Download Meghan Cox

Student: Meghan Cox
Age: 25
Current Status: Bachelor’s in International Development Studies & Anthropology;
internship with the Rwandan National Youth Council in Kigali, Rwanda
McGill University, Montreal, Quebec
“A Night at L’Orage: Reconciling the Swinger Lifestyle with Societal Values”
This study is an excerpt of a self-reflective, ethnographic account of the phenomenon
referred to as “swinging.” Meghan shows that when faced with the unfamiliar, one is
challenged not only with culture shock but also the more challenging experience of selfreflection, of defining and at times re-defining one’s values. This is a distinct experience
many amateur and professional anthropologists choose to engage in.
I had heard a couple of years ago about this phenomenon known as ‘swinging’ – a
lifestyle in which couples mutually decide to engage in extramarital sexual encounters
(Stinnett and Birdsong 1978) – and I remember being astounded. How could people do
that? Why would couples involved in committed relationships want to participate in such
activities? Which leads me to the central question of my ethnographic study of swingers
in Montreal: how do couples involved in committed relationships (very often marital
relationships) participate in sexual encounters with other couples/individuals and still
retain their commitment to each other?
I must admit that I approached this project from the perspective of someone
investigating deviant behavior; I anticipated that the swingers I would encounter would
be a distinct “other” to me, an opposite against which I could further define myself. I had
a very distinct preconceived notion of the swinger lifestyle: a glamorized and
“Hollywood-esque” image – a chic, dark dance club, with swirling smoke adding a
mysterious element to the voluptuous sexy bodies clad in revealing apparel – was what I
expected to find on my first visit to the club. But this narrow-minded, naïve image was
shattered upon my first visit to L’Orage.
After spending several evenings at a swinger club carrying out interviews,
observing behaviors, and conducting research I believe that I have come to better
understand the intricacies of the scene. I acknowledge, however, that my observations
are limited to a single club and my conversations confined to a few couples and thus I am
very aware that my conclusions cannot be universally applied. But from my analysis, it
is the structured parameters of the swinging world, which confer very strict rules of
engagement on participants, that allows couples involved in very trusting relationships
with remarkably open channels of communication to engage in sexual activities with
other couples/individuals without jeopardizing the committed relationship. The swinging
world is not a world without boundaries where everyone can simply live out their sexual
fantasies as they see fit. On the contrary, there is a very strict code of conduct to which
participants must adhere; should an individual deviate from this established set of norms,
they will be ostracized from the community. There is one rule which is paramount within
the confines of the club and that is: respect. It is in this environment that couples wishing
to explore extramarital sexual relations may do so, secure in the knowledge that their
boundaries and limits will be respected.
As a result of this study, my entire outlook on the limits and boundaries of sexual
behavior has been changed through the interactions I’ve had with the swingers at
L’Orage. I initially had many preconceived notions and stigmas towards the swinging
lifestyle, and most of these have been proven to be unfounded. My interactions with
swingers have challenged my notions of the parameters of a committed relationship, have
called into question my own sexual inhibitions and boundaries, and have fundamentally
altered the way I view swingers. Despite our different sexual lifestyles, we hold the same
relationship values paramount – trust, honesty and respect. If a couple can be said to be
adhering to these integral values while participating in the lifestyle, then how can they be
judged detrimentally for their sexual behavior?
Works Cited
Stinnett, Nick and Craig Wayne Birdsong. The Family and Alternate Lifestyles.
Chicago: Nelson Hall Inc., 1978.