needs.) See: Astrologers’ Hang-ups about Money—How they Hurt our Clients
Traits like low self-esteem explain why some ACAs study astrology for many years and
never feel good enough to turn professional. Many don't practice or practice infrequently
because they don't feel they CAN fix people and yet expect themselves to. Or they don't
practice because they feel it's too much of a responsibility. Given the grandness of our
tools, they may expect themselves to be all knowing and feel self-hate if they're not as grand as their sources of knowledge.
Finally, ACAs are especially susceptible to addictions and compulsive behaviors. In
our field, more of us than we like to recognize are alcoholic or suffer from some
form of addiction. We practice individual and collective denial about it, but it's an
occupational hazard. It's a way of dealing with the sometimes overwhelming
responsibility, sense of isolation, endless giving out of energy, and psychic bombardment
that our consultations entail. We also may want to stuff feelings that are stirred up in a
session when we deal with major life issues in such a concentrated form. If your role models used substances or compulsions to deal with stress and keep feelings at bay, you
tend to live what you learned.
Toxic Shame as a Barrier to Change Efforts
Many clients suffer from severely damaged self-esteem. Particularly if they
come from dysfunctional backgrounds, their level of shame may be so high,
that the idea of exposing their inadequacies to a therapist or other helper is
daunting. They may also feel they don't deserve a better life. If we, the
practitioners, also come from dysfunctional families, our own level of
shame may be so toxic but so unrecognized for what it is that we are
unaware of when it’s operating.
16
An astrological aside: Pluto rather than Neptune appears to be the predominant theme
for people who are addicted to their credit cards and to ruinous debt. It may show up in
the 2nd or 8th or forming important aspects to planets in those houses, or with Scorpio
placements in those houses. Here, the issue seems to be spite and revenge. Many incest
survivors have debt compulsions.
We also carry a certain level of shame at practicing a profession that is held up to public
ridicule. Without being aware of it, we may find relief from our own shame by feeling
superior to clients, especially morally or metaphysically. ("I'm okay because I can tell
you all the ways you're not okay.")
At the magical level where the damaged inner child operates, many clients project onto
astrologers such a level of omniscience that for us to judge them is devastating. So, on the
one hand, we may be trying to build their self-worth by listing the positive qualities in the
horoscope. On the other hand, the very way we discuss their difficulties and urge them to
seek help may reinforce the shame.
As a caring person, you’re no doubt watchful of what you say to clients, so that you'd
never knowingly shame them. Often, however, it’s not so much what you say aloud, as
what you’re thinking and feeling. The true reaction bleeds through by tone of voice, body
language, or even telepathically. It’s difficult to control such negative reactions--and even
less effective to feel shame about having them.
The best solution is for astrologers to heal their own shame. The most helpful material in
this regard is John Bradshaw's book, Healing the Shame that Binds You17. Some of the
flower essences you’ll read about in the next chapter can also be helpful, especially the
Bach flower remedy Crab Apple. The bonus for working out your own shame issues is
that you can also speak about it knowledgeably to clients whose lives are crippled by
shame-based low self-esteem.
How Current Conditions Intensify the Need for Recovery
Current world conditions, as
signified astrologically by the passage of
the outer planets through the universal
signs, are intensifying the demands on all
the service professions.
People are extremely needy and
confused, feeling helpless and powerless over the vast social changes just on the
horizon. The forces of chaos are very
strong just now. As a result, people are
looking to astrologers and other service
professions for guidance and ANSWERS.
It would be easy to become burned out from clients' demands. Learning to set limits
is becoming a crucial. We will need to master limit setting in order not to get so burned
17
Health Communications Press, Deerfield Beach, FL, 1988, still available at Amazon.com and other
outlets.
out that we stop the work. Before we act, we also need to assess which clients' demands
are legitimate and which are not.
Alcoholics and chronically dysfunctional people can project feelings of helplessness and
bottomless need so powerfully that the psychically sensitive pick it up and react to it. To
bolster low self-esteem, rescuers need to be needed. Thus, they often hook into the
helplessness and keep people helpless by enabling them to continue dysfunctional patterns. We need to learn how crippling rescuing is so we don't do that with clients. We
cannot keep on enabling, rescuing, and answering the non-genuine need or we will
not survive.
However, we're also being forced to function at the outer limits of our capabilities and to
stretch ourselves to a higher level of professionalism, and that's stressful. You'd be in
physical pain if your limit was a mile a day and then you ran a ten-mile marathon. If you
then proceeded to run ten miles everyday that would eventually become your new limit.
Likewise, as we continue to be stretched past our limits as service workers, those new
levels of functioning will ultimately become ours. Just as marathon runners have to
nourish themselves carefully while training, we must also nourish ourselves carefully—
physically, emotionally, and spiritually—when stretching our capacities.
Even where clients’ needs are legitimate, there's so much more pressure that we can grow
weary. It's important to rest, relax, and take care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually,
physically, and fiscally. An important way of taking care of ourselves is to recognize and
let go of codependency in our personal and professional lives. I hope this discussion has
been a beginning of that recognition. If we astrologers who have the syndrome use the
tools that are available—the books, the groups, and other self-help aids—and if we tell
our ACA and codependent clients about them as well, we'll all gradually get free.
SUPPLEMENTAL SECTION 2
Healing the Heart and Relationship Issues
with Flower Remedies
©2004 by Donna Cunningham, MSW
The Obligatory Disclaimer: We’re about to explore flower essences. Like all self-help
techniques, you’re cautioned that if a strong response comes up, stop using the tool
immediately and consult your health care practitioner for advice. If you’re already
under treatment for emotional distress, do not begin using these tools without
discussing them with your health care professional.
Note: The following pages are excerpts from Donna’s e-book,
Flower Remedies—How Plants’ Energies Can Heal Us, published
in 2004 by Moon Maven Publications. It’s available at
http://www.moonmavenpublications.com.
When I first encountered flower remedies in 1981, I was both a
psychotherapist and an astrologer, but after a decade of practice in
both fields, I’d come to an impasse. Though both helped people find
insight into their problems, neither brought about the desired changes
in people’s problems with any degree of speed or reliability.
Frustrated with the lack of results, I began searching for additional
methods to incorporate into my work. Almost immediately, I
encountered the remedies in an adult education class and recognized in them the tool I
was looking for. Twenty years later, I still consider them an incredible gift to those who
wish to become happier, better, and wiser people.
For those of you who aren’t already familiar with them, let me briefly explain. Also
known as flower essences, these liquids are based on the energy fields of plants. They
aren’t to be confused with aromatherapy, where you apply aromatic substances called
essential oils, based on extracts from flowers or plants.
Unlike homeopathy or herbs, flower remedies’ greatest effects aren’t on physical
ailments, but in bringing about changes in our ways of handling such common issues as
guilt, self-esteem, and relatedness. The Bach flower remedy, Pine, for instance, helps
people who are guilt-ridden without good reason.
Another Bach remedy, Larch, helps those who are afraid to try something new, because
they are afraid they will fail. Sunflower, by the Flower Essence Society, helps to
strengthen self-esteem and self-confidence. (Bach and FES are but two of the makers
whose offerings we’ll discuss. A list, complete with contact information and how to order
them, appears at the end of this excerpt.)
As you take flower remedies, you’ll experience greater and greater clarity and selfawareness about the ways you’ve created your own stumbling blocks. Sometimes the
process precipitates an emotional catharsis that catalyses a change in the way you
operate, and sometimes you find that you’ve simply let go of an old pattern. How do they
work? I’ve no idea--any more than I could tell you why and how astrology works! I can
only tell you that the oldest of these product lines, the Bach Remedies, have been tested
and used worldwide for more than seventy years with excellent results.
Beginning with concentrates (known as the stock level), one or more remedies are mixed
together into a one-ounce amber dropper bottle like those used for eye drops, available
from any pharmacy. Four drops of each concentrate are added, then the bottle is filled
with spring water and shaken thoroughly. Take four drops of the resulting mixture
(known as dosage level) four times a day. You may notice the desired result after one
bottle of the mixture, but sometimes several bottles are required.
Be aware that these remedies work differently from
conventional medications you'd get from a physician or
pharmacy, in that they slowly bring about new insights and
understandings, which help you to let go of unwanted
patterns.
Give the remedies time to work, and don’t expect them
to be mood changers, such as tranquilizers would be. In
bonding with the flowers, plants, and trees in this manner,
you’re encountering a new paradigm of self-improvement
and of consciousness. I hope you’ll find them as useful as I
have over the past two decades for myself, my friends,
family, and clients.
Tending the Heart Center—
A Key to Having More Joy and Love
The heart center (also known as chakra) is located in our energy field in the area of the
actual physical heart. The amount of heart-center wounding today is so pervasive that it
creates a great deal of misery in the world at large. Because of being such a mobile
population, we lose touch with our families and roots. Mother love and mother’s milk are
intensely connected, and the breast being so close to the heart, I believe that the near
extinction of breastfeeding has also had an impact on our capacity to develop a strong,
healthy heart center.
When we talk about a broken heart, we’re really talking about the heart chakra. It governs
our capacity to give and receive love on an energetic level, and a major loss often
damages the heart chakra. One in two marriages now end in divorce, and since many
people shut down their hearts after such a loss, there’s an epidemic of blocked chakras.
Recently I received an earnest plea from a client needed to open the heart chakra, but
despite all her work, it simply refused to open. Here’s my reply:
“It’s true that the heart has a mind of its own, and when it’s afraid, you can't
simply reason with it to make it open again. That’s why healing work to release the fear
and pain from old losses is absolutely necessary. Approach the heart with empathy and
loving kindness, talk with it as you’d with a sorrowful, frightened child who had been
through a lot, and let the pain and grief come up to be released. Witness the process with
tenderness toward that part of yourself.
“You seem, however, to have a misconception, and though it’s shared by many
people in this heart-wounded society of ours, it can get in the way of willingness to be
healed. The misconception is that work to open the heart is for the sole purpose of finding
a mate. While the heart can open powerfully when you fall in love, there’s no point in
waiting around to hit the love lottery, for an open heart can bring you more joy on a daily
basis.
“That chakra is the part of the energy body that gives and receives love with all
beings, not just a partner. To the extent that it’s closed, you don’t allow yourself to share
love with others and therefore can live in ever-increasing isolation and alienation. Life
becomes a cardboard cutout, and I don't think happiness is possible without a healthy
heart center. The mind alone cannot create happiness—in fact, we more often use the
mind against ourselves to create misery.
“I don't have a partner at this time either, but I work very hard to keep the heart energy
balanced and flowing so that my life can hold loving connections that nourish me and
those whose lives I touch. You can tell when the heart is open, as there’s an outward rush
of energy toward the being you’re having feelings about. That's what someone is really
describing when they say, "My heart went out to her. I am currently in love with:
1) A spunky little mixed-race neighbor who at the age of three already has more presence
than most people could dream of.
2) A wickedly funny old family friend back in Iowa who gets more senile each time I call
her, but who recalls my beloved grandmother vividly.
3) My mentor from my early days in astrology whom I recently re-found and who is just
as wise and exuberant as when he encouraged my writing career 40 years ago.
4) A buddy who teases me mercilessly but who doesn’t actually have a mean bone in her
body. She only teases those she loves, and thus gives me the gift of laughing at myself.
5) A sweet but very skittish little cat in my apartment complex who is already a mother at
six months and whose owner still doesn't see fit to alter her.
6) A majestic giant red cedar that I pass daily on the way to the post office.
7) My loving and compassionate Buddhist monk spirit guides who tweak me about being
a bullshit Buddhist.
8) Anderson Cooper on CNN for his purity and commitment to humanity.
“And so it goes. The heart center is about so much more than finding a man. We can do
without a partner if we must, but we cannot really do without loving connections with
other human beings. In fact, it’s exactly when the heart doesn’t form these connections
and isolation sets in that partnership is fraught with peril, for we look to that one person
to fill the aching void.
“The relationship then becomes so life or death that we’re likely to bury our real selves in
it and to cling to the other person in a suffocating manner that ultimately strangles the
partnership. When the beloved has no room to breathe and becomes burdened with
rescuing one from isolation, it sets up a dynamic where the other has to leave the
relationship. We can’t realistically expect one person to fill all our needs, especially the
need for love. We get different things from each person we connect with meaningfully,
and an open heart center is what allows those connections to form.
“Lacking love, we may turn to material possessions, trying to make work fill the void,
or to addictions of the myriad types out there. None of these tactics can succeed, and so
many of us are left with emptiness. Opening the heart center--and being aware when it
shuts down again so you can reenergize it--is a key to more joy and connectedness.”
Flower Remedies for Healing the Heart
I use essences gathered by a variety of companies, and each has a few which are helpful
with heart center problems--that is, difficulties in giving and receiving love due to losses,
rejections, or patterns and beliefs about love learned in early childhood. The following
are some that have proven especially helpful for my clients.
Heart wounds caused by important losses or rejections need to be cleansed and
healed, as the heart center may shut down under such circumstances.
Bleeding Heart, by the Flower Essence Society (FES), has a
powerful cathartic effect and eases the pain of these wounds.
Hellborus by Pegasus helps with depression from a broken
romance, and their Bittersweet heals grief. Where the need to
forgive is part of the problem, the Alaskan Mountain
Wormwood is an important remedy.
One of my favorite heart healers is Heartsease, which is like
mother's milk for the aching heart. It has the Latin name Viola tricolor. Part of the violet
family, it’s a sweet-faced miniature pansy that has many names in various parts of the
world. Whole Energy Essences makes it under the name Johnny Jumpups, and the
Alaskan Flower Essence Society calls it Blue Elf Viola. Energy work, such as MariEL,
Reiki, or Touch for Health, is also valuable in clearing out blockages and getting the
heart energy going again.
Losses and rejections can impair one's ability to receive love, but the pattern may also
start in childhood. Dysfunctional families may have never given the child a feeling of
love-worthiness or may have even made the child feel that love had too high a cost, so
love became frightening to accept. The Alaskan Alpine Azalea helps open the heart to the
spirit of love and increases the capacity for self-love. Dogwood, by FES, is quite a lovely
remedy, bringing a capacity for gentleness and grace in relationships, and their Mariposa
Lily increases receptivity to human love, healing the feeling of alienation, separation, and
being unloved.
Fear of intimacy, on an emotional as well as a sexual level, is a major barrier to
committed relationships. It takes on many painful disguises, from addiction, to attraction
to unavailable people, all the way to religious convictions about sex. Sticky
Monkeyflower, by FES, is an important remedy for those who are afraid of intimacy. It’s
also described in their literature as helpful for blocks to intimacy due to unresolved pain
about past relationships. Where the fear is caused by traumatic events. Bach's Star of
Bethlehem may be needed for a considerable period of time to release remnants of shock
from the energy field.
On an inner level, people recognize that flowers affect the heart. When people bring you
flowers, they do it to express and inspire love. In a bit of gentle sympathetic magic, the
open blossoms are a plea for the heart to open up to the giver. If the mere presence of
flowers can affect the heart chakra, flower essences have an even more profound and
lasting effect. Healing may take persistent attention, but you will find that keeping the
heart open enriches your life and the lives of people around you.
Bleeding Heart Essence--A Balm for the Aching Heart
In researching the healing properties of various plants, herbalists and homeopaths found
that valuable clues could be gotten from the form of a plant--its shape, color, texture,
smell, growing patterns, and relationship to its habitat. This old guideline, called the
Doctrine of Signatures, has also been adopted by essence makers as they study new
remedies and try to discover their uses.
A striking example of this principle is in the flower bleeding heart. Many of us grow the
plant, which originated long ago in Asia, in our gardens, but it hasn't been hybridized, so
it remains in an ancient and energetically potent state. The simple blossom is heart
shaped, with something resembling a teardrop dangling from a split in its center, a
symbol of both love and loss. Usually, the flower is a deep pink color, the color of roses
most often given to lovers. Not too surprisingly, Bleeding Heart essence is a remedy for
the aching or broken heart. The fact that the flower is like a pendant hanging from the
stem also suggests that it may help with codePENDANT relationships, when the pattern
of dependency is creating a strain on those involved.
FES' description from the Flower Essence Repertory notes that it helps release painful
emotional attachments and heartache over a broken relationship, bringing peace,
harmony, and balance to the heart. They also recommend it for those who are too
clinging and possessive of those they love.
In short, Bleeding Heart is a key essence for anyone who has suffered a major heart
wound, like martial separation or the death of a loved one. In times of war or national
crisis, it may also help those who are sorrowful because of the loss of a way of life and a
belief in our safety as well as the loss of many countrymen. Some people, faced with
these shocking events, instinctively shut down the heart to ward off the pain of further
future losses and then wonder why they feel numbed and can't connect with others.
The first response to some vibrational remedies, like the first response to any number of
healing tools, can be a catharsis in which a backlog of blocked emotions is suddenly
released. I’ve found Bleeding Heart to be a strongly cathartic remedy, in that sadness or
grief about the loss of a loved one often comes to the surface. Sometimes people who
take it go through days of crying, yet that emotional release is in itself very needed and
ultimately healing, since they do feel better about the situation afterwards. Still, it can be
uncomfortable, especially if they are unaware that it might happen, so you’d do well to
discuss this possibility with anyone you give it to.
You might suggest starting slowly by taking a dropper from the
dosage bottle once a day, only moving up to several doses a day when
they are comfortable. Massage in general can be soothing, but it’s
especially healing to massage the heart center thoroughly and
repeatedly with lotion to which you’ve added a dropper of the
Bleeding Heart mixture. As you do so, you might visualize a deep
rose-colored light penetrating into the heart area, a color similar to that
of the bleeding heart flower itself.
Reiki and other forms of energy work speed the release of the blocked
emotions without adding to the discomfort. In working with
recovering alcoholics, the addition of Reiki and other healing tools can be most helpful in
getting them through the catharsis.
If you’re a practitioner giving this remedy to a client, it’s important to remain available.
(If you’re taking it on your own, make sure to stay in touch with friends and family who
love you and to treat yourself in loving ways.) Still, don't hesitate to incorporate this
remedy into your collection, for it’s one of the most potent and important heart healers
available us today. Loss or grief that isn’t addressed can have long-term effects on the
person's ability to give and receive love, because the wounded heart needs direct
intervention.
Alcohol, Its Impact on the Heart Center and on Families
Alcoholism is a devastating illness, both for the
individual who suffers from it and for the alcoholic’s
family. No responsible practitioner would claim that
alternative healing alone cures alcohol abuse, which is
a multi-layered problem requiring the coordinated
effort of many disciplines and approaches. However,
alternative healing methods can add a much-needed
element to recovery.
Some years ago, Andrew Ramer and I were exploring
addictions from a spiritual viewpoint and testing
alternative healing methods for our books Spiritual
Dimensions of Healing Addictions and Further Dimensions of Healing Addictions.
(Cassandra Press, 1988.) A group of recovering alcoholics from our neighborhood
volunteered to try out the information.
Though I’m no longer working in that field, I wanted to pass along what Andrew and I
learned from these gutsy, committed individuals. They were willing to experiment with
flower remedies, visualizations, Reiki, crystal healing, guided imagery, and anything else
that would help their recovery along.
Almost without exception, a major task we had to address was healing the heart.
Eventually, it became clear that abuse of alcohol was intimately related to heart wounds.
Many alcoholics began drinking heavily after losing someone they loved. This is
especially true of the men, for they seldom get permission to actively grieve their losses.
Tears are a healing balm for the heart.
On a physical level, a stiff drink brings an immediate rush of blood to the actual, physical
heart, so it feels like the heart chakra is alive, open, and full. People who abuse alcohol-and its near but somewhat less potent relative, sugar--often are drawn to it because their
own hearts are numbed or aching due to losses of loved ones or a lack of sense of
connection with others. Longstanding abuse of alcohol, however, winds up even more
seriously wounding the heart chakra. It’s finally depleted and numbed until alcohol
abusers feel isolated and alone. The love and caring from other recovering alcoholics in
recovery programs is a start in reawakening the heart.
We’ve discussed Bleeding Heart, but here I wanted to talk about how it can affect those
in recovery from alcohol abuse with longstanding and heavy heart wounds. A crucial
remedy, yet one to be use with utmost care, Bleeding Heart can be extremely cathartic.
The sorrow--even the grief--about losses or lack of love that the person was drinking to
avoid can come to the surface in a rather overwhelming rush. The facing and clearing of
these sorrows was very necessary to my clients' recovery, yet they needed a great deal of
support from me and from their various A.A. groups, sponsors, and friends in order to
deal with what came up.
I learned to have them start very slowly on this remedy, letting their instincts guide them,
but maybe only one or two doses a day to begin with. I prepared them carefully for the
fact that feelings about old losses might rush to the surface. I suggested taking a few days
off from the remedy if they were inundated. I made sure they knew that I was available
by phone or for extra sessions if they needed to process the feelings and insights the
remedy evoked.
Most of all, I learned not to give this remedy to people in the raw, early stages of
recovery, for they needed time to strengthen and renew themselves and to weave a strong
support network before they faced the challenge of healing their badly-wounded hearts.
(Oh, yes, and I learned NOT to use brandy as a preservative in the dosage bottle for
recovering alcoholics, but rather apple cider vinegar, which works just as well!)
You may be wondering if problem drinkers who are still abusing alcohol would be helped
by Bleeding Heart. My inclination would be to advise against it, though for specific
individuals you could double check with muscle reflex testing or other tools. Remember
that some of them may be drinking in the first place to numb themselves against painful
heart wounds. If so, the emotions that Bleeding Heart often brings to the surface might
even intensify the desire to drink.
In essence work with those in recovery, I learned to add gentler, supportive and
strengthening remedies to the mix and often to start with those before going to Bleeding
Heart. An important remedy in almost any healing process is Self-Heal, which enhances
our self-healing abilities, so I used it often and repeatedly.
On the whole, my recovering clients did not respond well to
gem essences, variously called gem elixirs or gem tinctures,
depending on the method of preparation. The catharsis from
a gem essence seemed a great deal harsher than the reaction
to a flower essence, sometimes intolerably so.
One exception was Rose Quartz, a soothing and comforting
essence that the heart almost seems to inhale. To boost the
healing, I often gave them a piece of rose quartz stone to
carry in their pocket or to set on their bedside table.
Alcohol abuse has a profound effect on the drinker's
relationships, in part, again, because of the heart chakra
damage. An important pattern that became clear as I delved into the histories of these
recovering alcoholics was that growing up in alcoholic families set many of them up for
repeating the pattern.
Though alcoholism is in part a genetic sensitivity to this
substance and in part a coping strategy learned from parents,
there was also a way that heart chakra damage entered into the
picture for my clients. As both the drinking and the non-drinking
parent grew needy due to the deadening impact of alcohol on
their heart chakras, they unknowingly drew energy from the stilldeveloping heart chakras of their children to fill their own
emptiness.
Many adult children of alcoholics who don’t drink wind up in
relationships with heavy drinkers because their heart chakras
became overdeveloped at the expense of other chakras, like the
self-esteem related solar plexus. They are attracted into
relationships with heavy drinkers in part because the type of heart
energy exchange feels familiar and comfortable even though it’s
far from fulfilling.
I also found that a remarkable number of adult children of alcoholics enter the
helping professions. On either path, an overdeveloped heart chakra at some point can
become drained. Consequently, they can resort to abusing alcohol or sugar as a way to
feel that heart chakra rush again. Thus the impact of long-term alcohol abuse on the
offspring and mates of alcohol abusers can be considerable, and they may also need heart
healing.
Are the Flower Remedies for Everyone?
When we first discover the flower remedies, we see in them the solution to all our
problems and the problems of everyone we know, so we’re eager to pass them along.
If only Mom would take Red Chestnut, she wouldn’t spend all her time fretting about
everyone in the family. Sunflower would help our shy teenaged niece feel better about
herself. If Hubby would just take a bottle or two of Impatiens, he wouldn’t be so cranky,
and the house would be a happier place. How frustrating, then, that they just won’t listen!
Flower remedies really aren’t for everyone. Many people find the concept too much of a
stretch and will privately think you’ve gone off the deep end.
Others may accept a mixture from you, but later you’ll come
across it in their refrigerator, growing green things. In my
experience over the years, I’ve identified several types of people
who either won’t accept the remedies or don’t do well with them.
You might want to hesitate before giving remedies to these
groups, especially in the beginning.
Some people are getting much too much out of their problems to
be willing to give them up. It may entitle them to extra attention
and t.l.c., or they may enjoy the drama of perpetual crisis, or their
problem may be unconsciously designed to get back at someone
else. Their affliction may be a way of avoiding work, intimacy, or
something else that would take lots of effort.
In short, the benefits of having the problem sometimes outweigh the rewards of getting
well. A dead giveaway that you’re dealing with this sort of person is the glow they get
when they tell you all about Their Problem or the self-satisfied smirk when they explain
why your suggestions just won't work for them.
There are also people who aren’t really in love with their problems but who aren’t quite
ready to change now. This may be the case early on in a process, when they're beginning
to notice that the old way isn't working but are digging in their heels and refusing to
consider that there might be a better way to operate.
They might become ready later on, when not changing gets to be more difficult than
changing, but they are giving you every indication that, at this point, change isn’t a
welcome idea. Respect their process and back off, though you might let them know
what's available. A good track to take is by talking about what remedies you took and
how they helped you, rather than by telling them how you think they ought to change.
If you’re a newcomer to the essence field, be careful about giving the remedies to people
who are in poor health or who have a sensitive constitution, for there are many factors to
balance. It would be much better for them to work with health care practitioners who use
the remedies in their practice.
People who suffer from psychosomatic illnesses are particularly tricky to work with, for
some of them will have flare ups of their illnesses if the remedies touch on the very
emotions they are suppressing. These are people whose bodies are doing for them what
they will not do for themselves, like say no. A skilled practitioner, one with a medical
and psychotherapeutic background, may be able to use the remedies with them. The
newcomer, however, would do well to pass them along to someone with the right
qualifications.
I’d also be cautious in giving remedies to people who have been through too much lately
and who therefore are extremely stressed out and shaky. The midst of a serious life
upheaval or health crisis is no time to tackle huge healing projects—their childhood
traumas can wait until they’ve had a chance to recuperate. Here, supportive remedies like
Bach’s Rescue Remedy or FES’ Self-Heal and Aloe Vera can mend and release the
current stress.
It’s wise to pass up trying to cure people’s addictions through the flower remedies.
Chances are, it won’t work, and if you’re involved with them, you probably lack the
needed objectivity. More importantly, people who are heavily addicted or on powerful
tranquilizers ordinarily don’t respond well to the essences. The addicted person may
drink or drug even more heavily to deaden the emotions that come up, since they are
addicted, in part, to avoid their feelings in the first place.
Although this isn’t always the case, people on powerful tranquilizers or antidepressants
may either not respond, or the response may be unpredictable. Leave them to the care of
their physician. If they really want to try the remedies, suggest they go to a holistic
physician who works with these preparations
Finally, it’s very unethical to give remedies secretly in beverages or food to people
who aren’t asking for them. Many times, clients ask for a mixture for their mate or
family members who wouldn’t agree to the remedy if they knew, but the client was
determined to give it to them anyway. This is a serious boundary invasion—think how
you’d feel if someone else decided that you ought to change and then gave you a
consciousness-altering substance without your knowledge?
These are a few of the situations you meet where people may not respond well to the
essences, at least without expert guidance. Experienced remedy practitioners can deal
with these types skillfully, but in the beginning you’d do well to refer them along. The
majority of people who are receptive to the idea and who want to improve do very well,
but temper your enthusiasm for the remedies when you run across people like those
described above.
Note: this has been an excerpt from Donna’s ebook, Flower Remedies—How Plants’
Energies Can Heal Us, available at http://www.moonmavenpublications.com. If you’ve
become curious about flower essences in the course of reading this, an excellent resource
is Vibration Magazine, a free online educational quarterly that I co-edited with Dr.
Deborah Bier for 13 years. Though we’re no longer publishing it, we have over 350
articles in our archives, and an excellent on-site search engine here: whole site search
engine. Just input the name of any essence or healing concern, and in seconds, it
displays links to all our articles that mention the term.
Flower Remedy Company List
There are probably several hundred flower remedy or essence companies
worldwide, and there’s no way to list all of them or keep up with the
changes in their addresses and web sites. The list below includes only
those companies whose products I know personally. If an address or phone
number is out of date, look for them on the Internet. In many instances, the
web site contains descriptions of each available essence and a mechanism
to order directly from the site.
Contact Information about Various Companies:
Alaskan Flower Essence Project
PO Box 1369, Homer, Alaska 99603
Tel(US & Canada): 1-800-5459
Outside U.S. 907-235-2188
http://www.alaskanessences.com
Email: [email protected]
Australian Bush Flower Essences
45 Booralie Road,
Terrey Hills, NSW, 2084, Australia
International Tel: 61 2 9450 1388
International Fax: 61 2 9450 2866
http://www.ausflowers.com.au
[email protected]
Desert Alchemy
P.O.Box 44189, Tucson, AZ 85733, USA
Tel: 1-800-736-3382
Tel: (520) 325-1545
http://www.desert-alchemy.com
Email:
Flower Essence Society
P.O. Box 459
Nevada City, CA 95959 USA
1-800-736-9222 (North America)
http:// www.flowersociety.org
Email: [email protected]
Healing Herbs Ltd.
PO Box 65 , Hereford
HR2 0UW.UK
T: +44(0)1873 890 218
F: +44(0)1873 890 314
http://www.healing-herbs.co.uk/
E-Mail: [email protected]