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Sexual Orientation and Communication Satisfaction with Parents
Joshua Swan
Lewis-Clark State College
[email protected]
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
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Introduction
In the last 47 years, the United States of America has been evolving on its stance with the
LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community. Starting with a revolution of angry
drag queens and queers at the Stonewall Riots on June 28th, 1969 (Lisker, 1969), the attitude
towards the LGBT community has slowly begun to change. Fast-forward to 2016, and the social
climate for LGBT people is drastically different with the ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges by the
U.S. Supreme Court (2015), and the passing of marriage equality for same-sex couples. The
ongoing battle faced by advocates and opponents seems to be that of nature vs. nurture. Are
people “born” gay? Is it decided through the birth order and the sex of older siblings (Bogaert,
2005)? Or, are people made gay through their environment and other influences? Is an
overbearing mother or absent father the reason a boy “goes gay?” This debate has been ongoing
for years, and, to this date, there have been no conclusive findings, but there are many myths and
hypotheses. One of the more interesting ideas of the nurture argument is the idea that gay/bi men
are just “momma’s boys,” and lesbians/bi women just grew up as complete tomboys. While these
generalizations may have been more sweeping and easier to make in the past, the acceptance of
the LGBT community in recent years has helped contribute to a social climate where gender
roles are less rigid than they used to be. Hopefully, this will lead to more ‘honest’ research about
communication between children and their parent of the opposite gender. This study seeks to
examine that correlation within the current the social climate. While the influence and inclusion
of the transgender participants is important as they are also a strong part of the LGBT
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
community, this research will be specific to the LGB population, as gender identity is another
dynamic which would add a greater level of complexity than the present study could support.
The results of this research will be valuable to social advocates, and possibly add more
weight to the argument of nature vs. nurture. An eventual discovery of the cause of
homosexuality will likely demystify the issue, and make it easier for parents of LGBT youth to
accept and understand their children. While this study will not be able to ultimately answer the
question, it will add weight to the scales.
2
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
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Literature Review
Increase in LGB Research
Understanding how relatively recent the change in social climate and culture is, there
have been an increased number of articles concerning the LGB community. A particular area of
focus are journal articles within the field of Couple and Family Therapy (CFT) which explore a
variety of topics. Morin (1977) did a meta-analysis in the years between the years 1967 to 1974
that analyzed the content of the major CFT journals searching for articles pertaining to
homosexuality (Morin, 1977). These studies were followed up by an analysis done from the
years 1975 to 1995 (Clark & Serovich, 1997). A significant change was made regarding the
topics that were written about within these timeframes. While the original studies were able to
categorize the topics into 5 categories: assessment, causes, adjustment to, attitudes towards, and
special topics, the most recent study done updated this research from 1996 to 2010 and found
there were significant changes in the both the number and types of articles. The articles in this
arena had moved from etiological and treatment-based questioning, to more practical and varied
studies that discussed families or other mental health issues that may be related to or caused by
familial acceptance (or lack thereof) of someone being LGB (Hartwell, Serovich, Grafsky, &
Kerr, 2012).
Hypothesized Causes of Homosexuality
Addressing the reasons for variations in orientation other than heterosexuality has led
researchers to pose various hypotheses. Jenkins (2010) discusses some of the studies that have
been done.. Although these studies are promising in their initial findings, there has not been a
clear determinant of the cause. Jenkins believes the cause is some combination of both biological
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
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and environmental factors, and states that there is more need to research the role that
familial/sociocultural environments have in this connection. Jenkins states that the majority of
the research has been heavily concentrated on male homosexuality and focused less on
bisexuality or female sexuality, in general. These are areas of research that need further
exploration (Jenkins, 2010).
Hypotheses have started leaning increasingly towards the biological argument in recent
years. The popular media has been shown to have an effect on this change. While part of the
process has been a slow coming out of those who are in the closet, being LGBT has become
more acceptable over the past decade. Pop music has helped influence attitudes regarding the
LGBT community, one song in particular that was researched was “Born This Way” by Lady
Gaga (Jang & Lee, 2014). An increase in songs about non-heteronormative orientations in pop
music has helped promote acceptance of the LGBT community. Another example of a popular
song that might be influencing this change in attitudes is Macklemore’s “Same Love.” These
songs lead the public to believe that there is no choice in being LGBT, and it is biological in
nature. The biological argument has been shown in a smaller research study to have an impact on
the acceptance of people who are LGBT, as they are believed to have no choice (Kasser, 1999).
Another hypothesis presented on the biological side of the argument is the birth order
hypothesis. This hypothesis is based on the idea that a woman’s body will start to reject the
testosterone of male children over the course of time, and with each subsequent male child, she
will have a built-up immunity to male fetuses. This will then lead to a higher likelihood that a
male child will be GBT. This hypothesis does not, however, account for a biological basis in
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
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women (Jenkins, 2010). A study done by Bogaert in 2005, however, utilized a larger sample of
237 homosexual men, and did not support this hypothesis (Bogaert, 2005.)
Children and Communication Satisfaction
In regard to communication satisfaction, there was a study done that looked at ease of
communication between boys and girls and their fathers and mothers (Levin & Currie, 2010) the
children were not identified as being LGBT or otherwise. This study showed significant
differences between the ease and ability of communication children had with each parent. For
both genders, communication was reported as easy with their mother for 79% of the children.
Communication with their fathers, however, was reported as easy for about 62% of the boys and
only 44% of the girls. Ease of communication with the mother was by far a normal occurrence
for most of the participants in this study. Those who had the highest life satisfaction, though,
were those who reported having easy communication with their father. Considering that, both
boys and girls from single father families reported lower life satisfaction than those in a
household with both of their parents (Levin & Currie, 2010). In other words, ease of
communication with mothers was a far more consistent staple in the lives of children. When
paired with easy communication with fathers, children had a much higher life satisfaction.
Gender Nonconformity and Relationships
A study that analyzed sexual orientation and gender nonconformity (Rieger, Linsenmeier,
Gygax, & Bailey, 2008) found that children who identify as homosexual both recall and were
observed through the use of home videos to have exhibited more gender-nonconforming
behaviors than their heterosexual counterparts. This partially helps confirm that self-reports of
being gender-nonconforming are consistent with observable data, a limitation of recalling past
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data was a concern for many studies. It also found that there was increased rejection from both
parents and especially peers. Another study (Landolt, Bartholomew, Saffrey, Oram, & Perlman,
2004) verified that gender-nonconforming behavior was associated with parental and peer
rejection specifically for gay and bisexual men. It found that paternal rejection would lead into
adult attachment anxiety while maternal rejection did not. In the discussion, it also suggests that
the same gender parents may influence expectations and dynamics within same-sex relationships.
Consequently, a poor paternal relationship for a gay/bisexual man, or a poor maternal
relationship for a lesbian/bisexual woman may impact the attachment security in their romantic
relationships (Landolt, Bartholomew, Saffrey, Oram, & Perlman, 2004). Paired with the previous
study mentioned by Levin & Currie, this data might suggest that, because of increased rejection
by parents for being gender-nonconforming as a “prehomosexual,” or someone whose sexual
orientation had yet to be established but later became homosexual, people who identify as LGBT
are likely to experience a more difficult communication with their parents, and therefore, a
decrease in life satisfaction.
Beard & Blakeman did a study in 2000 rooted in psychoanalytic theory that attempted to
correlate being a gay or bisexual man with higher rates of narcissism. While they were unable to
support this hypothesis, they did find some weak correlations with their hypothesis that instead
linked childhood gender-nonconformity to narcissistic symptoms due to parental rejection or a
lack of support. Higher self-esteem and more authenticity in life for gay or bisexual men were
predicted when there was a stronger relationship and more accepting communications with their
fathers (Beard & Bakeman, 2000).
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A general study was done (not LGBT specific) overall on relationships between fathers
and mothers independently (Amato, 1994). While the gender of the child did not matter, it was
found that fathers contributed to better well-being of children in the measures of happiness, life
satisfaction, and psychological distress. These associations were found to make a difference
independent of the relationship and closeness with their mother. Although this study is perhaps
more general in regards to communication satisfaction, it offers an in-depth control measure for
the general community with a national random sample of 471 fully completed set of 5 interviews
taken over a 12-year time frame (Amato, 1994). Levin, Dallago, & Currie found that ease of
communication between children and parents actually is a higher indicator for high life
satisfaction than the structure of the family (Levin, Dallago, & Currie, 2011).
In 1973, a study looked further into the relationships of homosexual men and women (It
did not account for either bisexual or transgender persons), as well as their heterosexual
counterparts and examined their relationships with each of their parents (Thompson, Schwartz,
McCandless, & Edwards, 1973). While gender-nonconformity has been shown to present itself
in “prehomosexual” boys, there are, however, several points that are outdated with this particular
study. This was performed at a time when being LGBT was considered a psychological
dysfunction until it was removed completely from the American Psycological Associations DSM
III’s revision in 1986 (Herek, 1997). The majority of what America had considered “gay” was
very stereotypical. In the current socio-cultural climate, there is more diversity that is visible
within the LGBT community and society overall. This study draws many of its findings from
attempting to research gender identity, which is a different variable altogether. The researchers
ask questions that have the participants describe if they were athletic, coordinated, or clumsy, or
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if the participants played baseball as kids. It is now understood that gender identity and sexual
orientation are two different concepts that need to be analyzed separately. The study claimed to
have found the cause for people being LGBT as being the presence of a weak or hostile father
and presence of a stronger mother in homosexual sons, but it more accurately verified some
stereotypes and found possible correlations (Thompson, Schwartz, McCandless, & Edwards,
1973).
In 1986, a study was done by Milic and Crowne that explored a psychoanalytic-based
hypothesis about the variations in non-heterosexual orientations. This study involved 40
Canadian males and worked to find a less hidden sample of homosexual men (Milic & Crowne,
1986 p. 240). This study confirmed that many homosexual men felt like their father was less
loving, and they had a more difficult relationship with their fathers than the relationships that the
heterosexual men had with their fathers. This study also found that the homosexual sample was
generally more “approval-dependent and defensive”(p. 240) than the heterosexual group, which
might have heightened the negative responses that the homosexual group had reported about the
negative reactions from their fathers (Milic & Crowne, 1986). Ten years later, Phelan (Phelan,
1996) recreated the study with a slightly larger sample totaling sixty people. While this study
supported Milic & Crowne’s findings, the sample was still relatively small. It was mentioned that
both studies ignored bisexuality and were unable to account for it. Another limitation that was
brought up was that socioeconomic variables might have had an effect, as well (Phelan, 1996).
A study by Savin-Williams suggests that, at least for gay males, the acceptance or
rejection from both parents only affects the self-esteem of the child if the child deems their
parent is an important figure in their life. For young girls, while their acceptance or rejection by
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their father only affected their self-esteem if they deemed their father important, their mother’s
acceptance or rejection affected their self-esteem regardless of the level of importance the girl
credits their mother in their life. This hints that there are differences in how gay/bisexual men
and lesbian/bisexual women deal with acceptance and rejection from their parents. The results of
the current study could potentially result in similar findings.
By narrowing down the variables for non heterosexual orientations, LGBT advocates will
be able to better help and serve the people who are newly out and their families. In a study by
Armesto & Weisman (2001), college students, even if they were not parents, were hypothetically
asked how they would feel if they had a gay or lesbian child. A large determining factor in how
they handled that situation was based on what they perceived the cause to be for their child’s
homosexuality. Parents were generally more accepting if they attributed homosexuality to
biological factors. If they attributed homosexuality to an internal cause that could be changed or
adjusted, parents were less likely to be supportive of the child. This finding supports the
attribution theory of Weiner (1980). Also, if the parents indicated that they would feel shame in
regards to their child coming out, they would often be more negative about the entire situation.
Shame was usually felt when the parents felt they were at fault. If the parents felt guilty, they
were more likely to be supportive and try to help their child and work to accept the child, no
matter the sexual orientation.
This research project might add weight to the nature vs. nurture argument. While it is not
within the scope of this study, if there is a variable for being LGBT which is eventually
identified, it may make it easier for parents to understand and accept their LGBT children. Most
research currently aligns the parental reaction to that of the grief process of losing a loved one
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 10
(Savin-Williams, Dubé, & Dube, 1998.) Although this needs further study, when research is able
to determine why people are LGBT, it will likely lessen the stages of anger and bargaining if
parents don’t blame themselves for things not under their control for why their children are
LGBT.
Although a good amount of research has been done, there is a lack of current research
done on parent-child relations and children being LGBT. Studies that have been done previously
in regards to these two topics have confused sexual orientation with gender identity in order to
support their hypotheses. In our current social climate, gender identity is more transparent than it
used to be, and, for that reason, there is value in reviewing the topic again. Little research has
been done, as well, on self-identified bisexual persons. As bisexuality has become more accepted
as a legitimate orientation, there is value in researching it, as well. While the transgender
community is a vital part of the overall LGBT community, the scope of this project is going to
focus purely on the sexual orientation factor of participants. Therefore, it is hypothesized that:
H: There is a correlation between being LGB (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual), and communication
satisfaction with the parent of the opposite gender.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 11
Methodology
This study was conducted with participants from the LGB (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual)
community and a heterosexual control group from the United States. The LGB participants were
gathered through a snowball sample on the social media website Facebook in LGB-centered
groups. As the study was conducted using a sample across social media, there were opportunities
to collect a sample of heterosexual responses. In order to achieve sufficient responses, surveys
were also distributed to classes in a small northwestern community college. In total, 387
respondents participated. Of these participants, 65 (17%) identified as straight males, 19 (5%)
identified as bisexual males, 71 (18%) identified as gay males, 166 (43%) identified as straight
women, 44 (11%) identified as bisexual women, and 22 (6%) identified as lesbians.
The study consisted of a questionnaire with 38 Likert-scaled questions and 3 questions
regarding nominal data including gender identity, sexual orientation, and the country of
residence. In order to keep the responses limited to a geographical area, as there are cultural
differences in family structures, responses were only accepted from participants who are U.S.
citizens. The instrument chosen for the questionnaire is Hecht’s Interpersonal Communication
Satisfaction Inventory (Rubin, Sypher, & Palmgreen, 1994). This instrument includes 19
questions, and was modified slightly to reflect recalled child-parent relationships. The survey
was duplicated so participants were able to respond in regard to both their mother or mother
figure and father or father figure. This inventory holds a high reliability coefficient of .90 when
used for recalled conversations. It is noted that, even when the inventory is modified, sufficient
reliability is found. This survey was offered online and took approximately 10 minutes to
complete. Surveys at the college were distributed on paper.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 12
Analysis
To analyze this data, a one-way ANOVA was applied for each gender with each parent to
test for significant differences in communication satisfaction between each different gender and
orientation and community satisfaction with their parents. this included all men and
communication satisfaction with their mothers, all men and communication satisfaction with
their fathers, all women and communication satisfaction with their mothers, and all women and
communication satisfaction with their fathers.
A T-test was then applied for each sexual orientation to see if there was a significant
difference for each between communication satisfaction with their mothers and fathers.
Results
Differences in Relationships by Sexual Orientation
Within each gender, a one-way ANOVA was applied for all three sexual orientations. For
males there was a statistically significant (p=.032) difference among the straight, bisexual, and
gay men with means of 3.30, 3.52, 3.37, respectively, for communication satisfaction with their
mother. There was also a statistically significant (p<.001) difference among the straight,
bisexual, and gay men with means of 3.28, 2.89, and 2.65, respectively, for communication
satisfaction with their father.
For women there is a statistically significant (p=.012) difference among straight,
bisexual, and lesbian women with means of 3.16, 3.09, and 2.90, respectively, for
communication satisfaction with their mother. Finally, there was a statistically significant
(p<.001) difference among straight, bisexual, and lesbian women with means of 3.19, 3.24, and
2.69, respectively, for communication satisfaction with their father. (see Appendix Table 1)
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 13
Differences between Parents
A T-Test was then applied to each demographic to determine if there was a significant
difference in communication satisfaction with their father and mother. For straight males,
differences in communication satisfaction between the mother (m=3.30) and the father (m=3.28)
were not statistically significant at p=.631. For bisexual males, differences in communication
satisfaction between the mother (m=3.52) and the father (m=2.89) were statistically significant at
p<.001. For gay males, differences in communication satisfaction between the mother (m=3.37)
and the father (m=2.66) were statistically significant at p<.001. For straight females, differences
in communication satisfaction between the mother (m=3.16) and the father (m=3.18) were not
statistically significant at p=.23. For bisexual females, differences in communication satisfaction
between the mother (m=3.09) and the father (m=3.24) were statistically significant at p=.019. For
lesbian females, differences in communication satisfaction between the mother (m=2.90) and the
father (m=2.69) were statistically significant at p<.001. (see Appendix Table 2)
Of the 38 questions, the only responses marked above a 4.0 on a scale of 1-5 (1 being low
and 5 being high) was the question, “I felt that we could easily laugh together,” in regards to gay
and bisexual men’s communication with their mother. The only question that averaged below a
2.0 was, “I felt like I could talk about anything with him,” in regards to communication with
their father. For this question, both gay men and lesbian women scored below a 2.0, and
bisexual men scored just slightly higher at 2.11. This was also the only question on which all 6
demographic groups scored below a 3.0.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 14
Discussion
It is important to note that this study did not seek to find causation for being LGB, but
merely sought to confirm a possible correlation. The results of this study highlight the disparity
in family communication for the LGB community. For both straight males and straight females,
the differences between communication satisfaction with both their mother and father weren’t
significant. Both gay males and bisexual males had higher communication satisfaction with their
mother as opposed to their father. For bisexual females, they had higher communication
satisfaction with their father as opposed to their mother. In the case of lesbian females, they had
higher communication satisfaction with their mothers as opposed to their fathers; however, both
of the scores were on the lower end of the scale reflecting a difficulty in communication with
both parents.
Therefore, the hypothesis is accepted for gay and bisexual males and bisexual females.
There is a correlation between being a gay male and bisexual male or female and communication
satisfaction with the parent of the opposite gender. The inverse of the hypothesis is accepted for
lesbian females.
These results help demonstrate the need for stronger communication in the event of
someone coming out as LGB to their parents. While it might be difficult for some parents to
recognize this lack prior to their child coming out, paying special attention to these
communication relationships during and after a child’s coming out could be especially helpful.
This study also helps begin the process of including bisexuality in research regarding family
communication. Sexual orientation is beginning to be seen by the public as a lot more varied
than just homosexual or heterosexual, it is important that we recognize that there are differences.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 15
For bisexual males, there is significantly higher communication satisfaction with both the mother
and the father when compared to gay males. Bisexual females also had higher communication
satisfaction with both their mother and father as compared to lesbian women; this might be for a
similar reason as bisexual males. In seeing this difference in both genders for this study, it raises
the question of how might data look in past research studies if respondents had been divided
beyond just homosexual and heterosexual.
The results of this study also reflect the masculine orientation of the United States as a
whole (Anderson, 2007). In regards to their fathers, both bisexual and gay males, as well as
lesbian females all reported significantly lower communication satisfaction. As communication
skills are typically considered more feminine or androgynous, the lower responses for
communication satisfaction for fathers show the divide in skills in our country. Unlike
communication satisfaction with the mothers, there weren’t any particularly high reports for
communication satisfaction with the fathers. In particular, one question, “I felt like I could talk
about anything with him” scored below a m=3.0 for all 6 demographics, lesbian females and gay
males averaged below a 2.0 for this question. This suggests a greater inability for people to
discuss topics with their fathers as opposed to their mothers. Perhaps this comes from expressing
emotion around feelings of attraction to the gender outside the social norm. Another noticeable
trend is that women tend to have lower communication satisfaction with both parents. This may
be partially explained as we live in a more masculine-oriented culture that tends to cater to
straight males (Anderson, 2007) where communication is a more feminine trait that women
might use more then men. In other words, the same amount of communication might lead to
higher satisfaction for men, who generally want less communication, and lower communication
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 16
satisfaction for women who generally want more, leading to the difference in responses. Further
research could include more qualitative studies regarding the nature of these parent-child
relationships more in-depth, or parent relationships and romantic relationship correlations. More
studies could also be done exploring varying gender identities and communication satisfaction
with parents.
Limitations
For this study, there were a few limitations that presented themselves. It is difficult in
studies like this to gather a true random sampling, therefore the sample was garnered through a
snowball sample. A sufficient number was reached for the sample size to reveal generalizable
findings. Additionally, many who work with the LGBT community are aware that there are a lot
of identities for both sexual orientation and gender. This study was unable to account for
variations in gender identity for people who identified their gender in ways other than cisgender
male and cisgender female and some of the lesser-known sexual orientations. In order to
generalize the data the researcher had to limit the orientation selections to heterosexual, bisexual,
and homosexual. Finally, as stated previously, this study is also only able to account for
correlation and not causation.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 17
Appendix
Table 1 Communication Satisfaction Means
One-way Analysis of Variance (ANOVA)
Male-Straight
Male-Bisexual
Male-Gay
Significance
Mother
m=3.30
m=3.52
m=3.37
p=.032
Father
m=3.28
m=2.89
m=2.65
p<.001*
Female-Straight
Female-Bisexual
Female-Lesbian
Mother
m=3.16
m=3.09
m=2.90
p=012
Father
m=3.19
m=3.24
m=2.69
p<.001*
Table 2 Communication Satisfaction Means
T-Test- Differences between Parents
Mother
Father
Significance
Male-Straight
m=3.30
m=3.28
p=.631
Male-Bisexual
m=3.52
m=2.89
p<.001*
Male-Gay
m=3.37
m=2.65
p<.001*
Female-Straight
m=3.16
m=3.19
p=.23
Female-Bisexual
m=3.09
m=3.24
p=.019
Female-Lesbian
m=2.90
m=2.69
p<.001*
*Denotes statistical significance
SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS 18
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