Download When I knew I wasn`t alone in it anymore I begin to heal

-When I knew I wasn’t alone in it anymore I begin to heal (Will Allen)
-The God who effectually called believers by his grace will fortify them with his
strength, so that they are able to endure till the end.
-Bill’s story
-Story in high school and getting picked on
-Story of PTSD and how still plagues
-God heals
Psalms 6:6-7
6 I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
7 My vision is blurred by grief;
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.
1 Peter 5:10
In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ
Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and
strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.
Romans 8:16-18
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we
are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed
we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory
that will be revealed in us.
-Why am I going through this? Why me? Where is God?
-Why did God let that suffering happen? (Use example of plane crashing into
building in Austin)
-Doubting Thomas?????
SERMON:
Okay. So I have a confession to make. I haven’t always been this size or this
big.
Most people think I came punching out of the womb like the Incredible Hulk or
something.
WAHHHHHHH!!! YES!!! SLEDGE HERE!!!!!
Which has always confused me…..It’s like once you get compared to the Hulk,
you lose all credibility for intellect and revert to the language skills of 3 year old.
But believe me when I tell you this……when I was younger, I was goofy, had
long hair down to my shoulders, and was really skinny.
Some of you are like “Yeah right, you’ve been mainlining protein shakes and NO
Xplode since you were 2 and bench pressing your tricycle on he playground in
front of the other kids”.
To prove you wrong, I HAVE EVIDENCE.
(SHOW PICTURES)
Now the reason I show you this and tell you these things is because I got picked
on and picked on a lot. And maaayyyyyyyybbbbeeeeeeee I’ve since
overcorrected in terms on not getting picked on, but who can say? During my
time in high school I dealt with huge amounts of emotional pain and I think some
of you can really relate to this…….Maybe you’re the one who’s been picked on,
somebody has said horrible things about you or spread malicious rumors, you’ve
been labeled and you’d give ANYTHING to just get out of that label…..be one of
the so-called cool crowd……have people like you…………but in the back of your
mind you know you never want to be in that type of cool crowd, cause they’re the
ones making fun of you…..they’re the ones that nicknamed you “Fatty, or loser,
or whatever”
And it hurts, it hurts deep and you wonder how you can ever move past
that pain. See yourself in a different light…..let go of what they did to you
and how you feel…..
TRANSITION:
During high school I was well known mainly due to my mother being queen of the
PTA. Teachers and all students knew her. I resented it because SHE KNEW
EVERYTHING. I could have accidentally farted in class and by the time I got
home my mom would be like “Oh broccoli farts in Ms. Baker’s class….real
mature Benjamin…………you’re grounded” “No, I ate burrito….it was an
accident….wait…..WHO DID YOU TELL ABOUT THIS!? HOW DO YOU KNOW
THIS STUFF!?”
But during high school, I hated it. With a passion. I ended up hanging around
the skaters and potheads and even they didn’t accept me. I got kicked out of the
pothead group. Nobody gets kicked out of that group!!! They’re too lazy to do
anything and yet one day they had the energy to tell I had to leave. I got picked
on by a couple of gang members in my neighborhood, one who happened to be
my neighbor, and beat me up one day for no reason. I ended up getting stitches
and crying in front of a bunch of people from my classes. The next day, my
entire high school knew I got beat up and I got made fun of for being a wuss.
Don’t get me wrong, today I’d could own that guy using a stuffed buffalo and a
cat toy while he wielded an uzi, but that’s not the point.
So what did I do? I did what any of you guys would do “I’ll show them!” And I let
my hurt and suffering fuel my hatred. I got into martial arts, by my senior year I
had progressed and won titles. People begin to fear me….awwww yes
RESPECT. But it wasn’t enough, I had to outdo everyone as the baddest guy
they’d ever seen. I wanted to be so bad that when they had children they’d tell
their kids stories of “The Sledge” like I was the boogeyman and hiding in their
closet to devour their Barbie dreamhouse so that when they woke up in the
morning there’s decapitated Ken dolls everywhere and a note that said “Dad
shoulda been nice to me!”
So I enlisted in Army Special Operations and left a week prior to graduation.
The thing is….NONE of this stuff ever fixed the pain that I felt. The humiliation.
The hurt. And most of us would think becoming popular, or strong, or a star
athlete could correct that, but you’d be wrong…….
TRANSITION:
In the book of Lamentations, which is just a lovely name for a book is it not? It
just screams, let’s read through a book about suffering the whole time. Anyway,
the prophet Jeremiah is in a similar situation that maybe some of you in this room
feel like you’re in. Jeremiah had been mocked by his own people when he stood
up for truth, had been forced to fight and seen the horrors of war, and his mind is
plagued by all the emotional turmoil and so he says this profound little thing in
Lamentations 3:19 – 24
The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words.[a]
20 I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
NOW LISTEN TO THIS. He’s in the midst of his greatest pain, but goes on to
say something profound…….
21
Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:
22
The faithful love of the LORD never ends![b]
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
He doesn’t become the star athlete, the guy who’s got it all together….the pain is
there, but his hope is in something more. Something nourishing to his soul that
brings him peace and healing. His hope is in the promises of the God and his
soul is refreshed by God.
TRANSITION:
God can’t fix this……you don’t know me, you don’t know what’s happened to me.
You don’t know how my dad beats me, how I have to cut myself in order to be in
control, how I have to have an eating disorder to make myself feel pretty, to
always excel so my parents will love me.
Yes. I don’t know your story. But I know others like it. Including my own. And
God does want to be there he does want to help, but it’s not gonna happen in the
way you think……let me explain:
*TIMOTHY’s DAD BEATS HIM AS A CHILD. CALLS HIM TIMMY. HE HATES
IT TO THIS DAY. DAD IS NAM VET BUT THE DAYS WHEN HE WALKS WITH
GOD HE FORGETS ABOUT HIS TROUBLES AND REMEMBERS THE
GOODNESS IN HIS OWN LIFE*
TRANSITION:
-Most of you know that I served in the military and overseas. While in
Afghanistan I saw numerous horrible things nobody should see. There are
stories so dark, they stay locked up between me, God, and the people who were
there. When I came home from Afghanistan is when I noticed a problem.
Everything was different. My life was no longer as it was and I was trying to find
the pieces of my so-called perfect life that had been shattered by the horrors of
war.
I begin to have panic attacks in large crowds. I was paranoid. I was angry and
violent all the time. I would blow up for no reason. I was always on the defense
and worst of all I was depressed almost every day. I couldn’t sleep because
when I slept the dreams came and I’d wake up screaming or sleepwalking. I
couldn’t cope with reality anymore and would look for reasons to feel pain or
anything that made me feel like I wasn’t a zombie.
Everyone knew I had a problem, but they didn’t understand what I went through.
How could I possibly explain it and expect them to understand. Many were too
afraid to say anything out of fear. I was mad at God. Made that he would let this
happen to me. I asked the questions many of you have probably asked in your
pain:
Why am I going through this? Why me? Where are you God? Do you even
exist!? Do you even care!?
TRANSITION:
Now I tell you this next part because I’ve always been honest with you and
always will be. It’s a horrible story I’m ashamed of, but is needed to drive the
point home……
Everything came to a head one evening when I got in a dispute with my girlfriend
at the time and had been drinking and entered a flash back mode. After she
locked me out of the house, I kicked down the door and started screaming and
then threatening her roommates. I eventually stormed off after throwing a few
things while her roommates were about to get on the phone with the police.
Luckily they called my parents and my roommate, who promptly drove over and
found me walking and proceeded to deck me in the face and drag me home,
where I wept bitterly and alone in my room until my tears wooed me to sleep.
The next morning my parents had driven down and they and my girlfriend
confronted me and checked me into my university counseling and psychology
department.
I was diagnosed with severe post traumatic Stress Disorder and spent the next
year in counseling and on anti-depressant medication.
I recently asked one of the students here what helped him overcome his
emotional pain. He answered this: “When I knew I wasn’t alone in it anymore
I begin to heal”
And he’s right. When I realized I didn’t have to go through this alone, and could
open up to people and share my pain, I begin to heal. Through the counseling
and love of friends, I began to heal.
I think the problem is that some of you in this room are plagued with “FINEit is”. I’M FINE. I’M FINE. No really…….I’m FINE! When the truth is you can
barely breath and you feel dead on the inside. Let me be the first to tell you
that whatever you’re going through, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ALONE. The
leaders and adults in this room, and even your friends and students in the
room are here to support you, love you, talk with you, and wrestle this junk
out. The last thing I want to see is you dying in a pile.
TRANSITION:
To some of you, you’re thinking, well that’s good and all and I appreciate you’re
there, but this doesn’t answer the question if God is good then why’d he let me
go through this? Why should I trust Jesus to heal me if this stuff is going to
happen in the first place?
There’s this story in scripture that’s well known, where Jesus tells a parable
about 2 types of houses:
PARAPHRASE HOUSE OF SAND AND ROCK
Now everyone has always looked at that story and said put your faith on thr firm
foundation, Jesus, and you’ll survive and not get swept out to sea. BUT WHAT
STANDS OUT TO ME IS THAT THE STORM HIT BOTH HOUSES! IT DIDN”T
SKIP OVER THE ONE ON THE ROCK!
Oh……..Oh no………what do we do with that verse now? The storm got both of
them……
Now let’s look a Job, who was in the sight of God was said to be “blameless and
upright; he feared God and shunned evil.”
What happens? One day a messenger comes running up and says his field has
been attacked and all his cattle and servants have been slaughtered.
And then this is where Job’s day moves from bad new to WHAT ON EARTH IS
GOING ON!
Then fire falls from the heaven, yeah fire…..from the freakin sky……..kills all his
servants.
Finally a mighty wind blows where his 11 children are feasting and the roof
collapses and kills them all……
You ever had one of those days like Job? Like maybe you go camping and it
rains and leaks in your tent, and then you wake up to find a bear ate all your
supplies and ripped up your back-back?. AND JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE,
like a clown comes out of the forest, nevermind what the heck he’s doing in a
forest, and decks you in the face and then gets you with his stupid clown flower,
water pistol in the face and you’re like “OF COURSE! OF COURSE THIS
WOULD HAPPEN!”
So the question I gotta ask is, what did Job do wrong? Scripture tells
us…..Nothing……
So why did God let this suffering happen? Why?
I think so of you have this distorted view of God like if you’re good, then he’s
there to reward you. Or if the rest of the world is going great, why does all this
bad stuff have to happen.
Take for instance the guy who got pissed at the IRS and crashed his plane into
the side of the building here in Austin. I heard so many people say “Well where
was God on that one!?”
Well what about all the times he’s kept other planes in the air, or kept terrorists
off planes, or kept planes from crashing or mechanical failure so that when it
lands, the pilot or mechanic says “I don’t know how you stayed in the air….it was
a miracle”. YOU’RE GOING TO BLAME GOD FOR ONE TIME OUT OF THE 60
OTHER SAVES!? JUST HARP ON THE NEGATIVE AND SAY HE ISN’T
GOOD? ARE YOU DELUSIONAL? YOU DON’T GET TO PLAY PICK AND
CHOOSE WITH THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE…
And let me show you an example that just proves this….
None of you have ever stood at the Grand Canyon in amazement and then
looked at your buddy and said “Remember that time I benched 250? That was
pretty rad, huh!?”
None of you have ever stood in front of the oceans and seen wave after wave
crash, or gone to Yellowstone Park, or stared at the stars on a bright night in awe
and then said to yourself “I wonder if this dress I’m wearing makes me look fat?”
The universe constantly reminds you how small you are. And that’s cause God
created it that way.
If God gave you everything you everything you’ve ever desired would you
love him or take him for granted? Would you rely on him or see him more
of the Santa Clause of the Sky? Would he be worthy of your worship and
adoration, or would you be more apt to act like an infant and yell “MINE!”
So you’re saying I’m going to hurt at times and experience pain? That’s exactly
what I’m saying, but scripture tells us this:
1 Peter 5:10
In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ
Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and
strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.
Romans 8:16-18
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we
are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed
we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory
that will be revealed in us.
Are you seeing a theme yet? But like I said earlier……where’s your
foundation? When the storm comes are you on solid ground? Or are you
on sand letting every storm that comes by sweep you out to sea only to be
miserable.
FINALE:
Listen. I know in a room this size, there’s a lot of pain and hurts that you all have
gone through, some of which I’ll never experience and could really never
understand, just like some of my experiences.
But we are here to walk through it with you….to carry you when you can’t bear it
anymore, to talk with you through it, and Jesus is there to be that firm foundation
on whom you can rely, so when the storms do come, you have something to hold
onto.
I’m going to close with this. I still suffer from PTSD. I have my nights where I
wake up yelling. 4th of July is forever ruined for me. I can get angry at the drop
of the dime…..but God’s healing me and I have something to hold onto and put
my faith in when I can’t bear it anymore…..
It is a thorn in my flesh…..And I count myself LUCKY enough to have
something I have to suffer through so I can continue to rely on his
strength….and NOT my own……
Are you willing to do that? And let him help you through the pain?
I know this The God who effectually called believers by his grace will fortify them
with his strength, so that they are able to endure till the end.