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Montezuma’s Revenge
06/09/2016 08:27 am ET
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Glenn C. Altschuler Thomas and Dorothy Litwin Professor of American Studies and
Dean of the School of Continuing Education and Summer Sessions at Cornell University
Critics beware. Donald Trump has uncovered a diabolical and dastardly plot against the United
States. Mr. Trump loves Mexicans. He employs thousands of them in his casinos and hotels, in
positions of authority at very high wages. And Mexicans love him. That said, as an astute student
of history, Trump knows that Mexicans have never forgiven American Anglos for annexing
Texas, defeating them in the Mexican War, and seizing millions of acres of land in the American
Southwest. In launching his campaign, he reminded voters that Mexican authorities have been
sending murderers and rapists (along with some nice people) across the border for decades. This
spring, however, Mr. Trump got wind of a far more insidious and stealthy scheme (dubbed
Montezuma’s Revenge).
In the 1940s and 50’s, Mexico began to plant sleeper cells in the United States. Immigrants were
told to enter the country legally or illegally, get jobs, work hard, obey the law, lull the Anglos
into a sense of complacency about their loyalty to the United States, have lots of kids, vote
Democratic - and make sure that their children and grandchildren wormed their way into
positions of power so that they could strike against the Great Satan when opportunities presented
themselves.
Gonzalo Curiel is, of course, Trump’s Exhibit A. The son of Salvador and Francisco Curiel, who
emigrated from Mascota, Mexico, Gonzalo, the youngest of four children, was born in East
Chicago, Indiana, in 1953. Educated at Indiana University and the Indiana University School of
Law, Mr. Curiel served as an Assistant U.S. District Attorney in California and Chief of the
Narcotics Bureau, where he burnished his credentials as an American patriot by prosecuting
members of Mexican drug cartels. In 2006, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Republican,
appointed him to the San Diego County Court. In 2012, following a voice vote in the U.S.
Senate, Curiel became Judge of the U.S. District Court of the Southern District. Opportunity
knocked for him when he was assigned a class action suit alleging that Trump University was a
fraudulent endeavor. Although Curiel has postponed court proceedings until after the election,
can there be any doubt that he aims to take down the only person capable of making America
great again?
Next week, Mr. Trump will reveal Exhibit B. He will announce that Alberto Gonzalez is also an
agent of the Mexican government. Born in San Antonio, Texas in 1955, Alberto was the second
of eight children of Maria Rodriguez and Pablo Gonzalez, a migrant worker. He served in the Air
Force, received a BA from Rice University, a JD from Harvard, and eventually became a judge
on the Texas Supreme Court. As Attorney General of the United States under President George
W. Bush, Trump will remind his fellow Americans in a speech delivered from a teleprompter,
Gonzalez supported “enhanced interrogation techniques” (aka torture), bringing condemnation of
the United States - just as his handlers had planned.
During the Democratic Convention, Mr. Trump will deliver the knockout blow. In a speech
delivered from a teleprompter, he will present DNA evidence of Mrs. Clinton’s English descent.
Foes of American independence, the Brits, who fought us in 1812 and burned Washington, D.C.
to the ground, he will demonstrate, also want to prevent America from becoming great again.
After all, some English politicians have threatened to bar Mr. Trump from visiting their country.
Mr. Trump will demand that lying Hillary, a foreign agent, should be disqualified from running
for president of the United States.
Perhaps, then, Americans will realize that Donald Trump is not prejudiced. He is, thank God (on
whom he preys), addicted to the truth.