Download Dia 1 - WE CAN Young

Presentation: crossing the line
Presentation: crossing the limit
Purpose WE CAN YOUNG-campaign
Strengthening of sexual and relational resilience of young
people
• Respect for your own limits and that of others
• Know different forms of unacceptable sexual behaviour
• Awareness of the effect of gender inequality: different forms
of violence and the different roles of boys and girls in
society
• This presentation is about the first two points.
(Unacceptable) sexual behaviour
These is a difference in how boys and girls experience sex
• Girls experience sex more negatively than boys. Boys are
often more at ease with their bodies. Girls also experience
more pain with sex.
• 23%* of girls expressed that their first time was unpleasant,
versus 5 %* of boys who experienced this.
* These numbers represent the situation in the Netherlands
(Unacceptable) sexual behaviour
Unacceptable sexual behaviour:
•
If the first time happens before the age of 13, about 33%* is
coerced to do it.
It is difficult to come out about your sexual preference
• 51%* of boys and 25%* of girls disapprove of boys kissing boys
• 16%* of boys and 24%* of girls disapprove of girls kissing girls
* These numbers represent the situation in the Netherlands
(Unacceptable) sexual behaviour
When is behaviour experimental and when is it unacceptable.
There are six rules to determine that:
•
Consent (both of you must consent)
•
Voluntariness (is there coercion?)
•
Equality (is someone the boss?)
•
Age-appropriate (does it fit with you?)
•
Context appropriate (does it fit with your surroundings?)
•
Self respect (does the behaviour harm you or the other?)
Sexual behaviour is unacceptable if one of the rules is not in
place.
Consent
Did the other person say yes, no or was the answer
uncertain?
Whoever agrees to A, is only agreeing to A. Consent is
needed to go to B as well.
It is hard for young people (but also adults) to stop once
they have started. Non-verbal communication (giggling is
not a yes) and someone being under the influence are not
examples of consent.
Consent of all parties is a must.
Voluntariness
Is there any coercion?
Threatening someone with a knife is a clear example of
using coercion. Often you see more subtle forms:
convincing someone to have sex, blackmailing (I will tell
your parents if..) or pressure of friends. Sometimes
people give consent when they are being coerced. That is
not true consent; the consent was not given by free will.
Voluntariness, without any form of coercion or
(severe) group pressure is a must.
Equality
Is my sex partner my equal?
More than 5 years of age difference can mean that the will of
the elder can outweigh the other. Or if there is a difference in
position, the more powerful one can be decisive.
Think about the laughing stock of the school with the player of
the school. The latter has more power and there is a bigger
chance that the person goes beyond your limit. For that
reason an adult cannot have sex with someone under the age
of 16 (it is unlawful)
Equality between sex partners is a must.
Age appropriate
Does it fit with your age?
Some young people start early, others later. Research shows
that young people under the age of 13 were often coerced or
convinced the first time.
You can never be too old to experiment, but you can be too
young. When you are older you have a better idea of what you
want and what you do not want. You become less likely to be
influenced.
Age appropriate behaviour is a must.
Context appropriate
Does it fit with the context?
Hanging pictures of porn on your wall at home or at school is
not appropriate. If you want to watch porn you should do that
somewhere where you are of no bother to anyone.
What is normal within your family with regards to culture,
religion, surroundings often times becomes your personal
norm. The difference between what is acceptable and not,
dependent on your own background, can be large. However,
the norm can never be harmful to your healthy personal
(sexual) development.
Context appropriate behaviour is a must.
Self respect
Is the behaviour harmful to you or others?
Do you find it normal that when you accept drinks at the bar,
you owe something in return. Do you think you can force
someone to get your own way?
Please note that you can take good care of yourself without
harming yourself or others. Self respect is about having
enough self-confidence and a positive self image, so that you
can protect yourself from unpleasant situations and not give
others negative experiences.
Having self respect is a must.
The sex rules
The sex rules
Consent (C)
Voluntariness (V)
Equality (E)
Age appropriate (A)
Context appropriate (CA)
Self-respect (R)
Do both of you want this?
Is there any coercion?
Is someone the boss?
Does it fit with the age?
Does it bother, shock or insult
someone?
It does not harm you (Physically and/or
psychologically).
Sexual behaviour is unacceptable if one of the rules is not in
place.
Let’s practice. Sooo…
What do you think? Do you think:
• Whoever agrees to A, must also agree to B (C)
• Nagging to get sex is acceptable (V)
• I am 13 and I can decide for myself how far I can go with a
person of 17 (E)
• I want to lose my virginity before I am 15 years old, if not I
will stay behind. (A)
• I have pictures of naked women/men in my room, not a
problem right? (CA)
• Strip teasing in front of the webcam does no harm (R)
Assignments
What assignments can you complete?
• Group education flag system/ flaming flags
• Match propositions and rules (worksheet rules and
dilemmas)
• Group pressure
• What do you say?