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Unwrapping Writing Woes
Kaye Price-Hawkins
Priceless Literacy
2401 S. Willis, Suite 108
Abilene, TX 79605
www.pricelessliteracy.homestead.com
[email protected]
The Scoring Continuum
2
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
1
(Limited to Basic) (Basic-Satisfactory)
Weak
Ineffective
Vague/General
Uncontrolled
(Satisfactory-Accomplished)
PROGRESSION
DEVELOPMENT
WORD CHOICE
SENTENCES
CONVENTIONS
Strong
Effective
Precise/Specific
Well-Controlled
Basic Problems
Rhetorical:
 PROGRESSION
 DEVELOPMENT
 WORD CHOICE
Mechanical:
 SENTENCES
 CONVENTIONS
“Everything is
mitigated by
developmental
considerations.”
-Victoria Young
Development:

Coherence




Ideas are expressed clearly and logically
(WORD CHOICE).
Supported with details, reasons and examples.
Helps the reader follow the writer’s intentions.
Cohesion (PROGRESSION)

Writing flows--is linked together well at the:
 sentence level
 paragraph level
 whole text level.
How do we teach development?
 Create

Anchor (Mentor) texts (read like a writer)



opportunities
Professional (whole class)
Peer by groups (STAAR released—move up one level
at a time)
Workshop
 Mini-lessons
 Writing
(Process)
 Conference (questions)
 Revision (various processes)
 Re-writing (multi-drafts)
Word Choice

Replace or remove awkward or over-used
expressions

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misused terms or words
unclear pronouns
jargon
garbled syntax
colloquialisms
clichés
Construct a clear thesis statement
 Include strong verbs to energize writing
 Clarify the message with specificity

Ratiocination
Example: WORD CHOICE—Verbs
Joyce Armstrong Carroll’s Code Clue
concrete approach to
teaching grammar:
a color-coding technique
Verb
that focuses students
on problematic areas
in their writing.
Decode
Active vs
Passive Voice
Tenses (correct,
consistent)
Linking Verb vs
Action verb
Etc.
Grade 4 Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance
Borrowed from TEA (Victoria Young’s 2015 power point)
I love spending time at a baseball park. I love all
the people screaming when you smash a ball out of
the park or when you field a grounder and gun it to
first base and the ump yells OUT!
My favorite part of spending time at a baseball
park is just being able to set foot on the dark green
grass and the orange, brown dirt. It makes you feel
like a real pro. Sometimes I just walk to the mound
and practice my windup, or I may step up to
homeplate and practice my stance and my swing, but
when its game time I act serious no horseplay, no
goofin around. I act like it’s the World Series and
we’re playing against the number one team.
Grade 4 Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance, cont.
My other favorite part is sitting in the dougout.
This is the time in a game where you can relax, get a
drink, and eat some peanuts, and you get to put on
your helmet and batting gloves, choose your bat
and go hit.
I love spending time at a baseball park. It just
makes me feel good to spend time there. I love to
play baseball. I’m playing up this year, and I’ve
already smashed one ball out of the park and I’m
sure I’ll do it plenty of other times to.
Grade 7 Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance
Borrowed from TEA (Victoria Young’s 2015 power point)
I beliee that laughing is a very important part of a
person’s life. I can’t begin to think how different my life
would be if I hadn’t heard a funny joke or hear someone
make a funny noise and just laugh as hard as I could.
My family is very humorous, so I laugh a lot more
than other people. My dad is very funny, he is the
funniest person I know and he makes me laugh every
day. If I laugh every day, then laughing must be
important.
Laughing can change the ecosystem in a room, filling
it with joy and happiness. I remember the first time my
little cousin laughed, and everyone in the room was
suddenly filled with joy, saying “Did you hear that?
Grade 7 Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance, cont.
That was his first laugh!” I don’t even remember why
he laughed, but I remember him laughing for the first
time.
From a baby’s first laugh to an old man’s deep
chuckle, laughing is one of the most important
things in a person’s life. Everyone that has laughed
experienced joy, delight, mirth, and most importantly
humor. That is why laughing is important to me.
English I Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance
Borrowed from TEA (Victoria Young’s 2015 power point)
The world is full of people. Throughout history
people have made mistakes. One wrong move and
you fall on your face. Elect the wrong man and the
world goes to war. Turn down the wrong road and
your paralized for life. Failure scares the world. How
will you take it? Do you lay down and get infected or
do you get up and put on a bandage.
Just because you fail doesn’t mean you should
quit. In life when you make a choice you are expected
to deal with the consiquences. That means you don’t
spoil your winnings or burn your third place medal.
People deal with loss indifferent ways. No matter how
you do it, the point is you do it. Ask for some help
getting back up and walk away.
English I Expository
The Low End of an Accomplished Performance, cont.
If you fail you are given the ability to learn from it.
Every man needs a touch of humility and failure is
the number one source. You always get something
for everything you do. Hopefully once in a while you
get a lesson. The definition of insanity is doing the
same thing over and over and expecting different
results. Failure gives you room to change.
Experience is everything. What you do and say is
an example of what you know. That is how we shape
the world.
Unwrapping Text—Layer 1

Using Mentor Texts


Read once for pleasure
Reread at least once for author’s craft (STAAR R&E)



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
Which sentence could be added after sentence 8 to
strengthen the introduction to this paper?
Which transition word or phrase could BEST be added to the
beginning of sentence 27 to help conclude this paper?
How can Tasha revise sentence 7 to more clearly establish
the thesis of this paper?
Tasha wants to provide a better closing for her paper. Which
of the following could best be added after sentence 30 to
support the previous ideas and bring a humorous conclusion
to the paper?
Apply the process to their rough drafts. Reread with
pencil or highlighter to mark the text
Examining a Mentor Text
Ralph Fletcher
suggests a
triangular schema
to allow students
to connect with
the text or notice
aspects of the
texts in a
democratic
approach…
Word/Phrase
Tone or Language
Craft Elements
Structure/Organization
Subject or Theme
People usually focus on what they are ready to see.
Use that as a building block of your teaching.
Sources for Mentor Texts
 Articles
 Stories
and Memoirs
 Novels (excerpts)
 Speeches
 Poetry
 Plays (excerpts)
 Multi-genre
Unwrapping Text—Layer 2

Build confidence in your readers/writers

Imitation promotes practice and skill (Jeff
Anderson’s books)

Comfortably move from one level of
accomplishment to a more sophisticated
structure

Increase variety on student work


Poetry helps focus on word choice and detail
(Recreation and Reader Response)
Add other text structures to develop fluency and
genre focus
Unwrapping Text, continued

Peer Models

Analyze writing from peers



Easier to be objective
Making suggestions for others prepares the students
for that same kind of analysis for their own writing
Personal Writing

Spot various grammatical structures



If they can find it, they are half-way there!
If they are using various structures in their writing,
affirm them and name the process.
Identify usage (correct or not)
Unwrapping Text, continued

If “wordiness" affects your writing
quality…

Sentence-combine to tighten your writing

Use repetition ONLY if it serves a purpose.

Reduce phrases that use 3 to 5 words when
fewer words would do.

Use stronger descriptions and verb choices
instead of adding adjectives and adverbs.
Grammar Vision

Image Grammar
(Harry Noden, 2011)
 Focusing
on grammar’s
power to make movies in our
readers’ minds
 Grammar: “a power derived
from images”
 Ideas
Brushstrokes = Artistic Sentences
 Painting
with
Participles
 Absolutes
 Appositives
 Adjectives Shifted Out of Order
 Action Verbs

 Passage
(excerpt from HOLES)
Grammar Instruction

Explore Images from Films of Bestselling Novels:

Show a 2 to 3 minute soundless movie clip
 Ask students to write brushstroke phrases
that describe the character’s actions or
attitude during the second viewing and use
those phrases to write a paragraph.
 Ask the students to read the novel version
of the same scene they witnessed in the
movie and read their own descriptions to
look for similarities.
Grammar Instruction, 2

Tour a Writer’s Gallery (samples)




Enlarge and post writing samples (professional
pieces—novels, newspapers, etc.) around the
classroom.
Have groups visit the pieces and discuss the
techniques they observed the authors using.
Ask them to list several of the phrases and
words they noticed.
Have students experiment with those same
techniques.
Samples:
Grammar Instruction, 4

Improve your Image

Ask students to enter their own writing and
look for the same strategies/brushstrokes that
they have practiced. If they don’t see any,
they need to experiment with some.

Ask volunteers to share with the class their
“before” and “after” make-overs—Discuss:
action or cosmetic?

Beware of extraneous adjectives (weakest:
lists of colors and attributes).
Grammar Vision

Mechanically Inclined
(Jeff Anderson)


Grammar is a tool to help the reader
and writer “see.”
Ask your students:



“What do you notice?”
“What do you like about the sentence?”
“What happens if we change…”
Lessons for teaching grammar:
Mignon Fogarty
provides a popular
online resource in
addition to her book:
The amazing Gretchen Bernabei
has published two more books!
Resources:
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Anderson, Jeff. (2007). Everyday Editing. Stenhouse.
--- (2005). Mechanically Inclined: Building Grammar, Usage, and Style into Writer's Workshop. Stenhouse.
--- (2015). Revision Decisions. Stenhouse.
Bernabei, Gretchen. (2015). Grammar Keepers: Lessons That Tackle Students' Most Persistent Problems Once
and for All, Grades 4-12. Corwin Literacy.
---. (2012). The Story of My Thinking: Expository Writing Activities for 13 Teaching Situations. Heinemann.
Burke, Jim. (2008). The English Teacher’s Companion. Heinemann.
Campbell, Cathy. (2008). The Giggly Guide to Grammar. Discover Writing Press.
Carroll, Joyce Armstrong and Edward Wilson. (2010). Brushing Up on Grammar. Libraries Unlimited.
Carroll, Joyce Armstrong. (2011). Ratiocination. Absey & Co.
Fogarty, Mignon. (2008). Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing. Holt Paperbacks.
--- (2011). Grammar Girl’s 101 Misused Words You’ll Never Confuse Again. St. Martin’s.
Gallagher, Kelly. (2011). Write Like This: Teaching Real-World Writing Through Modeling and Mentor Texts.
Stenhouse.
Jago, Carol. (2002). Cohesive Writing. Heinemann.
Knapp, Peter and Megan Watkins. (2005). Genre, Text, Grammar. University of New South Wales Press Ltd.
Newkirk, Thomas. (2014). Minds Made For Stories: How We Really Read and Write Informational and Persuasive
Texts. Heinemann.
Noden, Harry. (2011). Image Grammar: Using Grammatical Structures to Teach, 2nd Ed.. Boynton/Cook, Pub.
---. (2011). Image Grammar: Second Edition: Teaching Grammar as Part of the Writing Process. Heinemann.
Petersen, David. (2007). Reading English News on the Internet. Lulu.Com. (new edition: 2011).
Smith, Michael W. and Jeffrey D. Wilhelm. (2007). Getting It Right. Scholastic.
Thurman, Susan. (2003). The Only Grammar Book You’ll Ever Need. Avon. MA: Adams Media.
Weaver, Constance. (1996). Teaching Grammar in Context. Boynton/Cook Publishers, Inc.
Woods, Geraldine. (2010). English Grammar for Dummies. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley Publishing, Inc.