Download Williamsburg at Rockbridge Seminar: Don`t do it or Just do it

Williamsburg at Rockbridge Sex and Dating Seminar 2/20/09
1. This is such an exciting and fun topic. Most people think about sex and dating at least one or
twice a day, huh? There have been books written about this topic. There are weekend seminars
about this topic. So let’s get as much out of short time as we can.
2. We live in a SEX-SATURATED SOCIETY, don’t we? I was in Miami about a month ago,
and almost every billboard was blantantly sexual. Sketchy, scantily-dressed girl, and then
PETER PAN PEANUT BUTTER. Or how about TV commercials, Old Spice or toilet paper, or
cars or Carl’s Jr. (Hardees’)
Where do we get the standards of what dating relationships should look like? TV?
Parents? Movies? Is this where we should be getting our ideals?
We are confused. Sex is love. Love is sex. Confused thinking leads to confused action. If
we’re confused, you KNOW that our kids are completely baffled, right?
It’s being wise and making godly decisions about this whole arena that is the difficult thing.
3. It is odd, there is not a ton in the Bible on sex, and there is almost nothing on dating. Let’s
start at the beginning: God’s creation--His invention: Gen 1:26-28
Here we have GOOD NEWS!! God created sex! He’s the inventor of it. He’s all for it.
He loves it. He is the author and authority on it. It is HIS DESIGN.
More good news: you are fearfully and wonderfully made--Psalm 139:14
God has a plan for you-- Jer 29:11
Sex is the only topic in the Bible (that is legal in the US) that is off limits at one point in
your life and then all of a sudden is not a sin at another point in your life (marriage).
Marva Dawn says in Sexual Character that “Those who know the design of the
machine are the ones most able to teach me how the machine can be most
effectively used and maintained. The Designer know the Design and is the best
one to write the instruction book. God, how created us wholly...graciously
revealed His design for the care of our sexuality in the Scriptures.”
The better the gift, the more power it has to ruin outside of its intended use.
Remember SPIDERMAN the movie? With great power comes…great responsibility.
The greater the potential of something for good, the greater the potential for abuse for
bad…
Pleasures are only full and legitimate if the intercourse is performed the way God
had intended: between the right partners and in the right conditions.
Our identity comes from Christ
Our identity comes only from who we are in Christ, not who we are dating, whether or
not we are married, who we used to date, etc. Society may say that if you are not
married by a certain age then something is wrong with you or if you are not engaged by
spring of your senior year like all of your friends are then something is wrong w/ you.
Your relationship with Christ is the most important thing in your life! More important
than who you marry, what your job will be etc. Pursue your relationship with Christ
above all else…above “finding” the right person and above your relationship with your
boyfriend/girlfriend. Make decisions that will help you to grow in Christ.
We MUST RECLAIM our sexuality for the glory of God.
4. God’s thoughts on sex: Unapologetically--sex when you are not married is wrong.
I Cor 3:16
I Cor 6:15-17
Guidelines and guard rails are a gift from God.
Why not sex before marriage?
Fire analogy- Fire contained is warm, beautiful, etc. Fire out of control is deadly.
Paper Analogy--the 2 become 1 (glue 2 pieces of paper together and then
rip apart)-- Gen 2:23-24
Duct Tape analogy—it’s really sticky. It’s meant to stick to one thing. But if you
rip it off, and then stick it somewhere else, it’s less sticky. After the 3rd or 4th
time, it has lost its stickiness.
It is planned by the creator and perfector of it to be enjoyed in the confines
of a marriage commitment
Sexual intimacy is dangerous--confusing, ever feel guilty, then less guilty
The result is we get callused-law of diminishing returns: in a relationship not growing in other
types of intimacy, the same physical interaction becomes
less exciting each time i.e. holding someone’s hand, 1st,
2nd, 3rd time is kinda boring. Kissing, etc.
Multiplication of partners
Worldly dangers as well
It’s the gift you can only give one person.
Dave Wyrtzen says in Love without Shame that “The intoxicating freedom of
marital intercourse is so precious to our Designer [that it horrifies Him
when we use it wrong].”
You might be saying to yourself, great, thanks Heather and Pete but it’s too late. I’ve already
given that gift out. Well, there is good news.
5. Forgiveness: What if you’ve done it? Or you feel like you’ve messed things up sexually?
If you don’t hear anything tonight, hear THIS. You are the focus of God’s love. He is
madly in love with you, and you can’t do anything to change that.
I Cor 1:9--Without Christ, it is impossible to have the best, most healthy
relationship
II Cor 5:17--The old is gone, the new is come
I truly believe that in Christ, we are made totally and completely new.
You become a virgin again.
Jesus can heal anything--He can take a scar and make it a beauty mark.
God’s forgiveness is so complete.
Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so has he removed our transgressions from us.
How far is that? You know why it doesn’t say north from the south? Because there is an ending
point. There’s a limit. But with east and west, it is infinite.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. If the God of the Universe thinks that about
you, isn’t it about time you start thinking that about yourself??
What if you’ve done this, what do we think about you?
Well, we want you to know that we love you and don’t think any less of you as a special,
fearfully and wonderfully made creation of God. But please talk to us, we might be able to help
with healing or anything.
LOVE, DATING, RELATIONSHIPS SECTION
A very popular question: Should your partner be at the same level as you in a relationship
with God? If not, should you end it?
Girls (and guys), don’t settle!!
This is a question that I really struggled with. I never really dated a Christian girl until I
was like 25. I just didn’t think most that I met were very fun. Now I think differently.
How intimate can you be with someone that at the core of their being, is about something
else?? Also, ladies, do you want to have the most important arena in your life be one
where you are setting the pace and leading your man? This is not the biblical model.
And about “leading” and “submitting.” When we talk about that stuff, it should be one
where you WANT to be led.
1. What are some of the differences between guys and girls?
We could be considered night and day. Two different creatures. Each are made in the
image of God to reflect different characteristics of God.
What does a kiss mean to both? // What does “I Love you” mean to both?
Physical differences vs. Emotional differences
Guys will give the emotional in order to receive the physical
Girls will give the physical in order to receive the emotional.
Romantic/sexual differences
--Men use romance to get sex. Women use sex to get romance.
--When it comes to affection, men are microwaves. Women are crockpots.
Guys are more visual, imagination, physically turned on
Girls are slower, warmer, more emotional, tender.
In dating, don’t play games. Be honest. Communicate. Talk about EVERYTHING.
Most people go to the dumbest place for a first date: the movies.
Don’t go there--go someplace that you can TALK. Out to eat, out for
coffee, go for a walk, etc.
DO SOMETHING CASUAL AND CREATIVE
2. How can we honor one another in dating?
Make decisions with the future in mind!!
I Tim 5:1-2
Jesus had morally pure “brother-sister” relationships. We can take this as
an example.
1. Fellas, this means always thinking that each lady is a creation of
God, fearfully and wonderfully made--given to you to love as a
sister. Don’t taunt them, abuse them, or disrespect them. Does
anyone have a sister?
2. Ladies, this means always thinking that every guy at school is a creation of
the Almighty God and is valued by Jesus--given to you to love as a brother. Do not play
games with them, lead them on, or manipulate them. Girls, you need to know that you are the
beloved of GOD. You are each a princess by birth. A daughter of the King of this Universe.
This is real. Not just religious talk. This is the reality.
If you dress shady to GET a guy, you have to dress shady to KEEP the guy.
Idols- Don’t make your b/f or g/f an idol. Don’t go to them before you go to God in prayer.
Don’t make time with them a priority over your time with Christ.
3. How far is too far? I Thess 4
If you came tonight hoping to get a checklist, you’re going to be disappointed, but not
totally. It’s not like on date 2, you get to kiss. On date 4 you can lay down together. And on
date 78 you can go all the way!
No, sorry, it doesn’t work like that.
The minute we draw lines on each other’s bodies we become sexual objects. I Cor 13:4-7
The question for us as Christians should not be how far is too far but how can I grow closer to
God? How obedient to Christ can we be? How honoring can we be? How can I care for this
precious masterpiece of the living God? Take delight in honoring one another.
Asking How far is too far is like: How far into the road can I stand before I get hit by a
car?
But a good rule of thumb is “IF YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT, YOU CAN’T DO IT.”
Now that doesn’t mean you CAN do it just cause you can talk about it…
Kissing, hugging, holding hands. Now you might be looking at me like I have 3 arms and just
told you the grass is red. But the guilt and problems begin after that.
LIGHTS ON, CLOTHES ON, STAY UPRIGHT.
Keep the lights on, keep your clothes on, and stay upright.
We always want boundaries to push us onto Christ.
But you have to have physical and emotional boundaries. How can we not? Don’t we have
these in other areas that we can go to excess quickly?
Ladies, if guys don’t honor your standards, they’re not worth dating. If guys don’t honor
your standards, they’re jerks. Plain and simple. They can’t honor standards that they don’t
know about. So if you just have the standard in your head and think, “This is how far I will
go,” and you never communicate that, that puts that person in a difficult situation as well.
You say, “It’s just kind of embarrassing to communicate it.” It’s embarrassing to talk about
it, but it’s not embarrassing to be naked?
Phil. 4:8- Instead of thinking how much can I get away with and still be close to God we need to
change our thinking to How close can I stay to Christ. Be aware of the things you are watching
ex: movies, tv. Sometimes these things don’t help us to fight temptation.
***How can we minimize temptation?***
***Should dating couples pray together?***
--Make up your mind with the lights on.
--Temptation--don’t put yourself in places where you know you will fail
--Communicate effectively--don’t play games.
Sometimes making out/hooking up takes the place of communication-don’t let it
--Satan has sold our society a LIE. That we are not worth anything besides what we can
do sexually. This is so wrong.
We MUST RECLAIM our sexuality for the glory of God.
IF YOU CHOOSE RIGHT, YOU WILL BE TESTED. If you become a boundary-maker, you
will be tried, and it will be hard. BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
You might want to consider the question: IF you are supposed to be married before the WHO
should you marry.
5 tidbits for free: 1. Our attitude should be like that of Christ Jesus--Phil 2:5
And then in Gethsemane--not my will but yours be done.
Rom 13:12-14
2. You guys have heard--just imagine Jesus with you in the room or at
the movie or in the park, etc. He’s not there as a watchdog or a
policeman waiting for you to mess up. He wants to fulfill you
even more. He wants to make your dating life exciting, rich and
full.
3. If you want suggestions, I go with hugging, kissing, and holding
hands. I’ve found that all the problems begin after that. It’s a
mighty slippery slope when it comes to things like that.
4. Strongest sex organ is your head.
5. The more you fall in love with God, the easier it is to fight temptation. I’m
not saying it’s easy. I’m saying the easier it is. The more you focus on
God, the easier it is to fight temptation.
To sum up
1.
1.
2.
3.
4.
God created sex, He loves it. He created it to be enjoyed under some specific circumstances.
Sex is so much more than just a physical act.
Your future. Make decisions based on your future, not just for the now. (like studying, or training for
athletics)
How far is too far?
How do we honor God in relationships?