Download Cancer and Relationships Being given a diagnosis of cancer can be

Cancer and Relationships
Being given a diagnosis of cancer can be very emotionally
difficult. It is very common for both you and the people
around you to find this upsetting or hard to cope with. This
can unintentionally put a strain on relationships and affect
how you, your partner and family communicate and support
each other.
There isn’t a right or wrong way to cope with cancer. A
diagnosis of cancer can make you feel lots of emotions,
such as anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, relief, uncertainty
and depression. You and your partner may react differently
or feel different things at different times. How you and your
partner and family cope with this will depend on your
individual personalities, life experiences and how each of
you copes with difficult situations.
Understanding how a diagnosis of cancer can impact on
your day to day lives, the changes you may go through and
how these things can affect your relationship can help you
and your partner to find ways to support each other that are
helpful for both of you.
Top Tips
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The following ideas can help you and your partner and
family members to support each other following diagnosis,
during treatment and afterwards:
1. There may be times when you or your partner or family
member want to be left alone or times when one or both
of you want to talk about how you are feeling. It can be
helpful to work this out together.
You could set aside some time for you to talk together.
Reassure each other that if neither of you wants to talk
about it at the time, you will talk about it together when
you’re ready.
For further information about talking to your children
about cancer, please see the Supporting Your Children
When You Have Cancer leaflet.
2. You may find that you spend a lot of time worrying
about how your partner and family are coping and
forget to look after yourself. It is important to be kind to
yourself and do things that can help with some of the
difficult feelings.
Eating well, doing some physical activity, writing down
your worries and taking time out to relax will help you to
feel better and more able to support your partner and
family members too.
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3. Talking to each other about the cancer and it’s impact
on your lives may be difficult. You may worry you don’t
know what to say, that you’ll make things worse or that
your partner or family will think you’re not coping. Many
people find that talking to their partner can be
comforting and put things into perspective.
Remember it’s important to listen as well as talk to help
you understand each other. It’s ok to talk about other
things too and sometimes sitting in silence together is
all you need.
4. Make a plan to do things together with your partner and
family that you enjoy, like going for a walk together,
going out for a meal or a weekend away. This will give
you something to look forward to and will make sure
you have some time together.
5. You, your partner and family may want to support each
other but be unsure about how to do this. Let them
know if there are ways you’d like them to help you or if
there are things you’d enjoy doing, either alone or
together. This can help you work as a team to get
through this.
6. Worries about your diagnosis and side effects of
treatment, such as tiredness, pain or body changes,
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can impact on your sex life. There are a number of
things that can help reduce this impact.
Make time for yourself and your partner. Try new ways
to make love that are more comfortable. Let your
partner know if you do not feel interested in sex or if
you feel self-conscious. You may need to focus more
on sensuality than sex for a while. Touch can be an
important part of this.
7. Some cancer treatments can impact on fertility. It is
important to find out all the information you need from
your medical team and discuss this with your partner
before you start treatment so you can make the
decisions together. You can seek professional support
for this.
8. A diagnosis of cancer may affect your finances if you
need to give up work. This can put an extra strain on
relationships that can be hard to cope with. You may be
entitled to benefits and financial support. You can
speak to a welfare rights advisor, your local job centre
or benefits office or the citizens advice bureau for
advice. Please also see the tops tips for Finance leaflet.
9. Cancer and it’s treatment can change a person’s role in
their relationship / family. You may need your partner
and family members to take on more or adjust to a new
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role in the household. Talk to one another about how
you feel and what you think is important. You can plan
together what tasks need to take priority and what help
you may need.
10.
The impact of cancer does not always end when
your treatment finishes. Give yourself time to adjust to
life after cancer. You will need your partner and family
to support you even after treatment has ended because
of the physical and emotional impact. Some couples
can become closer but sometimes problems can
develop, even between couples who’ve been together
for a long time. Even after treatment has finished there
is support available for you.
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Sources of Support
If you would like further support for any of these issues you
can find this from the following services:
 Free
online
self
help
http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
resources:
 Your GP (you may be referred to the surgery’s
counselling service).
 Macmillan Cancer Support: www.macmillan.org.uk or
0808 808 0000.
 Tenovus: www.tenovus.org.uk or 0808 808 1010.
 Macmillan Relate (Specialist counselling for couples
affected
by
cancer):
Email
[email protected]
or 01792
454412.
 Leigh Bodilly, Velindre Patient and Carer Information
and Support Co-ordinator: For information on support
services in your local area – 029 20196132.
 Your Consultant or Clinical Nurse Specialist can provide
you information about the services available to you at
Velindre Cancer Centre.
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This leaflet was written by health professionals. The
information contained in this leaflet is evidence based. It has
been approved by doctors, nurses and patients. It is
reviewed and updated every 2 years.
Prepared April 2014
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