Download Everyday life of a Polish homosexual family

Miłosz Ukleja1
Families of choice. Same-sex relationship as a
modern family model – case study
SUMMARY:
The text presents same-sex family as one of the alternatives for a traditional family. The author
focuses on the circumstances under which such a family model emerged in the Western societies
and in the Polish social context. The aim of the text is to present global changes in lifestyles,
sexuality and relations between partners, which triggered the discussion about a same-sex
family. The text is based both on theoretical concepts regarding changes in perceiving sexual
identity and a family, as well as on qualitative research of the author which had been conducted
by the author among Polish families of choice.
KEY WORDS: SAME-SEX FAMILY, FAMILY OF CHOICE, ALTERNATIVE TO
FAMILY, RASING A CHILD
SAME-SEX FAMILIES IN THE SOCIAL SCIENCES DISCOURSE
New practices and customs ruling family life, identified and described in numerous publications
and researches based on the experience of the Western societies (compare: Długołęcka 2005,
Coontz 2005, Kwak 2005, Szlendak 2010, Tomalski 2007) are becoming a more and more
frequent topic in Poland. There is a number of related subject matters which are currently in the
center of sociological debate. Decrease of number of marriages, opposite trend in case of
divorces and cohabitation, drop of the Total Fertility Rate and emerging family patterns are just
a few to name.
1
MA, PhD candidate, Institute of Sociology, University of Warsaw; [email protected]
1
The latter topic – in particular the social origins and functioning of new family models (the socalled “families of choice”) and their potential of evoking a social change – is a starting point
for intense discussions. Number of various existing family models as well as internal
transformation of a family induces many researchers to redefine basic definitions of a family.
The matter of establishing same-sex relationships in the Western societies has been undergoing
regular researches and analyses since 1960s (compare: Tasker, Golombok 1997). In Poland,
however, this issue had not raised much of interest among scholars until recently. It was caused,
among other reasons, by the approach of the communist government to homosexual relations2..
Homosexuality as a social phenomenon became an object of analysis only at the end of 1980s
and only then started to be present in the public discourse. In 1988 CBOS (the Center for Public
Opinion Research, one of the biggest opinion polling institutes in Poland) asked Polish citizens
about their approach towards homosexuals (compare: CBOS 1988). This topic, however, was
not tackled broadly in the sociological literature.
Polish sociologists and researchers focused on family studies begun to analyze same-sex
relationships only after basic definitions of a family had been revised by the Western scientists.
Thorough studies dedicated to homosexuals being in relationships emerged in 2004, when
scholars started to scrutinize such relationships and mutual relations occurring in them. Still,
studies carried out since that moment were related rather to a very broad social context, they
did not include such crucial aspects as everyday family life and relations between partners
running a joint household.
Already in 2004 Jacek Kochanowski in his text titled “Problem of social (non)presence”3
described a limited interest of Polish sociologists in same-sex relationships. He noticed that
“problem of sexuality, sexual norms and identity is almost absent in the Polish sociology. First,
in our cultural sphere we are making only first steps in the difficult process of overcoming
hetero-normative (…) violence and related mechanisms of excluding persons other that
heterosexual (…). Second, Polish sociology, getting out from a sort of captivity marked by
years of dictatorship, only now reaches for topics which have been present in the Western
sociology since 1960s” (Kochanowski 2004). At the same time Dorota Majka-Rostowska
2 One of the examples of the mentioned approach towards homosexuals was a notorious action called „Hiacynth”
implemented in years 1985-1987. Its aim was to collect data of homosexuals.
3
All translations of titles of publications and quotations from Polish to English were made by the author of this
paper.
2
argues that first Polish scientific publications related to homosexuality presented this issue as
related to social minority matters with reference to to gay and lesbian organizations. Moreover,
Majka-Rostek notices that “aspects of identity of Polish gay and lesbians and their status as a
minority appear in the scope of interest of few Polish sociologists, but at the same time
functioning of same-sex relationships is absent in our social sciences” (Majka-Rostek 2008:
101-103). She claims that research on the so-called alternative family models is more popular
among young generation of scientists (ibidem: 104).
Same-sex families have been researched abroad for over thirty years. The topic has been
explored both in a qualitative and quantitative research. First mentions about definitions such
as “same-sex families” and “families of choice” appeared in the 1980s in American texts and
are connected with works of Kath Weston (Weston 1997). Before that, during the
countercultural revolt of the 1960s rights to a same-sex family were not mentioned among the
main postulates of the LGBT movement. At first, movements initiated by homosexuals were
rather spreading ideas related to family disruption – one of the slogans called for example for
“smashing the family”. Members of such a movement were initially keeping rather loose
relations among themselves. These relations were gradually becoming tighter when a
significant increase of HIV infections and AIDS rates were noted. Moreover, quite many
communities of homosexuals (groups of friends or acquaintances) were turning into smaller
groups, including couples. Such couples started to be called “families of choice”. Traditional
way of thinking, assuming that a family is created only through biological ties, has been
deconstructed by Judith Butler, one of the main theoreticians of the queer movement. In her
essay „Is Kinship Always Already Heterosexual” she argues that family and kinship are two
separate topics (Butler 2002). Along with the postulate of recognizing homosexuality and as an
individual identity equal to heterosexuality, the idea of granting equalit rights to same-sex
couples to establish a family has also emerged. As Przemysław Tomalski claims, up to 2004
there were 25 publications issued in English-language literature dedicated to sociological and
psychological empirical research on families established by homosexuals (Tomalski 2007).
It is worth underlining that in Poland such a discussion has been carried in a different form. It
was not a two-stage debate as it could have been observed in the Western countries, where at
first equality of rights for homosexuals was discussed and only then the issue of acceptance of
same-sex families was brought up. In Poland both topics have been and still are discussed
simultaneously, which will be mentioned in the chapter related to appearance of homosexual
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families in media. As a consequence the discussion reminds more of a polarized debate than
considering the matter on its merits by learning about everyday life of same-sex families. In
such a type of discussion the arguments raised are either in favour or against same-sex families
and do not allow for a thorough and substantial digging into the topic.
Relationships of same-sex partners who bring up a child together and partners who jointly
manage a household are slowly becoming more visible and start to appear in the public
discussion. This is the case of Poland and, in this respect, it is very similar in other countries
with a relatively short liberal traditions. Homosexuality as a part of a family life was almost
unthinkable fifty years ago. However, nowadays right for same-sex relationships to be treated
equally to heterosexual families and be able to bring up children is becoming one of the most
important arguments raised by supporters of social equality.
For many scientific authors homosexuality by its nature excludes family life, since it is not
connected with procreation and sustaining biological kinship of the family members. However,
families are created also by adopting children, getting divorced and establishing new
relationship or in-vitro fertilization. Tolerance for various sexual orientations is considered by
many sociologists as a basic right to choose and fulfill one’s needs and a basic human right,
granted to all people regardless of skin colour, religion, sex or social status (Siedman 2013).
David Evans claims that right to sexuality in accordance with one’s preferences and individual
needs is an elementary right of each person; lack of such a right constitutes sexual segregation
(Evans 2004). This type of segregation is openly pointed out by supporters of same-sex
marriages in Poland.
SAME-SEX FAMILIES IN POLISH SOCIETY
Article 18 of the Constitution of the Republic of Poland says that “marriage, being a union of a
man and woman, as well as the family, motherhood and parenthood, shall be placed under the
protection and care of the Republic of Poland”. For opponents of granting equal rights regarding
marriage to same-sex and non-monogamous relationships this article gives a sufficient
justification for their reasoning. It does not mean, however, that such relationships do not exist
in Poland. Qualitative studies on inner relations and division of responsibilities in same-sex
relationships are a valuable source of information regarding homosexual families. We still lack
longitudinal studies which would describe partnership dynamics and be based not only on
declarations of the partners. In the Polish literature dedicated to this subject there is still no
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detailed data regarding number of same-sex families. Some authors estimate that there are
approximately 15 000 same-sex couples raising a child together (Lambda 2010). They do not
provide, however, methodology used for calculating this figure, that is why it cannot be treated
as definite. On the other hand, Jacek Kochanowski writes that “currently in Poland there is from
several thousand up to several dozens of thousands of such families” (Kochanowski in:
Siedman 2012: 20). This number is ambiguous. As stated by Mizielińska, Abramowicz and
Stasińska in one of the most complex researches carried out among same-sex family members
in September 2014 there are approximately 50 000 of homosexual families living in Poland
(Mizielińska, Abramowicz, Stasińska 2014).
Some of the researchers decide to reach same-sex families despite obstacles such as difficulties
in finding respondents, identifying homosexuality with deviations and heavy criticism of this
sexual orientation by general public. A conference titled “Homosexuality: private or public
matter? Interdisciplinary perspective” at the Jagiellonian University in Kraków was one of the
firsts attempts to draw attention to this issue. The conference resulted in the first scientific
publication in Poland dedicated inter alia to functioning of same-sex families (Slany, Kowalska,
Śmietana 2005).
The most interesting publication based on research carried out among Polish homosexual
families is a book written by Dorota Majka-Rostek “Same-sex families. Sociological study”
(„Rodziny homoseksualne. Studium socjologiczne”). It encompasses qualitative analysis based
on interviews conducted with members of homosexual families. The abovementioned
publication dedicated entirely to functioning of such families is rather a rarity among Polish
studies on forms of family life. Polish researchers focused on families have been researching
Polish traditional family for several dozens of years (compare: Adamski 2002, Tyszka
2000,2002), but they seem not to perceive homosexual relationship as a family relationship.
Mizielińska and Stasik present clear opinion on the place reserved for same-sex families in the
Polish scientific discourse by stating that “social judgments describing untypical families as
dysfunctional, worthless and unnatural are formulated without any attempt to get to know these
families. Very often some particular patterns of non-heterosexuals are attributed to same-sex
families without deeper reflection; it is often claimed that they do not establish families. Such
an approach dominates in the majority of the Polish public opinion polls and in many
publications on Polish sociology of a family” (Mizielińska, Stasińska 2012: 106). Additionally,
persons such as Robert Cameron have gained quite high popularity. During his visits to Poland
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he was convincing audience gathered on his lectures that homosexuality is a “psychological
disorder which is difficult to cure” and that “homosexuals live shorter and children raised by
them are more prone to psychological diseases” (Fronda.pl).
Scientific researches carried out both in line with methodological criteria and lacking
ideological background as well as these, which on the contrary assume a priori that same-sex
families increase number of pathological behaviors in Poland are available for a rather narrow
audience interested in the literature on the subject.
The most accurate description of the phenomenon provides Jacek Kochanowski who states that
in Poland there is “a sexual panic based on belief that introduction of policy aiming at sexual
diversity is dangerous and may lead to a complete destruction of the social life” (Kochanowski
2012: 21).
SAME-SEX FAMILIES IN MEDIA DISCOURSE
While carrying out sociological analysis regarding same-sex relationships it is worth to
take into account public debate which is present in national press and opinion-forming
magazines . I formulated several questions which helped me to compare approaches presented
in the selected press releases: In what way are the members of same-sex families presented in
the articles? What status are they assigned to? Is opinion of members of same-sex families
presented? In order to carry out research properly I chose methods used in the so called critical
discourse analysis (CAD), basing on its interpretation by van Dijk (1993) and Jabłońska (2006).
I assumed that interpretation of media coverage requires “interdisciplinary approach which
allows to discover relation between the text, spoken word, social cognition, power, society and
culture” (van Dijk 1993: 253, after: Jabłońska 2006: 58). It was not my ambition to aggregate
all opinions concerning families of choice but to learn in what way readers of the selected press
titles create their perception of such families. Having analysed Polish media discourse on samesex relationships and families I came to a conclusion that the opinions appearing in media were
very polarized and included ideological elements. First of all, it has to be noted that opinions of
the supporters of equality of rights for both traditional and alternative models of a family are
not taken into account in the public debate. It is particularly visible in the following quote from
an article published in Gazeta Polska (Polish Newspaper): “sexual orientation is of the highest
importance for the cultural revolutionaries. Why? Because it is all about proving that a marriage
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and family tradition as such are dysfunctional” (Kwicieński 2004). Even stronger opinion was
expressed by Marian Piłka in 2006 in Radio Maryja: “(…) more and more often granting such
couples the right to adoption appeares in public discussion. It is equal to legalizing pedophilia.
This progressing acceptance of rights for homosexuals touches fundaments of the functioning
of a state and society, in particular the shape of culture organizing social images, values and
behavior” (Piłka 2006).
Some of the conservative dailies and magazines identify homosexuality with pathology and
pedophilia and at the same time threatens readers with grave consequences of acceptance of the
same-sex couples. Particularly polarized opinions appeared during preparations of a bill on civil
union in the Polish parliament. Highly conservative publicists tend to use rhetoric based on fear
with an objective to frighten Poles. The following quote is one of the examples of such an
approach: “Activities carried out by homosexual lobby have been planned for many years in
advance. Minority groups are aware of the fact that attempts to convince Poles require longterm measures. In liberal France the “political fight” took ten years. Poland is now on the right
track. We are facing an upcoming decade of homosexual propaganda. Let’s just hope that we
will not soak it in and share the fate of other fourteen countries of the European Union” (Fronda
2012).
It is, however, not the only visible approach expressed by Polish journalists. It is worth quoting
their more liberal opinions: “The idea of civil unions did not appear out of nowhere; it was
brought up by reality. In the whole Western world people tend not to get married. This trend
had occurred a long time before civil unions were invented. Thus, it is not the unions that
destroy marriage by being kind of an alternative option. Time is changing, human and social
needs are changing, customs are changing as well. The state and the law set by the state has to
notice that fact” (Siedlecka 2011).
Very particular media coverage on same-sex relationships is present in media related to rightwing parties and Radio Maryja. It is, however, worth noticing, that since 2011 when discussion
on the bill on civil unions was brought up, various standpoints based on more reliable research
emerged in the media discourse. Since that time a significant polarization of opinions could be
observed. On the one hand, there is a group of conservatives who perceive same-sex families
as a pathological phenomenon; on the other hand, liberals have a visibly positive opinion about
this type of relationships. Still, as claimed by Mizielińska and Stasińska, this variety of voices
in the public discourse does not entail changes in a definition of a family. Both sociologists
7
agree that “we are dealing with reification, naturalization and mythologization of a “family” as
something already defined and not as something that is being created/done/happening. This
kind of belief that a family may exist only in one form places all those who do not obey this
form – regardless if they are hetero- or homosexual – in a position of imitating the original and
creating its more or less successful copies” (Mizielińska, Stasińska 2012: 12-124).
Media coverage on the same-sex relationships reflects common beliefs shared by the Polish
society, which in general perceives homosexuality as an exception to the norm. Lack of
acceptance for entering same-sex relationship is visible in all public opinion polls regarding
granting equality of rights to homosexuals. It is even more evident in case of acceptance of
same-sex families which raise a child. According to CBOS polls, significant majority of
respondents (83%) treats homosexuality as an exception to the norm. More than two thirds of
Poles is against a possibility of legalizing same-sex marriages. At the same time only 13% of
respondents accepts idea of letting same-sex families adopt children (CBOS, 2. 2013).
I noticed that all families of choice which took part in my research were not disclosing their
status to others. Some of them were hiding it even from the closest relatives. Even though an
increase of tolerance for homosexuality as an orientation among Poles can be observed, keeping
a joint household and bringing up children remains to be a very sensitive issue (CBOS 2008,
CBOS 2013). Kochanowski argues that so called “socialist morality” has had a particularly
significant impact on the acceptance of same-sex families. This type of morality was according
to the author “extremely puritan and anti-sexual” (Kochanowski 2012: 14-15). Kochanowski
has right claiming that after 1989 the issue of liberal approach to sexuality was marginalized,
as the majority of politicians were convinced that “there were many other, more important
challenges, such as establishing neoliberal economy and stabilizing young democracy. It was
an obstacle for opening a serious debate on the Polish system of sexual segregation” (ibidem:
15).
It is also interesting to approach the process of granting equal rights from another perspective.
Equality of rights for sexual minorities has been discussed in our society for not longer than
fifteen years. Quite often this discussion was based on arguments transferred directly from
societies which already had fully accepted homosexuality (both legally- and socially-wise). It
means that the debate is not based on our own Polish experience. We are rather trying to adapt
the arguments to the Polish reality which in practice may lead to many misunderstandings.
8
One of the interesting examples of a country where rapid change from lack of acceptance to
granting full rights to same-sex families occurred is the Netherlands. In this country there are
not only many non-governmental LGBT organizations but also scientific centers such as
universities that carry out research and provide opportunities to study the topic (the so-called
homo-studies). At the same time acceptance for homosexuality has been steadily increasing
over the past decades – in 1966 more than a half of the Dutch considered homosexuality as
unacceptable, in 1970 such an opinion was shared only by a quarter of the respondents, in 1975
– 13% and since the 80s this number has dropped to 5% (Małek 2005).
Piotr Szukalski argues that negative stereotypes and prejudices shared by the majority of Poles
have been gradually mitigated over the past thirty years. The author draws particular attention
to the 90s when significant social and moral changes came along with deep political reforms
(Szukalski 2005).
Szukalski underlines that the acceptance of homosexuality that can be observed in the “old”
EU-15 is linked to a great extent with the level of moral freedom and, simultaneously, lack of
acceptance for anti-social behavior, such as bribery, financial and tax scams and other types of
abuse of the law. He claims that such a configuration is reversed in the post-communist
countries; quite a high level of acceptance of anti-social activities is accompanied by a relatively
low approval of moral pluralism (Szukalski 2005).
Kochanowski believes that we are currently dealing with far-going social changes which will
eventually lead to accepting same-sex relationships; he brings up the outcome of the last
parliamentary elections as an indicator of such a change. In 2011 Anna Grodzka, the first
transsexual person on the Polish political scene, and Robert Biedroń, LGBT movement activist,
were elected and became members of the parliament (Kochanowski 2012).
Social approach to homosexual families as well as the image of members of such families
created by the media is of crucial importance for persons living in such relationships. I learned
about this fact while carrying out my research. In general, members of the families who took
part in my research declared that they avoided coming out towards acquaintances and talking
about their family life, unless they were aware that their interlocutors had a positive approach
towards granting equal rights to homosexuals. Social perception of that matter as well as image
created by media has a significant impact on strategies, behavioral patterns, means of
communication chosen by members of same-sex families. Also partners themselves build their
9
mutual relations on the approach towards their relationship prevailing in their environment. In
case of lack of acceptance they rather tend to hide their bond, whereas when they feel accepted
by the people they live among, same-sex partners are usually more open and enable others to
participate in their family life.
RESEARCH ON THE POLISH SAME-SEX FAMILIES
In many countries same-sex families constitute a family model which is equal to other models
and has equal rights and obligations as heterosexual families, including right to bringing up a
child (also through adoption and in-vitro fertilization). Many people compare granting equal
rights to families of choice to abolishing racial segregation; lack of such rights consider as
limiting civil right to live in a family of a form chosen by its members. As I mentioned before,
the scale of the phenomenon is not known precisely, we still lack reliable statistics concerning
sexual orientation and established relationships. It should not, however, prevent scientists from
carrying out research on the same-sex families. Basing on qualitative studies, press articles,
documentaries and personal statements it is known that such forms do exist informally. It can
be assumed that together with changes progressing within traditional families, liberalization of
common moral code and openness to alternative family models number of such relationships
will be constantly increasing and more on more members of families of choice will become
open about their personal situation. I consider analysis of such type of relationships a challenge
of contemporary sociology, enabling researchers to study everyday life of emerging family
patterns both within the group of the closest friends as well as relatives and society.
The research that I am conducting stipulates depiction and reconstruction of the everyday life
of same-sex families taking part in my studies. I focus mostly on typical, daily domestic chores
and responsibilities, such as division of tasks, decision-making process, solving arguments with
a partner, as well as relations between partners, partners and a child/children and between a
family and its social environment. There is also an additional aspect which has to be taken into
account while studying daily life of families of choice - as there are no social patterns suggesting
same-sex partners how to behave and which examples to follow, they do not only constitute a
family but also constantly create its structure. Same-sex families can be therefore treated as a
social experiment. According to Giddens members of such families are forerunners of future
lifestyles which in several dozens of years will not be perceived as “otherness” but will be
considered one of many socially accepted types of relationships (Giddens 2007). I base my
research on methodology applied in case of several studies carried out in the USA and Great
10
Britain since 1980s (Weeks, Jeffrey, Brian Heaphy, Catherine Donovan. 2001). In the next
chapters I am going to present outcomes of my own qualitative research carried out among
members of families of choice which are the basis of my PhD thesis which I am currently
working on.
MEMBERS OF SAME-SEX FAMILIES ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND RAISING
CHILDREN
Robert Goss underlines that “everyone has a right to create such a form of a family which
answers to his/her needs and ensures fulfillment” (Goss 1997: 19). Similar statements were
expressed by my respondents, members of same-sex families bringing up at least one child,
who have participated in my PhD research since 2010. All of them declared that they had a right
to fulfill their individual needs in the families they had created and despite the low level of
social acceptance of homosexuality they did not intend to change the chosen lifestyle. The
following statement of one of the respondents confirms my conclusion:
Family of choice was not the first one that I have created. I was earlier in a relationship with a
man and this is how my child was born (…). My daughter is now raised by me and my female
partner. (…) Yes, I can say it openly, we constitute a same-sex family, we lead life similar to any
other family, we share responsibilities, bring up my daughter and we feel good about it. I am
aware of the statistics regarding acceptance of homosexual relationships and I am deeply
concerned about it. Still, we will not lead a different life just because the norms are different.
The most important is that we feel happy.
Another female respondent, while talking about her relationship with her partner who had been
raising a child by herself noticed how many factors decided about their being together:
It was a difficult decision for both of us, but love that we share has convinced us to be together.
Now my partner’s son has two mums and one dad, whom my partner was with many years ago.
We were aware of the consequences of our decision and we knew how others – in particular our
families - would react to our relationship. My parents had known for a long time that I am a
lesbian and that I had always dreamed of establishing a real family, but parents of my partner
have never come to terms with this fact, even though we tried really hard to show them that we
are a usual family.
The respondents underlined that both living in a same-sex family and bringing up a child
together with their partner was their own choice. They underlined many times that both for
11
them and their partners it was a very responsible decision, taking into account that they were
entering a relationship with a person who had been already bringing up a child. Comparing their
situation to their previous relationships they noticed that being in a relationship with a biological
parent raising a child was a totally different experience. They claimed that they felt huge
responsibility, which can be illustrated by one of the declarations of my female respondent:
At the time when me and my partner decided to be together, she has already had a several years
old son. I felt that it was a completely different decision in my life than just another relationship
(…). Before that I had been in many relationships, I experimented, but I have never been in a
stable relationship with a man. (…) In this case I felt that it was something completely different,
that I would be no longer responsible only for myself, but also for my partner’s son (…). Today
I can already say that thanks to him my life has become fuller, much better, I became a mother,
this is how our son calls me, and this is the most important thing that I can imagine.
Some of the respondents underlined that apart from huge responsibility they also feel lack of
support from institutions and people from their circle – both friends and family. My
interviewees stated that establishing a friendly surrounding and group of support, which would
not only help them in daily routine but also legitimize their family of choice within the closest
circles, was a crucial element of their life. For those respondents whose relatives accepted their
lifestyles, participated in bringing up children and taking important decisions, family ties
assured them in their life choices. Several respondents said that due to lack of contact with
members of the closest family and lack of their acceptance, their bond with a partner was very
fragile and more likely to be broken. The following statement illustrates such a relation:
My partner’s family fully accepts her homosexuality. It was a topic of open discussions, also
her brother is gay, so maybe this is why her parents felt at ease with talking about different
sexual orientation. Unfortunately, it was not my case. I was married for a short time, but I have
always felt that I want to be with a woman, that was also a reason why my marriage came to
an end (…). After the divorce our son stayed with me, shortly after the divorce I got together
with my female partner. Unfortunately, my family has never accepted that fact. Last month it
had been already three years since we started to be together. Even though I try to limit contact
with my ex-husband to several meetings with our son a month, my family always tries to put
him in place of my partner, at school or at a family meeting (…). It is very difficult for us,
especially for my partner, who tries to be around my son always and everywhere. I feel that we
don’t have any support of my family and that if our relationship collapsed, my family would not
12
regret it. Regardless of the fact that we have a flat together, we do everything together, son has
two mums.
One of the most important elements which I included in my research was process of building
family relation based on bringing up a child together. Partners underlined many times that this
is the most important element of their relationship, despite the fact that in all presented cases
the couples had children from previous relationships. The respondents claimed that the child
was in the central point of their relationship, around which all other issues revolved. The
respondents stated frequently that they equally shared responsibilities connected with raising a
child and devoted for that the same amount of time, regardless of which partner is the biological
parent. One of the respondents, while talking about daily routine, stated that:
“For both of us daughter is most important. Last year she went to the first class of the primary
school and we had been preparing for that already since Summer holidays. We had to choose a
school a bit further from home as we knew that LGBT teachers, who we met thanks to our
friends, work there (…). For me and my partner our daughter is most important, everything
revolves around her and she is our priority.”
A very similar answer to question concerning daily life was provided by a female member of
another family of choice.
The order of each and every day depends on our son. We both have independent professions so
we could easily adjust our schedules so that we could take turns in bringing our son to
kindergarten and picking him up without a hurry. We work in different hours but we always
manage to spend a lot of time with our son in the afternoons, go for a walk and spend time
actively.
Conclusions
It should be noted that same-sex families are rather a new and emerging subject of research in
the Polish sociology. It evokes mixed opinions both within academic circles and outside
scientific institutions, for example in the media discourse, which was mentioned above.
Regardless of opinions and judgments same-sex families will be revealing their status more and
more often, and their memebers will be talking about their relations and lifestyle more openly.
So far we can observe a social experiment carried out by one of the Polish families of choice
consisting of a couple of lesbians and a gay man that raise a child together, and who decided to
come out publicly and present their family in an interview published in a magazine dedicated
to LGBT topics (compare: Replika 2013, no. 45). Members of this family participate in
13
numerous public events. Their openness is connected with their participation in social
movements aiming at granting equal rights to non-monogamous lifestyles. Nevertheless, it can
be assumed that visibility of such a family and its presence in public discourse may contribute
to increasing knowledge about situation of families of choice.
Everyday life of same-sex families does not seem to revolve around issues raised in the public
discourse. Members of such families do not mention moral values that lead them to enter into
a relationship, do not expect immediate acceptance of the chosen family model and do not
perceive their relationships as much different from those created by heterosexual partners.
Those members of families of choice who took part in my research focus most of all on building
a bond with a child (or children) they raise, bringing them up and performing daily routines
which are connected with division of responsibilities.
Families of choice are gradually becoming a usual part of the Polish society. Regardless of the
direction in which the public debate is heading and its arguments, same-sex families bringing
up children adjust to social reality. Number of members of such families willing to participate
in research, come out and talk publicly about their lifestyle is gradually increasing. They seek
acceptance not only within their closest circles of friends and relatives, but also try to present
their status publicly in order to enter into polemics with opponents of non-normative
relationships.
Literature:
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