Download How You Do It? - anba

Communication Skills
O God by nature is a relationship, God is Love & Love
is a relationship
O You are designed to connect with others
O Communication is not a personality trait, it is a
learnt skill
O Any One can learn how to be a good communicator
i.e. riding a bike
Communication Process
Receiving +Sending +message + avoiding Noise
Activity
Write the names of three people whom you consider
as good listeners.
Do the three people you have written, come in the in
any one of these categories:
liked by you,
loved by you or
respected by you,
You do not like.
Why needed?
O 70% of all communication is
O Misunderstood
O Misinterpreted
O Rejected
O Distorted
O Not heard
Listening
vs. Hearing
O Hearing:
physical process; natural; passive
O Listening:
The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and
responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to
hear something with thoughtful attention
WHY LISTEN ACTIVELY?
• Our brain works four times the speed that someone can
speak. You have to actively focus on listening so that
your mind doesn’t wander.
• We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm
• It enriches you and those around you, and guides you to
other areas of your life.
• It can build trust and respect between people, and
prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict,
frustration or hurt feelings.
• While listening to other people’s point of view, you may
just learn something new and fascinating!
Why Active Listening in Service?
Service
members
Preaching
Local
cultures
Learning
Transferring
Visions
Avoiding
misunderstandings
Avoiding
Conflicts
Our Lord is our Role model
Why is active listening
difficult?
O When people are preoccupied with current life
stresses or difficult situations, it is hard for
them to listen.
O Anxiety can make it hard to
listen.
O Being angry at the person who
is talking also makes it hard to listen.
O Having an idea in mind of what a person
“should do” makes it hard to listen to that
person's point of view.
Barriers to Active Listening
O Physical Barriers
O Distractions / triggers
O Mental Barriers
O Bad Habits
Physical Barriers
O Not being able to hear or see the speaker
O Access to speaker – Remote location
O Language or cultural differences
O Other people – speaking or questions
Distractions / triggers
O Electronic: mobile, phones, computer, TV,
radio
O Human: Other people’s body language,
conversations, questions, arrivals or
departures etc.
O Physical: noise, environmental incidents,
etc.
Mental Barriers
O Assumptions: about the speaker, subject, debate etc.
O Personal Bias/issues
O Emotions: Strong Positive ( enthusiasm, sympathy) or
negative response (frustration, irritation, anger, shame)
to the topic, speaker, argument or environment.
O Judgmental: speaker, delivery , content
O Processing information: not listening
O Mental Break: Day dreaming, focus on other issues
Bad Habits
O Lack of interest
O Prejudice or Closed minded
O Criticizing the subject or the speaker
O Listening only for facts
O Not taking notes
O Creating distractions
O Letting emotional or
trigger words block the message being given
STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
1) Listen
2) Question
3) Reflect-Paraphrase
4) Agree
Step 1: Listen
O To Feelings As Well As Words
O Words – Emotions -- Implications
O Focus on Speaker
O Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted
O Concentrate on what Is Speaker Talking About?
O Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?
O Look At Speaker – eye contact
O Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers
- Encouragement:
O Convey interest and Keep the person talking.
O Concentrate attention upon the speaker
O Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal
words in a positive tone of voice.
O Repeat one or two words of the person's
previous statement.
O Be aware of your body language!
O Use varying voice intonations
Use varying voice intonations
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
“I see”
“Right”
“Uh huh”…
“Okay”
“Sure”
“Yeah”
“Yes”
“Wow”
“Really?”
Non-Verbal Behavior
Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques:
O Maintaining appropriate eye contact with the speaker.
O Occasionally nodding affirmatively to display
understanding and interest.
O Using expectant pauses to indicate to the speaker that
more is expected
The various forms of
NVC
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
touch
sound
proximity
posture
dress
eye contact
gestures
facial expressions
use of silence
Step 2: Question
3 Purposes
O Demonstrates you are listening
O Gather information
O Clarification
When you asked some questions:
 Show interest
 Encourage more explanation
 Keep the person talking
 Ask questions but not too many
Use:OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
O Observation: "What happened?"
O Meaning: "What do you mean?"
O Affect: "How do you feel?"
O Motive: "What do you want?"
O Action: "What will you do?"
Other Questioning Tips
O Avoid asking multiple questions at once.
O Generally, it’s best to start with open
questions
O Best questions are short, clear, objective.
O Ask questions in logical order.
O Allow for quiet, thinking time.
O Limit why-questions.
O Take notes.
Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase
In that step we will use another techniques for active
listening;
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Reflecting
Reframing
Paraphrasing
Acknowleding
Summarizing
1.
REFLECTING
O Reflect What Is Said (In your words)
O Reflect Feelings
O Ex.
Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine”
(when she actually looks very upset)…
Reflecting, you say
“You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your
voice, you seem upset, correct?”
Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you
see and hear. This is particularly useful
when the person’s tone of voice or gestures
don’t match the person’s words.
OR just as a check…
“Seems like you had a fun time, right?
OR
“I sense you’ve become worried. Is that
so?”
2.REFRAMING
Why You Do It?
O to help the other person see their concerns in a
new light
O to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify
needs or interests
O to diffuse negative feelings
O to establish the focus for resolution
How You Do It?
O recognize underlying needs
O re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive
O past → future; problem → opportunity
REFRAMING
(cont.)
O Shift from passive to active
For example, if the other person said, “I really doubt
that I can do anything about this,” you might
respond, “What is one small step that you might
take?”
O Shift from negative feeling to positive feeling
For example, if the other person said, “I don’t want to
work on that now because it makes me feel sad,” you
might respond, “What small part of that might you
work on for now, that might even leave you feeling a
bit more happy?”
3.PARAPHASING
PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the
story and capture the content.
i.e. “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset
because you think we’re going off in the
wrong direction and you want to clarify
our objective before we write this
assignment. Is that right”
CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be
sure to put the message in your
own words – that’s active
listening.
4. ACKNOWLEDGING
Problem
Solving Might
Not Work In
the Face of
Strong
Feelings
Feelings May
Need
Acknowledge
ment Before
Effective
Problem
Solving
Problem
Solving
Problem
Solving
5.SUMMARIZE
Why You Do It?
•to review progress
•to pull together important ideas
and information
•to establish a foundation for further
discussion
How You Do It?
•restate the central ideas and feelings
you have heard
Example: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of
your experience at this point…”
“So basically what is most important to you is…”
Step 4: Agree
O Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing
O Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It!
O Solution Is Near!
Remember that the objective of all
of this is increase understanding
of the other’s point of view, not
necessarily to agree with it or
support
it.
“A good listener tries to
understand thoroughly what
the other person is saying. In
the end he may disagree
sharply,
but
before
he
disagrees, he wants to know
exactly what it is he is
disagreeing with.”
Kenneth A. WELLS
O Listen quietly, arms &legs uncrossed,
body forward
O Maintain eye contact
O Reinforce a statement; Rephrase it to
insure agreement
O Use terms like, “yes” & “certainly”
O Interrupt, try to finish a sentence for the speaker.
O Bite nails, chew pens .
O Tap fingers or feet, when listening .
O Openly Disagree like “no” and don’t show hostility.
The Golden communication equation
40