Download Chapter 4

Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–1
1
Intended Learning Outcomes
1.
2.
3.
Understand the third phase of the writing
process, revision.
Revise messages to achieve concise wording
by eliminating wordy prepositional phrases,
long lead-ins, outdated expressions, and
needless adverbs.
Revise messages to eliminate fillers,
repetitious words, and redundancies.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–2
2
Intended Learning Outcomes
4.
5.
6.
Revise message to use jargon sparingly and
avoid slang and clichés.
Revise messages to include precise verbs,
concrete nouns, and vivid adjectives.
Describe effective techniques for
proofreading routine and complex documents.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–3
3
Revising and Proofreading
• Revising:
• Proofreading:
Improving content and
sentence structure. May
involve adding, cutting,
and recasting.
Correcting the grammar,
spelling, punctuation,
format, and mechanics.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–4
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Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.
Instead of this:
Try this:
We are of the opinion that
We think
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that
Please
Also
Now
Although
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–5
5
Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Instead of this:
Try this:
We don’t as a general
rule cash personal
checks.
We don’t generally cash
personal checks.
Students in very few
instances receive parking
tickets.
Students seldom receive
parking tickets.
She calls meetings on a
monthly basis.
She calls monthly
meetings.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–6
6
Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this:
Try this:
This memo is to inform
you that all employees
meet today.
All employees meet
today.
I am writing this letter to
say thanks to everyone
who voted.
Thanks to everyone who
voted.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–7
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Outdated Expressions
Outdated:
Modern:
as per your request
at your request
pursuant to your request
at your request
attached hereto
attached
under separate cover
separately
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–8
8
Needless Adverbs
To sound more credible and to streamline your
writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs such as
definitely, quite, really, and actually.
Instead of this:
Try this:
The manager is actually
quite pleased with your
proposal because the
plan is definitely
workable.
The manager is pleased
with your proposal
because the plan is
workable.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–9
9
Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it
when used merely to take up space.
Instead of this:
Try this:
There are two employees
who should be
promoted.
Two employees should
be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff who
were singled out.
Lisa and Jeff were
singled out.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–10 10
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in,
wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions,
needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of
wordiness.
• This e-mail message is to inform you that in all
probability we will actually finish in two weeks.
We will probably finish in two weeks.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–11 11
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in,
wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions,
needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of
wordiness.
• There are many brokers who are quite certain
that these stocks are completely safe.
Many brokers are certain that these stocks are
safe.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–12 12
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in,
wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions,
needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of
wordiness.
• Pursuant to your request, there are two contracts
that are attached hereto.
As you requested, two contracts are attached.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–13 13
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in,
wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions,
needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of
wordiness.
• All employees are hereby informed that as a
general rule computers may not be used for
personal activities.
Generally, employees may not use computers for
personal activities.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–14 14
Repetitious Words
Avoid unintentional repetition so as to shorten a
message, and improves vigor and readability.
Wordy
Employees will be able to
elect an additional six
employees to serve with the
four previously elected
employees who currently
comprise the employees’
board of directors.
Concise
Employees may vote for six
additional representatives
to serve with the previously
elected members of their
board of directors.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–15 15
Redundant Words
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words
could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning
necessary requisite
adequate enough
new beginning
exactly identical
past history
reason why
refer back
final outcome
repeat again
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–16 16
Jargon
Avoid technical terms and special terminology that
readers would not recognize.
Computer jargon:
Alternative language:
queue
list of documents waiting
to be printed
export
transfer data from one
program to another
Internet capacity
bandwidth
Is jargon ever permissible?
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–17 17
Slang
Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or
extravagantly changed meanings).
to bag on
clueless
turkey
chill/chill out
to tease, to nag, to complain
unaware, naïve
someone stupid or silly
relax
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–18 18
Slang
An example from the world of Dilbert:
(No this comic in the textbook)
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–19 19
Clichés
Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute
more precise words.
Last but not least, you
should keep your nose to
the grindstone.
Finally, you should
work diligently.
We had reached the end
of our rope.
We could go no further.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–20 20
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang,
clichés, and redundancies.
• Last but not least, the attorney referred back to
an exactly identical case.
Finally, the attorney referred to an identical case.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–21 21
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang,
clichés, and redundancies.
• With a little advance warning, we could have sold
out before our stocks tanked.
With warning, we could have sold out before our
stocks hit bottom.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–22 22
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang,
clichés, and redundancies.
• Ms. Miller, who shoots straight from the
shoulder, demanded final completion by January
1.
Ms. Miller, who is straightforward, demanded
completion by January 1.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–23 23
Precise Verbs
Revise your writing to include precise verbs instead of
general, lackluster, all-purpose ones.
Market researchers said that profits would improve.
What more precise verbs could replace said?
Market researchers forecasted improved profits.
Market researchers promised improved profits.
Market researchers predicted improved profits.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–24 24
Precise Verbs
Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns.
The manager came to the realization that
telecommuting made sense.
The manager realized that telecommuting made
sense.
An application must be made by the job seeker.
The job seeker must apply.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–25 25
Precise Verbs
TIP: Look for words ending in tion or
ment. Could they be more efficiently
and forcefully converted to verbs?
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–26 26
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence using more precise
verbs.
• The seller said he would contact you.
The seller promised to e-mail [telephone or fax]
you.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–27 27
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence centering the action
in a verb.
• We must give encouragement to our team.
We must encourage our team.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–28 28
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence centering the action
in a verb.
• Have you made an application for employment?
Have you applied for employment?
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–29 29
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence centering the action
in a verb.
• A duty of the general manager is the calculation
of monthly sales.
The general manager calculates monthly sales.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–30 30
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence centering the action
in a verb.
• The establishment of new methods was effected
by Kevin.
Kevin established new methods.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–31 31
Concrete Nouns
Revise your writing to include specific, concrete
nouns instead of general, abstract ones.
The man asked for a raise.
Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase.
A person called this morning.
Kelly King, production manager, called at 10 this
morning.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–32 32
Vivid Adjectives
Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic
adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones.
The report was good.
The report was persuasive (or detailed, original,
thorough, painstaking, complete, comprehensive).
We enjoyed the movie.
We enjoyed the entertaining and absorbing movie.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–33 33
What to Watch for
in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–34 34
How to Proofread
Complex Documents
•
•
•
•
Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Allow adequate time.
Be prepared to find errors.
Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
• Reduce your reading speed.
• Use standard proofreading marks.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–35 35
How to Proofread
Complex Documents
For documents that must be perfect:
•
•
•
•
•
Have someone read aloud the original
Spell names.
Spell difficult words.
Note capitalization.
Read punctuation.
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–36 36
Questions ?
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–37 37
End
Essentials of Business Communication, Second Edition
Ch. 4–38 38