Download Being `Normal` - LJY

Being Normal.
I am going to make a confession, and it’s one that I’ve never had the guts to admit before...
I really don’t like kef. That’s right, I am anti-fun. For all nine years of being a chanicha on
Kadimah, I tried everything to avoid the endless sessions of Bang and Waa and Mafia. I would
come late to camp to avoid the ice breakers and getting to know you games; I’d even fake a
stomachache during Gangaschlaf. By Chalutzim, I had consigned myself to a life without fun
and games, alone with my text study.
As a first year madricha, I was teased by my tzevet for never choosing to run the “fun” sessions
(I put that in parenthesis because I think text studies are probably the most fun thing ever...) So,
stubborn as I am, I decided I’d do it. Just me, and an hour full of empty time for games. Was I
terrified? Absolutely. Determined? Even more so.
Here’s the thing - it was GREAT. I had a fantastic time. Why? Because I wasn’t embarrassed.
Finally, I was old enough not to worry that the people I was playing with would think I was
uncool because (and this is hard to admit) I suck at pretty much every game ever invented. At
18 years old, I could play Ninjas of Mass Destruction and deal with the fact that I looked like an
absolute moron. I was no longer afraid of seeming “weird,” “lame,” or “a little strange,” all real
concerns throughout my time on Kadimah.
Like so many chanichim I would later lead, I was terrified of not fitting in. I preferred not to do
something I knew I would be bad at but probably enjoy, than give it a go and risk making a fool
of myself. I felt such an intense pressure to be “normal” that I spent much of my time on camp
thinking about what I “should” be doing rather than what I wanted to be doing. Of course, now
I know that I wasn’t the only one, but that almost everyone was asking the same questions How should I look? What should I say? What should I be doing in this free time? Which is the
cool session to go to? What boy should I like?
These questions, although not trivial, barely scratch the surface of this ongoing pressure on
young people to be “normal.” On camp, we have individuals with learning and behavioral
difficulties, children from all kinds of family backgrounds, teenagers with serious medical
conditions, and leaders living under the poverty line. None of them should ever be made to feel
different because, if we’re honest, we all know there’s no such thing as “normal.” Indeed, in
LJY-Netzer, we aim to cultivate an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding, not judgement
or ridicule.
And that’s why I want to bring a particular issue to your attention today, members of LJYNetzer. This is the issue of gender identity. On camp, we talk a little about sexual orientation
(gay, lesbian, queer and questioning), although not enough, as can be shown by the ongoing use
of the word “gay” in a derogatory manner. But never, in my fifteen years as a member of the
Movement, have I been part of a discussion of gender identity. I would like to begin that
important conversation.
According to the ever reliable Dictionary.com, transgender is defined as: being a person who
identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one which corresponds to
their sex at birth. Put simply, a transgender person does not feel they were born in the right
body. Transgender is actually an umbrella term which includes many different subgroups, from
individuals who feel they have a different gender to their biological sex but have made no
changes to their appearance, through to individuals who have undergone a medical procedure to
alter their bodies to conform to a their gender identity. I have included a full glossary at the end
of this article for those who wish to learn more.
When you look across cultures, you will find that people have had a wide range of beliefs about
gender. Some cultures look at people and see six genders, while others (like Britain) see two. In
addition, different cultures also vary in their definitions of masculine and feminine. Whether we
view someone as transgender depends on the cultural lenses we are looking through as well as
how people identify themselves. In Britain, gender stereotypes are particularly strong, with
labels like “sissy,” and “girl” or “tomboy,” and “butch” all referring to individuals who don’t
conform to societies view of how they should act. Indeed, gender is almost always presented in
our society as a simple binary issue - in which people have two options to pick from. It’s time
for us to expand our thinking.
I would like you to imagine coming on Kadimah as a 12 year old biological female who feels
and dresses like a boy. Let’s start with the forms. You’re immediately faced with two options:
Male or Female. You look and feel like a boy, but have the body of a girl. So which do you
circle? That choice will determine which dorm you are put in, what toilets you use, and how
you are treated by your leaders. You’re nervous of being called a liar, so you pick female
because that’s what society labels you. When you get to camp, it’s obvious to everyone that you
look like a boy, want to make friends with the boys, and have little in common with the girls in
your dorm. This starts to make the participants in your year group nervous, and instead of
welcoming you like they usually would, they leave you out and talk about you behind your
back. One day, one of the girls says she doesn’t want to get changed for swimming with you in
the changing room, and so you are made to leave. Then the girls in your dorm stop wanting to
get changed around you too, and they go to the leaders to ask if you could move dorms.
What happens then? What do the leaders do? What policies are in place to deal with this
situation, and what conversations have already happened to ensure sensitivity and
understanding? The truth is, none. If they had, this situation would never have arisen in the first
place. Perhaps we’ve never had a transgender child on Kadimah, and maybe we never will. But
as an ideological youth movement, that shouldn’t matter. Students exploring their gender are
already faced with difficult questions. Too often they feel invisible and unprotected by those
who should be nurturing their growth. So what can we do to help them with their questions and
make them feel accepted?
Here are just five ideas 1. Use the right words. Most people have heard of the word transgender at some point, even if
they’re not sure what it means. The same cannot be said for the word referring to its
opposite, for which many people would say “normal.” In fact, the opposite of transgender is
cisgender. But type the word cisgender into Dictionary.com, and guess what you get: No
results found. The same thing used to be the case for the term homosexual - it took a long
time and lots of education to get people to use the term heterosexual instead of “normal.”
Whenever talking or teaching about this issue, we should be sure to use the proper
terminology - transgender and cisgender - so there is no implied “us” and “them.”
2. Until recently, I wasn’t aware that people used pronouns other than “he/his” and “she/her”
to describe themselves. In actuality, there are a variety of ways people talk about themselves
to avoid a particular accepted gender. Some people say ze/hir instead, or I/it, and there’s
even ni/nir. Discussing these on camp could lead to an interesting conversation, but also
stop people taking for granted the language they use. We could even encourage people the
chance to try out different gender pronouns for themselves over the course of an event.
3. Don’t make assumptions of normality. When discussing gender, the question “what makes
you not want to transition, and how can you be sure you've made the right decision?” is just
as important as “what makes you want to transition, and how can you be sure you've made
the right decision?”
4. Why would you choose to be transgender? Aren’t you buying into society’s gender roles?
Why can’t you be who you are and just stay a [sex assigned at birth]? What’s your “real”
name? What do your genitals look like? Have you had the surgery? If not, when are you
going to? Doesn’t that mean you’re really a [sex assigned at birth], then? How do you have
sex? These are all questions that transgender individuals face on a daily basis, and they are
inappropriate, insensitive, and hurtful. Bear in mind that someone’s personal journey is not
public property just because you might be able to see the effects.
5. In most restaurants, workplaces, schools, religious buildings and so on (the list is long),
bathrooms are designated for men and women. Transgender individuals understandably feel
uncomfortable having to make the decision of which to use. Perhaps they are a biological
female dressed as a man and are afraid of violence if they use the men’s restroom, or a
biological male dressed as a women and fear ridicule in the women’s toilets. There are
many ways around this issue, but few organisations take steps to change things. Even here at
the Montagu Centre, single stall bathrooms are assigned a gender. Why not have genderneutral, all-genders or multi-gendered bathrooms? Perhaps only one bathroom on a site
could be designated as such, providing a safe space where participants of any sex, gender or
gender identity would be able to change for a sport or use the bathroom and feel safe.
In LJY-Netzer, we believe that all children must be equally protected and valued because they
are human beings, the unique creation of a living God. Being familiar with transgender issues
and working to protect people on the basis of the way they conceive of and express their gender
should be important to everyone committed to making LJY-Netzer safer for all members, as
well as to anyone involved in social-justice work. The conversation has begun, so let’s talk
about it.
For more information on gender identity, take a look at:
Frequently asked questions about transgender People:
http://transequality.org/Resources/NCTE_UnderstandingTrans.pdf
A transgender woman blogging about her journey:
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/03/what-not-to-ask-a-transsexual
Why not read the work of Jewish transgender activist, speaker, and author Leslie Feinberg.
Leslie’s acclaimed writing has galvanized hir place as a transgender icon. Ze wrote several
books about tansgender experience: novels Stone Butch Blues and Drag King Dreams and nonfiction books Transgender Warriers: Making Histories from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman and
Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue. Ze is known as first coining the term gender warriors.
Glossary:
Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity, expression or behavior is
different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth, including but not
limited to transsexuals, cross- dressers, androgynous people, genderqueers, and gender nonconforming people. Transgender is a broad term and is good for non-transgender people to use.
“Trans” is shorthand for “transgender.”
Transgender Man: A term for a transgender individual who currently identifies as a man (see
also “FTM”).
Transgender Woman: A term for a transgender individual who currently identifies as a woman
(see also “MTF”).
Gender Identity: An individual’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else. Since
gender identity is internal, one’s gender identity is not necessarily visible to others.
Gender Expression: How a person represents or expresses one’s gender identity to others, often
through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics.
Transsexual: A term for people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex at
birth. Often transsexual people alter or wish to alter their bodies through hormones or surgery in
order to make it match their gender identity.
Cross-dresser: A term for people who dress in clothing traditionally or stereotypically worn by
the other sex, but who generally have no intent to live full-time as the other gender.
Transvestite: A term for a cross-dresser that is considered derogatory by many.
Queer: A term used to refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual and, often also transgender, people. Some
use queer as an alternative to “gay” in an effort to be more inclusive, since the term does not
convey a sense of gender. Depending on the user, the term has either a derogatory or an
affirming connotation, as many have sought to reclaim the term that was once widely used in a
negative way.
Genderqueer: A term used by some individuals who identify as neither entirely male nor
entirely female. Gender Non-conforming: A term for individuals whose gender expression is
different from societal expectations related to gender.
Bi-gendered: One who has a significant gender identity that encompasses both genders, male
and female. Some may feel that one side or the other is stronger, but both sides are there.
Two-Spirit: A contemporary term that references historical multiple-gender traditions in many
First Nations cultures. Many Native/First Nations people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, intersex, or gender non-conforming identify as Two-Spirit; in many Nations, being
Two-Spirit carries both great respect and additional commitments and responsibilities to one’s
community.
FTM: A person who transitions from “female-to-male,” meaning a person who was assigned
female at birth, but identifies and lives as a male. Also known as a “transgender man.”
MTF: A person who transitions from “male-to-female,” meaning a person who was assigned
male at birth, but identifies and lives as a female. Also known as a “transgender woman.”
Passing: A term used by transgender people to mean that they are seen as the gender with which
they self- identify. For example, a transgender man (born female) who most people see as a
man.
Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgical procedures that change one’s body to make it conform to a
person’s gender identity. This may include “top surgery” (breast augmentation or removal) or
“bottom surgery” (altering genitals). Contrary to popular belief, there is not one surgery; in fact
there are many different surgeries. “Sex change surgery” is considered a derogatory term by
many.
Sexual Orientation: A term describing a person’s attraction to members of the same sex or
different sex. Usually defined as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual.
Transition: The period during which a person begins to live as their new gender. Transitioning
may include changing one’s name, taking hormones, having surgery, or changing legal
documents (e.g. driver’s license, Social Security record, birth certificate) to reflect their new
gender.
Intersex: A term used for people who are born with external genitalia, chromosomes, or internal
reproductive systems that are not traditionally associated with either a “standard” male or
female.
Drag Queen: generally used to accurately refer to men who dress as women (often celebrity
women) for the purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events. It is also used as
slang, sometimes in a derogatory manner, to refer to all transgender women.
Drag King: used to refer to women who dress as men for the purpose of entertaining others at
bars, clubs, or other events.