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Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–1 1 Intended Learning Outcomes 1. 2. 3. Understand the third phase of the writing process, revision. Revise messages to achieve concise wording by eliminating wordy prepositional phrases, long lead-ins, outdated expressions, and needless adverbs. Revise messages to eliminate fillers, repetitious words, and redundancies. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–2 2 Intended Learning Outcomes 4. 5. 6. Revise message to use jargon sparingly and avoid slang and clichés. Revise messages to include precise verbs, concrete nouns, and vivid adjectives. Describe effective techniques for proofreading routine and complex documents. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–3 3 Revising and Proofreading • Revising: • Proofreading: Improving content and sentence structure. May involve adding, cutting, and recasting. Correcting the grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–4 4 Concise Wording Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness. Instead of this: Try this: We are of the opinion that We think Please feel free to In addition to the above At this point in time Despite the fact that Please Also Now Although Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–5 5 Wordy Prepositional Phrases Instead of this: Try this: We don’t as a general rule cash personal checks. We don’t generally cash personal checks. Students in very few instances receive parking tickets. Students seldom receive parking tickets. She calls meetings on a monthly basis. She calls monthly meetings. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–6 6 Long Lead-Ins Instead of this: Try this: This memo is to inform you that all employees meet today. All employees meet today. I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted. Thanks to everyone who voted. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–7 7 Outdated Expressions Outdated: Modern: as per your request at your request pursuant to your request at your request attached hereto attached under separate cover separately Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–8 8 Needless Adverbs To sound more credible and to streamline your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs such as definitely, quite, really, and actually. Instead of this: Try this: The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable. The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–9 9 Fillers Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it when used merely to take up space. Instead of this: Try this: There are two employees who should be promoted. Two employees should be promoted. It was Lisa and Jeff who were singled out. Lisa and Jeff were singled out. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–10 10 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness. • This e-mail message is to inform you that in all probability we will actually finish in two weeks. We will probably finish in two weeks. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–11 11 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness. • There are many brokers who are quite certain that these stocks are completely safe. Many brokers are certain that these stocks are safe. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–12 12 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness. • Pursuant to your request, there are two contracts that are attached hereto. As you requested, two contracts are attached. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–13 13 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness. • All employees are hereby informed that as a general rule computers may not be used for personal activities. Generally, employees may not use computers for personal activities. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–14 14 Repetitious Words Avoid unintentional repetition so as to shorten a message, and improves vigor and readability. Wordy Employees will be able to elect an additional six employees to serve with the four previously elected employees who currently comprise the employees’ board of directors. Concise Employees may vote for six additional representatives to serve with the previously elected members of their board of directors. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–15 15 Redundant Words Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions? advance warning necessary requisite adequate enough new beginning exactly identical past history reason why refer back final outcome repeat again Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–16 16 Jargon Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize. Computer jargon: Alternative language: queue list of documents waiting to be printed export transfer data from one program to another Internet capacity bandwidth Is jargon ever permissible? Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–17 17 Slang Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings). to bag on clueless turkey chill/chill out to tease, to nag, to complain unaware, naïve someone stupid or silly relax Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–18 18 Slang An example from the world of Dilbert: (No this comic in the textbook) Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–19 19 Clichés Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words. Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone. Finally, you should work diligently. We had reached the end of our rope. We could go no further. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–20 20 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. • Last but not least, the attorney referred back to an exactly identical case. Finally, the attorney referred to an identical case. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–21 21 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. • With a little advance warning, we could have sold out before our stocks tanked. With warning, we could have sold out before our stocks hit bottom. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–22 22 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. • Ms. Miller, who shoots straight from the shoulder, demanded final completion by January 1. Ms. Miller, who is straightforward, demanded completion by January 1. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–23 23 Precise Verbs Revise your writing to include precise verbs instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones. Market researchers said that profits would improve. What more precise verbs could replace said? Market researchers forecasted improved profits. Market researchers promised improved profits. Market researchers predicted improved profits. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–24 24 Precise Verbs Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns. The manager came to the realization that telecommuting made sense. The manager realized that telecommuting made sense. An application must be made by the job seeker. The job seeker must apply. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–25 25 Precise Verbs TIP: Look for words ending in tion or ment. Could they be more efficiently and forcefully converted to verbs? Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–26 26 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence using more precise verbs. • The seller said he would contact you. The seller promised to e-mail [telephone or fax] you. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–27 27 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb. • We must give encouragement to our team. We must encourage our team. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–28 28 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb. • Have you made an application for employment? Have you applied for employment? Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–29 29 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb. • A duty of the general manager is the calculation of monthly sales. The general manager calculates monthly sales. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–30 30 Try Your Skill Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb. • The establishment of new methods was effected by Kevin. Kevin established new methods. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–31 31 Concrete Nouns Revise your writing to include specific, concrete nouns instead of general, abstract ones. The man asked for a raise. Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase. A person called this morning. Kelly King, production manager, called at 10 this morning. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–32 32 Vivid Adjectives Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones. The report was good. The report was persuasive (or detailed, original, thorough, painstaking, complete, comprehensive). We enjoyed the movie. We enjoyed the entertaining and absorbing movie. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–33 33 What to Watch for in Proofreading Spelling Grammar Punctuation Names and numbers Format Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–34 34 How to Proofread Complex Documents • • • • Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. Allow adequate time. Be prepared to find errors. Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics. • Reduce your reading speed. • Use standard proofreading marks. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–35 35 How to Proofread Complex Documents For documents that must be perfect: • • • • • Have someone read aloud the original Spell names. Spell difficult words. Note capitalization. Read punctuation. Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–36 36 Questions ? Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–37 37 End Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition Ch. 4–38 38