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Kinship Team Training Day
1.
Our Vision
i.
ii.
iii.
2.
Our overall vision
So … what is kinship?
What different groups look like
The Kinship Team
i. The value and purpose of a kinship team
ii. Training opportunities for the kinship facilitators & their team
iii. Who does what?
iv. Planning ahead and being reflective
This check list can often be a good discussion opener for kinship team meetings:
3.
What style of leadership?
4.
Our Shared Values
i.
ii.
iii.
5.
Sharing our lives with one another
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
6.
Pastoral care
Pastoral care beyond the group
Confidentiality
Things we always need to know
Dealing with difficulties
Multiplying your kinship
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
8.
The benefits of sharing
Five levels of communication
Guidelines for sharing
Ideas for Sharing
Our Pastoral Structure
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
v.
7.
Kinship values
Helping others to absorb these values
Ministry time
Healthy things grow
So how do we do it?
Choosing growth
Ready to multiply….
Appendices
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
Appendix A: Biblical Background to Sharing
Appendix B: Possible Problem Situations
Appendix C: The function of kinship
Feedback form
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church
1. Our Vision
i. Our overall vision
to extend the Kingdom of God
to have a church built around Jesus
to have a church that changes people’s hearts, that changes people’s
lives that then changes the world

About our vision for growth
To exist for the unchurched
To be a vehicle for our generation
To build a church, not like a ‘church’
To be the church, rather than just go to church
To be God's agent for change
We exist to do what God wants
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
Small groups in the New Testament church
We see significant growth
From 1 – 120 people in 3 years (Acts 1:15)
From 120 – 3120 people in 1 day (Acts 2:42-47)
Then 5000 people etc … (Acts 4:4)
People were cared for in small groups (Acts 2:42 – 47)
These groups were vital for the continued growth
They were large enough to celebrate yet small enough to care
Jesus and small groups
He poured his life into 12 people
We are the result of that first small group

How kinships fit into the overall vision of WSVC
They are the place where we multiply disciples
They are the place where we mobilise disciples
We are called to grow a church not just gather a crowd
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ii. So … what is kinship?
What kinship isn’t …
It’s not a Bible study
Our main Bible teaching is on a Sunday.
Kinship isn’t a traditional sit down and open your Bible group.
BUT scripture is highly valued and often used. We approach it in an interactive and
practical way.
It’s not a counselling forum
It’s not a group therapy session – someone comes and shares a problem and we all
give advice. Rather, it’s a place where the Holy Spirit can minister.
It’s not a discussion group
We don’t simply want to debate without seeing lives changed BUT it is a place where
questions can be raised.
It’s not a prayer group
There are times when the group will pray specifically about things, but our
intercessory prayer groups are designed to cover these areas.
But kinship is …. and these things are non-negotiable
A real meeting with God
In worship
Through the gifts of the Holy Spirit
Through ministry
During communion
A real meeting with each other
Relaxed and informal
Sharing food
Sharing our needs
Meeting regularly
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Kinship is also
A place to give and receive pastoral care
This is a crucial function of Kinship. Kinships are fundamental to the Pastoral
structure of WSVC and pastoral care begins within the group.
This can be very different from other churches and from some people’s experience.
We need to explain this well – and often!
A place for growth
Continuing growth is critical to the health of a kinship.
We look for this growth in two areas:
Personal within each of us as we are discipled, are changed and grow to be more
like Jesus
Numerical as we look to gather new people into each group, identify and grow
new leaders and multiply the group, planting a new group out of the existing
one. This is how the church grows and how the Kingdom grows.
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church
iii. What different groups look like
Love
Learn
Do
Group Business
Kinship Group:
Friendship, growth, support
Bible Study:
Understanding, nurture, application
Ministry Group:
Task, service, single purpose
Alpha Group:
Understanding, evangelism
2
We also have Intercessory prayer groups.
Remember - prayer changes things.
Our groups are strategically placed.
They are small groups working together.
Encourage those in your groups to get involved.
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2. The Kinship Team
i. The value and purpose of a kinship team
Worship Leader
Host
Facilitator
They provide a strong supportive unit
No one person should be carrying the load of the kinship. It is a team effort with the
responsibility shared. A healthy team will prevent burn out and keep a kinship going for
the long haul.

Aim to share kinship night stuff – welcoming, leading, teaching, ministry.

Aim to share pastoral care through the week.

Aim to share the Sunday “touching base” with people.

Aim to share the gathering of new people.
They provide a strong structural framework

Aim for a team meeting every six weeks.

Set goals. Have a clear focus in mind.

Plan ahead. Have some idea of where you are heading over a six week block.

Assess how you are doing. Don’t be afraid to be reflective. What’s worked and what
hasn’t? (see later notes)
They ensure a balanced diet
Without a team, the facilitators tend to fall back on things they want to do!

A team helps keep the menu fresh and relevant.

A team helps encourage each other out of our comfort zones to try new things.

A team helps us to make sure that the Vineyard Values are being assimilated and
the Vineyard basics are being taught.

A team helps to keep the group outward focused.
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They release more involvement

Team spirit can’t be under estimated and it is infectious. If the team feels included
and is enjoying kinship, this will filter down to the kinship as a whole.

Teams make the flavour of a group – like the ingredients in fruit salad. Just eating
apple is dull!
They have a training function

Coming on to a team can be a training place as we begin to explore the gifts God
has given us.

Team members can then train others – either formally, to take over your role, or
informally as you model to the group ministry, sharing, generosity etc.

The importance of I R T D M N R
Identify, Recruit, Deploy, Monitor, Nurture, Release
They have a spiritual dimension

Praying collectively as a team for the kinship is very valuable.

Seeking God as a team for what he wants to do with the people he has gathered to
you.

Supporting each other in prayer through the week and especially on kinship nights.
The enemy hates us meeting together!

Spiritually “bridging the gap” for each other when we are feeling personally empty
and needing refreshment.
ii. Training opportunities for the kinship facilitators & their team
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Leaders’ Meetings – termly for Facilitators and Ministry leaders.
Conferences – especially the Vineyard National Leaders’ Conference which is
open to all our leaders.
Kinship Refresher Mornings – termly for everyone on a kinship team.
Training Days and Workshops – Healing, Hearing God, Worship etc.
Vineyard Bible Institute and Vineyard Leaders Institute – study programmes.
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iii. Who does what?
Worship leading
 The priority of seeking God’s face.
 The importance of preparation.
 Being aware of the physical things that can inhibit worship – room
temperature etc.
 Pressing on through distractions – late comers, broken strings, ringing phones.
 Modelling worship – singing directly to God.
 Training other worship leaders.
Hosting
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Showing hospitality – not just making tea and coffee! (Rom 12:13; 1Pet 4:9.)
Creating a relaxed atmosphere.
Not under estimating the importance of food!
Often a stepping stone to being a facilitator.
Facilitator
 Intentionally we use the term facilitator. They help facilitate what God is
doing.
 Every team needs a captain – but the final decisions rest with you.
 Give time to develop a supportive team – a healthy team equals a healthy
group.
 Offering a balanced diet over the weeks – teaching , socials, serving etc.
 Going over What kinship is with new people.
 Respecting the time limits of the evening.
 Identifying, encouraging and drawing on the skills & gifting of the people you
have.
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iv. Planning ahead and being reflective
We suggest that teams aim to meet together every six weeks. This time can be spent
praying for the group as a whole, planning ahead and discussing outreach and social
events. Also, it’s good for teams to get into the habit of being reflective about how
things are going. What is going well? What can be improved?
Worship Leader
o
o
o
o
Have I set aside sufficient time to practise?
How well did songs flow together last week?
Am I leading the people into the presence of God?
What has my own worship life been like recently?
Host
o Do people make themselves at home or expect to be entertained? Is it
difficult to get them to leave?
o Has eating been a major part of a meeting in the last few weeks?
o Are we/others meeting socially outside of kinship meetings?
o Is everyone comfortable? Is anyone feeling left out?
Facilitator
o
o
o
o
Are we praying regularly as a team?
Do I feel valued as a member of the team? Have I expressed my appreciation
of the other team members recently?
How can we gather and assimilate new people? What is our goal for
reproduction of this kinship?
o Are we having a real meeting with God and each other? Which are the
strongest/weakest aspects of the group? What can be done to strengthen
the weaker areas?
o Who are the potential leaders in the group? Are we providing opportunities
to try out their gifts?
o Are we following up people?
Most importantly … are we enjoying our times together?
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This check list can often be a good discussion opener for kinship
team meetings:
Often
Sometimes
Occasionally/
Never
1. We are to be kind to one another (Eph 4:32)
2. We are to be tender-hearted to one another
(Eph 4:32)
3. We are to be forgiving of one another
(Eph 4:32)
4. We are to confess our sins to one another
(Jam 5:16)
5. We are to pray for one another (Jam 5:16)
6. We are to bear one another's burdens
(Gal 6:2)
7. We are to practise hospitality towards one
another (1 Pet 4:9)
8. We are to stir up one another to love and
good works (Heb 10:24)
9. We are to encourage one another
(Heb 10:25)
10. We are to submit to one another (Eph 5:21)
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3. What style of leadership?
These are the qualities we are looking for in our leaders:
Servanthood (Mark 10:41-45)
Jesus is our model.
We are aiming to grow more like Jesus and we are looking for team members
who are also seeking to cultivate these things in their lives.
What is servant leadership?
Read John 13: 1-17
Relational (v1)
Jesus belonged with the Father, and to the disciples. He poured his life into
them. He cared, nurtured, loved. He showed Relationship not Rulership.
Personal (v3)
Jesus showed intimacy with the Father. The foundation for ministry is
knowing the Father's affection.
Functional (v4-5)
Leadership in the Vineyard is functional not positional. Jesus demonstrated
leadership not demanded it. Do it first, then it's recognised. Leadership is
not in a title.
Directional (v6-11)
Jesus was firm in the face of resistance. He was committed to the vision. He
was a God pleaser, NOT a man pleaser. Nothing side tracked him from what
God was doing.
Inspirational (v15)
Jesus leads by example.
Teachability
The heart of a disciple is an attitude of learning. It’s good to view difficulties and
problems as opportunities for growth. Commit to being a life long learner.
(Is 50:4-5; Heb 5:7-9)
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Character & gifting
Both are needed but the emphasis is laid upon character
Paul’s description of an elder: self-control, gentleness, not a lover of money - like
Jesus. Development of character has a lot to do with choices we make. God
looks at the heart. (e.g. 1 Tim 3:2-7; 8-13.)
Gifting is given - character is grown
Fruit takes time to grow. Character develops as we are consistent in our walk
with Jesus. Gifts are freely given and not a gauge by which to judge maturity.
The fruit that the Spirit of Jesus produces
Love, peace, patience … these grow and develop as we co-work with God.
(Gal 5:22-23)
Therefore sow to the Spirit rather than the flesh
“The one who sows to please the spirit will reap eternal life.” (Gal 6:7-10).
What do we sow?
Humility (Phil 2:5-11 cf. Matt 23:11-12)
Definition
Forgetting yourself in serving others. Not over or under estimating yourself.
Seeing what God says about you and agreeing.
A way to receive God’s support rather than opposition! (James 4:6)
This allows us to dream big dreams without getting a big head.
God has any number of ways of keeping us humble and therefore pleasing and
productive:
Unfair criticism. How do I respond?
Making mistakes. It’s okay; just learn from them.
Problems that arise that can ONLY be solved by prayer
People will test us. They watch our lives & frustrate our plans!
Having a vision only God can fulfil. The margin between what God
demands and what can humanly be achieved is impossible, except through
God’s help.
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Wisdom (Luke 2:52)
The benefits of wisdom (Prov 3)
Eph 1:17 Know him; Prov 3: 5-6 Right choices.
The provision of wisdom
God’s desire is to give:
A grace we can grow in (Prov 1:1-7)
A gift we can ask for (James 1:5)
A cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7)
Recognising all we have belongs to God
Consistent tithing of income
We believe that there is a scriptural basis for tithing & expect those in leadership
positions to take a lead in this.
Able to train others
Jesus and the Twelve is a case study in effective training

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He was their role model
Taught and showed them the values
Demonstrated ministry
Got them to do it with him
Sent them to do it on their own
Evaluated it with them
People need to be needed
We all need to know our significance & value. How can we help people feel
valued?
Draw people in to help and serve
Jesus let people in on the action
We all get to play!
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4. Our Shared Values
i. Kinship values
Our kinships are built around the values of our church. They are the hidden
characteristics of who we are and they affect how we do things.
They are born out of a relationship with God
They aren’t a set of rules! Being like Jesus takes time to develop in our lives.
They are who we seek and desire to be
They act as red and green lights controlling the manner in which we do things
We don’t judge people – that’s God’s job. Which means that kinship is sometimes messy
as people come towards us to sort out their stuff.
They are non negotiable
They are vital and biblical – and it’s who we are!
They are more often caught than taught
You grow to be like those you spend time with. When you experience mercy or
forgiveness you want to treat others like that.
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ii. Helping others to absorb these values
(1 Cor 4: 15 – 17)
It begins with the leaders
At first, some of these values need to be steps of faith in our own lives as we allow
Jesus to change and soften us.
Take people along with you by modelling the values in all that you do
What a challenge! Self disclosure, personal growth, non-manipulative, honest, open
and fun.
Don’t be afraid to continually reinforce the values by clear explanation
This is especially helpful as you have new people joining your group.
Cartoon 1. Ministry L Plates
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iii. Ministry time
One of the most important things that John Wimber brought was a model for healing that
gave the ministry back to the people. How we introduce it to people, how we model it
week by week, how it reflects our values, is all so important.
Aims
Work with what the Father is doing
Jn 5:19 - Jesus only did what the Father was doing.
Jn 15:26 - The Holy Spirit will be our counsellor.
We want God's Kingdom to come
The Lord’s Prayer: ‘Your kingdom come’.
Model gifts and mercy (See cartoon on pg 17 - Ministry L Plates!)
People should end up feeling loved by God.
Review of the 5-step model
Interview
Be brief – not a life history!
Root cause
Listen to God: physical, emotional, spiritual, demonic cause.
Prayer
Different ways of praying: speak to the pain.
Assessment
Ask how it feels.
Follow-up
Medication: keep taking the tablets, but visit the doctor to show him what God has
done.
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Cartoon 2. Powerful anointing
Practicalities
Time
Not rushed. We need to honour the Holy Spirit by giving him space. Not always at the
end of the meeting. Don’t minister long into the night. Remember the availability of
Small Ministry Teams (SMT) for longer term prayer needs.
Explanation
Remember that this will be very new (and maybe quite strange) to some people. Take
time to explain. And show them the activity of the Holy Spirit – hence the need to pray
with your eyes open!
Different ways
In pairs, but not usually spouse/relatives.
Threes & fours.
Men & women – sometime separate, but also mixed.
Whole Group
Praying Come Holy Spirit – and follow up what the Spirit does.
Word of knowledge
Pray into words and pictures that the group might have.
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Some safeguards
 Don’t pray on your own with members of the opposite sex.

Don’t give directive words e.g. about marriage, babies, or their future.

Beware of unhealthy or unsuitable attachments, especially to you as a
leader. We are always in the business of pointing people towards God.

Do model our values in all ministry situations.
Confidence
 Know your stuff
Study what it says in the Bible, listen to tapes, read books e.g. “Power Healing”
by John Wimber & “Naturally Supernatural” by Gary Best.
Practice on Sunday mornings.
Look confident!

Trust God
Pray as a team before your evening and then expect God to come.
Remember FAITH is spelt R
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I S K.
West Suffolk Vineyard Church
5. Sharing our lives with one another
i. The benefits of sharing





It helps you to understand me better.
I grow in my own sense of identity.
It opens me up to ministry.
It opens me up to growth and change.
It encourages others to share.
ii. Five levels of communication





Cliché
I’m fine
Reporting facts
I lost my job
Ideas and opinions
It’s unfair
Gut level – expressing feelings
I hate my boss
Self disclosure
I took it out on my family. I hate myself.
iii. Guidelines for sharing














Don’t let the silence bother you.
Be open to the Holy Spirit for special impressions or instructions.
Model sharing from your own experience honestly and openly.
Listen. Listening brings acceptance.
Respond supportively. Our umm’s and nods are very important. But be real.
See Cartoon on pg 22 – How not to do it!
Observe what is going on. What is God doing?
Refrain from giving advice or criticism.
Learn how to stop others doing this.
Never disclose for someone else – including your spouse.
Keep confidences within the group.
Don’t allow the vocal members to monopolise the time.
How we say something might be just as important as what we say.
Ask questions. Questions often help someone to clarify where they are at.
Encourage – especially those who find sharing difficult. Look for gentle ways
to include them.
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See Appendix A for Biblical principals on sharing
Our aim is to relate to each other in a Christ like way. We are therefore, looking for
Biblical guidelines for our sharing times.
Cartoon 3. How not to do it
iv. Ideas for Sharing
Often, simply asking questions can be a good start. These can be asked directly or
written on paper
o What are your gifts? What are your strengths? (use postcards with
people’s names and write for each other).
o List 3 things where you are grateful to God (past or present).
o What do you want God to do for you?
o Where do you see yourself going (in next 3 months)?
o What is God doing in your life?
o Share your testimony – what has Jesus done for you?
o Prayer requests - the group takes; feedback after one week.
o What would you do with a day off?
o Give 3 facts about life, one of which is a lie and see if the group can guess
the untruth.
o Bringing something special to discuss.
o Bring a favourite piece of music.
o Bring your favourite photo.
o Spiritual pot luck - bring a verse that means something to you.
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6. Our Pastoral Structure
At WSVC our pastoral support begins in our kinship structure. This is quite new to some
people, so don’t be afraid to keep on explaining how this works. It is key to the success of
a well functioning kinship – and church.
i. Pastoral care

The team & group
This is our first layer of care. We are encouraged to look after one another.
Cluster leaders
Cluster leaders give care to the facilitators. This is their priority.
They are there to give personal pastoral support.
They are there to help with pastoral situations that may arise in your group.
Cluster Pastors
Cluster Pastors provide pastoral support for the Cluster Leaders and Facilitators.
Pastoral staff
Pastoral staff provide pastoral support for the Cluster Leaders and the Facilitators
and have oversight of kinship structure.



ii. Pastoral care beyond the group

Small Ministry Teams
It’s important to spend time with the person assessing whether an SMT is the best
thing. Go through the Duty of Care document and the Agreement.

Counselling
Such referrals are made by the Pastor.
Referrals may be made to secular specialists. e.g. Relate Counselling.
Referral to experienced couples and those with training in the church.
iii. Confidentiality
Our confidentiality works vertically – just like the Pastoral Structure. Issues
sometimes arise that need to be shared with someone with pastoral
responsibility e.g. Facilitator to Cluster Leader or Cluster Leader to Cluster Pastor.
However, we never share information horizontally e.g. between the Facilitators in
the same cluster. Also, we can never promise not to share (“I want to tell you
something but you must promise not to tell anyone else”), instead explain the
confidentiality structure and who things might be shared with.
iv. Things we always need to know




Bereavement – let a pastor know immediately.
Hospitalisation – let a pastor know.
Change of address – email/note into the office.
Someone leaving your kinship - note with monthly statistics on googledocs.
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Facilitator
Facilitator
Cluster
Leaders
Facilitator
Cluster
Pastor
Facilitator
Cluster
Leaders
Staff link
Pastor
Senior Pastor
Facilitator
Overseer
Facilitator
Facilitator
Facilitator
Cluster
Leaders
Cluster
Pastor
Facilitator
Facilitator
Cluster
Leaders
Facilitator
Facilitator
Cluster
Leaders
Facilitator
Facilitator
Facilitator
Our Pastoral Structure
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v. Dealing with difficulties
Some general guidelines
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
When new people are present it is helpful to review the purpose of kinship.
When a person persists in sharing unhelpfully and unproductively know that this
will be damaging and discouraging to the group as a whole unless we deal with it.
When a correction does need to be made we need to do it in a Christ like way.
(1 Tim 4 5: 1 – 2)
Don’t try to feed the whole flock what needs to be fed to one. Speak to them
personally after the group.
Clearly set the ground rules for sharing from time to time – this helps avoid many
potential problems.
Give the group a chance to handle the problem themselves. A healthy group can
often do that.
Be alert, wise and discerning to wolves in sheep’s clothing.
See Appendix B for Possible Problem Situations.
Remember, we are all work in progress.
Just because we are on a team doesn’t mean we have arrived!
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7. Multiplying your kinship
i. Healthy things grow
Every kinship has the raw ingredients for growth.
What do we need for growth?
 People with relationships.
 Open people who see the potential in others.
 Sufficient healthy people.
Rhythms of life
Kinships have a natural rhythm of life – birth and growth as well as aging and dying.
Groups open and close. Closing is not a sign of failure.
Don’t settle for maintenance culture
Just maintaining a small group is too low a goal – and you’ll go stale!
ii. So how do we do it?
Growth is God’s work. Our dedication is to work with him in helping to remove the
barriers to growth.
Growth comes through people
Always be looking for people:
 who will be guided by faith not fear. People who don’t worry what other
people think. People who know who God made them to be.
 who will allow their thinking to be changed. People who will turn their
world view on its head and allow Jesus to infiltrate their thinking.
 who will help to extend the Kingdom Of God – not a maintenance mentality
but a mission mentality.
 who will set goals, be creative, take risks.
 who will maintain an outward focus and are able to think from an
unchurched perspective.
 who will pay the cost – giving up their homes and their time.
 who will continue to grow – be a lifelong learner.
 who will train leaders.
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iii. Choosing growth
We are a centred set church – with big open doors in and out.
Our kinships need to reflect this too, doing all we can to keep the doors wide open for
people approaching us and being gracious to and blessing those moving away from us.
How to keep the doors open:

By sharing God’s love without expecting any return
In our community
With other groups

By working the fringe
Prayer
Social events
Outreach events – some budget is available for this
Relationships
Sundays
Cartoon 4. Seeker friendly?

By being in God’s address book – be available for those divine appointments
Have faith – take risks
Rely on the Holy Spirit
Be prepared to take opportunities – tell your story
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iv. Ready to multiply….
Contact your Cluster Pastor
Work with apprentice leaders
Prepare people for change
Produce a smooth transition
Multiplication process
Occasional information passed to Cluster Pastor;
concept of multiplying mentioned at kinship.

Discussions between Cluster Pastor & Facilitators
about likely composition of new teams.

Facilitator talks with proposed team members and
invites their participation.

Teams/days/venues finalised.

Cluster Pastor meets with new Facilitators.

Facilitators invite selected members of old group
to join the new one.

With about 3 meetings to go: names of those
being “sent out” announced.

Group multiplies.
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church
8. Appendices
i. Appendix A: Biblical Background to Sharing
Our aim is to relate to one another in a Christ-like way. We are therefore wanting to discover biblical
guidelines for our sharing and to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly. (Col 3:16; cf. Jam 1:21;
Rom 12:2).
A. Two examples of honest disclosure


Paul: sharing weaknesses and fears - 2 Cor 12:7; cf. 2 Cor 11:29-30; 1 Cor 2:1-3; 15:9
Peter : sharing failings and restoration - Mark 14:66-72; Jn 21:15-19
B. Two warnings
There are dangers in sharing and listening inappropriately:

The destructive power of words:
“The tongue also is a fire... It corrupts the whole person, it sets the whole course of
one’s life on fire and it is itself set on fire by hell... It is a restless evil full of deadly
poison... Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should
not be.”
Jam 3:5-10 (see also Matt 12:33-37)
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for
man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires..” Jam 1:19-21

The destructive power of judgmental thoughts:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others,
you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Matt 7:1-2 (see also Jam 4:11-12; Rom 1-4; 14:1,10-13)
“If we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgement.” 1 Cor 11:31
C. The Principles

Sharing with self control
“All of you, clothe yourselves with humility towards one another, because God
opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble... Be self-controlled and alert”.
1 Peter 5:5-8 (see also 1 Pet 1:13-16,22; 2:1-3; Jam 3:13-4:12)
Maturity is not unedited frankness. It is honest openness governed by self control.
We may not be able to control our feelings on occasions but with Gods help we
control our words and actions. John Powell suggests that the growing person does
not bend to every wind which blows and that he is not at the mercy of all the
pettiness and anger of others. “Atmospheres do not transform him as much as he
transforms them”. He is a person who no longer blames others or circumstances for
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his own reactions. He is attuned to his emotions (they are not repressed) but he is
not mastered by them. Rather his emotions are being integrated and balanced with
his mind and will. To simply surrender to his emotions would be to abdicate his own
self control (Gal 5:13-15,19-26). God’s pattern for maturity and self control are
recognised in the ability to reach out to others to get along with them, to exercise
discretion, to differentiate the important and unimportant things in life, to be
flexible and adaptable and to grow in emotional stability.

Sharing with self-giving
“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above
yourselves.. Live in harmony with one another.. As far as it depends on you, live at
peace with everyone” - Rom 12:9-21. cf Eph 4:1-6, Col 3:12-17;2; 2 Pet 1:3-11
Jesus’ new commandment is the rule for our life together - not merely to love one
another but to love in the way that Jesus loves (Jn 13:34-35). This will include not
giving in to timidity (“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power,
love and self discipline.” 2 Tim 1:7) but being prepared to share our lives even when
we don’t feel like it. As we do this we will discover that it really is “more blessed to
give than receive” Acts 20:35. “Give and it will be given to you” Luke 6:38.
D. Notes

Grievances
We are encouraged to put these right privately (between the persons concerned)
not publicly within the group (Matt 5:23-24).

Forgiveness
Let’s determine that our forgiveness will be speedy and that we will give no place to
holding grudges (1 Col 3:13).

Confronting sin
The Bible gives us clear guidelines for how this should take place (Matt 18:15-17).

a.
First in private.
b.
Then with one or two others in private (see also 2 Cor 13:1f; 1 Tim 5:19).
c.
Finally to the church publicly.
Restoration
Should be gentle, watchful and determined (Gal 6:1; Jam 5:19-20).
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church
ii. Appendix B: Possible Problem Situations
A. Super Spiritual
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
d.
This person attempts to gain entry into the group by establishing credentials
that usually have to do with scripture quotations or readings from obscure
passages particularly the OT prophets and the Book of Revelation.
May suggest that God has often used him or her in this way - an air of
superiority.
Generally some charge is directed at the leader or at the group which is
characterised by an attitude of condemnation.
They see themselves as parent to the group - very black and white the group
needs to know this.
2. Need of Individual
a.
b.
c.
d.
To enter group on the merits of their super-spirituality; they want to enter
on their own terms which they can control.
Is looking for position and status by bringing credentials of past experiences.
Has a fear of here and now relationship to the group - is uncomfortable
relating in a mature adult way to others.
Fear of rejection is high.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
b.
c.
d.
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Do not reinforce sharing.
Ask questions such as “You mentioned God has often used you in
supernatural ways. Can you tell us how, where and when? What about
previous affiliation with church bodies? What was your relationship with
the pastor?
If the person is persistent speak to him after the group clarifying again the
goals and purpose of the kinship - affirm the person. Glad you’re here what you are doing is not what the group is about.
If there is no change in attitude then deal with him openly within the group
setting to clarify the purpose of the meeting and to help group members
know where the person is and what is happening; be loving but firm.
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B. The Disciple of Whoever
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
This person desires to establish his position in the group through authority
derived from additional knowledge obtained from some person or outside
the local fellowship (particularly theologies and emphases).
Their attitude is generally corrective.
Their statements are full of how to’s, ought’s, should’s, do’s and don’ts i.e..
rules and regulations rather than relationships (legalism).
2. Need of individual
a.
b.
Their need is to come into the group at least one step ahead of everyone
else.
Is generally an immature person desiring to have leadership and authority
while bypassing normal patterns of personal growth.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
Do not reinforce their sharing
b.
Speak to them outside of group, clarify purpose and set ground rules:
i. lovingly explain that you do not wish to take issue with his teaching but
that the kinship group is not a teaching platform for anyone and
everyone coming into the group
ii.
therefore sharing is to be done on a personal level not as a teacher.
C. The Self-Ordained Minister
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
This person is not involved in a personal growth process and is usually a
maverick roaming from group to group.
Unlike the discipled person he does not have a theology.
He usually tries to establish authority or rule by control.
His purpose within the group is generally to recruit people.
He relies on history and experience not related to the group thus giving no
real basis for examination of his credentials.
2. Need of individual
a.
His basic need is to attract a following so as to have a reason to be and a group
control.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
b.
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Once you have heard enough to recognise where the person is deal with it
directly: ask questions of the minister such as “What church organisations
have you worked with? What church have you been attending prior to
coming here? How long were you there? What kind of relationship did you
have with the pastor?”
Restate the objectives of the group and that sharing is to be of a personal and present
nature.
West Suffolk Vineyard Church
D. The Storyteller
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
The storyteller works to maintain their position in the group by relating to
the group with stories or yarns.
The story may include personal past experience, may be instructive to the
group , may include name dropping or just a constant harping back to
problem situations and circumstances (overly introspective).
The stories are all designed to give position in the group while maintaining
distance from its members.
2. Need of the individual
a.
b.
He has a desire to be part of the group but has learned inappropriate means of relating
socially.
Fear of rejection
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
b.
Do not reinforce his sharing in story form.
Remind him of the format for sharing in the group gently: after a statement
such as “It sounds as if you have had many interesting experiences”, ask the
question “What is happening in your life presently?”
E. The Founding Father
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
This individual has been a part of a main church group (yours or someone
else’s for a long time).
Their attitude may be characterised by “As it was in the beginning, so shall it
ever be”.
Believes their relationship to and position in the group is established based on
time served.
Although this individual is generally firm in his self-perceived position he can
be loved and guided into a new growth process.
Relates to the group with numerous references to how things were done in
the past.
2. Need of the individual
a.
b.
c.
d.
Fear of growing and sharing about themselves currently.
To handle these fears he presents himself as superior in the group to avoid
relating openly.
Usually has been programmed by a system to put a good face on everything.
Is generally unaware of the lack of spontaneity and personal freedom.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
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In the group ask the person to share what God is presently doing in his life.
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F. The Centre of Attention (alas poor me)
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
c.
d.
This person is characterised by an unhealthy need to bleed all over the
group : Woe is me! Poor me! The world is not fair to me! Life is not fair to
me! etc.
As long as he can maintain the focus on himself he will return again and
again.
The game played when others attempt to minister to him is Yes - but: yes,
what you say is true, but the reason I can’t do it is this.
He in essence suggesting he has problems even God can’t solve.
2. Need of the individual
a.
b.
The basic need is one of emotional security.
He has unfortunately adopted behaviour that causes others to move away
from him.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
b.
c.
d.
Be patiently loving and supportive
Gently and persistently confront (privately)
Do not get hooked on the yes-but game
He will either respond and be healed or go somewhere else to continue the
game.
G. The Demanding Child
1. Characteristics
a.
b.
This person has an impatient attitude towards the group process and tends
to be highly strung.
Their tendency is to rush the worship and sharing time in order to get down
to the real business of the group : prayer.
2. Need of the individual
a.
b.
The need for personal security is high and is sought after in inappropriate
ways.
He is insecure in worship and sharing; emotional experience comes from prayer
time.
3. Suggestions for handling
a.
b.
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Respond to statements such as “Let’s get down to the business” and pray by
simply saying “We are doing the business of the group and will pray
together at the end of the sharing time.”
Privately explain to this person that worship and sharing are essential parts
of our life together in the kinship... “You have an opportunity in this group
to grow through openness to the Lord and one another, - be patient with
the process.”
West Suffolk Vineyard Church
iii. Appendix C: The function of kinship
Kinships provide a meeting place where people feel that they can belong


This means that they must always be open to new people arriving.
They must also actually plan for new relationships being valued & nurtured
when new people do come.
Kinships offer opportunities for real & lasting friendships to be made & to grow


Real friendships help us weather the storms AND celebrate the sunshine
which we all experience.
So we are looking for depth & reality as well as having a good time together –
in fact you CAN have both!
Kinships can have a powerful discipling function





As we share our lives together – we hold each other before the Lord & his word.
We can encourage each other in both prayer & counsel when these are asked for.
We can deal with ‘live’ issues that are affecting our lives.
We can be made to feel that we are not alone in the issues that we face.
We know that we can share the deepest things in confidence.
Kinships are a place of healing



As we pray for one another with faithful expectancy.
As we provide close & supportive friendships.
As we allow people to begin to lay down the baggage that they have carried for so
long.
Kinships provide the place where pastoral care is given & received in WSVC





The Pastoral Staff are there to provide in-depth support and training for the
whole people of God to do the whole work of God.
One of the pastors specifically oversees the work of the Kinship Group
Structure.
Our Cluster Leaders oversee and provide support and encouragement to the
Kinship Facilitators.
The Kinship Team share the work of the Facilitators in pastoring their group.
It is important to remember that we are pastors not parents to those in the
kinships. We are there to help people to make good decisions but not to tell
them what to do or to take on more responsibility than would either be wise
or helpful.
Kinships also offer a place of referral
 To SMTs - where longer standing issues can be addressed with consistency &
depth.
 To life development courses - where particular areas can be worked through.
 To further counselling services made via contact with the Pastoral Staff.
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Kinships are one of the best places to talk about Jesus with our friends
 There needs to be a flexibility to our programme that allows for interruptions!
 It is good to have a sense of open enquiry in our meetings together.
 Experienced groups can be very effective in working together to help people make
the right spiritual connections between things and to understand how they can
relate to Jesus personally.
 Not everyone is suited to an ‘Alpha’ type course – you may cover the same
ground but in a totally different order and at a uniquely informal &
determined pace.
Kinships are a place where people can be successfully launched into ministry




An opportunity to learn personally how to use spiritual gifts.
An opportunity to succeed & fail in a small non-public environment.
An opportunity to learn how to be a facilitator, worship leader or host.
An opportunity to learn generosity – bringing food; confidence – in leading the group; care
for others – in practically sharing acts of kindness.
Kinships are a place from where we can reach out into our community
 Kinships can work within their cluster to make a bigger outreach impact.
 Some events can simply provide a community service – rubbish collections etc.
Kinships provide a point of numerical growth for the church
 As the number of kinships increases further ‘contact points’ are created.
 As the number of kinships increases our geographical impact increases.
Kinships are a place where we learn to hold different tensions
 Between developing deep friendships and giving people away as groups
multiply.
 Between meeting the needs of individuals and looking after the whole group.
 Between meeting the needs of the group and looking to the needs of the wider
church.
 Between letting people rest and helping them to grow spiritually, moving on
with Jesus.
 Between meeting the expressed needs of individuals and helping them towards
what we believe the Lord is calling them to be and to do.
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church
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iv. Feedback form
Name:
Date:
The Course:
Please comment on which part of the course you have found:

most useful

least useful
What changes or additions would you like to see in the accompanying notes?
Although there is no automatic progression from this course into a kinship leadership role, please
comment on which role(s) you feel ready and willing to take on were you to be asked the next
few months. (Facilitator/Worship leader/Host)
Are there any other comments you would like to make?
Other Information:
It would be helpful if you would write below the ministries e.g. host in small group, catering, book
desk, Kidzone etc. in which:

you are currently serving

you would like to serve
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West Suffolk Vineyard Church