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THE
A M E R I CAN
GI R L
W HE R E V E R
S HE M AY B E I D ED I CAT E T H IS BO O K
I RE S P E CT HE R I N D EP EN D E N C E I H ONO R HE R G OO D N E S S
AN D I L O V E HE R S W EET N E SS
S H E M A K E S T HE M O S T C H AR M I N G O F FR I E N D S
T H E B E S T O F W I V E S A N D T H E T R U E S T O F M O T HE RS
T HE S E T H REE P O S I T I ON S I N L I FE W ILL
I H O P E R E P R E S E N T HE R FUT UR E
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R UT H A S H M O R E
P R E FAC E
talk wi th girls m e an s a word here and
there a b ou t thi ngs that are inter esting—a li ttle
discu s s ion of this or that which provok es a question
O ur girls ar e goi ng to be the wives and mothers
of the future ! they are going to make homes i n
which they should know how to rule royally
Now a royal rule is on e that strengt hen s the
weak has sympathy for the s i ck knows h ow to be
glad with the merry and mar ks w i th the whi te
stone of a good deed every day i n the year !
You and I like to s it down before the b ri gh t fire
at night and gos s ip about the doi ngs of the day
compare notes about what looked pretty i n the
shop wi ndows agree or disagree about a book or
a ribbo n think ou t schemes of economy measure
ou t the money i n the purse s o that i t wi ll allow
for a pleas ure and talk over those little po ints of
A
S ID E
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Pr
f
e ace
etiquette that oil the wheels of s oci ety and make
them run more smoothly And thi s we did
As the circle grew there came i n another and
another gi rl ! the chat i ncreased a ques tion w as
as ked each w as read y to laugh and be merr y A
day came when grief reigned and you were glad
for a word of sympathy — a word perhaps not
voiced bu t told by a gras p of the hand and you
learned through the telegraph of hearts that there
w as a feeli ng of sorrow for every tear you s hed
and for e v ery moan you made But the s orrow
onl y made the pleas ant times brighter for dea r
gi rls in li fe as i n a picture the dark li nes are
neces s ary to bring ou t and emphas i z e those that
are light S o the side talks came about between
my girls and m e
Do you care to be on e i n the ci rcle P A s i de
talk is not of necessi ty a talk all on on e side and
what you think what you wonder and what y our
ideas are wi ll res ult from the gi v ing of mine to
y ou
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RUTH A S H M O R E
AUG US T 30 ,
1
89 5
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Con t en t s
PAGE
Tne A r t o
f Tr
Tb
e
M ot ner
My S
Tb
e
w eet
y
g E a s il
a v e lli n
My Gi r l
o
f
,
/ wa r t
an
d I,
/
za r it
C
M a n t le o
f
y
Tne P /zy s i e a l L ife o
f
A S tr
a nger
Tna You ng
in
S tr
a
,
Gi r l
a
,
an
g
Wife s Fir s t
Tb e You ng H u
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s
e
La n d
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Yea r
b a n d s Fir s t
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Ye a r
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TH E
AVE R AG E
GI RL
H E gi rl who is si tting near y ou o me
r
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working with an immense amoun t of
i ndustry on a dainty tea cloth and
putti ng a great deal of energy i n the
pushing i n of her needle by the li ttle gold thimble
w hi ch she wi ll tell you wi th a s mi le the favored
m an gave her at Chri stmas is the
average girl
I n years she is between ei ghteen and twenty four
happy generous pretty and
s he is whole hearted
pleas ant to look upon and v ery anxious to do
w hat is right S he lives i n a small country town
or maybe on a farm and last summer you e u
joyed the long golden days spent i n the country
wi th her Now she is returning your visi t and
u
being
a
poli
te
woman
are
making
her
have
o
y
as good a ti me as po s si ble T o-day she is wi th
me and she knows me well enough and likes
m e well enough to tell me of her ignorance
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Side Talk s
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w
G ir ls
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about certai n thi ngs S he troubles herself about
thes e rather more than is neces s ary for good man
ners are the same all the world over And while
the average gi rl may not be fully acquai nted wi th
the minor details of soci al li fe s he is gently bred
and kind of heart and i t is impossible for her to
make any very great m istake O n a piece of
paper she has w ri tten about the li ttle thi ngs that
trouble her and I am going as far as I can to
explai n them to her so that s he may feel less i11
a t e ase than s he does
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A BO U T
T HE L U N C H E ON
T he other day s he w as i nvited to a luncheon by
a fri end of her hostes s and when the ti me came
had to go alone becau se her hostes s had a
s he
severe cold S he had never seen a table as elabo
r a t e l spread as the on e at that luncheon
and
h
s
e
y
s oon realized that s he had made a mistake at the
very beginni ng When s he went upstai r s to r e
move her wrap s he took off her bonnet also and
when s he came down found that s he w as the onl y
woman except the hostess and the friend s who
were stayi ng i n the hous e whose head w as bare
Not a great error but then the average girl like s
to be correct and with a handsome silk v isi t ing
dress proper for this two o clock luncheon s he
s hould have retai ned her bonnet and her gloves
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G ir l
Tb e Av er age
3
emoving the latter as soon as s he w as s eated at
the table
G lan cing at her place s he s a w that the t w o
pronged fork w as for her oysters and realized
that i f s he took up each fork i n the order i n
whi ch i t w as placed s he would get the ri ght on e
for each cou r se
Th e average gi rl once made a great mistake
H avi ng bee n invi ted for h alf pas t on e o clock s he
arri ved at on e to find that t he hos tes s w as no t
dressed and the drawi ng room n ot lighted O ne
is as ked at a cer tai n ti me and expected to arrive
not earlier than five mi nutes before it or better
s ti ll exactly on the mi nute
S he felt embarr as sed
because s he w as i ntroduced to nobody Now
m y dear that you wi ll find customary i n most
hous e s the E nglish idea of a
roof in t r odu c
ti on be i ng deemed s u fii c ie n t
Where on e is an
entire s t ranger a thoughtful hos tes s will menti on
the nam es o f the women between whom one si ts
but generally on e hears the name mentioned by
acquai ntances and convers ation is easy
Re
member thi s : Never as k a s e r v a n t for anything
except bread ! usually the F rench roll lai d on
one s napki n su ffi ces b u t i f you should wish mo re
bread i t may be asked for or a glas s o f water
B ut a second helpi ng is an unknown quantity at
a form al a ffai r
At home the average girl is well acquai nted
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Side Ta lk s
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th G ir ls
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with w hat is called high tea in the ci ty that
is the serving about eight o clock of hot meats
wi th dis hes of salads and sweets and where all s it
down— a pleasant way t o entertai n when the late
dinner is not a custom However the card you
have got for the afternoon tea is not of that
sort The tea card i nvi tes you to come between
four and seven and you wonder wh at you should
do You need write no acknowledgment of thi s
i nvi tation but to be correct you will appear about
half past five gowned i n your handsomes t visiting
dress the pretty black si lk wi th it s tri mmings of
velvet and jet and the li ttle bonnet i n harmony
wi th i t If for any reas on you are u nable to go
then i n the mo r ni ng you send by post as many of
your visiti ng cards as there are hostes ses that is
hos tesses whose names are on the i nvi tation
These cards are i nclosed in the u s ual card e u ve
lope addressed to the lady of the hou s e and s eal
i n g-wax is omitted
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WH I L E
AT T HE T E A
When you enter you shake hands with you r
hos tess and wi th any of the ladies recei ving wi th
her wi th whom you are acquainted or to whom
You are asked by on e of the
s he introduces you
r ecei vi ng party i f you will not go into the tea
room and there you enj oy a cup of tea of bouil
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3e A v er age
G ir l
5
a bi t of delicate ca ke or an ice w hi ch is the
mos t that is ever served even at a formal tea
U nles s you should meet man y fri ends ten or fi f
teen mi nutes is qui te long enough for you to stay
I t is not neces s ary for you to remove your gloves
and i f you are fortunate enough to have come i n
a c a rriage you wi ll find i t more conveni ent to
leave your wraps there and s o be able to make
your en trance at once than i f you wen t to
the room dedi cated to the cari ng for one s ou ter
garmen ts We are all getti ng to be such good
w alke rs however that i t is the exceptional
woman who goi ng from house to house c an
make her entrance ri ght from her carriage to the
drawi ng -room Culti vate for afternoon use es
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l
e
a
quanti
ty
o
f
mall
talk
abo
t
the
charm
s
u
p
y
that
of the hos t e m the beauty of the flowers
b le$ in g to all h u mani ty—the weather and t e
h
las t entertainment counted of worth Never mi nd
i f you do s ay the s ame thi ng t o everybody you
m eet as long as i t makes you avoid personalities
there i s always wisdom i n sayi ng that whi ch m akes
con v e r s a tion an d wounds nobody s feeli ngs
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A F AS H I ONAB L E D I NN ER -P A R T Y
have never been to on e before and so y our
cousi n w i th whom you are s ta yi ng sugg es ts the
prope r froc k I t is a light -colored silk made s im
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Side Talk s
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th G ir ls
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ply cu t ou t j us t enough at the neck and having
for s leeves enormous puffs finish ed by fri lls of
chiffon that come j ust belo w the elbow Your
gloves go u p under these ru ffl es and are of cours e
immaculate You r hair is prettily dres s ed and
followi ng the pi cture fas hion -you have put a white
rose just at one side of i t A little heart s haped
brooch fas tens your bodi ce at the neck and a
stri ng of small gold beads is about your throat
You know that even i f you possess them i t would
be i n bad taste for an unmarri ed woman to wear
di amonds or expen s i ve j ewels of any ki nd In
the dres s ing room after the maid has taken off
your wrap and s traightened ou t your s kirt you
ur
s tart to go downstairs walking j ust behi nd yo
chaperon The gentleman who is to take you i n
to dinner has been i nformed of this i n the dres s ing
room by recei vi ng a card wi th your name upon i t
and s o your thoughtful hostes s pres ents him to
and
y
ou
have
a
chat
of
a
mi
nute
or
two
b
e
u
o
y
fore taki ng his arm and joi ning the formal pr oc e s
Your name card is at
s ion to the di ni ng room
your place and after the little flutter o f getting
s eated you pi ck up and look at the bunch of vio
let s that is before you and unles s you are willing
to risk s tai ning your skirt wi th them or cru s h
i ng them you put them on the table just i n fron t
of your plate whi le your es cort fas ten s i n his
buttonhole the S i ngle orchi d i ntended for him
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A v er age G ir l
The
7
At the best houses what used to be known as
di nner m illinery which i ncluded strips of ri b
b on and j ars of s weets — jars frequently of e x pe n
sive chi na i ntended to be taken home — is no
longer seen for i t is counted as v ulgar to appear
to have to bribe people to come to one s house
Chat w i th your neighbo r s on ei th er side gi ving
the mos t atten tion however to your es cort ! but
f s hyness rather than of s elf sati s
err on the s ide o
facti on Man y a nervous girl bri ght and wi tty
is over -eager to be entertaini ng and u ncon s ci ou s ly
raises her voi ce u nti l i t is heard above everybody
else s and her high shri ll exciti ng laugh is a hor
ror to the women who blame her while they pi t y
her A dinner par ty is a formal function and s pe
I f the Conti
c ia lly demands digni ty of manner
n e n t al fas hion is followed
and ladi es and gentle
men leave the di ni ng room at the s ame ti me you
go ou t as you came i n If the E nglish fas hi on ob
tains and the gentlemen remai n to s moke and talk
rise when your ho s tes s gives the s i gn al s tand qui te
still un til you s ee your chaperon and then fall i n
li ne be hi nd her pas s ing not too quickly the gen
t le m e n who are all sta ndi ng up and allowi ng you
to walk ou t before them Learn to walk well and
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not to
trot
A di nner i nvi tation should be
ackn owledged wi thi n three hours and the chang
i ng of one s mi nd abou t i t is never permi tted A
wi tty F renchman said
O nly death is an excuse
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Side Talk s
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th G ir ls
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for not keeping a di nner engagement and even
then a poli te man would s end the undertaker to
apologi ze for him
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ABO U T Y O UR
C A LL S
I know i t to be true that when you came to
town you had for a visi ting card a fai n tly ti nted
stiff one on which was written your name
E li
Pegram
i n a fine I talian hand heavily
n or
F ortunately for you your hostess s aw
s haded
this and kept you from maki ng a fa u x p a s
In
the place of those rose -ti nted ones happi ly c on
the waste
s igned to their proper resti ng place
basket you now have rather thin whi te cards al
most square wi th as you are the oldest daughter
and as your middle name is your mother s maiden
“ Miss Cholmondeley Pegram
engraved
on e
upon them Your vi si ting -card repr es ents you
and consequently i t must be i n good tas te This
form i s des i rable becau s e s eeing i t old friends
who knew y our mother as
pretty E linor Chol
wi ll recogni ze you as her daughter
m on de le y
and make an effort to sho w you some special
courtesies When visi ting leave a card for the
lady of the house and for each daughter in soci
ety When you cannot go to a recepti on or a tea
your card s represent you When you do go you
leave your card either wi th a ser v ant who holds
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Side Talk s
1 0
th G ir ls
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a great actor he i nvi ted your hostes s and you
and he never went to any place with you alone
There were only a few stolen momen ts when you
could say to him j ust what you wished but he
was acting as society i n the ci ty demanded
and showing by his formal behavior his res pe ct
for you When he sent you a bu n ch of flowers
there w as on e for your cousi n , and you were a bi t
foolish not to value yours as m uch as you would
What he did w as
if he had not sent another
ri ght and he would have been counted singularly
and
awkward
i
f
he
had
done
you
a u ch e
as
g
wi s hed and s o called forth criti cisms i n which
“
the words
bad mannered
would have been
most conspicuous
D o not make the very great mi s take of counting
elderly women as of no use socially O f cours e
you are respectful to them but you have thought
that at social functions they were ou t of place
My dear gi rl the m atron i s the power behind the
throne
S he decides whether you are des irable
Whether you shall recei ve an i nvi tation to the
most exclusive affair and whether her daughter
shall count you among her intimates
I t is s he to
whom the young men go for i ntroductions and
your doom is sealed i f s he says
I don t thi nk
you would care for Miss Pegram she is n ot a girl
Wi th the p assing of youth
of good m anners
power comes as a recompense
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The Av er age
THE VA L
UE
Gi r l
1 1
E TI QUE TTE
or
It s ee ms to you that there is a great deal of
formali ty neces sary even abou t the pleas ant ti mes
There is and i t i s right that i t s hould be s o I f
lack of
s ociety permitted free and eas y manners
punctuali ty and general thoughtl e ssnes s the whole
worst of
s oci al s t ructure would tumble over and
all woman would n ot recei ve the res pect and c on
O u r li ttle talk about way s
s ideration due her
and manners wi ll I hope be some help to t hat
dear average girl all over the coun tr y w ho be i ng
an Ameri can has the quicknes s an d bri ghtnes s
m ak i ng her able to do everythi ng j ust right pr o
v i de d the method of doi ng i s s ugges ted to her
S he wi ll be socially a great s ucces s i f being gen
tee l ( I like that old fas hi oned word ! i n her man
ners and her dr ess s he should be equ ally genteel
i n her speech i n her v oice and i n her choi ce of
acquaint ances
I f s he is w ise s he wi ll i mi tate
nobody and es peciall y will s he refrai n from imi
tati ng the very loud girl who may attract atten
ti on but for whom no gentleman e v er has an y
s erious liki n g
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T H E S O C I AL L I FE
O F A GI R L
Y thi s I do not mean the soci ety gi rl
that is the girl whose whole life is
given up to the clai ms of soci ety but
I mean the girl who having reached
a sui table age goes to places of amusement enter
tain s v isitors and no matter what her occupations
may be duri ng the day is s upposed to be in the
social world S he is very many ti mes troubled
about how she shall act how s he shall speak and
what is her duty I think i f I were asked what
“
To get as much
he r duty w as I should s a y
pleasure ou t of li fe as is possi ble wi thout hurting
anybody else or doi ng anything that is wrong
The laws of conventionali ty were made n ot that
people should enjoy thems elves les s but to pro
and no young girl can break
t e c t them more
these laws and be happy for I can never be c on
spoken of as
v in c e d that a girl enjoys bei ng
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The
Socia l
Life o
f
G ir l
a
1
3
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fast or
free and easy
or difl e r e n t from
the other girls
The girl i n society who is a bi t shy may envy
that other gi rl who i s boisterous and rough who
laughs very loudly who tells and listens to stori es
and j es ts that are not qui te ni ce and who is par
The shy
t ic u lar ly at ease i n the s ociety of men
girl may wish for her compo s ure bu t i f the shy
girl could look into the hearts of the men who
are about this gi rl she would reali z e that she has
no ki ngdom and that never for a m i nute has she
been a queen except i n her own i magi nation
Men when they want comrades s eek other men
What they d esire i n a young woman is a compau
i on and on e who i s totally difl e r e n t from them
selves in her ide as and her manner of speech
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IN
T HE
S O CI A L
WORL D
You are j ust begi nning to go ou t ! you ar e
twenty years old and you would like as is per
fe c t ly natural not only to have the love of wom
en but the genuine admiration of men
The
admiration of all men is n ot worth havi ng You
beli eve that you are pleas ant to look at bu t
when you meet strangers you are abas hed the
blo od ru sh e s to your face and you don t know
what to say N ow a little bit of that is due to
self consciousness ! more of i t to i nex peri ence
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Side Ta lk s
4
th G ir ls
wi
When a man is presented to y ou you need n ot
expect to enter i nto an eas y conversation wi th
hi m as does the woman of forty but you can get
y our though ts away fro m yourself and answer him
as i ntelli gently as po s s i ble Make up your mi nd
to be a little s low i n your speech rather than to
gi ve a foolish answer and after you have resolved
to do this you wi ll not find i t di fficult to over
come that s illy giggle s o peculiar to young women
and which is v ery often the res ult of great ner
v ou s n es s and an effort to s peak quickly
Don t be t oo perfectly certain about things
The pos i ti ve girl who the very mi nute a s tranger
s peaks to her
gives him an a n swer whi ch s he
announces is her opi nion and whi ch s he per
m i ts no on e else to doubt is qui te as u ndesirable
as the girl who is afraid to say anythi ng
I thi nk
you will be most successful soci ally i f you ar e
wi lling to learn and i f you never permi t your
s elf from false shame to tell an u ntruth and s a y
u
do
know
of
thi
ngs
about
which
are
to
o
o
u
y
y
tally ignorant E xperience has taught most social
leaders that men like to give i nformation c on s e
quently when a s tranger has been pr es ented to
you and after the first ordi nary commonplaces
“
asks
D i d you meet the S panish Princes s ?
answer yes or no as the truth may be and s u p
plemen t this by another question
D i d you ?
And what did you think of her P
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The Soc ial Life o
f
a
G ir l
1
5
I t is not difli c u lt i n this world to attract i f on e
y oung an d pleasi ng to look u pon
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is
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HO W
T O RE T A I N F RIE N D S
I t may be taken as a general rule that no w om
an can retai n her friends who cannot con trol her
temper What s he thi nks m ay be right but b e
ca u se it is s o no excuse can b e found for her
goi ng i nto a long quarrelsome argumen t raising
her voi ce and maki ng her hostes s and all the
other gues ts uncomfortable Then people must
kno w that socially a gi rl is to be reli ed u pon !
that she is not goi ng to bring the dai ly worries o f
her li fe into the social atmo s phere bu t that s he is
certai n to bring her m ite of agreeablenes s to add
to all the other mi tes unti l the perfection of e n
achieved
and
the
plea
an
t
side
o
m
e
n
t
i
s
s
f
o
j y
everybody is s een and enjoyed The woman who
wishes to keep her friend s must s teer clear of vi tal
religi o n or
s ubjects on which they may differ
poli ti cs being es pecially undes irable for di s cuss ion
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RESPECT FO R L I TT L E T H I N GS
Be pleasan t and agreeable to all men who may
b e i n your own social world but give no one man
the righ t to especi ally clai m you unti l the v eri ta
To retain one s
ble Pri nce Charmi ng appears
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1
Side Talk s
6
th G ir l s
wi
friend s one must also respect their social rights
and by this I mean that i f their hospitali ty is ac
c e p t e d on e must conform i n the way of dress and
manner to the standards of one s hostesses ! and
that girl shows wisdom who i nvi ted to a very
elaborate affai r and feeling that s he cannot afford
even a si mple sui table dress refuses the invitati on
rather than m ortify the hos t ess by bei ng ou t of
tune i n the general harmony
O ne has achi e ved a great wisdom when on e has
“
learned how to s a y no
in the soci al world
wi thout gi ving offence Person ally I do not a p
prove of general danci ng though I s e e no harm
i n fact a great deal of good i n the home dance
but when a girl h as a consci entious feeling about
danci ng she is wisest i f s he says no courte
ou s ly to the i nvi tatio n that i ncludes dancing
S he has no right to go t o a dance and to make
her hostess uncomfortable by refusi ng to do as the
others are doi ng and by so airing her honest con
v ic t ion s that s h e impresses those around her wi th
doubts of her belief What she does not approve
S o i t should be wi th
of s he should n ot look at
any games or any affair i nvolvi ng late hours or
at whi ch she would meet undesirable people
The saying no is right but i t m u st be s ai d at
the right ti me that is i t must be sai d before the
temptati on arises and before you would be forced
You cannot a ccept an i nvi ta
t o appe ar as rude
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Side Talk s
8
th G ir ls
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some i f not all the members of the family wi th you
and let whatever fun there is to the fore be enjoyed
by everybody The most popular girl I ever knew
and one w ho w as most adm i red by men and
women ali ke told me that s he never kne w what
i t w as to s e e visit ors alone u nti l after s he was
marri ed All the young men who were acquai nt
ed with her sai d they liked to visi t her because
they got a chance to have i nteres ting conversa
tion or si ng choruses and two or three of them
were quite used to helping her arrange a bi t of
the rest O ne of them s aid
It is
s upper for
different from goi ng to s e e the other gi rls there
you go righ t i nto the home ! at another girl s
house you si t i n the parlor and after awhile she
comes dow n and the family sta y away from that
room as i f the plague were there and the girl acts
half silly and after a fello w goes home he thinks
he has behaved like a fool
And he probably
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has
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I f I were you I should arran ge m y parlor with
a view of furnishi ng subjects for conversati on
I d have whatever illustrated magazi nes or papers
I po s s es s ed i n full vi ew ! any photographs of
celebrities ! the piano open and the m usi c on
i t and end by m aking everybody take an i nteres t
i n every bod y else I f you want to make the peo
ple about you you n g men and young women
as s ociate better and brighter
w i th whom you
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77m
Socia l
Life o
f
a
G ir l
1
9
you must be the mas ter spiri t that s ubsti tu t es that
whi ch is i nteres ting and i nnocen t for tha t which
is pos s ibly cu s tom ary and not quite s o innocen t
I t is i n your power to obli terate the vu lgar kiss ing
games by o fferi ng instea d i nteres ting co nversation
cheerful musi c and even puzzling contests for
them S oci ety does n ot approve of freedom al
though it may laugh at innocen t fr i v oli ty
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S OM E O T H ER SMA LL PO I N T S
T o the gi rl who wan ts to know and who has
asked me s o m a ny tim e s i f s he mus t look after a
man s coat and hat I agai n answer by sayi ng
“
Nei ther
N o let him c a re for them himself
is i t n eces sary for her to follow him into the hall
unles s i ndeed she should be s eei ng off a pa rty
i n whi ch ar e i ncluded some gi rl friends The
girl i n society i f s he is a s ocial succes s soon
learns the value of poli teness as regards li ttle a f
fai r s S he learns to i gnore the usi ng the wrong
Spoon or fork I mean i gnor e s the li ttle m istake
and realiz e s that whi le i t i s d esirable to fully u n
de r s t a n d all the mi nor poi n ts of etiquette they do
not abs olutely compris e pure poli teness for this
m y dear girl mus t come from the hear t I t is
your duty your s ocial duty to educate gently
and by example the vari ous young men who
come arou nd you i n the li ttle wa ys of etiquette
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Side Talk s
20
th G ir ls
wi
whi ch t hey have i gnored heretofore bu t whi ch
have seemed s o easy to you A clever man once
s ai d that he could always tell from a young man s
manner s the sort of women wi th whom he associ
ated and really I thi nk thi s w as one of the best
tri butes ever paid to the influence of woman
I do not believe i n allowing men to conclude
that becau s e you know them well and like them
they can do as they pleas e before you I saw
on e man subdue a fami li arity on the part of a n
other on e eveni ng in a way that w as a delight to
m y soul There had been a good bit of fun and
laugh ter and the young m an who w as rather
lively said taki ng out his ci garette case and
looking inqui ringly at the you ng man who had
bro u ght him
I don t s uppose Miss S tuart would
m ind ou r smoki ng
Before the em barrassed
hostess could do anything more than blush the
other man said
I have known her for five years
and I have never even had the i mperti nence to
That was a friend i n need Months
as k her
afterward the yo u ng m an made his apology and
sai d that u p to that ti me he had gone amo n g
w omen whom he had treated as i f they were all
good comrades Again I repeat that i f on e wishes
a friendshi p to last a woman mu s t be a man s c om
panion and not his comrade
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Social
The
HER
Life o
f
G ir l
a
2 1
UES
T
I
ON
AND
MY
AN
S
W
ER
Q
But s ays m y young gi rl
you talk about my
bei ng entertai ning to young men attracti ng them
and retai ni ng them as friends
What is thei r
duty ? And don t you think they are bei ng c on
s ide r e d a little too much ?
Well you s ee my
dear I am n ot talki ng to young men in the firs t
place and then I do not thi nk they are being ca
t e r e d to too much
S oci ety is formed by the comi ng together i n
pleas an t i ntercourse of women and men
Its
mai nspring is the family And though our gi rls
are n ot sold to the highes t bidder nor are they
slaves in an y sense of the word sti ll each on e real
i z es that she wishes to marry because her heart is
full of love and because i t is natu r al to gi ve that
love to her op po s ite M an i t is clai med rules all
the greater affai rs of li fe but i t has never been
clai med that he ever attempted to take away from
woman her social prerogative and this means a
deal more than just deci ding how to amuse one s
s elf and how not to be bored for i t m eans bui ldi ng
u p a wall against wrong and showi ng the beauty
and the sweetness of righ t
My dear gi rl you can do that S ociety is good
or bad as women m ake i t and about you although
you may spend your da y behind the d es k or b e
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Side Talk s
22
th Gir ls
wi
busied i n hous ehold matters you can collect the
best of s oci ety and get the greatest amount of hap
f
o
t
i
t
H
ave
a
li
ttle
confidence
in
your
i
n
es
s
u
o
p
self ! don t be afrai d to thi nk ou t problems for
yourself and w hen you have worked them ou t i n
your mind don t be afraid to put them i n practi ce
but al w ays with courtesy S oci ety cannot exist
wi thout politeness and poli teness means consider
ation The Ameri can girl has shown all the world
over her adaptabili ty Now let her make the
best soci et y wherever s he may be S he can do i t
for s he does n ot lack brains s he does not lack
consi derati on but j ust at times s he does not s e e
the value of conventionali ty I want her to think
over how i t protects her I want her to be the girl
i n s oci ety popular and pleasant whose greates t
charm is that while she is courteous to every
body she i s always si n cer e and doesn t make blun
ders That is the art of social li fe
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G IRL LIFE I N
N E W Y O R K CI TY
OU
are one among the many thousand s
who write to tell me that you wan t to
leave home an d make your ow n li vi ng
Apparen tly you never stop to consider
that doi ng your duty as a daughter is earni ng your
ow n li velihood ! but bei ng pos s essed of a vague
spi ri t of unres t you want to come to the great me
t r 0polis and en ter the ranks ofthe workers recei vi ng
i n abs olute money what i s con s id ered the value of
your work H ave you ever thought ou t what gi rl li fe
in New York is ?
I mean the li fe of the girl who
has to work for the money wi th whi ch s he pays for
her bread and butter the clothes she wears and what
e v er li ttle pleasure she has
You have wonderful
dreams of i ndependence You think how you wi ll
rise and rise and rise and wi th the hopefulness o f
eighteen you see a great future before you S u p
pose I tell you exactly w hat the li fe of the N e w
York working gi rl is I f this wi ll keep one girl
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th Gir ls
Side Talk s
24
wi
at home I shall feel that all my thought has not
been i n vai n an d i f one gi rl is convi nced that by
stayi ng at home and helpi ng wi th head and heart
livi ng out her life as i t is planned for her s h e is
doing ri ght I shall feel s o glad that extra thanks
w ill go u p to H im who careth for all and before
whom the ri ch and the poor are equal
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T HE GIR L I N T HE GRE A T T O W N
A girl who one year ago came to New York
from a country town obtai n ed a posi tion i n one
of the bi g s hops is Well liked by her customers and
the people i n authori ty over her work s from eight
o clock i n the morni ng until si x at ni ght with
half an hour s i ntermission for luncheon and earns
exactly s ix dollars a week S he is considered ex
t r e m e ly fortunate for girls who are near her and
who work for the same length of time are only
earni ng four or five T he s ix dollars a week i n a
small town s ounds like a great deal of money In
New York i t barely keeps girl s from starvation or
worse I will tell you how the money goes My
friend pays four dollars a week for her board and
occupi es a room wi th another girl ! her washi ng
costs her fifty cents a week her car fare fifty more
and she has one dollar left ou t of which to dress
herself to bu y the little n ecess aries of li fe and
S he tells me
G od help her to get her pleasures
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Side Talk s
26
th G ir ls
wi
but through this there comes the odor of every
thing that is cooki ng or has ever been cooked
and the warmth is quite s econdary to the vari ou s
smells
The gi rls bless them have tri ed to gi ve the
place a home like air and there are a few photo
graphs a book or two a li ttle Bible a devoti onal
book and some of their belong i ngs about but all
the womanli ness i n the world could not make home
The food given oddly enough
of a place like thi s
If a girl w as ou t
is not bad neither is i t good
i n the open air and was healthy and well not
knowi ng what the close air of a store w as s he
could come in eat and enjoy her di nner but these
girls ar e too tired to eat E verything seems too
heavy to them and as the boarding house keeper
takes them as boarders and does not propose
teri ng to their speci al conditions for the pri ce they
pay they are obliged to make the best of what
they have Breakfas t at which too o ften li ver
and bacon a n d o verdone s teak appear is not ap
for
the
cloth
bears
the
tains
of
the
e
t
i
z
i
n
i
n
s
d
p
g
ner of the night before and a fresh napki n i n
the morni ng is unknow n O ne or two cups of
coffee are taken and i mproperly equi pped bod
ily for the day s work the girl goes out to meet
i t and begins by feeling ti red The laws of the
S tate command that there shall be seats for gi rls
when they are not actually employed but the near
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G ir l
Life in N ew
Yor k City
27
approach a Shopper ever s e es to th is is a girl
leani ng i n a tired way agai n s t on e of the s hel v es
D o you blame thes e girls for getti ng s o tired that
they los e hope D o you blame them when s eeing
s o little of happines s the m selv es
they think G od
has forgotten them ? You cannot m y friend you
cannot
es t
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HER S O CI A L L I F E
My girl i s a s ocial little creature A t home the
girls u sed to come i n of an evening and talk and
laugh then s ome s weethearts would appear there
would be m ore talking and laughi ng maybe a li t
tle s i ngi ng and possi bly a lively game or two
What social li fe has my girl now ? The other
night some friends came to see her They were
taken i nto the parlor which is a sti ff bare look
i ng room wi th chai rs and s ofas arranged agai nst
the wall and a black marble ta ble whi ch looks
like a bier i n the centre O ther people were there
and everybody whispered when he talked
it
w as not very cheerful
I t failed to make a man
thi nk that a girl i n that place migh t kno w how to
arrange for a home or enjoy the delights o f a
home n es t B ut what can m y girl do ? I n time
i f s he has a sweetheart he and s he both get to n u
de r s t a n d that i f they wan t to s e e each other they
must go out to do i t and going ou t night after
nigh t for this purpo s e does not al w ays tend to
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Side Talk s
28
th G ir ls
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keep a gi rl i n the s traight line I am sorry t o s ay
this but m y own g irl told me i t was sadly true
S he knew and I knew a pretty girl s uch a
pretty girl who came to New York wi th the
country ros es bloomi ng on her cheeks an d G od s
ow n sunshi ne maki ng her hair lovely
S he was
you ng healthy and happy S he di d n ot know
how to be careful s he did not know how to jus t
make the bes t of things and get along as most of
the girls do bu t s he wanted pleas ure She wanted
pretty clothes and s he loved fun Well s he got
i nto debt and then the theatres s a w her every
night first wi th on e man and then wi th another
and then — well She never comes i n the store
now s he has plenty of fine clothes and she told
a girl She met that she w as as happy as the day w as
long but somehow that girl di d not believe her
S h e did not have t o get up early i n the morni n g
any more S he w as not answerable to anybody so
but the girl who spoke to her went back
s h e sai d
and said to the other ones and there w as a tear
I could not blame her ! S he was
in her voice
young and pretty and s he wanted happines s and
pleasure I do not know whether s he has found
i t or n ot but let s every on e of u s pray for help to
t y and drag along
r
That is w hat the y pray for
Think of it you
happy people ! For help to try and drag along
Maybe you
You n e v er prayed for that at home
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G ir l
Yor k City
Life in N ew
29
di d get tired of helping to make beds and wash
dishes and fix over clothes but there were times
that were your ow n when you could go i nto the
room that was yours and thi nk all by yourself
There is a deal i n that havi ng a place for your
self and my girl does not get i t S he has to share
her home with a friend And no matter how
near an d dear anybody may be there are always
ti mes when on e wan ts to be alone I t is the righ t
But my girl cannot have
of every human being
i t as i t cos t s too much
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AT T HE F IRS T G L AN CE
When m y girl first took her pos i tion s he won
dered how on the wages earned s ome of the
girls near her were s o well dressed After a whi le
she discovered
They were gi rls who li ved i n
New York who were not obliged to pay thei r
and who
ow n board be caus e they had homes
used thei r money entirely for their clothes They
took t hes e pos it ion s because they wanted finer
clothes than thei r parents could give them and
the propri etors of the stores were only t oo glad to
have well dressed girls behi nd their counters In
m y ow n personal acquai ntance there is on e girl
who dresses extremely well and who Shows that
In
S he lives well from her healthy appearance
qui ry proved that her father is employed by the
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Side Talk s
0
th Gir ls
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G overnment ,
and that s he s pends more money
than She earns for her weari ng apparel Many
other girls are helped out by thei r fri ends at home
s o that the girl w h o has to live and dress herself
ou t of her ow n earni ngs unless She is very care
ful chances the being discharged becau s e She
does not look as well as the other youn g ladies
behi nd the counter
My girl is good at mend
i ng and freshening up and as yet her eyes permit
her to brush and clean her frocks i n the eveni n gs
but gi rls who have been at work many years are
unhappi ly forced ei ther to go Shabby and u nti dy
looki ng or to mend their belongings on S un day
because they are too tired at n ight I am not
wri ti ng anythi ng that emanates from my fancy
I am stating si mple facts and I know absolutely
whereof I Speak
T oo often becau s e s he 1 8 unused to thinking
H er
ou t money problems my girl gets i nto debt
landlady m ay be ki ndhearted and trust her for a
week s board or even for a little longer S he
may have borrowed a li ttle money from a girl
who has saved s ome and at the drug store or at
the dressmaker s s he m ay have a li ttle accoun t
What is She to do
S a y that She pays her board
promptly She w ill still find herself a week or two
behi nd S he does not make eno u gh money to
catch up and u nfortunately She seldom has the
cour age to go to her credi tors and offer to pay her
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G ir l
Life in N ew
Yor k City
1
3
account i n very small s ums say fi fty cents at a
time The burden of debt is abou t her neck !
if She is an hones t gi rl s he wi ll do as I have s u g
g es ted ! i f not she wi ll leave the boarding -hou s e
in d is grace go to a difi e r e n t neighborhood pos
s ib ly do exactly the sa me thi ng there and as the
des cent is always rapid s he will i n time lose all
feeli ng of honor as far as mo ney is concerned
True poverty has brough t her to that condi tion
but did s he not s e ek that speci al s tate
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SUPP OSE Y OU A RE SICK
That you are good to each other you worki ng
gi rls when trouble com es is undeniable but oh
s o little to be good wi th
have
You
cannot
u
o
y
even gi ve of your time for i t do es n ot be long to
It
is
possi
ble
that
there
is
a
ociety
i
n
your
o
u
s
y
store to which each on e contri bute s twenty fi v e
cents a month ! then when you ar e si ck you r e
bu t your board
c e iv e from three to five dolla r s
goes on jus t the same your wages from the store
do not come there i s pos si bly a doctor certai nly
medi ci ne but i f you have a long i lln ess the
possi bi lity that your place has been filled s tares
you i n the face There is no time t o look after
ill people i n the work a day world
E veryone
of your comrades may be sorry for you may do
her best to help you ou t but they ca n nei ther r e
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Side Talk s
2
3
th G ir ls
wi
serve your posi tion for you nor convi nce your
employers that you are a nec essi ty
A li ttle w hi le ago I w as i n one of the best
stores i n N e w York when the girl who w as wai t
i ng on me turned deadly whi te swayed to and
fro and I thought w as goi ng to fai nt O ne of
her comrades put her arm around her whi le an
other fini s hed attending to me Then I said : I
wi ll get a gl as s of water for that gi rl and speak to
the fl oor walker and as k him t o allow her to go
home
but her friend sai d to me
Please
don t ma am ! Anni e has these fai nting attacks
often and we all try to help her ou t but i f i t is
once known h ow deli cate s he is s he will be dis
charged and s he has nobody to take care of her
What could I do ? I w as perfectly helpless for I
could not guaran tee that after I went aw ay s he
m igh t not be told that s h e could go but s he n eed
not come back S o you s e e i n con s ideri ng the
questi on of earni ng your livi ng i n New York you
have to think of yourself as well or Sick and you
must remember what enormou s chances you take
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GIR L S
WHO
PA I N T O R T E A C H
omebody says
You are only taki ng the
class of gi rls who go i nto t he stores
I do that
because they form the greatest number and b e
caus e they are the girls who come here from the
S
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Side Talk s
34
th G ir ls
wi
She took to doing di nner card s
They were mar
but becaus e of the time devoted
v e llou s ly artisti c
to each She had to ask a higher price than people
were wi lling to pay S he worked along with a
brave heart and one day sold a picture for seventy
five dollars that se venty fiv e dollars w as mortgaged
to the extent of fifty but She pai d her debts and
started to work agai n A woman fri end s at for
her and the picture was sold because this speci al
woman was the model A li ttle cooki ng w as
done on the gas stove but the body w as not well
cared for and after three years of struggling after
three years of tryi ng to s ell pi ctures souveni rs di n
ner card s or anything that the public s eemed to
demand She broke down and cas ting pai nt
brush es to the wi nd married Wi th what result ?
Broken i n s piri t weak and i mpoverished i n body
only able to live long enough to bri ng
s he w as
i nto the world a sad eyed li ttle baby to kiss i t
once to turn her face to the wall and to clo s e her
eyes to this world forever
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W H AT D O I M E AN ?
T hat is what y ou are as ki ng and thi s is what I
have to s ay I have no desire to s eem to wish to
crush a laudable ambi ti on in an y girl but I do
most earnestly pray that m y girls all over the
country wi ll thi nk o v er this pi cture of girl li fe i n
,
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,
G ir l
Life in N ew
Yor k City
35
New York Ci ty— the great ci ty of which you read
and hear s o much — reali ze it s s orrows i ts worri es
and the small almos t i nfini tesi mal amount of e n
i
n
i
t
an d then thi nk of their li ve s at
m
e
n
t
o
j y
home
H elpi ng mother may grow ti res ome but
i f you are si ck you wi ll be cared for i f you are
tired you may res t and nobody like your ow n
home people wi ll find s o much delight i n s eeing
have
a
happy
ti
me
I
n
your
home
you
o
u
ar e
y
ear ning your ow n livi ng when you lend a helping
han d ar e cheerful and bright and do your bes t to
make others happy You are earni ng the bes t sort
of a livi ng for you ar e maki ng li fe seem worth
while you are trai ni ng yourself for home li fe and
that is the best that can come to you Un for t u
there are thousands of gi rls who have to
n a t e ly
work ou tside thei r homes ! gi v e them your s ym
pathy and your greatest pi t y but get down on your
knees and thank the good G od w ho made you for
the pri v ilege of worki ng at home and of being ou t
of the great world where there i s no ti m e for any
thi ng but work where the si ck and the helples s
fall by the w ayside unnoti ced
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T H E C O UN T R Y G I R L
,
H E country girl by whom I m e n the
a
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gi rl who li ves outside of the large ci ties
h as always been very dear to me b e
cause it has not been s o very many
years since I knew What li fe i n a small town meant
and when although I was only s ix miles from a
large ci ty I deli ghted i n calli ng myself a coun
try girl
Nowadays the country gi rl seems to
have an idea that i n some way her ci ty cousin is
superior to her But my experience among both
ci ty and country gi rls has taught m e that the
country girl has un told advantages In the firs t
place she has more time her life is not s o c om
plex and s he has the leisure I am j udgi ng from
her letters to educate her mi nd s trengthen her
body and keep herself deli ghtfully femini ne
When the ci ty cousi n comes to s eek green fields
and pastures new she is I am afraid inclined to
be a li ttle arrogant ! not i ntenti onally but b e
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The
Cou
t
G ir l
n ry
37
caus e her li fe i n the ci ty has made her feel that
S he knows all that is worth knowi ng and i t seems
to her that the social law s of her small ci rcle gov
ern the world R ight is righ t everywhere and at
all ti mes but what would be counted a breach of
eti quette i n the ci ty may be nothi ng but a neigh
borly kindness i n the country and no thoug ht of
wrong i s gi ven to i t unti l the city girl suggests i t
Long ago She w as told that i t w as n ot correct for
her to go dri v i ng wi th a young m an alone ! her
cousi n i n the country fee ls very grateful when a
neighbor who is going to the neares t town s tops
and takes her i n his buggy and gi ves her ti me to
do her shoppi ng at the country store and then
bri ngs her back home ! there is not a thought of
an yt hing wrong about this and Chevalier Bayard
could not be m ore courteous than is her neigh
I think the ci ty girl very often forgets that
b or
the coun try is not envi roned by an i ron raili ng
wi th a plot of grass behi nd i t and a back yard
Li li es gro w i n co u n try gardens an d country gi rls
are very often as i gnorant of evi l as the li li es them
s elves
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T O I M PR O VE H ERSE L F
A ques ti on that i s con ti nually asked by the girl
who is far off from the picture galleri es the li bra
ri es and the great centres of civili zation is how
S h e shall improve her m ind
S he does not wish
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Side Talk s
38
th G ir ls
wi
to be ignorant of what is goi ng on i n the world
and yet perhaps s he meets no on e who has a b s o
lu t e ly come i n contact w i th the busy world i tself
N ow the bes t thing for her to do is to s e e the
world as i n a looking glas s that is to read good
newspaper s as many of the magazi nes as possi ble
and best of all to di s cuss wi th someone else the
ques tions of the day ! i t may be wi th her father
her brother or her mother S he can keep he r s e lf
well i nformed i n this way I am posi tively certai n
many a country gi rl does I am equall y certain
Then too whenever there is an opportuni t y i t
wi ll be wise for her to blo t out the petty gossi p
that ex ists in her ow n parti cular s e t and gen tly
but eas i ly i nteres t her compani ons i n events and
thi ngs i n the outsi de world rather than the affairs
The country girl who will
of the neighborhood
thi nk ou t as She works away at her dai ly tas ks
that whi ch is of i nterest t o the whole world is
armed to go anywhere and to meet anybody for
s he
is feeding her mind wi th a diet that will
stre n gthen and widen i t Don t my dear girl as
I said before let yourself dri ft i nto the pe r s onal
i ties of the neighborhood for as s ure as you do
you wi ll become qui te as narrow as the city cousi n
“
ou r s e t
w ho thi nk s that what we do i n
is as
important as the acti on s of Mr G lads tone
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The Cou
t
n ry
G ir l
39
A BO U T HE R O PI N I ON S
The coun try gi rl i s very apt to b e decided i n
her views : she has had time to think them o v er
and t o form them and s he has as the darki es
down S outh say
made up her mind
B ut s he
must not force her op inions on other people
That is to s a y becaus e She beli eves on e thi ng she
must not conclude that every one who di ffers wi th
her is wrong S he may refuse to do what she
does not think right bu t s he has no right to do
i t i n such a manner that S he is a wet blanket upon
everybody else What is on e man s meat i s dis
t in c t ly another man s poison and difference i n
educa tion i n surroundi ngs and i n habi ts may
make wha t is wrong t o her righ t to somebody else
While she would be horri fied at he r ci ty cousi n
danci ng a V i rgini a reel her ci ty cous i n would
be amazed at seeing her play a ki s s ing game at a
church picni c This is j ust on e compar is on but
i t gives an i dea of what I mean
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A BO U T HER
C L O T H ES
T hat country girl i s wise who remembering
that the blue of the skies and the green of the trees
form her background e lects that duri ng the sum
mer she Shall wear pretty cottons dai ntily made
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Side Talk s
40
th G ir ls
wi
and wide brimmed s omewhat fantasti c s traw hats
S he would be entirely out of place i n stuffy wool
lens or elaborate silks and yet each on e of you
knows that this mistake is sometimes made F or
the morni ng she can have the si mplest ginghams
or lawns and for the evening a somewhat more
elaborate but sti ll a cotton costume S he is u n
wis e in imi tati ng her city cousi n who n i ne ti mes
ou t of ten looks over dressed when she is i n the
country I wish I could make the country gi rl
understand exactly the charm the restful charm
that there is i n her si mplici ty and I wish I could
make her con tent I know i t is in the heart of
every girl to long for pretty gowns and a much
betrimmed Si lk frock may look very charmi ng to
the girl who has n ot one while to the u n p r ej u
diced obser v er i t seems absolutely ou t of place
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WH A T
T O T A L K A BO U T
When th e city cou s in comes and the girls who
are to have tea wi th you are all together don t
ask ques tions about the silly habits of the town
and above all things i f you hear of some si lly
habit affected by a s o called fashionable woman
don t attempt to imitate her in her folly Induce
you r ci ty cousi n to tell you about the thi ngs worth
seei ng and hearing abou t of the great paintings
of t he w onderful naval Show and how ou r Amer
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Side Talk s
42
A BO U T HE R
th G ir ls
wi
SWEE TH E A RT
O f course you belie v e i n him But s ti ll you
hav e quite a fu nny little heartbeat when you s e e
his eyes O pen wi de with admi rati on as he looks at
your city cousi n who i n a ribbon trimmed gown
of sum m er silk seems like a Dresden s tatuette
I t i s useless to say you are foolish But you are
I f he is worth anythi ng i f he is worth the havi ng
he wi ll never gi ve you up for the ci ty cousi n and
any courtesy he may Show her wi ll probably be
n ot only because s he i n terests hi m but especi ally
beca u se he loves you S weethearts m y dear are
much truer than we gi ve the m credit for and if
you want to keep yours believe i n hi m and that
I f his s o called love has
b eli ef wi ll m ake belief
only been the fancy of a moment then be thank
ful that by the appearance of the ci ty cou s i n you
di s covered i n time that what you though t w as pure
gold w as not even Si lver gilt
S ome country girls tell me of li ttle li berti es they
allo w thei r sweethearts and which can really not
be called wrong but I wish I could make them
understand how much more what a man cannot get
is to him than what is gi ven to him as i f i t were
No my dear country gi rl I do not
of no worth
thi nk you ought to let your sweetheart ki s s you
whenever he wishes A kiss from you should mean
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The
Cou
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G ir l
n ry
43
that i t should b e an event and then he
will be certai n that nobody else is getting your
t r e as u r w and that you are hoarding great expres
sions of affection for the ti me when you shall be
his very ow n
The city girl i n keeping her sweet
heart at a li ttle d istance is very wis e and the coun
try gi rl should be equally w ise I do n ot mean
there should be no love maki ng— I like that old
fas hioned word —but 1 do beli ev e that a li ttle t oo
much freedom i s a s peck on the perfect frui t of
love and i t i s on e whi ch i t is i n the power of the
girl to pre v ent
s
o much
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WHEN
S HE
G O ES T O T O W N
The country girl away from home is a bi t t r ou b
led S he doubts her gowns s he doubts whether
She kn ows the ways and manners of the people
and S he i s apt to be unhappy S he asked me the
other day i f a book of eti quette would help her
I s a y to her
No
The great book of etiquette
is the world and it is read like the s maller book
wi th the eyes
H avi ng been properly trained you
are not likely to make an y great mistake s an d
the smaller custom s that di ffer i n e very town are
easi ly acquired by watching what other people do
and imi tati n g them onl y d o not i mi tate the
wrong people I f you are in a hotel and the
woman opposite you uses a toothpick and walks
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Side Talk s
44
th G ir ls
wi
ou t of the
room with one i n her mouth don t fol
low her e x am m
If the man nex t to you piles his
e
fork with vegetables by means of his kni fe as i f he
were loadi ng a coal wagon don t follow his ex
ample and i f somebody else near you tucks i n
her napki n like a bib do not thi nk that well -bred
people do such thi ngs If a dish that you have
never eaten is put before you chat pleas antly with
your neighbor u nti l you s e e how she eats i t I f
v ery properly you do not care for wi ne and are
at a table where wine is s erved s i mply signi fy in
s ome u nobtrusive manner to the wai ter that you
do not wish any Don t be afrai d of yourself i n
conversation That is to say the chanc e s are you
can talk as well as any girl i n the room but i f you
begi n to s tammer and get nervous you wi ll neve r
be able t o s ay anything and you w ill be credi ted
w i th knowi ng n othing
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A BO U T
T HE M E N
S HE
M EE T S
Because a man li ves i n the city whi ch is his
misfortune and n ot h is fault it must not be s u p
pos ed that he is a black sheep roaming round seek
i ng whom he may devour Though by the by
from what I have seen of Sheep they devour i n a
very qui et and poli te fas hion Men are better
than they are credi ted wi th bei ng and one seldom
s ay s or does an y thing to an i nnocent girl that is
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The
Cou
t
n ry
G ir l
45
n ot quite right O f course there are i ll mannered
men jus t as there are v ulgar women The coun
t r y girl who is visi ting in town mu s t u s e that fine
wan d of s elf protection to discover the on e from
the other G entlemen are never over dre s s ed are
never bo isterous and are never effusive It i s
bes t i f possible to avoid maki ng enemi es and s o
the coun try gi rl must use a li ttle tact
I do n ot thi nk the coun try girl needs t o be told
she must never accept an i nvitation from a man
who is not a relati on to go wi th him alone to any
place I f he wi s hes to do her any honor he wi ll
make u p a party properly chaperoned and then
The coun
s he can have a thoroughly good ti me
try gi rl looks a t me an d wonder s i f I th ink S he
would do anythi ng w rong I do not I not only
beli eve i n her but I be lieve i n the Ameri can man
yet i n most l arge ci ti es there are certai n soci al
laws that must be ob s erved and the protecti on of
a young gi rl by an older woman is on e of the m ost
i mportant It is true that the gi rl s m other may
have gone to a concert to d rive or to supper wi th
a young man that all her friends di d i t and that i n
those days i t w as cons i dered qui te proper But we
have grown older as a people and we have got
that wisdom whi ch teach e s us that to keep ou r
young gi rls perfectly protected is the greatest of all
I k n ow that a girl who d esires to do wrong can
do so wheneve r she wishes she can say the im
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Side Talk s
46
th G ir ls
wi
proper word or s he can act improperly when She
k nows her chaperon is n ot looki ng But I am
thankful that among American girls thi s type is
unusual and that most of them are glad to have
wi th them an older woman who s uggests the
pleas antes t ways ou t of di fficulti es and who places
near to each other the people She thi nks are a t
tracted the on e to the other
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MY C OU NT RY GIR L S
TO
When my country gir ls are readi ng this I shall be
off where the grass is green where the s weetes t flow
e r s in the world bloom and where a lazy river runs
bes ide a very old fashi oned town and there I wi l l
meet the girl I am very fond of—the cou ntry gi rl
A nd we wi ll gossip i n good fai th about books an d
pi ctures and she w ill tell me lovely stories about
the flowers and the woods and she will take me to
dri ve j ust before the sun sets and we will stop at a
far mhouse and get a dri nk of milk and then when
I get back home I s hall feel s o deligh tfully tired
The ri ver will si ng me to sleep and after I have
said my prayers and asked a blessi ng upon all my
girls I wi ll u ncon s ciously add to the fervent
Amen
G od made the country an d man
made the town
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H E R L E TTE R AN D MY ANS WE R
letter
It has become neces s ary for m e
to earn my own living I have been
deli cately reared and well educated
but I am not v ery strong physi cally People say
I am pretty F rom m y earli es t childhood I have
had a great des ire to go on the s t age I thi nk of
What would you advise
m aki ng i t my li fe work
me to do
My answer is thi s : Take up any hones t em
ployment i n preference to becoming an actres s
You come fr om the S outh where women are ten
de r ly brought up where great care i s taken of thei r
sur roundi ngs of the mode of Speech u s ed to them
and where con s iderati on is the keynote of a man s
atti tude to women
You are imagi nati ve and
ambi ti ous you believe i n yourself an d although
o
u
have
in
a
vague
way
a
Slight
idea
the
o
f
y
temptations of the stage you thi nk you are strong
enough to wi thstand them S uppose you did
suppose you were as pure as snow you would not
H IS is he r
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Side Talk s
48
th G ir ls
wi
es cape calumny Do you think that your work
would be suffi cient reward for the i nnuendoes
the s hrugs and i n many instances the outspoken
words of contempt ? I am goi ng to s peak to you
very plainly I am going to tell you what I know
to be true becaus e I have many fri ends on the
and yet among them there is not on e
s tage
who when I have put the ques ti on
I f you
had your life to go over would you go on the
stage ? has not answered
No mos t posi ti vely
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T HE L I F E OF A N A C T RESS
What is the li fe of an actres s ? U nlike other
women s h e has no home for i n thi s great coun
try there are not more than five or s ix s tock c om
n
i
and
naturally
the
number
actor
i
n
a
es
o
f
s
p
them i s limited A woman wants the protecti ve
i nfluence t he r e gu lar li vi ng and the deferences
paid to moral laws only po s s i ble i n an established
place of li v ing To day you are i n the North
next week i n the S outh the week after i n the West
and you ne v er have the time to make for your
self an abidi ng place to surround yours elf with
friends or t o think about the advisabili ty of li v
i ng regularly You arri v e i n a strange town at
three o clock i n the morning ! the advance agen t
has not noti fied you about the hotels and i t is
possi ble that i f you wish to go to a res pectable
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Side Talk s
0
th G ir ls
wi
T HE A T MO SP H ERE OF T HE FOO T L IG H T S
-
thi nk i t wi ll n ot be di fferent from an y
other but i t will and i t is It seems to cause
the growth of envy and a good deal of u n c har
it a b le n es s
Your friend of yesterday to whom
you wondered how you would get along is your
enemy of to day Why ? Because you had a
round of applause and a line of approbati on i n
the morning paper The stage director orders
you at a certai n ti me to take the centre of the
stage the leadi ng man is i ndignan t at your b e
i ng pus hed forward he revenges hims elf at night
“
by movi ng his face i n s uch a way
muggi ng
is the s tage s lang that the audience is attracted
to him and from you The next day he is
repri manded before the whole c o
mpany and the
result of i t all is that you have made a bi tter
enemy i nnocently enough and on e who does not
but who is only
s peak to you the entire s eas on
too r eady to s peak against y ou You thi nk men
do not do this off the stage ? My dear they do
i t on
This is not the worst
When two or
three or four or five members O f the theatrical
profes sion meet what do they talk about
G reat
play s ? G reat actors ? O r the value of study ?
O h ! n o T he s uccess es and fai lu res and folli es
What you hear will s hock you
of each other
You
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Her Le tt er
My A n s w er
an d
5
1
at first though you get to think nothi ng after
awhi le of the abs olute lack of reverence Shown for
good The woman who tries to
a nything that is
lead a good li fe is laughed at I do n ot mean by
t his that there are not good women on the s tage
but I do know that i n almost every cas e their
goodnes s i ns tead of be ing a subject for prai s e is
trea ted not only by the s tage people but by the
news papers half s corn fully
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T HE
WAYS A N D
MA NN ERS
do not expect to find stage hands wi th the
manners and courtesy of properly trai ned s e r
van ts but do you expect to find the greates t fa
m iliar it y existing and also to hear s ome profane
lan guage ?
To s w ear like a s t a ge carpenter is
an ordinary comparison What e ffect is i t going
to ha ve on you in time
I t is possible you may
not grow equally profane but you wi ll be come
s o accus tomed to i t that i t wi ll no lo n ger offend
you Long tiresome ri d es wi th li ttle or no
food lunch of the ki nd furnished at a railroad
maki ng i t eas y for you to learn to
s tation
take a li ttle somethi ng to strengthen you and
a fter you
have been as s ur ed again and agai n that
there is no harm and a great amount of cons olati on
i n a cigarette you try on e Who can blame you
N ot I for what you do but I am telli ng you thi s
You
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Side Talk s
2
5
th G ir ls
wi
to keep you from putting yourself i n a po s ition
where such temptati ons may come to you Le t
me tell you what a manager said to me the other
day H e w as talki ng of on e woman who had been
i n his company and who had been discharged
O n my as ki ng hi m the reason he sai d
H er
great charm w as her womanli nes s
S he called i t
pers onal magneti s m ! but i t w as because she w as
such a real woman that s he held an audience
Now after t w o s eas ons on the road she may be a
better actress but s he is not as attracti ve s he has
become like all the rest of them and he r charm is
Was i t her fault ? I cannot s ay I only
gone
know i f s he had been livi ng ou t a more protected
li fe She would have remained her ow n s we et s elf
much longer
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THE
UE
T
I
O
N
S
Q
OF
WA GE S
But y ou clai m that women make more mone y
Do they
H ave you ever counted
on the s tage
i t up ? H ave you ever thought ou t the number
The salary offered seems large
of ri ch actresses
to you there are few profes s ions i n whi ch you
would get as a beginner twenty fi v e thirty nv e
But i n what
or possibly fifty dollars a week
other profes s ion is the outlay so great ? Fe w
companies are on the road more than ni ne months
duri ng the year many of them not that long S o
e ven i f you are r e engaged the r e are three months
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Her Le tt e r
an d
My A n s wer
53
when you earn nothing at all T lie n during the
long busy days of the rehearsal you receive no
D uri ng that time your clothes have t o be
s alar y
got an d unless you have been provi den t and have
saved some m oney you are obliged to go i n debt
for them a n d thi s means payi ng more for them
than you would i f you could gi ve ready money
I t is necessa ry for you when travelli ng to go to
a res pectable hotel an d these are seldom cheap
of course i n some of the lar ge ci ties you may find
s ome les s ex pensi ve place but when you are only
goi ng to be i n a town for a few days you have
not the time to hun t u p a b oardi ng h ouse You
are obli ge d to look well and the we ar and tear on
your clothes is very hard I t is poss i ble that on e
of your stage costum e s is an ela b orate evening
dres s —the average dres s i ng -room is a di rty n u
car pe ted place that i n your ow n home you would
not o ffer to the lowes t servant F rom the dres s
i ng room to the stage the walk is rough and dusty
and the s tage i tself is too often covered by a car
n e at all
when
h
as
o
that
is
hea
v
y
wi
th
t
i
t
e
p
dus t The expe nsi ve gown is soon soi led a n e w
on e has to be had and even though you do
have your gowns cleaned this process is e x pe n
si ve Wh en the outlay is cons idered I do not
thi nk the average actres s —the average on e t e
member—e arns much more money than the girl
who s tan ds behind the coun ter i n a go od s hop
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Side Talk s
54
HO PES OF
t h G ir ls
wi
T HE GIR L I N FRO N T
have an i dea that as travelli ng i mproves
m os t people the goi ng through the country wi ll
do the same for y ou H ow many actresses know
anything about the places where they have been ?
Thoroughly ti red out after the night s perform
ance they sleep u nti l late the next day and then
i f there is not a rehears al seem to find more pleas
ure i n stayi ng i n thei r rooms reading no v els or
playi ng cards unti l i t i s ti me to go to the theatre
again TO O O ften all they know abou t a place is
the distance from the s tation to the hotel and
from the hotel to the theatre i tself I am not
I absolutely know i t to
s tati ng this a s a s urm i s e
be true T he li fe i ncli nes one to i ndolence and
the thought of going ou t to take a walk or to s e e
the places of i nterest never seems to enter the
head of the average actress You thi nk s he talks
—
well and is v ers ati le S he talks eas i ly her pro
fe s s ion has given her control of word s ! i t is to
her advantage to be able to si ng a li ttle play a
li ttle and dance well bu t mo s t O f her ac c om
h
e h as
nei
ther
the
S
m
n ts
ar e superfici al
h
l
i
s
e
p
time n or the incli nation to take u p any s tudi es or
to thi nk ou t ques tion s that are not of immediate
use to her
You had hoped by goi ng to that well of E ng
You
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Her Lett er
My A n s w er
and
55
lish u n de fi le d the works of S hakespeare to im
pro v e y ourself s o much mentally that you would
an
s tand ou t as an i ntellectu al woman as well as
actres s
M y dear chi ld the average actre s s i n
readi ng S hakes peare looks for the
bu s i nes s
that i t will give and does not trouble herself about
the meani ng o f the words or the subtlety of the
character as painted by the great wri ter After
you have been laughed at you wi ll i n a little
whi le get to be like the res t of them for as on
the stage you imi tate somebody el s e s o off i t you
wi ll u nconsci ously exercise your mi meti c power
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T HE A C T RESS AND T HE W OMA N
You thi nk I am severe You thi nk that you
can li ve your ow n li fe as you wish i t withou t gi v
ing a though t to the people about you
My
chi ld this is impo s s i ble Uncons cious ly we are
impressed by ou r environment and people w ith
whom we are thrown i n conta ct day by day are
each doing s omething for or agains t u s
They
may never know i t I do n ot like to think any
human bei ng would wi lfully s e t a bad exam ple
and yet the mere li ves of s ome people make the
di fference between good and evi l seem les s You
imagi ne you can keep to yourself You might i f
you were the star of the company but as you are
not as you dress i n the room wi th someone else
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Side Talk s
56
th G ir ls
wi
you are forced i f only for your ow n comfort t o
be ci vi l to all those around you And civili ty
and familiari ty are almost synonymous back of the
foot lights A very curi ous habi t increases this
fami liari ty —somebody wants a li ttle rouge some
body wants a li ttle powder !
would you mi nd
lendi ng a pair of stocki ngs to somebod y else ?
At first you resent this lack O f recogni tion as to
m ine and thi ne but after awhi le you gr ow to be
like your comrad es
A t fi r s t —and now I am going to s a y something
that because I am a woman I can s a y—a t first
y ou bi t your lip and blushed at the freedom wi th
whi ch words were u s ed— words that you had never
heard before ! you lo s t your O pportunity to stop
s uch conversation when i t began and you will be
s urprised to discover later on how first you listen
and then i ndulge i n i t yourself I do not know
why it is that back of t he painted curtai n there
seems to crop up like weed s most of the small
v ic es You cannot get out of i t by isolating your
s elf
I will prove thi s by telling you something
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FROM
PERS ON A L K NO WL E D GE
A woman a young woman and a pretty woman
who has managed to keep herself free from r e
proach and who is a well -known actress never
m m gle s with the company
Between the acts she
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Side Ta lk s
8
5
th G ir ls
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exci tement all around S i nce the night before
someone had entered the dressing ro om of another
actres s had taken the scissor s and mali ciously sli t
u p in strips the dress whi ch s he wore i n the play
There w as not time to get another on e It w as a
peculiar dress and so S he had to be out O f the bi ll
for the afternoon I asked i f they did not thi nk
a crazy person had done i t and I w as told con
fi de n t ially that i t was u ndoubtedly a member O f
the company a girl who w as the rival i n Singing
and danci ng of my friend I t w as hard to believe
this but I was assured i t was true I t is possi ble
that you thi nk I am severe m y dear gi rl bu t I
want you to see the o t her si de and to reali ze that
the applau se the gayety the brightness belong to
the audi ence and that there is very li ttle of i t b e
hi nd the curtain Among my ow n fri ends I num
ber women who are on t he stage good women
honest women and true women bu t not one of
the m wishes a Sister or a daughter of hers to follow
i n her footsteps
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AN
I M P OR TAN T
o
n
u r s r ro
Although you do need to earn yo u r own livi ng
you think that some day Pri nce Charmi ng wi ll a p
pear and make you his wife S uppose he happens
to be an actor suppos e you are true to each other
what kind of a li fe wi ll you have ? You wi ll n ot
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Her Lett e r
an d
My A n s w er
59
i n reali ty be a helpmate and companion to the
man you love you wi ll only bear his name And
he ? Is i t surprisi ng when you two are so far apart
that he should not always make you first i n his
thoughts ? H e wi ll be away from you m any
months i n the year F ew managers care to em
ploy husband and wi fe so i f you remai n on the
stage you m a y be i n on e part of the country whi le
your husband is i n another and when the vacati on
“
time comes you just stay some place
unti l
the s eason be gi ns agai n When you were cre
ated i t was i ntended that you should lead the
the life O f a wom an and li ving the li fe of a woman
mea ns havi ng a home of your own and maki ng
out of your li fe a sweet fragrance that wi ll ri s e and
be accepted as tribute by H i m who created you
I t wi ll not be eas y to do this i f you lead the
wanderi ng li fe that the stage demands and the
very fact of your being young and pretty wi ll tend
to les s en your chance rather than to increase i t
My dea r I beg of you to select any work rather
than that w hich the stage offers you The play
er s li fe is n ot calculated to bri ng ou t the virtues
of a woman
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T
K
U
I
E
W
A
L
S
G
I
R
L
S
F
O
R
Q
OMEONE
asked not very long ago
why women went ou t into the w orld
to work ! whether i t was for love of
money or for love of work w hether i t
w as to get away from home or whether i t w as wi th
the des ire to become famous I think oftenes t
and I am forced to think this from i nnumerable
letters I recei ve from my girls—that the gi rl who
goes ou t into the workaday world to earn her own
bread and bu tter does it because of the necessi ty
But when the question of making one s own livi ng
stares one i n the face a n d what on e must do to
gai n this li veli hood has to be decided upon noth
i ng is more common than to see the quickness wi th
which girls choose the paths i n li fe which are a l
ready overcrowded
They think they would like to make their living
by writi ng They have read about some woman
who has ma de money and fame by her pen They
hear of her to —
day what about the ten long years
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Q
u
iet
Wa lk s for G ir ls
6
1
when s he worked unknown to make this reputa
ti on ? They hear of a w oman painter who got a
big check for her pi cture They thi nk they have
talent of the s ame sort There are mi llions of
women w ho have thought the same but w ho to
day are decorati ng cups and saucer s that do n ot
sell Won t my girls have the moral cou r age to
try an d ear n the bread and butter i n on e of the
qui et walks of life
What are the quiet paths of
life
Well here is one
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T HE N URSER Y
G OVER N ESS
You may be only s eventeen years old w hen i t
becomes neces s ary for you to take care of yourself
o
f
r
L
know
nothi
ng
reek
ati
n
and
you
o
u
G
o
y
could not trai n a young girl for college but you
have the three R s at your fi n ge r tips you are
good - tempered and you have accumulated a
store of pati ence Now t r y for the po s i ti o n of
nu r s ery go v ernes s
I n a bi g ci ty I ll tell you what
tha t means A t ni ne o clock i n the morning you
enter the nu r s ery where your s mall pupils are
rangi ng in years from three to seven ! probably
there are thr ee of them There is a pleasant
H ow do -you do because fi r s t of all you mu s t
And then the S O called le s
m ake them like y ou
The s even -year O ld hav i ng mas tered
s ons begin
her letters and knowing how to read i n single and
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Side Talk s
2
th G ir ls
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possi bly double s yllabled words reads a s tory that
i nterests the other two or at least on e of them
whi le the baby starts i n to build a ho u s e O f alpha
bet blocks wi th the letter A
Then
on top
for the seven year old you set a copy on the slate
-preferably her name
fi
v
e
o
l
and
the
yea
r
d to
!
whom you s hould devote your clo s est attention
teach
to
spell
words
from
a
picture
u
h
w
o
o
y
book
Before you know it will be eleven o clock and
the nurse will be ready to go ou t wi th you S he
puts on the li ttle people s wraps and gloves and
hats and you as s uperi or oversee thi s
Then
once i n the open square you teach the chi ldren to
w alk properly and to speak poli tel y to any a c
quai ntance whom they m ay meet and at the end
of the exercise hour you may let them have a run
that wi ll no t be t oo boisterous
At home agai n a
li ttle after twelve preparati ons are made for the
midday di nner Then you mu s t watch
Baby
must be tau ght that i t isn t righ t to s wallow thi ngs
whole the nv e year old m ust be educated not to
pile his fork wi th vegetables and the s ev en year
old must be Sh own how to help herself to the dish
that is passed to he r Wi thout droppi ng i ts contents
After a li ttle
on the table cloth or the carpet
ti me the girl is given a thimble and you teach her
how to s e w while the boys are busy wi th whatever
wi ll occupy them quietly At half past two you
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t
W
a
l
G
l
s
o
r
r
Q
f
u
63
ie
go home a n d i f you are as willi ng and as eager to
succeed as one li ttle woman I know when the
half hour s tri kes you wi ll have your pupi ls hang
ing to your ski rts expressing thei r regret at your
departure and wishi ng that you mi ght li ve wi th
t hem
forever and forever
The average nurs ery governes s is pa i d thi rty dol
lar s a mon th and of course s he has her di nner
S ometi mes several families will uni te make a little
group of s ix or ei ght children who w ill all be
taugh t at the house of whoever has the larges t nurs
ery But when that is th e cas e the governess s
hou rs last from n i ne to one she is paid m ore and
she does not di ne wi th her pupi ls There is n o
publici ty about this positi on a college certi ficate i s
n ot requi red i t is one that n o gentlewoman need
s corn
and yet i t is sai d to be very difli c u lt to find
a good nursery govern ess
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ANO T H ER N EG L EC T E D O CCUP A T I ON
I t is that of maid I can see the s c offin g air
with which this is recei ved and yet a good m aid
n ot o n ly gets good wages
but she has slight ex
e
n
i
t
r
d
u
e
H
er
li
vi
ng
is
paid
for
and
u
sually
sh
e
p
eats by herself S he is very apt to have the gowns
the black ones whi ch i t is most proper for her to
assume gi ven to her on special occas i ons And
i f she knows anythi ng about her work s he can
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Side Talk s
64
th G ir ls
wi
command twenty fi v e dollars a mon th It is ex
p e c t e d of her that S h e should be neat know how
to take care O f clothes be respon s i ble for her mis
tress s jewelry be able to bru s h hair and do or
I f s he is ambi tious and will
din ar y mendi ng
learn to dres s hair teach herself how to make
over dres ses and proves able to take care of her
mi s tres s when s he is ill s he can earn fifty dollars
a month No education except that of the heart
and that of the hands which every woman
even i f s he doesn t know how to read n or wri te
is s u ppo s ed to have is requi red for the posi tion of
maid I have known good maids w ho were never
made to feel for on e mi nute that i t w as a ques tion
of m istress and maid and who gained this con
fi de n c e and love by good work and consideration
Pe r s onally I would much rather be mai d to a lady
than stand behind a shop counter I know that
many of my gi rls will disagree wi th me but I can
as s ure them that the li fe is much easier
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T HE P L E A SI N G C OM PA N I ON
I know you from your letter You thi nk you
could play L a dy M a che t k and yet you have
come down to givi ng les s ons i n elocuti on and the
average of teachers to pupi ls i n this li ne as quoted
lately is ten to on e There are a great many
women whose eyes bei ng a bi t weak like to be read
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Side Talk s
66
th G ir ls
wi
i ngs happened to be lace or si lk ones i t might be
worth while but the general stocki ng doesn t cost
over a dollar a pai r and i t is really cheaper to buy
new ones than be bothered by a strange woman
comi ng i n to mend the old ones To the woman
who can m end but who cannot remake I would
suggest that a dollar a day and her board is qui te
enough for her and when I say her board I mean
two meals her break fast and the mi dday on e
S he should learn as rapidly as possi ble where the
fami ly for whom she w orks keeps the undarned
s tocki ngs the torn skirts the worn linen a n d the
shoes wi thout buttons And s he should i nduce
her employer to purchase and keep for her a mend
i ng basket i n which to keep the different threads
the buttons and the tapes the hooks and eyes and
d ifferent si z ed needles s o that when i t i s desi red
the implement is to hand O nce s he has the repu
t a t ion of bei ng a good mender and an hones t one
her servic e s wi ll be called for once a week i n di f
fe r e n t fami li es and i f s he is agreeable— and unle s
she is no woman will succeed i n an y busines s— her
patrons will s oon become her fri ends eager and
anxi ous to advance her i nterests In Paris the
ci ty of great luxury and great economy your laun
dress can always recommend a mender to you s o
that the forlorn bachelor is cared for and thou gh
he may never see the woman who looks after his
b elongings sti ll he gladly pays the laun dress for
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Q iet
u
Walk s for G ir ls
her work and the lau ndress
deducts a small percentage
fello w ship
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pays her either
they work in good
he
as s
or
,
67
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S OM E O TH ER
W O RKERS
I n the large ci ti e s the young woman who knows
how to mani cure has discovered that she can make
more money and be more i ndependent by goi ng
to her cus tomers at their houses
S he c a rries i n
her li ttle bag all her i mplements and i f her ser
vi ces are rendered regularly s he wi ll be required
from half an hour to an hour F or this she i s
paid fifty cen ts and as her ti me i s u s ually taken
up from ni ne i n the morni ng until si x i n the
evening i t is easy to understand that she can
make a n ice li ttle i ncome es pecially as i f when
properly enough
S h e is kept after si x she charges
on e dollar
The v isi ting hai r dres s er is equally fortunate
S he com e s to do your hair every day at the hour
w hich is most convenien t
i t is not expected that
s h e arranges i t i n an extremely elaborate way but
she brush es i t well shampoos i t once a mon th
cur ls the front and arranges the back as you like
i t F or this S he is pai d fifty cents or two dollars
and a half a week S he can get through with
almost any head i n half an hour provi ded s he
is not de t ai ned and i f her servi ces are needed for
the evening and an elaborate coiffure is de
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Side Talk s
68
th G ir ls
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She charges a dollar ex tra Duri ng the
gay season the extras are many and as at all
ti mes women like to h ave thei r hair look w e ll
most O f the m ar e qui te wi lling to pay the pri ce
th at s he asks O f course i n the case of the
mani cure and the hai r dresser the first struggle is
to get the cu s tomers ! after that to keep them
This is done by havi ng an agreeable manner but
on e that is not famili ar
You must remember
that you are not paying social visi ts but thos e of
bus iness Then you must be prompt and be neat
The bes t hai r dresser I ever knew lost most of her
customers because she w as slovenly i n appearance
and another on e who had every qualification nec
es s ary to make a success i n her spec i al busi nes s
w as equally u nfortunate becau s e s he w as never on
ti me
m an de d,
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S
T I LL ANO T H ER W ORK
I hav e spoken of Paris as the ci ty of the great
est luxury and the greates t economy There is a
work there whi ch has been u surped by men and
yet whi ch should belong to women I t i s that of
the professi onal packer Do you know how to
pack a trunk well ? And i f you don t how many
people do you know who do ? And wouldn t
you gladly gi ve a dollar for a large and fifty
cents for a s mall trunk to be properly packed ?
The packer comes with dozens of sheets of ti s s ue
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Walk s for G ir ls
69
p a per and s everal pi eces of ta pe
You can S i t
where your belongi ngs are and as ski rts and b od
ices are taken down s ay whi ch you want Then
the bodices have thei r sleeves s tu ffed wi th paper to
keep them i n s hape the tri mmi ngs carefully c ov
ered with i t the ski rts are properly folded ! t he
bonne t s and hats have tapes pi nned to them and
thes e s ame tapes are tacked to the sides of the hat
b ox s o that no matter how much the trunk may
be shaken not a feather n or a rose moves ou t of
Then when everythi ng is done there
it s place
is lai d on the top of the last tray a list of the
thi ngs that are i n the trunk s o that you don t
los e your temper searching for the pi nk bodi ce
which is n t there or the tan -colored shoes which
you expres s ly requested should be left at home
I do n ot suppose there is su ffici ent busi nes s i n the
ordi nary town for a packer all the year round bu t
I am quite certai n that once i t were known that
you could pack well when the goi ng -away time
came your servi ces would be i n great demand and
you would seldom be ou t O f work
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W H AT
I M E AN
My dear gi rl i t is j ust pos sible that y ou are very
foolish
that you scoff at the hones t ways of earn
in g a li ving about whi ch I have spoken
Work
is never dishonorable The manner i n whi ch i t
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Side Ta lk s
70
.
th G ir ls
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is done is all that can make i t s o The positi on
you occupy is gauged entirely by the worth of
your work A thorough mender is a thousand
times better than a careles s dressmaker
You
would be horri fied i f I called you dishonest and
yet when you force your friend s to b u y on e of
your badly pai nted pi ctures when you ann oy
editors w i th worthless stories and when m e dioc
ri ty stamps whatever you do i t would be wiser
and more honest for you to choose on e of the
quieter paths i n li fe It is a misfortune for a
woman to have to ear n her li ving But i t is
a mi s fortune whi ch thank G od she has m e t O h
When she
s o many ti mes bravely and honestly
goes out into that world where she has to gi ve a
dollar s worth of work for a dollar then I do not
think s he wants to be a b eggar but she is t his i f
s h e tri es to foist upon a circle of acquai ntances and
friends mi serable specimens O f work S he is self
res pecti n g and honorable when she does well the
work which she finds will pay her the best for
after all we are all worki ng as the clever little
Wes tern woman wrote about her newspaper
Not for favor not for fun but for cash
I do
not want you al w ay s to think of the dollar as the
sole ai m O f your work but I do want you to r e
member that if you do good work you w i ll get
good money
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A G I R L S R E L I G I O US L I FE
’
N every language i t has been said that
a woman wi thou t religion i s like a
flower wi thou t perfume
and that i t
is true i s best proven by the fact that
men who have no belief grieve bitterly i f the
women who belong to them are un believers I am
going to have a li ttle talk wi th m y gi rls abou t
what religi on means to them and what I thi nk i t
should mean I say religi on because I hope that
every on e of them respects the fai th whi ch is l ived
up to by the other and that no one of them would
dare question the right or the wrong of a beli e f
that gave forth beauti ful blossoms O f puri ty sweet
ness and chari ty
F i r st of all then your religious life must be r e al
You probably wonder w hat I mean when I say this
and I am going to try as well as I can i n black
and whi te to tell you
E ach on e of you has
please G od been t aught when you were a li ttle
gi rl to say your prayers to read certain devoti onal
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Side Talk s
2
7
th G ir ls
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books and to do as nearly as possible that whi ch
This you have accepted wi th the bean
is ri ght
ti ful fai th that comes only to a chi ld As you
near womanhood you begi n to thi nk about t h e
meaning of things
You decide for you r s elf what
i s right you make a public announcement O f your
belief and of your i ntenti on to li ve up to that b e
lief Almost i nvariably thi s is followed by an e f
fort to li ve what you think is a spi ri tual life You
mar k ou t for yours elf certai n pages that are to be
read you think ou t the prayers you wish to s ay
you are wi lli ng to work for the cau se i n which you
beli eve and nothing gives you s o much joy as the
absolute givi ng up of yourself mind and body t o
reli gi on This i s what might be called the ecstasy
of religi on You who are feeli ng i t will thi nk
that I am cruel i n sayi ng t hat it is almost worse
than no religi on at all because all such violent
emotions have thei r opposi tes and are certain to
turn sooner or later i n that d irecti on
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RE L IGI ON
W I T HO U T
RE L IGI ON
Wrapped up i n prayer you find your daily du
ti es troubles ome upli fted by heavenly words you
regard the ordinary s peech of life as coarse think
ing of the lives of sai nts and martyrs you seem
wi cked and there is an absolute pleasure i n r e
mi nding yourself of that fact N ow my dear gi rl
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Side Ta lk s
74
th G ir ls
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T HE SPIRI T U A L AND M A T ERI A L
Your religious li fe is absolutely worthless unless
w
can
make
the
spi
ri
tual
side
Sho
itself i n your
o
u
y
daily life Dear O ld G eorge H erbert long ago
wrote
Le t thy mi nd s sweetnes s have i ts opera
tion upon body clothes and habi tation
Now
are you doi ng this ? O r are you simply usi ng
your religion as a course of aes theti c pleasure for
yourself ? Are you li ving a negative li fe—that
is doi ng what you thi nk correct as far as the
out w ard observance of your religi on deman ds
“
and as you put i t
doi ng no harm to any
body ? That last cond i ti on does not exist
When you do n t do harm to people you do them
good and s o you must be i n fluenci ng them i n
some ways To your brother your sister your
father or mother you are showing something of
your religi ous life Are you gi ving them the im
pression that rel i g i on 1 8 good to think of and talk
about but not to li ve by —that i t makes very
li ttle difference whether one has a belief or not
when i t comes to a question of every -day life ? I f
thi s is s o do you reali z e that you are an n ou n c
i ng that whi le i t is i nteres ti ng i t is nei ther
worth li vi n g by nor dyi ng for ? H arsh ? No
I am not that I am only tryi ng to Sh o w you of
how li ttle use is religi on unles s you make i t a
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A G ir l s R el igiou
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s
fe
Li
75
working on e I do not m ean by thi s that y ou
shall se parate you r s elf from your people to work
though there are thousands of or
s olely for this
ders where grea t and good w ork is don e by
women who are called by G od to do thi s work
but I am talki ng to you who are i n the w orld and
o f the world and who each i n your ow n wa y
can make that world better
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A DAY OF Y OUR L I F E
Jus t take a day of your life and work i t ou t
You get u p a little late and i f you s top to s ay the
long prayers that you usually do you can t help
the children to dress What ough t you to do ?
K neel down for a minute and reverently as k
G od s help duri ng the day and thank H i m for
H is car e during the night Then go to your
work D on t do i t sullenly don t do i t as i f i t
were a trouble but do i t cheerfully as a sister
should Later on di fferen t duties ari s e and do
not Shi rk on e I feel like s aying many ti m e s that
there i s nothi ng s o pleas ing to G od as work that
is done cheerfully ! i t is a prayer a very rosary of
deeds
Try throughout the day to speak the
k indly word and be chari table even i n your
though ts I f you have time to be alone for a
li ttle whi le then the book you are fond of or the
prayer you wish to s ay can be attended to b u t
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Side T alk s
6
7
th G ir ls
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who made you and placed y ou where you
are H e who can read the heart thoroughly u n
de r s t an ds that to do what your hand fi n de t h to do
is wor s hi p
G od
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T HE D U T IES OF
RUE RE L IGI ON
T
I w ould not seem for on e m i nute to underrate
the duti e s of religi on but I must say that I think
young girls are too apt to remember the letter of
the fai th rather than the spiri t I t is right that
you Should Show the world what you believe that
there should be the outward visible s ign i n the a t
tendance at church i n the respect sho w n to those
occupyi ng spi ri tual posi tions and i n the doi ng of
chari ty but and this is too O ften the case these
good acts are coun ted first of all and the duties
that come i nto one s li fe and which are j ust as
i mportant are neglected A girl of m y acquaint
ance who was very enthusiasti c said duri ng
H oly Week l as t year to her clergyman
Oh
Mr Brown I am so weak I can hardly walk to
church I have almos t starved myself this Lent I
S he expected approbation she got none ! instead
You are not only
the clergyma n said to her
a foolish but a wi cked girl You are not strong
and should not have fasted at all As i t is you
will be ill you will cause your mother who is a
v ery busy woman much trouble and a great deal
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A G ir l s R el igiou
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Life
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77
o f worry and i n the sight o f G od you have com
m it t e d a great si n
You have lacked cons idera
tio n for others and you h ave ill treated the body
whi ch w as made i n H is image I f you had kept
yours elf well and strong and been a help to your
mother your E as ter day migh t have been a happy
on e bu t as i t is i t can only be filled w i th r e
m o r se Pray for wisdom
This explai n s better than I can what I mean
when I t e ll yo u that you mu s t make your material
and your spiri tual lives i n perfect harmony T h e
soft an swer that turneth away w rath doe s mo r e to
convi nce your brother of the value of your relig
ion than all the prayers ever wri tten if you are
ill tempered The forgi venes s rendered some on e
who h as hurt you is more convi ncing of the
be auty of the golden rule and of your living up
to i t than all the societies that were ever formed
for the benefit of the heathen To make reli gi on
beautiful i n your ow n home and among your own
people is a great work And i f every girl di d that
there would be no heathen I know i t i s hard
to always do the right thi ng I know i t is hard
when there are beauti ful high and noble thoughts
that we would like to enjoy alone to have to sweep
a floor or mend a gown or bathe a baby bu t
the doi ng of any of thes e gently and cheerfully
is better t han thi nki ng high thou gh ts —it is li v ing
them
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S ide Ta
8
7
T HE
lk s
th G ir ls
wi
GIR L AT PR AY ER
I do n ot know that I can tell any girl how to
pray for each of us unco nsci ously has her own
way All that I can do i s to tell you mi ne G od
H imse lf has never seemed far off from me and
there is nothi ng for whi ch I would n ot as k H im
I thi nk H e knows my temptations and H e knows
me physically and men tally Therefore when I
say
Dear G od take away th is sorrow
or
give me th i s p leas ure I kno w H e understands
and wi ll do as seemeth best to H im When the
burden of the day be comes almost too gr eat the
“
Lord help me
cr y is only
And I tell you
from m y hear t that I have never prayed and fou n d
m y prayer unanswered not al w ays perhaps just
i n the way I ex pected i t but i n ti me I s aw the
w isdom o f i t all
I beli eve i n spoken prayer
but I beli eve als o i n the greatnes s of the prayer
that is never uttered by the lip s
I believe that
with G od every i ntense wish is a prayer and
as
di d the preachers long ago
s o I warn you
to beware of that for whi ch thou w is hes t wi th
all th y heart Many girl s not content or not
feeling sure of the words that would come from
their ow n hearts appreci ati ng the majesty rather
than the mercy O f G od prefer a formula of
prayer
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A G ir l
’
R el igiou
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Life
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79
O f this I only have to say do not get i nto the
habit of repeati ng i t thoughtlessly but linger over
the beauty of it s words and realize what t he y
mean every time they are uttered
The u niversal
prayer the one wh ich asks
O ur F ather for
help an d wisdom and chari t y and s weetnes s
is simple enough for the
b elongs to all of u s
youngest to u nde r stand an d magni ficen t enough
i n it s words and i ntenti on to satisfy the most
intellectual That is all I can s ay about prayer
because when we pray and how we pray m u s t b e
arranged by each only we do not want our pray
e r s to be mere words nor do we wi s h to go on the
housetops or the highways to make them
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VA
L UE OF
SE L F -E !
AM I N A TI ON
T here is probably no way to arri ve at one s r e
ligiou s condi tion s o valuable as by s elf exami n a
tion and by thi s I mean the li v i ng over i n your
thoughts the hours of the day and the seei ng
wherei n you have made mi s takes and how i n
future they can be avoided S ometi mes this pr ac
ti ce is carri ed to such a degree that hope is dri ven
away from one but this is only when on e is not
looki ng at the world j ustly and is too prone to
see the dark side of the cloud and not i ts silver
li ning Probably the be st way to examine one s
conscience is to s a y to one s s elf the Ten Com
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Side Talk s
80
th G ir ls
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.
gi ving a thi nki ng time after each to
see i f on e has commi tted the small Sins that whi le
they are n ot menti oned by words are yet really
i ncluded in the Commandments True you may
not have s tolen anything but have you been
qui te j ust ? Certainly you have not killed any
body but have you been cruel i n act or word ?
You have not been u nchas te but have you looked
at or listened to anything that you would n ot like
to tell G od about ? H ave you by a qui ck word
a s ullen temper or an ungraci ous manner shown
lack of respect to your elder s and superiors ?
H ave you even by i nnuendo or by a si lence
that spoke louder than words borne false witnes s
against your neighbor ? And have you with that
question of who is my neighbor ? neglected to
do a ki ndness
Do you know that i n a beautiful
garden where the rose trees grow there sometimes
comes on e poisonous plant that ki lls thei r beau
But this seldom happens Much
t y at once ?
oftener when no at tenti on is gi ven to it thou
s and s O f little weeds spri ng u p and choke O ff the
growth of the ro s es s o that they wi ther and lose
thei r loveli ness li ttle by li ttle Now if you wi ll
only recogni ze the li ttle s i ns and pull them up
every day you wi ll be i n condition i f the great
on e comes to hew i t down wi th the Sharp battle
axe of religi ous s trength s o that i t wi ll not hurt
you
m a n dm e n t s
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Side Talk s
82
WH E N HO PE
th G ir ls
wi
SEE M S G ON E
There comes to every on e of us a ti me when
li fe seems full of darkness and all the as ki ng for
li ght remai ns u nanswered There comes a time
w hen e v erythi ng we do is darkened when hope
s eem s gone and life i ts elf is made up only of the
dark and dreary times These days always come
wi th the greatest i ntensi ty to the girl who is most
enthus i as ti c and mos t emoti onal And thes e are
the times when she needs to pra y continually for
help t o hold on to her belief S ometi mes thi s
condi ti on comes from purely physical reas ons
agai n fro m mental ones ! sometimes one is so
ti red wi t h working and s eeing no apparent result
and agai n on e grows weary of calling for help
and apparently getti ng none
The wi s es t girl
once i n awhi le grows weary i n well doi ng Un
belief w alks like a skeleton everywhere
The true fai th may be yours i t may be mine
The good S amaritan had i t for he took care of the
poor and the Sick and asked n o ques tion s
I t is
the faith that makes men and women live better
li ves do more good i n the world an d teaches the m
to let thei r own li ves be the lan t e r n s t o gui de the
doubti ng over the troublesome path i Are you
goi ng to let the world scoff at your fa i th
Are
t
h
you goi ng to let i t be on l
spoken
and
not
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A G ir l
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R el ig
iou
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Life
s
83
acti ve belief ? O r are you goi ng to let people see
how happy and how good i t is to have s uch a fai th
by letti ng them :see how happy how good how
lovi ng and how chari table your ow n li fe i s ? Un
less you mean to do this to try to do this you
wi ll never convi nce anyone that y ou have the
true fai th You w ill never convi nce anyone that
yours is the true fai th when you attack every
other
I n the Talmud is the s tory of the many pi lgri ms
who came to the gate of a great ci ty ! each was
hungry and thi r sty each spoke in a di fferent lan
guage and s aid one word They looked angri ly at
each other and i t almost seemed as i f they were
comi ng to blows when the keeper of the gate
H e listened to each on e
s e nt for an interpreter
smi led and sai d
G i ve them grapes each i n
his ow n tongue has asked for them
Peace w as
restored and they became friends Now each O f
us i n ou r way is tryi ng to get to the K i ngdom
of H eaven ! each of u s may take a different mode
of express i on but as we know what the desi re of
each i s Shall we sco ff at the mode of speak ing ?
My dear girls respect the belief o f every human
bei ng no matter how differen t i t may be from your
ow n for i t is G od not you who will j udge of the
right an d the wrong
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T H E S MA LL
FA ULTS
O F G I R LS
H E Y can only be compared to the li ttle
foxes You have a beauti ful bunch of
grapes perfect in shape exquisite i n
bloom looking as i f they must be lu s
cio n s and sweet and you pi ck one expecti ng great
pleasure but i t sets your teeth on an edge and
you discover that at i ts very heart i t has been bi t
ten by two Sharp li ttle teeth and i n consequence
i t is not at all pleasant to the taste S o very
many times is i t wi th the character of the young
gi rl There may be abou t her everything that is
charming ! She may appear agreeable attractive
and am i able but s uddenly somethi ng occurs
som e li ttle thi ng is sai d or done and you discover
that the mental little foxes have bi tten at and taken
away from her perfecti on In man y c as es a watch
ful mother sees that the little foxes do n ot come
near her daugh ter but qui te as O ften the watchi ng
for them and the b e i ng careful that they are n ot per
m it t e d to come near one mu s t be the work of the
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Small Fa n /t s
The
of
G ir ls
85
girl her s elf T hes e s mall faults are at first trouble
some to get rid of but when the effect that they
have upon the character is realized an d i t is seen
how qui ckly they grow from mere faults to a b s o
lute Sins surely a gi rl will take all the care possi
ble and n ot only discover them for he r s elf but
hate them and conquer them
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T HE
S IN
OF
SI L E N CE
Usually
much is s ai d about s peech bei ng s i lver
and silence golden and yet there are times when
Si lence i tself is a S in
I f someone you kno w is
being talked about spoken of mali cious ly and all
her faults discu s sed w hat is your duty ? This
T o thi nk up somethi ng abou t her that is good
and to mention i t so d isti nctly that all the talkers
w ill b e shamed out of hunti ng for her faults and
will begin to look for her virtues V ery often you
set your li ps tigh t and res olve n ot to s a y a word
agai nst anybody and then you thi n k you have
done your duty But you haven t A persistent
si lence i n leaving undone that which you ought to
have done has been your fault and that means
committing a si n of omission S peak and speak
quickly and honestly never hes i tati ng to t e ll of
the vi rtues belonging even to your enemies b e
cause after all i t is a mean thi ng m erely to keep
si lent ! and i t is a great thing to control one s self
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Side Talk s
86
th G ir ls
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so that one may speak w e ll of those for whom on e
does not care
O f the si n of speech you girls all know I t is
the unnecessary word of fault fi n din g I t is seei ng
and speaking of people s faults rather than search
ing ou t and proclaiming their virtues I t is being
wi lling to make people unhappy by nas ty li ttle
s peeche s that may seem clever but are really rude
I t is saying what you ought no t to s a y It is a l
lowing free license to your speech I n time as
the result you will get s o that you wi ll even look
for the disagreeable trai ts among your friends and
those whom you lo ve and you wi ll speak as qui ckly
about them as about utter s trangers
Irrespective
O f the wrong that you do how long wi ll you r e
tai n any friendships worth havi ng ? Men and
women both are afraid O f the young woman w ho
makes unkind speeches and s o I beg of you watch
carefully that the si n of speech does not overcome
and
rule
that
organ
which
should
divine
o
u
b
e
y
the tongue
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SI N S OF MANN ER
In your manner you can commi t si n S ome
body has jus t bee n introduced to you and i nstead
of bowi ng pleas antly you give a sti ff haughty nod
that makes a s hy woman feel u ncomfortable and
cau ses her to have anythi ng but a pleasant O pi nion
of you In your home you come i nto the di ning
.
,
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t s of G ir ls
Sma ll Fa u
The
87
l
room late for a meal throw yourself carelessly i n to
a chai r and as you eat the semi cold dishes you
sulk and refuse to speak to anybody When you
are asked to help a little i n the household you
start to do i t by banging the door and giving poor
work because your heart is not i n i t and you
make everybody about you u ncom fortable by your
disagreea ble manner S ome on e comes i n to see
your mother some old fri end and She wishes to
present you to her You toss your head curl your
li ps don t want to go but at las t yield pri ncipally
from curi osi ty Probably the lady you meet is
not very finely dressed nor can she chatter about
social a ffai r s as you like your fri ends to bu t that
do esn t exc u se your speaki ng to her i n the stiffest
manner and maki ng her feel anythi ng but c om
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for t ab le
.
O N E OF
Y OUR SI N S
I f on e of your pet sins is to sulk I wi ll tell you
what to do As pleasan tly as you can ask your
mother to excuse you for a li ttle w hi le ! then go
to your ow n room and si t i n fron t O f your look
i ng glass Watch your face and see how ugly i t
grows w hen you yi eld to thi s si n I am sure that
i n a very little whi le you will be down on your
knees aski ng G od to help you and making to H i m
a promi se to do all that you can to help your
sel f Another ugly fault and on e which is of
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Side Talk s
88
th G ir ls
wi
m anner ,
consists i n finding nothi ng to your liking
O f co u rse you display this fault at the home table
mo s t promi nently bu t w hen you are visi ting you
make your hostess feel u ncomfortable although
you don t s ay a word by refu si ng everythi ng on
the table except bread and butter and tea N ow
my dear unless you lear n to avoi d this s in of
m anner you should eat by yourself at b o in e and
not be permi tted to go visi ting
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SI N S OF D ISRESPEC T
You think that respect is only necessary to your
father and mother and yet i t is absolutely due to
whoever is older than you whoever i s greater
and whoever i s better F lippant speeches and
carel essness of manner Si mply stamp you as being
very ignorant F ancy making an O ld lady a sub
f
j
est
as
I
heard
a
gi
rl
doi
ng
not
long
ago
e
c
t
o
!
j
It happened to b e true that S h e w a s odd that s he
dressed m uch too young for her years and that
she seemed to forget that She was no longer a
young woman still no matter what s he di d that
di d not excuse the light cri ti cisms that were passed
upon her And you and I my friend are just as
likely to be foolish when we are old There were
many good thi ngs i n this O ld lady s li fe ! to many
a young girl had s he given a pretty party dress
and nothi ng pleased her so much as to collect
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9
Side Ta lk s
0
th G ir ls
wi
language made to seem a something of great im
portance
After awhi le thi s habi t grows upon
you and your fri ends laughi ngly s ay , If you want
to be amused listen to F lorence i f you want the
absolute truth of the affai r as k somebody else
E xtravagance i n dres s very often means im
—
proper dressing over dressi ng
Possibly you
kept the greater part O f your money and wi th i t
bought a fine silk frock only fitted for eveni ng or
vi s i ti ng wear and yet after i t has seen a li ttle
serv i ce you are forced to go to business i n i t
What you ought to have done was to get a smart
looking woollen gown and then when the time
came for i t to be used for every day wear i t
would have been qui te proper Thi nk i f you are
among the butterflies whether you are not ex
t r a v a ga n t in urgi ng those who love you best to
gi ve you pieces of j ewelry which they really can
not afford and whi ch are utterly unsuited to the
li fe you li ve Many a business man can trace his
down fall to the diamond ear rings for whi ch wi fe
And then a woman
or daughter begged so hard
is seldom satisfied wi th just one bit O f pretti ness
S O my dear girl unless you kno w your father can
afford i t do n ot even hi nt t ohim that you would
like a bracelet or a locket or a brooch but m ake
yourself look as charmi ng as possi ble i n the S im
d
way
and
then
i
f
dark
ays
should
ever
come
l
es
t
p
you will have nothing wi th which to blame yourself
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The Sma ll Fa u
lt s of G ir l s
1
9
SI N S OF T HO UG H T L ESS N ESS
A very good motto to put up i n your bedroom
i n bri ght red lette r s is this
E vi l is wrough t by
Yes i t is but that is no ex
want of though t
cu s e for i t You are a thi nking human bei ng
and you have no right when you have done
wrong to excus e i t by sayi ng you didn t thi nk
abou t i t It is your busi nes s in li fe to think
You were ru de your manner w as not perfect and
the word s you said were evi dences of i ll -temper
thoughtlessness wi ll not p ardon any of th e se I t
always seems to me as i f i t were the weak es t of all
that one of lack of though t I t is equi v
r ea sons
You are
a le n t to sayi ng that you ve no brain
asked by your mother to dust the parlor i t isn t
done an d when later i n the day you find her
busy at i t and know that she is so ti red she ought
to be resti ng at this time what a poor reason i t is
for you to gi ve as an explanation of your neglect
I got to talki ng and didn t thi nk
You are as ked by an employer to carefully
watch a certai n ac c or m t an d to see that there are
no errors At first you do wi th much enthusiasm
then wi thout exactly formulati ng the idea you
let i t alone S ome day there is a great error ! i t
means a loss O f much m oney and when you are
remin ded of what you were asked to do isn t this
”
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Side Talk s
2
9
th G ir ls
wi
r
a poor excuse fo
not havi ng attended to your
duty
I looked carefully after everythi ng else
but lately I haven t given a thought to that
You he ar a bi t of gossi p you repeat i t to your
bes t friend I t goes around the ci rcle and event
u ally you are forced to face i t again
Then the
woman about whom i t w as as ks you why and i t
s eems a mean low reas on when you s a y
Well
i t w as told to me and I never gave a thought to
there bei ng any harm i n repeati ng i t
S o you
s ee
what may be wrought by thoughtl e ssne s s
The s hrug of t he Shoulder the curl of the li p when
on your part
s omeone else is referred to may
m ean very li ttle but when they are described and
m u ch stress laid upon them the impression is that
you kno w a great deal that you haven t told
What you di d w as done from thoughtless ness !
that i s your excuse But this is absolutely true
on e can easier battle with something that i s pre
medi tated than wi th somethi ng that is done i n s o
called thoughtles snes s
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.
OF
S INS
J EALO US Y
These are v ery mean Sins They m ake you
under v alue your friends
They make you s ay
petty mean thi ngs and they cause to gro w in
your heart a poi s onous green plant whi ch is bi tter
to the taste and whi ch is called envy You ar e
.
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Side Talk s
94
th G ir ls
wi
Now I want her to repres ent the perfect speci
men of girlhood j ust as the perfect grape is the
finest of frui ts satisfying the thirst the taste and
the eyes B u t my dear girls if you want to be
this you must pull ou t the little faults as you
would the weeds from a garden Pull them s o
carefully that they cannot come back and i n
the i r place s ow the seed of the beauti ful flowers
that represent the vi rtues
Then you w ill be
happier better and more lovable and i t will
make life sweeter for everybody around you And
behold some day taki ng you i n her arms your
mother will tell you that the brightnes s and good
cheer i n the house are due to you and your v ir t
perhaps remind you of that
S he may
u es
time when you weren t as wise as you are n ow
and be s ure s he wi ll congratulate you on your
vi ctory over the little faults of every -day li fe
After this i t is s o easy to conquer big faults they
stand ou t so prom inently havi ng no little ones to
excuse them that you see them and control them
You get them well i n grasp and master them
and i n ti me you my girl by your ow n e fforts
will become a perfect woma n nobl y planned
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W H A T S HAL L A G I R L R E AD ?
dearest comrade m y chos en fri end is
the girl who loves to read I am
thankful that there are so many of
her H er voice comes cryi ng from
“
?
the wi lderness
What Shall I read
And I
si tti ng among my books feel that i n my own way
But first I want to
I m u s t ans w er her question
tell her how to read S he must not attempt a
book that does not i nteres t her I t m a y be true
that she has taken i t up because she has expected
i t to improve her but that wi ll never happen u n
less heart and brai n alike are working on the
thoughts bound bet w een the covers Mere read
i ng by the eyes i s of no value we may read page
after pa ge and then put the book down and fin d
that we kno w nothing whatever about i t
The book that is a friend to me m ay be a
stupi d ti resome acquai ntance to another there
fore no on e pe rson can say what wi ll i n terest the
other I n the last fe w years there have been in
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Side Talk s
6
9
th G ir ls
wi
numerable lists of the hundred bes t books and I
feel that I may s ay that they are as u s eles s as a
worn out blotter for they only expres s the opin
ion of on e person S o I wi ll not tell my girls
what books they ought to read but I will tell
them of the books I lo v e and whi ch I hope they
wi ll learn to lo v e
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WH A T
T O RE AD
E ven i f one could li ve the ti me allotted to the
good man i t would be impossi ble to read every
thing The girl who is readi ng for a speci al pur
pose is I may mention not the girl to whom I
am talki ng My girl is the on e w ho busy ei ther
i n the home or outsi de of i t is able to devote only
a certain time to readi ng and wants to get pleas
ure and benefit from books
The girl who is able to speak French and G e r
man and to read both easi ly very c on t e m p t u
Never read a translati on
Now
ou s ly says
To day there are extremely good
s he is wrong
translati ons of foreign authors i n the m arket and
i t would be very unwise to lose the reading of a
good book because you have to take i t i n E nglish
rather than i n i ts nati ve tongue R ead books that
are adapted t o your moods ! take a merry book
when you are s ad but make it on e of those merry
books i n which the wi t does not sting and hurt
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Side Talk s
8
9
th G ir ls
wi
black book came to me she said
H ow muc h
better you look I am sure you liked that book
and I ans w ered
No take i t away If I could
I would bur n e very copy of i t I f I look better
to day it is becau s e I am li ving i n the days of chi v
a lr y
I am seeing the romance of the F rench
cour t I am bowing down before Louis ! IV and
I am happy to read about the dari ng deeds of the
Mousquetaires and how thei r cry w as al w ays For
the ki ng and for the ladies
O h she said
you are only reading a nov
And I then confess to s tealing a quotation
el
from Jane Aus ten
‘
O nly a novel
I said !
i t is only Ce
cili a or
Ca m illa or Belinda or i n s hort
only some work i n which the greates t powers of
the m ind are displayed i n w hi ch the most thor
ough knowledge of human nature the happiest de
lineations of i ts variety the liveli est effusions of
wi t and humor are conveyed to the world i n the
bes t language
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S OM E T R AN S LAT E D B OOK S
F or the girl who loves to read I do not ad v ise
all translations but there are very many which are
good If you are interested i n F rance you can
choose all the novels of the elder D umas ! that
w
r i tten by V ictor
wonderful s tory of life
9
H ugo and also Le s M is er ab le s
Then you
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.
Wha t Shall
a
G ir l
R ea d 2
99
may take up D au de t s earlier n ovels and get a
glimps e of life during the ti me of Louis Napoleon
F rance wi ll become s o close to you that j us t here
will fit i n Dickens s Tale of Two Cities
and
then while your hear t is full of the heroism of a
man you wi ll elect to read a n e w and very full li fe
of the m ar tyrdom of Marie Antoi nette
I t is a
n e w life of the queen written by Maxime de La
Roc he t e r ie
There you will not only fin d de
s c r ip t ion s of the beauti ful women of that day
but
you wi ll s e e pictures of all those who were fam ou s
ei ther by the ir virtue or by their wi cked nes s
A
book wi th pictures is always doubly i nteres ti ng
and I fancy m y gi rls are like me in that respect
To gain a better knowledge of the women of the
F rench courts read all the books written by Im
be rt de S t Ar m and H e begin s by wri ting about
the women of the Valois and go es right through
to the time when Jo s ephi ne won fr iends for Napo
leon by her sweetness and her loyalty and even
later H avi ng got s o far you may choose Car
“
lyle s
F rench R evolution but i f you fi nd i t
stupid drop i t for if i t tires you i t wi ll be of no
u s e to you
Ah
says my girl
you are m i xing novels
and his tory R uth Ashmore
S o I am but that is the way I believe i n read
i ng When you read let i t be first of all for pleas
ure and then for profit
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Side Ta lk s
1 00
TO
V
th G ir ls
wi
ISI T FO REIG N LANDS
If you wan t to visi t Italy the home of art the
l and of beauty the country that is like a wondro u s
old book you must get the novels of Italian li fe
wri tten by Marion Crawford they will Show
you pi ctures of the Italy of to day and i n them
you wi ll al s o find des criptions of famous pi ctures
and palaces that will make you hun t for yourself
the books that wi ll touch u pon the subj ects i n
which you have grown t o have an i nteres t You
will read Mrs Pi ozzi s G limpses of I talian S o
You wi ll find
c ie t y i n the E ighteenth Century
yourself s earching ou t for the li ves of the popes
and of the pagans as well unti l some day you wi ll
discover that y ou want to possess that you may
look at i t often the book of that Christi an Pagan
The Medi tations of Marcus Aurelius
R ussi a with i ts m ys tery and awfulnes s is a
country that you lon gt o know about Then you
must take up The Midnight S u n or The Tsar
and the Nihilist
by Buckley You wi ll read
K ennan on S iberia and S tepniak as he wri tes
about the R us si an peas antry then you will gi v e
a j ump away back and read the li fe of Catheri ne
the G reat and s o w ill unders tand wh y Ru s s ia has
become what i t is I do not advi s e you to read
the R uss i an novels of to day
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Side Talk s
1 02
th G ir ls
wi
the man who draws pi ctures of life as i t is to -day
and li fe as i t ough t to be And then i f you want
a weird but i n tensely i nteresti ng book you may
“
take Crawford s Wi tch of Prague and for a
whi le every -day li fe wi ll go from you and you
wi ll be livi ng i n a city that is always O ld and
whi ch wi ll never grow n e w
.
,
’
,
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NOVE L S OF AD VE N T URE
I f you like adventure read the books of R ider
H aggard and follow them u p i f you p os s ibly can
wi th a hi s tory and a geography
If you li ke
stori es that hi nge around a crime and Sho w how
by tiny clews and great i ngenui ty the cri minal is
discovered and the i nnocent proved free of s in
read the translated books of G aboriau of B ois go
bey and of that clever E nglish wri ter A Conan
Doyle I f you want an absolutely merry time
take up the books of the man to w hom l ow e a
never endi ng debt of grati tude for the pleasure he
has gi ven me I mean Jerome K Jerome After
have
laughed
at
the
adven
t ures of the
Three
o
u
y
Men i n a Boat delighted i n the pranks of that
wise dog Montmorenci you will discover that i n
wi th the s tory you have read is a wonderful de
scri ption of histori c E ngland as it is found gor n g
o
u
Thames
And
when
take
up
the
u
h
t
e
y
p
H istory of a Pilgr i mage you wi ll find y ou a r e
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Wh a t Shall
reading
G ir l
a
R ea d ?
1 03
only on e of the most beautiful de
but the tender
of the Passi on Play
s c r ip t ion s
story of the Man who came and di ed for you and
for me—di ed i n sufferi ng and i n shame I f you
lov e short stori es read
Marse Chan and O ther
“
by Thomas N e ls on Page Take G al
S tori es
le ghe r
and Van B ibber by R i chard H ard
ing Davis and w hen you have fi nished reading
them yo u will save up your money to buy those
two books b ecaus e you will want to enroll them
among your friends K i pling ? Well yes
Cer
t a iu ly
Plai n Tales from the H il ls
And for
“
a good pict u re of Indi a n li fe
The Potter s
Thumb by M rs S teel The n too you must
for the sake of the fun as w ell as the pictures of
O ld New York read a ll of J a n v ie r s beginni n g
wi th his i ni mi table Color S tudies
n
ot
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AM O N G T HE P O E T S
ill tell me that you have read all the
stand ard poets If you have lingered wi th de
ligh t over
Childe H arold
you Should read
Moore s Life of Byron
Wi th S helley s poems
you Should combine the s tory of his li fe as wri tten
by his dear friend Trevelyan who is buried close
beside hi m i n the E nglish cemetery at R ome
Do you s ee h ow I w ant you to read ? I wan t
you to make on e book connect w i th another unti l
You
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Side Talk s
1 04
th G ir ls
wi
you have gai ned a thorough knowledge of the
wri ter his envi ronment and his fri ends and
have seen the reason for the existence of hi s
works You s hould read Austi n Dobson and S ir
E dwi n Arnold choosi n g especially his shorter
poems and Thomas Bailey Aldrich You will
probably have a marked copy of O wen Meredith s
Lucile
and I hope m y dear girl on e also of
that greatest poem ever written by a woman
You will learn to love Tom
A urora Leigh
H ood Whi tti er wi ll appeal to your qui et hours
and s o will Adelaide Procter There is a wri ter
of to day who is a never ceasing pleasure to me
and I think he w ill be to you
Through long
nigh ts of Sleeplessness I have had his poems and
his stories read to me and one night when noth
i ng would qui e t pain i t was forgotten for a few
mi nutes as I listened to the descripti on of The
H ush a b y Lady from Lullaby S treet
That
this wri ter is an Ameri can and of to day m akes
me glad and I am sure i t wi ll you O f course
“
you know I mean E ugene F ield H is Li ttle
Book of Profitable Tales and i ts companion the
will bri ng hap
Little Book of Western V erse
i
s des pair
and
pleasure
even
where
there
n
i
es
s
p
and pai n
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Side Talk s
1 06
th G ir ls
wi
wri tten The bes t way I can end this little talk
is by quoti ng Mrs Browni n g
.
.
We
no
ge t
good
g u g ou
t o a b ook
—
fi
o
m
a
l
u
l
a
i
g
o
t
u
h
h
l
t
A d
p
p
adi g It i ath h
By o mu h
d plu g
W g l o iou ly fo g t ou l
S ou l fo a d h a dl o g i t o a b ook p ofou
d a l t of u t h
Im pa io d fo i b au t y
ig h t good f om a b ook
Ti t h
g t th
B y b e in
c
s
-
s s
’
s
r
r e
n
r
s
r
e
n
c
c
n
rw
r
ne
en w e
s
e n er
n
r
e
s
c
s
.
e
e r
,
e
er w
r
r s e ves
n
ts
,
s
e
e
,
eve n
,
,
en
an
n
e
’
n
s
an
r
tr
s
r
.
n d,
TH E
G I R L W H O US E S S L A N G
WO N D E R how many times my gi rls
I wonder i f they ever
ar e s lan gy ?
thi nk what a lack of refinemen t is
shown i n being slangy i n word dres s
I wonder i f they ever think how
or manner ?
this much to -b e deplored slan gi ness affects the
listener and the looker on ? I cannot beli eve that
any of them t hi nk this ou t and s o I am goi ng t o
preach a li ttle sermon about Slang The fi r s t s tep
down on the very quick descent of bad manners
is Shown i n the u s e of i t Commenci ng wi th the
mere words o f s lang soon very s oon a general
degenerati on i n the girl herself m ay be n oti ced
A gi rl may claim that s he u s es slang i n a joki ng
way ! she may j us t at first but commenced as a
bit of fun i t gets to be like all bad habi ts di fficul t
to overcome
The Ameri can gi rl is bri ght culti vated , an d r e
fined ! s h e is pretty and i nteres ting and y et whe n
y ou hear her s a y as many a on e does ev e r y da y
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Side Talk s
1 08
th G ir ls
wi
of her li fe about a book or a song or a play or
somebody s manner
O h I caught on to i t
or abou t s omething of whi ch She w as tired some
“
thi ng that weari ed her
O h I ll give i t the
or of somebody who w as very quick
shake
“
i n manner or perception
O h ai n t he fly ?
what would you thi nk of her and what does the
world conclude about her ?
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T HE WAY
You
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USES
S HE
ANG
SL
her if s h e knows somethi ng and s he
You bet !
responds
You as k her if s he e u
j oyed herself at s ome place and s he answers
Like
a streak
I f She starts to tell you a story s he
would poss i bly be s ur pris ed to be told that s he
uses s lang S he does not know where s he gets i t
herself Nobody ever does know S he sees no
harm i n i t There is no use of profane or unclean
words and yet this slangy mode ofspeech is the lit
tle ri ft wi thin the lute that by and by wi ll make
all the musi c of the fine womanly conversation not
mute but drowned i n a hubbub of loud sounds
and common words The girl who continually
uses s lang as naturally elevates her voice as s he
breathes s h e do es th is becau s e s he wants to give
the fu ll effect of her mode of speech or as s he
says
G i ve everybody a chance to catch on
In the great world of to day i t would seem as
as
k
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Side Talk s
1 1 0
th G ir ls
wi
when you s e e how quickly you will stop u sing the
objectionable language an d how easy i t is after
all to express all that y ou want to s ay i n pure
E nglish
Then too just thi nk how ridiculous Slang
words would make certai n si tuations i n li fe You
are fond of that pretty play called
The Lady o f
Lyo n s — fancy after C laude M e ln ot t e has made
his beautiful avowal of love— one of the most
perfectly expressed and exquisite word pictures i n
the E nglish language— just fancy Pauli ne looki ng
up i nto his face and m eeti ng h is question by s a y
“
ing
I should smi le !
Imagi ne i f you can
when R i chelieu to protect Julie draws around her
“
form the awful ci rcle of ou r solemn Church
an d ca uses the villains who are pursui ng her to
recogni ze the power of the cardi nal as well as the
puri t y of the gi rl— imagine Juli e turning and s ay
Now there are times
i ng
Well we got there I
when your s lang sounds j ust as ridiculous as this
and wi thout consi deri n g the other bad e ffect i t has
on you i t makes you appear silly and u n dign ifi e d
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AN G
SL
I N D RESS
A puzzled girl says
H ow can I be slangy i n
my dr ess ?
I ll tell you and then you can see
whether you are or not The girl who bec ause
lace fri lls are fas hi onable has her fri lls wi der than
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G ir l IVho Us es
The
Sla ng
/
r r r
anybody else who accentuates the wi dth of her
Skirts the brim of her hat who because pi nk
roses are fashi onable has the greates t num ber of
pink roses a nd those deepest i n tone this gi rl is
slan gy i n dr e ss S he is the gi rl whose dress tires
your eyes as you look at i t S he is the girl who
the ver y mi nu te s he enters a room m akes you
cons ci ous of her presence hy the noi s e of her
ski rts and who gi ves you an overpowering s en s e
That is on e
of her havi ng too much to wear
type
Another is the girl who s eizi ng the jaunt y
fashion of cloth skirts soft blouses and pretty
jackets makes i t s langy by having the s oft blouse
developed i nto a loud s tiff shirt and the jacket
made to look as much like a man s coat as pos s i
ble Wi th th is s he wears a m as culine ti e a s t iff
plai n hat and un consciously s he assumes the man
ners of a man But as s he is not a man s he doe s
not succeed i n this and the consequence is that
as
bei ng nei ther a femi ni ne
s he ap pears to you
wo m an nor a man ly boy Dres s has i ts i nfluence
over everybody and girls w ho are slan gi ly
dressed that is who go to extremes i n any style
of dressi ng certai nl y become exaggerated i n their
manners and speech
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Side Talk s
1 1 2
W I T H T HE
th G ir ls
wi
EY
ES OF A MA N
A you ng woman I knew who affected this m as
culi ne get u p was s o pretty that i t seemed a
shame and a gentleman ven tured to expostulate
w i th her telling her that s he was s o charmi ng as a
woman that s he ought not to try to look like a
poor i mitati on of a man H is word s were met by
a prolonged whistle and this reply whi ch w as u n
answerable
O h but i t is s o tart !
This same
young woman was i nvi ted to a dinner party
S he annou nced that s he i ntended to make a s e n
sation by her costume and i t w as generally b e
lie v e d that She was going to appear i n some very
beautiful gown Imagi ne the horror of the host
es s when s he entered the drawing room i n a black
b r oadcloth Skirt that fitted her figure closely
Wi th this She wore an eveni ng shi rt a black waist
coat cut low t o Show the expan s e of whi te li nen
and a black dre s s coat
H er shirt buttons were
whi te enamel ones s o were the links i n her cuffs
and her ti e of white lawn was arranged after the
fashion affected by men i n the eveni ng After sh e
went away the s on of the hostess said to his
mother
Never i nvite t hat gi rl to the house
again
No woman with the least refinement
would even for a jest appear dressed i n that
“
manner
The mother gave a sigh of relief and
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1 1
Side Talks
4
th G ir ls
wi
fri ends I t wi ll annoy you at first t o thi nk that
you are counted one of these but after awhile you
wi ll as sume an ai r of bravado and s ay that you
don t care But you wi ll be telling an untruth
for y ou do care There is no woman who does not
like to think that s he has real fri ends—friends who
love and admire her and who are loyal to her
The slangy girl may h ave hundreds of acquaint
a u ces but S he wi ll never get these thoughtles s
people i nterested i n her s o that s he will be com
n
h
e
s
a
e
for
the
lo
of
a
friend
w
o
would
ha
v
e
t
d
s
s
p
s tood b y her through sorro w and through j oy
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AN G
I N MAN N ERS
SL
T he gi rl who is slangy in her m anner is the gir l
who commenced by bein g slangy i n her s peech
a n d who is t o day the worst specimen of bad
manners i n existence Carelessness i n speech has
brought this about S he sees no use for the pretty
courtesies of every day life s he doesn t care to be
treated like a lady because She wants to be on e
a jolly
S he likes to call he r self
of the boys
fello w
S he leans her elbows on the table at
dinner she lolls in the chair i n the most careles s of
attitudes S he thi nks i t very funny to j ump on
and off the car as i t is going and equally funny to
whistle for the car to stop in s tead of moti oni ng
for i t as other gir ls do S he sees no re as on wh y
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G ir l Who Us es Sla ng
The
1 1
5
s he
hould be respectful to older people
Shrugs her shoulders and announces audibly that
they bore her S he does n t care to read book s
unl es s they have what she calls
go i n them
S he is familiar w i th the scandals of th e day as
gleaned from the newspapers and is greatly gi ven
to annou nci ng that s he does n t hes i tate to call a
spade a spade S he is very pronounced i n her
likes and dislikes and will not endure c on t r adic
tion S he doesn t trouble herself to hint for any
thi ng that s he wish es men t o do for her s he de
lib e r a t e ly as ks them and i t rather s urp r ises her
after a whi le to find that consideri ng her j u st one of
themselves a man will refuse her request S he
doesn t s eem to understand that while a man may
be att r acted by her pretti nes s and amused i n a way
by her manner he very soon gets tired of her for
from the begi nning of the world men have never
loved the women who were slangy i n thei r man
ne r s but rather the woman who repres ents what
a F ren ch wri ter cal ls the eternal feminine
The girl who is slangy in speech dress and man
ner is very apt to grow slangy i n her amusements
S he i s best pleased by the trashi e st of li terature and
for a book to be advertised as not qui te n ice i s
to her a speci al recommendation for i t In musi c
She selects by pr e ference songs that have n ei ther
w i t melody nor s entiment to recommen d them
and which only please by thei r lack of s ens e No
s
he
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1 1
Side Talk s
6
th G ir ls
wi
man cares to hear a woman whom he res pects sing
comic songs I t lowers her i n the eyes of ever y
on e and the fact that S he Si ngs a comi c s ong well
does n ot add anythi ng to the maki ng i t desi rable
for her to do i t at all
The slangy gi rl is apt to be the jester of the
company and who likes to see a woman wear the
\
cap and bells ? Why do not girls understand
this ? Why can t they s e e that to amuse people
by maki ng a clown of one s s elf is vulg ari zi ng to
the last degree
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A P O SI TIVE C ER TA I N TY
I t is abs olutely certai n that the girl who is
s langy i n her manner forgets to be graciou s and
does n t hesitate to s a y di s agreeable things S he
is day by day sti lling her con s cience and hard
and s he fails to s e e why s he
e n in g her heart
should refrai n from hurting other people S he
entirely loses the grace of consi deration Wi th thi s
h
e next loses her beli ef
i
t
is
to
relate
s
n
e
s
a
d
o
g
and her regard for the beli ef of others Probe
way down i nt owhat heart s he has and she may
all unknown to herself sti ll beli eve but She has
an i dea a very false on e that i t is an evidence of
her intellectual strength to sneer at all belief and
all accepted fai ths S he doesn t know enough to
“
reali z e that knaves and fools can s ay
It is n ot
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Side Talk s
th G ir ls
wi
weet pe r fume and beauti ful buds we mus t s ee that
they are not choked up by weeds This is only
done by continually watchi ng for the weeds pull
i ng up each on e little root and all and burni ng
i t The sweetest blossom of humani ty is a gentle
—
irl
won
t
you
make
her
number
i
ncrea
e
s
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Y O UR O W N F A MI L I A R FR I E ND
i s nothing s o beauti ful as a fai th
ful friendshi p between two women
Nothi ng i s qui te s o unselfish and noth
ing i n li fe lasts qui te s o long This
friendshi p however must have the trial tes t o f
yea rs i t does n ot gro w u p i n a day or a ni ght but
i t is cemen ted and made perfect by the gradual
learning of each to unders ta nd the o ther by the
willi ngness to help bear each other s burde n s and
by that greatest of all vi rtues i n fri endship the
never as ki ng a ques tion but the wai ting until the
confidence is given
Young girls very seldom
form such friendships They are as I have sai d
the outgrowth of years of confidence and you
w ho are si xteen seventeen or eighteen have not
had the time to try or be tried to prove your
worthiness as a fri end You look at me wi th a
bi t of i ndignation and you tell m e of the dear
es t girl that ever lived
w ho sympathiz es wi th
o
u
i
n
everything
to
whom
u
tell
all
your
o
y
y
H E RE
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Side Ta lk s
1 20
th G ir ls
wi
hopes and ambi ti ons who loves you dearly and
whom you have known exactly on e week You
know i t m u st be a real friendshi p because you were
attracted at once and because i mmediately you
began to tell one another thi ngs that you wouldn t
have had the other girls know— not for anything
And you thi nk this friendshi p is goi ng to las t for
ever You have plan n ed i t all out i n your own
m i nd You two after you leave school are goi ng
t o marr y two brothers the handsomest and best
men that ever were born and you are all going to
li ve i n on e house and you will tell each o ther
everythi ng and li fe w ill run along as smoothly as
possi ble for both of you That is what you s ay
this week
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T HE
W EEK
A F T ER
Next week I as k after your bosom friend and
you do n t seem i nclined to talk about her When
I i nsist u pon heari ng about this femi nine Damon
I hear that she has rather neglected you that a
n e w girl has come whom s he finds m ore sympa
thetic and you find to your horror that s he has
told her the secrets whi ch you whispered b e lie v
i ng that they were as sacred as i f they had been
told i n the confes s ional
But you brighten up a
li ttle and tell me that after all you s uppose one
mu s t make mistakes but that now you have dis
covered a real fri end on e who loves you si mply
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Side Talk s
1 22
th G ir ls
wi
because s ome afternoon you take a
walk with some other girl or because you broke
an engagement wi th her to go out wi th your
mother
You think i t is very desirable to be
“
known among your girl friends as
F lorence s
crush but i f you will take a li ttle trouble and
i nquire you will find that you are only on e
among a n umber for whom F lorence has expressed
this great admi rati on at vari ous ti mes and to
whom s he has shown this marvellous devotion
This may last three months or even a year but
great emotions have sudden endi ngs and some
day you wi ll be s urprised to get a letter from
F lorence i n closi ng the photogr aph whi ch you
gave her and beggi ng you to return the li ttle
locket That poor little locket
I f you have the
sense I credi t you wi th you wi ll w onder who the
girl i s who is going to get i t nex t for you may
be very certai n that i t will answer for several
people
s
a
i
r
p
in g notes
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T HE DA N GER OF I T
T he great dangers of such i ntimacies as I have
described are that they wean a girl from her bes t
fri end her mother and that they i nduce her to
be over -c on fi de n t ial and to tell the a ffai rs of her
home to one who is not of her ow n hous ehold
T hen too by m i nc i ng up one s love as i f i t were
a piece of ci tron and givi ng a li ttle of i t here
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You
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O w n Fa mil ia r Fr ien d
1 23
and a little Of i t there there is left a portion not
altogether desirable which is to be gi ven to Pri nce
Charming when he comes to claim his bri de I
li ke a gi rl to have many girl friends I do no t
like her to have a girl s w eetheart There are but
two people i n th e world to whom a girl should
gi ve her c on fide n c e — the first is her mot her the
second is her husband To the firs t belongs her
li fe while she i s u nmarri ed ! after that She must
find i n her h u sband the on e pe r s on to whom she
can tell everythi ng A n d s he is a very foolish
woman i f s he ever whispers to either mother or
wom an fri end the confidential li fe of her husband
and hers elf
Many very many girls may s a y
O h i t is
very easy to say tell your mother everythi ng but
suppose she doesn t care to hear i t ?
Now I
j u st want to as k you on e question : H ave you
ever tri ed to make her your confidante ? H ave
you ever tried to tell her how your li fe goes along
the acquai ntances you make at school what in
t e r es t s
you or even the little compliments that
are pai d you by young men and abou t whi ch
you are properly enough a little shy ? Don t be
satisfied wi th one tri al and feel repulsed because
she happens to be too busy or too much troubled
about somethi ng else to pay stri ct attenti on to
you but i nstead ta ke another ti me and when
you t r y this and kee p on tryi ng you wi ll gradually
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Side Talk s
1 24
th G ir ls
wi
discover that s he will grow in t e r e s t é d that you
will have no more ardent parti s an i n your t r ou b
le s and your happines s than s he is and no on e
who will gi ve you better advi ce I f you are n u
fortunate enough not to be able to gai n this con
si derati on from you r mother then m y dear girl
keep your private affairs to yourself
Discuss
ever y thi ng els e you want from go w ns to books
from pi ctures to s weetmeats but do not tell to the
rapturou s girl -friend the story of your in nermost
life or wear your heart upon your s lee v e for every
daw to peck at
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T HE
MA N Y D I S A PPOI NTM E NT S
They will come surely and you wi ll be hurt
agai n and again Whi le you beli eved ih Louise
or F lorence or G eraldine you may have whispered
r
how diflic u lt i t w as fo the home people to sav e the
money to have you take the musi c - lessons you
And then when G eraldi ne or
s o much desi red
Louise or F lorence has turned the page that bears
your name you wi ll be horri fied to hear that this
has been told all o v er the school V ery young
gi rls seldom remember that there are obligations
e ven after a friendship has ceas ed to exist and
that the greatest on e O f thes e is to force one s self
to forget that which w as told i n confidence when
li fe meant nothing unless you two were together
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Side Talk s
6
th G ir ls
wi
how to hold her tongue You have said foolish
thi ngs and folly too often i s really cri minal You
have talked without thi nki ng and thoughtles sness
When
has brought abou t a sad state of affairs
will you learn to control your Silly talk
When
wi ll you learn to be a womanly girl ?
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W H AT T O D O
U nti l
you are qui te old enough to comprehend
that friendshi p is more than a name and that the
real friend is on e that is tri ed and n ot found want
i ng you wi ll probably speak of all the girls you
like as your friends mean i ng of course your a c
N ow I want you to like each other
q u a in t a c es
to be good comrades but I thi nk i t will be wiser
i f you make this good fellowship i n nu m ber at
least on e of three or five rather than two or four
for then you will not be s o likely to disc u ss your
private affai rs or to reach a state of sickly senti
mentality that is as undesi rable physically as i t
is mentally Where there are three girls or five
girls there i s certai n to be on e who h ealthy i n
m i nd and body wi ll laugh down any i ncli nation to
martyrdom or any other no n sense that may ex
b ibi t i tself
Possibly you think I am a little hard
hearted Indeed my dear girl I am not No
body grieves more Si ncerely than I do when a
young girl loses her belief i n her companions b u t
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You r Ow n Fa mil ia r Fr ien d
1 2
7
what I would like to do w ould be to suggest to
her how to thoroughly enjoy thes e compani ons
and how to b e so careful i n her conduct wi th them
that there wi ll be no poss ibili ty of her being dis
illusioned
When two girls are very i ntimate and count
ou t of this i ntimacy not only thei r ow n sisters but
all thei r other friends they a r e apt u nconsci ously
to cultivate the faul ts of selfis hness of meann e ss
and to cau s e an undesi rable morbidness to spri n g
You thi nk perhaps I shouldn t have u s ed
u p
the word meannes s and yet I ll tell you wh y I
say i t You two have a long talk together about
everything an d everybody and consequently you
do not hesi tate to cri ti cise severely every li ttle
fault e v ery li ttle w eakness of your neighbo r s al
though you never s t op t o remember what w as s ai d
a b out the mote and the beam I f i t were not for
this very great intimacy you would not dream of
s peaking i ll of othe r s ! i f nothi ng else res trai ned
you the fea r that what you s ay might be repea ted
w ou ld have much to do wi th maki ng yo u careful
but this great friendshi p s o called permi ts you to
gi ve li cense to your tongue and you do not hes i
tate to utter before your bosom fri end words and
opi nions whi ch you would be ashamed to have
other people kno w even entered your mi nd Too
great i nti macy begets t oo great familiari ty
Books and stori es are often gi ggled over between
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Side Talk s
1 28
th G ir ls
wi
girls and affairs are discussed that i f a thi rd
gi rl were presen t they would never dream of r e
ferri ng t o
t wo
,
.
T H E R I GH T
KI N D
I have been talki ng to you about the foolish
and the wrong ki nd of a fri end but you must not
suppose for a minute that there is not a sensible
and a right friend S he can be as jolly and as
full of fun as possi ble you and she can read to
gether walk together play on the same side i n
the ou t door games and find much joy i n each
other s s oci ety But this companion won t Sho w
a ridi culous jealousy because you happen to wal k
to day wi th some other girl and to -morrow take
tea wi th another on e No on the contrary she
will be delighted to hear what a good ti me you
have been havi ng and i f s he has been the one
to have the good time She will tell you abou t i t
and how s h e wished earnestly and honestly that
you were along S he will never tell you of the
affairs of her home a n d be very certai n that she
will not wri te love letters to you or make you
thi nk yourself a much abused young woman b e
cause you have some duties i n life to perform
S he wi ll be a pleasant acquai ntance careful never
to grow suffici ently fami liar to give or accept any
rudeness and qui te as careful n ot to listen or talk
about anything that does n ot conce r n her You
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T H E E L D E R S I S TE R I N T H E HO ME
W O N DE R how many of my girls have
the great pri vilege of being the sister
i n the family ? And when I s ay Sister
I mean the oldes t daughter
S ome
times she is the baby whom G od first gave to the
happy household s ometi mes she h as t w o or three
brothers to greet her when s he com es i n to the
world but as long as s he is the firs t gi rl she is
al w ays sister and to her come speci al ri ghts and
privileges I want to talk to her just a li ttle bi t
and tell her what these ri ghts are what the pri v
S he is very
ile ge s are and what the pleasures are
near to m e because She and I stand Side by side
and I k now perhaps better than S he does the
mistakes that may be made and the pri vileges that
are withi n her reach S he is before everythi ng
else the closest one to the dear mother A boy
may come near to the maternal heart but he
never gets her confidence and s he never qui te
relies on hi m as s he do es on her oldest gi rl The
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The
lder Sis t er in
F
Home
t he
1
1
3
mother and the daughter are close friends And
between these two li ttle a ffairs can be talked over
li ttle t r oubles discussed and made eas i er to bear
li ttle pleas u res though t out and made possible
and all li fe i tse l f made fuller of j oy than i t would
be i f sister d id not exist
I wonder i f you know yo u r i n fl uence
And I
wonder i f you use i t ? I wonder i f you reali z e
that you can be the cheerful lovi ng wi lli ng
helpi ng hand
My dear gi rl i f you do you can
be a comfort to so m any people You can give
the lovi ng word of advi ce you can help the one
who is i n doubt and by the beauti ful po w er o f
kindre d and love you can have an influence tha t
is greater t han any other o v er your brothers and
sisters What do I mean
Well i n this the
li ttle talk between you and me I am going to tell
you — tell you j ust what your pos ition is and what
you can make of i t to each member of the house
hold
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T O Y OU R MO T H ER
your mother i s queen of the household you
can be her prime mi nister S he can deci de what
is right to be done and you will help her i n carry
i ng i t out S he represen t s the brai n and heart
you represent the hand and h eart There come
ti mes i n all households when the machi nery that
has ru n s o smoothly seems ei ther to stop c n
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Side Talk s
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to be s o clogged that the wheels move
Slowly and i n a way that is i rri tati ng to everyone
In many homes the cause for this differs But
a very common on e is the i ntroduction of a poor
or an old relati on : one who i s queer po s s ibly ti re
so m e and yet who has the clai m that blood and
poverty always have on ki ndred and kindnes s
The boys fret the old lady father sees s o li ttle of
her that s he does n t trouble him and yet s h e wor
ri es mother I t may be that s he is your grand
mother and because s he is an old lady s he does n t
reali z e the materi al or mental changes that have
taken place and s he exa cts from the daughter of
forty fi v e what s he had from the daughter of fif
teen — that is conti nual con s ideration and obedi
e nce
Mother who s e views of li fe have broadened
and who is a ve r y bus y woman is irri tated by
these demands H ere comes on e of your oppor
You have left s chool ! you have a good
t u n it ies
bi t of time on your hand s ! devote as much of
that as you can t o grandmamma m ake the hours
that you spend wi th her pleasan t to her and
when you grow weary i n well -doing stand i n front
of the looking glass by grandm amma s side and
remember that s ome day you w i ll be as old as She
is and wi ll want patience and consideration s hown
to you F i nd ou t what she li kes to have done
for her and do i t s ee i f she fanci es walki ng wi t h
t ir
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Side Ta lk s
34
th G ir ls
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have seen her complai ni ng because she didn t
have w hat all the other girls had and I have
known her to thi nk that her father repres ented a
money maki ng machi ne bound to take care of
her and give her a good time A nd s he might be
s o much more
When father comes home i n the
evening i t ought to be her place to greet hi m wi t h
a s mile and as much merriment as she can I t is
her honor to be his daughter and that means to
gi ve hi m all the pleas ure possi ble and to keep
from hi m the little frets and worries S ometi mes
i f a ques tion of great impor tance comes to her
s he goes to hi m to as k how it shall be solved
and
i f s he has been a good daughter s he wi ll certai n
ly get from hi m cons iderate advi ce and loving
thoughtfulness S ome day when the blushes
cover her face s he w ill go to her father to tell
hi m that She loves the man who has as ked her to
be his wi fe and then he wil l look at the man who
w ishes to be her li felong compani on
not only
through the rose colored glasses which s he wea rs
but through those clear ones of good sense a nd
he wi ll consi der and weigh i n the balance the
man who wi s hes to take from h im his dearest on e
F or sister that is what you can be to hi m— his
heart s deli ght
I know a m an who says that his oldest daughter
would make pleasant the poores t home that can
be i magi ned H e s ays n o matter how much
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The Elder Sis t er in t he Home
1
35
everybod y els e is down i n the depths she alway s
has a merry greeting a funny story an i nterest
ing topic or a pleasant ques tion for d iscuss io n
that interes ts everybody else an d put s down the
i nclinations of the other members of the fami ly to
tell of thei r woes and worries as a sauce for thei r
dinners rather than of their pleas ures and i nter
ests I c all that b ei ng a great deal to one s fa
ther H e who is out i n the busy w orld ear ni ng
the brea d and butter does n t wan t to be met wi th
complai n ts and cros s looks ! he wan ts to be
gr eeted w i th a ki s s to be entertai ned by the
mi nd whi ch he has really formed by ear ni ng the
money to pay the tea chers to broaden and round
i t and to be able to look at the bri gh t cheery
girl neat i n her dr e ss sweet in her man ner and
e v er ready to make glad thos e who are s ad
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T O Y OU R B R O T H ER
Brother is close to you i n years A little older
or a little younger but near enough to you to be
your compani on and friend i f you wish to make hi m
so
What are you goi ng to do
Are you goi ng
to let hi m dri ft away from you and find his pleas
ures away from home
O r are you goi ng to
keep hi m close to you and make hi m a Sharer
i n everything that comes to you ? I thi nk dea r
Sister you are goi ng to do the last There is a
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Side Talk s
36
cigar
th G ir ls
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down s treet where the boys of the neigh
Possi bly
b or h ood drift i n and smoke and talk
they do nothi ng more harmful but your brother
might just as well have all thi s pleasure at home
And this is the way you can make him happy
Make hi m feel that his fri ends are yours and i f
he w i ll not bri ng them to the house because of
s ome queer i dea and all young boys have them
then get your mother s permission to w rite a note
to each and every one aski ng hi m to come on a
certai n eveni ng and then have some of your
fri end s to meet them Put yo u rself to a li ttle
trouble the first ti me ! have a ni ce li ttle su pper
plenty of music pleasant games and the Simple
i n nocen t danci ng that is permissi ble i n a hOm e
F i nd ou t who is the Shyest or better sti ll the
roughest of these friends and pay to hi m the most
atten ti on for you want him to come agai n And
you must convi nce him that he wi ll h ave a better
time i f he comes to Jack s home and meets Jack s
sister than i f b e ind uced Jack to spend an even
i ng wi th him i n the cigar store After a whi le
you will find that your brother will rely on you
you will find that hi s fri ends come to you wi th
t heir l ittle c on fide n c e s and gradually Jack s
house wi ll be ci ted as the one where a fello w can
go wi thou t being treated as i f he always did
wrong
I once knew of a household like this a hou s e hold
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Side Talk s
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reform and you will be surprised to see how quickl y
he wi ll remedy his mistakes and how certainly b e
wi ll reali ze that i n his own person he must expres s
refinement i f he desires to be a friend of Jack s
Sister
Then when the i mpolite word is spoken —or per
haps i t may go beyond that and be a rude or vulgar
word— a li ttle look and a little remi nder that he
has forgotten himself wi ll caus e hi m to think and
the po s s ibi li ties of the man who once begi ns to
thi nk are wonderful The fact that Jack s friends
admire you that Jack s friends find you charmi ng
wi ll make Jack very proud of you and he will s u g
ges t to the boys who come to the house that they
have got to do this or they have got to stop that
i f they want to meet his sister My dear girl you
have n o idea what your i n fl uen ce is over your
brother
The day w ill come when brother wi ll as k you
wi th many blushes i f you know that pretty girl w ho
li ves i n the next block I t doesn t take you bu t a
m inu te to u nderstand that your brother is i n love
Poss ibly you may feel a touch of jealous y but i f
do
don
t
betray
i
t
for
you
must
remember
o
u
y
there wi ll come a love to each ofyou that is stronger
than an y other and you have no righ t to find fault
wi th hi m if he has found thi s lov e before you
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The Elder S is t e r in t he Home
1
39
T O Y OU R S I S T ERS
H avi ng made little mi s takes having been the
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pupil of that great teacher experience i t is only
right for you to gi v e the hand of guidan ce to your
younger s isters
T his you can do i n s uch a way
that you do not s ee m to put your s elf up on a ped
esta l and prea ch to them but you do appear to be
what y ou really are—interes ted in their not mak
ing the same mistakes that you have and s o fore
i ng all li fe to become s moother to them through
your goodn e ss The i ncli nation of an older girl
Don t do this
is to patroni ze a younger on e
Make your si s ter or sis ters your companions and
fr i ends t r y to i nduce each on e of them to make
the home -li fe more i nteresti ng and to c o operate
with you i n lifti ng the burdens from the Shoulders
of the busy mother
T ell your sisters of your pleas
u res
let them feel that together you can discuss
their dai ly li ves an d enter clos ely i nto wha tever
s eems of importance t o them
H elp a bi t with the
lessons gi ve a word of encou ragement to that one
who tir es of the man y hours ofpractice on the pi ano !
tell her of the great pleas ure that music gives to
o thers how it s s weet strains wi ll deaden the voice
of s candal and ki ll the unki nd word
Teach your
younger siste r s the womanly care they should gi ve
to their cloth es teach this by gentle words Make
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Side Talk s
40
th G ir ls
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them u nders tand the refinements of the table but
do thi s i n that bes t of all ways —s e t them a good
example Make them comp r ehend that even a
little lady has lost her clai m t o the ti tle i f her apron
is soi led i f her hair is mussed and if he r m anners
are bad Make your s isters seem of importance
As k them to help you wi th s ome of your tas ks and
you will be s urprised to s e e how willi ngly thi s is
done when the duty is recogni zed not as a duty
but as a s omethi ng t o be done with ple as ure beca us e
i t is helpi ng mother or sister
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IN
YOUR P L A CE
When G od pu t you i n the place that you now
occupy when H e made you sister of a hou s ehol d
H e meant that y ou s hould be a ple as ure and an
example to those around you Don t believe H e
meant you to be a prig H e meant you to be merry
and wise happy and considerate counting i t no
trouble to do a s ervi ce for those you love or indeed
i f i t came i n your way even for those who were
strangers to you
H e meant that you Should love
and res pect old age or weakness
H e meant that
you should be a j oy forever to your father and
mother H e meant that y ou should be mother s
li ttle com forter shar i n g her happi n es s wi th her and
he lpin g her as far as pos s ible i n h e r troubles and
wo r r ies
Be willi ng more than wi lli ng t odo wha t
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T H E R E ST L E S S N E S S O F T H E A G E
restles sness and seeki ng after what
does n ot belong to on e is a hi ndrance
to any woman, be s he old or young
and on e which i n many instanc es
G od di d not intend should come i nto her li fe
R epose and perfect quietness see m to be unknow n
factors nowadays and the s i mple doi ng what one
The
has to do quietly and properly also ignored
girls of to day no matter what their age may be
r us h for everythi ng There is excitement i n mi nd
and body over the least li ttle thi ng and women
are wearing the m selves ou t doi ng absolutely noth
i ng You cannot convi nce a gi rl that wi th proper
deliberati on she mi ght accomplish just what s h e
wishes and be strong i n body and restful i n mi nd
as well No She has got s o entirely u sed to ru sh
i ng at everything that s he wears he r s elf ou t rac
ing up and down stairs and when Simple normal
work is finished she is as S he puts it s o dead tired
that I can t even rest
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Age
The R es tles s n es s o
f
1
43
T A K I N G T H I N GS E A S Y
O ne can do three ti mes as much by be i ng quiet
and taking things easy as by rushing G irls i n
every station of li fe are hurting themselve s by a t
tempti ng to do too m uch The girl who has to
w ork is over ambitious and the society gi rl thi nks
she m u st let as m uch as possible come i nto her li fe
And s o between clubs and clas s es wi th every
form of gayety imaginable s he is worki ng s o
h ard that when she is thirty and Should be reach
i ng her prime whi ch physici ans s a y i s thirt y -fi v e
she is old and broken down The feverish des ire
to have and to achi eve is ki lling the girls of to -day
They ar e never s atisfied everythi ng i n their li ves
is rush and hur r y They want to dr es s like one
fri end to be as learned as another and as great a
s ociety leader as another
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T HE W OMAN OF T O DAY
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The woman of to day as we hear of her b e
longs to a class for each day i n the week and has
every aftern oon and evening filled up wi th gay
functions S he is eager to know all about poli ti cs
to understand the great poets and writers of the
day es peci ally those that are counted most di ffi cult
to comprehend ! she wan ts to belong to soci eties
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Side Talk s
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th G ir ls
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that wi ll make the world better and that wi ll per
mi t her to talk about them i n pub li c and yet s he
desires as well to keep the posi tion in li fe to whi ch
She w as born S pe ak t o he r suddenly and s ee her
start That means overtaxed nerves G e t her to
talk to you about one of her plans and s e e how she
fl ushes n oti ce the unnatural bri lliancy of her eyes
and watch the qui v ering of he r lip s and her han d s
That woman is on the v erge of nervous prostrati on
And why ? S he is li v i ng an abnormal life S he
i s neglecting her duties and is permi tting hers elf
to be worn out to i nterest people who do n ot care
i n the leas t for her
4 this woman of t o-day
T 0 me s he is dreadful—
and I do not want any on e of m y girls to be like
her S he does n o real work s he only worries and
Work properl y done
w orry is very apt to ki ll
s ystemati cally arranged for and carefully and eas i
ly carried out does not wear women out
It is
only when it is rush rush rush fret fret fret that
women become bundles of overstru ng nerv es tied
wi th the red ri b u of conti nual excitement But
the ribbon comes u nti ed and the ner v es are free
and what is the result
A fretful answer to a ques
ti on as ked by a m ember of the household in a t t e n
ti on to one s duti es because the head and the eyes
“
ache so they are almost ki lling me and then t oo
oft en there follows the res ort to a s tim u lan t of some
ki nd The tears come to the eyes v ery eas ily the
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Side Talk s
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superficial becau s e they cannot possibly learn on e
thing well when they are attempti ng s o much
Then too about work There is a perfect cra z e
among young women to leave their homes and go
ou t to work i n the outside world
When this is
necessary i t is all right but i n many cases i t is not
necessary There is work to do at home and the
foolish gi rl does not s e e the v alue of her home work
but wi th every nerve at a tangent wi th her heart
throbbi ng s o rapidly s he can almo s t hear i t She
rus hes ou t into the big world for work that s hould
not be hers and which will u s e her up mentall y
and physically i n a very Short time When the
good G od w as arranging the human pegs into their
abi di ng places H e did not put the round ones i n
the s quare hol es but when a woman rushes away
from the work that is laid ou t for her s he finds
that s he is wrongly si tuated and She wears herself
Then s he is old and tired
ou t worrying over this
when She should be young and fresh
S ometimes even i n her home li fe the fever o f
has te comes to her and I beg of her for I know
he r among my girls to learn to do thi ngs quietly
Walk up and down stairs m ake the beds and dust
the rooms quietly and not as i f you were being
pursued by the demon of unres t enjoy yourself
eas ily don t let your ner ves get the better of you
when you are playi ng a game I f you dance don t
do i t furi ously and abo ve all thi ngs don t fall i nto
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The R es tl es s n es s o
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47
the sad error of hastening to b e m arri ed Learn
to know the man to whom you are gi ving your
love and be sure that each of you wi ll be better i n
the future because ofthe time gi ven to your b e c om
i ng acquai nted even after the story of love has bee n
told t o you Physi cians say t he best pres cri ption
for the woman of to day is more rest and more
qui et enjoyment Try this Allow yours elf to
take e v ery day that whi ch is a res t to you
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HO W
T O RE S T
ome gi rl s don t kno w how to do this They
think res t and Sleep s ynonymous whereas rest may
mean simply change i n occupati on I t may mean
the Si tting quiet for a while I t may mean the hav
ing a cup of tea or a bi t of bre a d and butter— the
tea bei ng that whi ch does not hurt the nerves and
the bread and bu tter be i ng that which i s health
ful an d whi ch tas tes good
O ften you don t eat
enough my dear gi rl and you hurry too much
when you do eat L ear n to li n ger over your meals
to talk to your father or mother pleasan tly and so
to aid diges ti on by slo w eating an d bri ght conver
sati on S ometimes the bes t res t that comes is the
si tting i n an eas y chai r and clos ing your eyes for
t e n mi nutes
Do n t be afrai d or as ham ed of this
I t is necess ary i f you wish to be a well and strong
woman You res t when you don t attempt t oo
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Side Talk s
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m uch for then you do better work R es t for you
may mean reading a pretty story while for me it
m a y be leaving books and looking ou t at the gr een
trees for a while F i nd ou t that rest whi ch is bes t
s uited to you and permi t your s elf t o have it
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RE S T I N
TA LK
T hat is a pleas ant rest To s it s till and li s ten
to the qui et talk of somebody el s e s omebody w ho
wi ll not require an an s wer from you —a chari table
somebody who wi ll not mi nd i f gradually as the
talk dri fts i nto a monotone your eyes clos e and
a r efreshi ng sleep of ten mi nutes comes to you
S he
G enerally talk is work wi th a nervous gi rl
is s o eager t o show that s he is up in everythi ng s o
anxious to be consi dered i ntelligent and cultured
that s he forgets that li s tening is part of conversation
and s he degenerates i nto what is called a great
talker And that means on e who abs orbs the c on
versation But s he who is wise and who find s
rest i n talk will listen wi th i ntelligence and once
i n a whi le s ay somethi ng worth heari ng But s he
will n ot determi ne to tell all s he knows at once or
t o drive all other talkers ou t of the field of conver
Who has not been tired ou t by the restless
s ati on
talker — b y the on e who an s wers the question you
did not as k her whi le she gi ves i nformation to some
on e else who has forgotten more than She eve r knew ?
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Side Talk s
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0
th Gir ls
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to be advanced women
I wan t t h em to be
healthy happy normal women intelli gent well
read and above everything else t o understand the
art of maki ng thos e bound by ti es of blood cling
close to them I do n ot think women c an be
good poli ticians an d good mothers wi ves and
daughters too I do not think that a woman can
Speak on politics to night and be interested i n
havi ng a dai nty dinner as a rest for her h u sband
to morrow ni ght O ur men are s ad as i t seems
Slaves to mo n ey maki ng and the least we can do
for them is to create a place where the keynote is
rest and warmth and love S he who spen ds her
time seeking votes making speeches and arrangi ng
blue books will find i t impossi ble to thi nk ou t the
proper way t o perform household duties to make
li fe pleasan t for others or to bui ld a nes t as i t
s hould be built i f i t is to bear i n golden letters the
n ame of
H ome
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C LU B L I F E
AM O N G
WOM E N
Neither do I approve of the extent to whi ch club
li fe among women has been carried I do thi nk i t
charmi ng for women to meet and talk over that which
is i nteres ting to each other but I rather like the
l
d
o fashioned way when all woman kind m et i n
the afternoon some wi th a bi t of fancy -work some
wi th hand s that were res ti ng and then as i t grew
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The R es
tles s n es s of
t he Age
1
51
near sup per time the husbands and sons appeared
and after suppe r al l had a merr y time together
The adv anced woman says that w as the day
of go s si p but I have been the gues t of many
clubs and I have never heard at a tea party as
much mali ci ous gossi p as I have i n these clubs
w hi ch first of all demand that the membe rs Shall
be sisters i n words as well as i n deeds This
sounds pos i ti ve bu t my dear gi rl i t is true The
mali ce and evi l speaki ng that come out i n the
“
soci ety are j ust as promi nen t i n the club
and are I thi nk a li ttle more dari ng The desire
for positi on is great and the ri valry t o be presiden t
or chai r man or wh a tever the office may be brings
ou t all the petty faults that the advanced woman
a fl e c t s to scorn
and declares were relegated long
ago to the sewing ci rcle
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W H AT I W OU LD L IKE
I would like m y girls to do their wo r k as they
should have the pleas u res which are thei rs by ri gh t
but not take on themselves u nnec e ssary work and
above all things to avoi d un necessar y has te A
res tful woman is the most gracious of nature s crea
tions S he is the pe rfect fl ower of womanhood
But the nervous qui veri ng gaspi ng bundle of
nerv es the r esult of t oo much hurry and too many
unnecessary duti e s as repres ented by the advanced
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5
Side Talk s
2
th G ir ls
wi
woman is what I dread that my girls should b e
come I f you go on an errand go qui etly stead
i ly and cert a i nly If you are exercisi ng walk
evenly and res tfully do n ot rush and tear I f
e
have
an
opini
on
to
give
don
t
your
u
s
t
o
y
nerves to ti ngling and your heart to throbbing by
the has te wi th whi ch you utter i t S ay what you
have to s ay quietly slo w ly and disti nctly When
you are among women don t attempt to talk when
e v erybody else is talki ng for then your voi ce wi ll
become that s hrill falsetto whi ch is the Si gn that
the nerves are all undone Do what your hands
find to do but don t reach ou t and take work
that does n ot belong to you and which w as never
intended for you I f you make yourself well and
strong you can help the weak but i t is due to
thos e among whom you live that you care for
yourself mentally and physi cally And be sure
that when the good G od as ks you as to your soul
H e wi ll also as k you how you have treated the
case gi ven for i t and whi ch w as made i n H is
likeness Wi ll you thi nk over this and avoi d the
v ice of the day —hurr y ?
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1
Side Talk s
54
th G ir ls
wi
thi s plan once i t is made for my dear girl i t is
much better to go away and leave your hostess r e
r
t
i
n
u
than
to
stay
and
make
her
wish
that
e
t
o
g
gy
“
you had gone To welcome the comi ng and
speed the parti ng guest is her busi nes s and t o go
away leavi ng a pleasant impression behind you is
yours
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T HE D U TY OF T HE V I S I T OR
Now you have started to visi t at the house beau
ti ful and as you go whirling through the coun try
on a fast train you must thi nk over what you are
going to do F i rst of all you are to be a pleasure
and not a trouble to your hostess ! your luggage
has be en checked through and like a wise li ttle
woman you will have prepaid for its delivery at
the house Arri ving there and bei ng greeted by
the variou s members of the fami ly you wi ll be
taken to the roo m that is to be yours and unles s
you have a very i nti mate girl fri end there you wi ll
be left alone for a li ttle while s o that you may
straighten up your belongi ngs freshen yourself
and be ready to meet all the members of the family
I am concluding that you are the girl who has no
mai d to arrange your affai rs and put them i n their
proper place Your hostess has very thoughtfully
cleared ou t a cupboard and a chest of drawers for
you and you put a way your gowns and underwear
wi th exactly the same care that you would i f you
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G ir l
The
w ho
Goes A-v is it ing
1
55
were at home There is a dain ty cove r on the
dressi ng table and bei ng a well bred gi rl you
wi ll n ot s t a i n that wi th perfumery nor s corch i t by
being careless wi th the lamp that heats your curl
i ng tongs You will remember that your first duty
is to be as neat as po s s ible i n the room whi ch has
been dedi cated to you I f you are v i s i ting where
only one servant i s kept you wi ll be wise and kind
i f wi thout being as ked you take care of your own
room s o maki ng yourself of as little trouble as pos
It may be that at home you are a bi t lazy
s ible
but here i t is your duty to be perfectly prompt
es pecially at the breakfas t table but you must not
appear u nti l you know that that meal is ready A
well bred gi rl never keeps a table wai ti ng and
never by word or manner sugges ts t hat at her ow n
home the hou r s ar e di fferent or poss i bly more con
For the time bei ng she is a member of
v e n ie n t
the house i n whi ch she is stayi ng and the member
who takes the greates t amount of care i n bei n g
courteous
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T HE T I M E T O D I S A PP E A R
It always comes— that time when i t is wise to
leave one s hostess to herself You may argue and
“
say
But she asked me to come and s ee her
S o S he di d but s he did n t as k you to li ve with
her and to be a burden on her hands at all times
and hours H ave a bi t of fancy -work or a book
’
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Side Talk s
56
th G ir ls
wi
to whi ch you can devote your ti me for a whi le
and di s appear either on a veranda to the li brary
i f there is one or i f there is no other place to your
room This gives your hostess ti me to arrange
her household affairs to plan out the day and
when s he is ready be sure she will come and seek
you I t is possi ble that you are visiting the dau gh
ter of a household but whether it should be the
mother or the daughter the time for disappearing
because naturally each wi ll
s hould be observed
have duties that need attention You may be very
s ure that a j udi ci ous absence will be appreci ated by
whomsoever you may be visiting But then t oo
mu
t
be
ready
to
do
whatever
your
friends
may
o
u
s
y
desire and my dear girl Show that you are satis
fi e d wi th the arrangements made for your ple as ure
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OM E OF T HE
S
M I S TA KES
When y ou are a visi tor yourself remember those
gues ts who were joys to you when you were act
i ng as hos tess and those whose visi ts were a con
In very fe w households can the
t in u a l misery
general arrangements be so ups et that the washing
of a visitor s li nen can be done i n the house her
clothes brushed or her s hoes looked after Now
taking m y advi ce you will as k your ho s tes s to
recommend you a laundres s and i f s omeone i n
the hous e does have time enough t o do you one or
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Side Talk s
th Gir ls
wi
Y OU R T RU N K
IN
When you are packing yo u r trunk tr y and put
i n i t everythi ng that you will need s o t hat you wi ll
not have to borro w fro m your hostes s You wi ll r e
quire the si lk or cotton matchi ng you r gowns y our
needles s cis s ors and thimble and i f you ar e an
adept at artistic needlework I would s ugges t your
doi ng a pretty piece while you are v isi ti ng—on e
that may be left as a souvenir of your v isi t wi th
your hostess You mus t have wi th you your ow n
brushes your letter - paper and pens and when
o
u
open
your
trunk
you
must
put
your
thi
ngs
i
n
y
thei r proper places givi ng them the s ame care
whi ch you would i f you w e re goi ng to be i n the
hou s e a year in s tead of a week Besides your
clothes there mu s t be s ome vi rtues packed i n your
t runk virtues that you wi ll take ou t and use all the
time O ne is cons i deration You wi ll find that
a visi tor well equipped with thi s wi ll be much li ked
Another is punctuali ty that vi rtue of kings
And
still another is neatness a dai nty li ttle vi rtue Spe
c iall adapted to young women
Then
there
t
o
o
y
i s another li ttle vi rtue which does n t always have
that name gi v en i t but i t certai nly is on e and that
is pleasant s mall talk
You want to be able among
your friends when you are ou t and mo s t es pecially
at the table to talk pleas antly on subjects that are
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G ir l
The
w ho
G
A
oes
-v
is it ing
1
59
not personal and by maki ng yours elf mis tres s of
the ar t of s mall talk you wi ll be surprised to find
how agr e eable you wi ll be con s i dered and as you
do not d iscus s the affai rs of the last es tablis hment
where you visi ted you wi ll m ake y our hos tes s glad
for s he will know that her surroundi ngs and what
ever happens in her hou s e will be s hown the s ame
res pect
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Y OU R
’
FRIEND S
FR I E N D
Naturally when i t h as been decided that y ou
are coming your fri end lets her friend s and
acquai ntances know that S he expects you and S he
i nform s them that she wi ll be glad to have them
all call on you Now i t is possible that you may
m eet on e who is p arti cularly attractive to you
whos e man ner char ms you and who s e i n telligence
i s a delight to you
The attraction is mutual but
my dear gi rl don t make the mistake of letti ng this
new fri end become more to you than the one wi th
whom you are stayi ng Accept from her only the
i nvi tations that include your hos tes s and i f your
new acqu ai n tan ce s hould i nvi te you to come and
visi t her do not be rude enough to gi ve her par t of
the ti me t hat w as i ntended for your old fri end but
i f you wish t o go to her and your mother does not
object make your arrangement s for the time to be
after your first visi t is finished I do not appro v e
of s tayi ng at the houses of people whom you ha v e
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Side Talk s
60
j ust met
to las t
S
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th G ir ls
wi
uch qui ck fri endships are not likely
.
U N D ESIR A B L E V I S I T OR
T HE
You know her S he appears late and untidy at
breakfas t and s hows by her listlessness that s he is
dissatisfied wi th the food that is s e t before her
H er room is very untidy and s he annoys the ser
vants by aski ng fa v ors of them when they are busi
es t ,
The chi ld r en i n the house worry her and
s he i nvi te s people who are strangers to
to
pa
y
o
u
y
v isi ts at ti mes that are most i nconvenient
When
u are goi ng to take her for an outi ng s he is late
o
y
and appears overdress ed Then s he makes one of
the gi r ls of the fami ly unhappy by attempting t o
attract her s weetheart from her and prove how
fickle he r s S he is ne v er s atisfied and she is always
telling you about the place where s he stayed last
and how differently everything was done S he is
surprised that you have your dinner at the hour
that you do and does n t hesi tate to s ay s he isn t
hungry at that time When you have taken a deal
of trouble to make the parlor dai nty and s weet
and s hu t ou t the glari ng s u n s he elects to wri te
her letters there and fails to s e e why you s houldn t
prefer the bri llian t daylight to stream i n at all hours
S he is the guest you certainly ar e wi lling to
speed And s he is the guest that I do not wish my
gi rl s to be like S he does n t hesi tate to borrow your
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Side Talk s
th G ir ls
wi
remember it Le t all the pleasures and all the
lovingki ndnes s stand ou t before you as boldly as
po s sible and let everythi ng el s e he blurred out with
the sponge of forgetfulnes s I spoke of the fami ly
quarrel I f unfortunately you s hould be i n the
room when such a thi ng occurs leav e at once if
you po s s i bly can but i f not refu s e to gi v e any
opinion whatever and after i t is all o v er do not
discu s s i t wi th anybod y You must also forget
any reference to money matters you m a y hear and
s urely y ou are too ki nd -hearted if y ou hav e v i s i ted
among people who are not wealth y e ver to speak
of the economi es that you ha v e noticed and w hi ch
were neces s ar y
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A B I T OF T ROU B LE
N OT
T hat w as w hat we all said about a gi rl w ho had
been visi ti ng u s
S he w as alwa ys there when we
wanted her and w hen for domesti c rea s ons we
desired t o be alo n e s he had either gone ou t for a
walk or w as i n her ow n roo m amu s ing herself
S he found everythi ng that w as done for he r v ery
pleasant and when the ti me came for her to go
from the m other of the hou s ehold down to the
servants there w as regret S he departed carryi ng
wi th her a loving i nvi tation to come soon agai n
a n i n v i tation that w as
direct from the hearts of
tho s e wh o gave i t That is the sort of v i s i tor I
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G ir
The
l
w ho
G
oes
A -v is it ing
1
63
want every on e of m y gi rls to be : the one whos e
coming is a deli ght and whose goi ng is a sorrow
the one who whi le she is wi th us is a pleas ure i n
the household an d who is s poken of after she has
gone as being the very ni c e st of girls
Now w on t you try to be t he righ t ki nd O f a
v isitor Won t you think over what I have sai d
and make yours elf a joy to your hos tes s ? Won t you
be carefu l not to talk about di s agreeable things and
won t you be more than careful not to c ri tici se an y
thi ng or anybody ? For be i ng among strangers
n ow whom you m a y hurt
do
n
k
Thi
nk
and
u
o
t
o
y
act al w ays wi th the greates t cons iderati on be sur e
then you wi ll have a good time and when they all
say good b y to you i t will be wi th regret an d of
course that is how you want them to feel
This li ttle bi t of a s ermon is gi ven to m y girls
not because I believe they would do anythi ng that
w as
wrong wi lfully but because they sometimes
forget I want them to remem be r and with the
remembr a nce will come the ri ght action
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T H E A R T O F T R A VE LL I N G E A S I L Y
R O M all over the country letters come
to me from gi rls who are going to
have an outi ng and as almost every
on e of them h as saved the m oney
for her trip by many sacrifices s he wants to
obtain the greatest possi ble amoun t of pleasure
from the expendi ture of i t Now s he cannot do
this unless s he knows how to trav el which b y
the bye doesn t mean j ust the buying of a ti cket
and the going from on e place to another b u t
also means doing i t in the most comfortable
manner and the most comfortable man ner curi
To spend
ou s ly enough is always the eas i es t
money so that the great e st amount of pleasure and
comfort m ay be got from i t is an art and oddly
enough an art that i s usually well understood
by girls who have plenty of money and not very
well understood by thos e who have not Person
ally I thi nk there is econom y in securing a
seat i n a parlor car for then on e is comfortably
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Side Talk s
66
th G ir ls
wi
goes off amid good wishes to that ci ty where s he
knows s he wi ll recei ve a welcome As soon as the
trai n has got well ou t s he wi ll bei ng wise take
off her coat hang i t up remove her hat and put
i t i n the rack take off her gloves put them i n her
coat pocket and then settle herself comfortabl y
to enjoy the passi ng panorama or the book whi ch
S he need never have
s he h as brought wi th her
any hesi tancy i n touchi ng the electri c bell and
as king the porter where the ladi es toi let room is
for this is s omething that the good traveller always
finds ou t
The hours fly by and being a healthy
girl she finds to her as tonishment that She is hungry
to her s u r
s h e looks at her watch and di scover s
prise that it is exactly her luncheon hour It is
only a minute s work to put t he books aside and
to pick up the small square package done up i n
“
L
white paper and marked
i n blue penci l
S omebody who w as wise very wise knew that the
a v erage lunch on the trai n was not only extremely
poor but for what w as gi ven extremely e x pe n
si ve and s o for the girl who is goi ng to have a
good time there w as a luncheon prepared
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AB OU T HER L U N C H E ON
Just here I want to s ay a word or two to s ome
girls who have rather s illy i deas about one s right
to economi ze These girls s mile at the i dea of
’
.
T
E
a s ily
v ell in
a
r
The Ar t o
f
g
67
1
tak i ng a lu ncheon and would rather foolishly spend
their money i n getting a meal because they though t
i t looked the right t hin g t ha n i n taki ng a lunch wi th
them O f course i t may not be possi ble for you to
carry all your mea ls w i th you bu t this first on e
certai
nly
can
To
the
silly
gi
rl
I
wou
l
d
like
o
u
y
to say as an encouragement that the people whom
she envies an d whom S he cal ls
the bes t
ar e
always those who look out for thei r ow n comfort
provided i t does not i nterfere wi th that of any on e
else That eating one s luncheon from a box
should to her sugges t poverty is ridiculous i t s u g
ges ts i nstead that one is fortunate enough to have
hom e people w ho look after one s comfort And
i t may be added that no people s o consistentl y
carry thei r lunch eons wi th them as do the mem
bers of the E ngl ish aristocracy whom s he s o much
admires
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W H AT I T MAY C O N S I S T OF
In the lunch box which b y the b y is a ni ce
clean whi te on e there i s lai d a dain ty paper the
ki nd that confecti oners u s e i n whi ch are four
or five delicate sandwich e s made of thin bread
wi th the crust cut off and havi ng spread b e
tween them over the thi n scraping of butter a
layer of canned meat or thi n sli ces of chicken
tongue or ham finely mi nced Then wrapped u p
i n another piece of pape r are some oli ves that have
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Side Ta lk s
th G ir ls
wi
been carefully dried before they were put i n the
box and for a dessert there i s an apple or a pear
a n d for a surprise there is a m ost delightful piece
No matter how fond of them you
of poundcake
are do not have an orange put in your b ox th e y
are troublesome to eat and are apt to s oil your
hands Your lunch over and you have eaten i t
very slowly you open your travelling bag take
ou t your own towel go down to the toilet room
and gi ve a little bath to your face and to your
hands Ask the porter to thr ow away for you the
box i n which your lunch w as or indeed i f you
have some still remai ni ng put it a n d the box back
among your belongi ngs for you don t k n ow what
your s upper is going to be like B y the b y speak
ing of the porter I may mention that another econ
I do n ot mean extravagantly
om y is to fee hi m
but moderately and the fifty cents whi ch you give
him as well as your poli te m anner wi ll tend to
make hi m courteous and obligi ng duri ng the tri p
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AB OU T HER T R A VE LLI N G
BAG
In your travelli ng bag are not only the little
thi ngs that you wi ll n eed on your journey but a
sufficien t number of your belo n gi ngs for u s e i n
case your baggage Should not arri ve i n time
There is your brus h and comb your whisk and
then you m a y have two towels yo u r ow n soap i n
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Side Ta lk s
70
th G ir ls
wi
black and blue made i n the si mplest fashi on i s
most useful When She is ready to go to bed the
porter arranges her berth for her and s he goes t o
the toilet room taki ng wi th her her shawl strapped
package S he removes her shoes and s tocki ngs
p uts on the knitted Slippers that She has taken ou t
of her bag
removes any garments whi ch s he
pleas es and assumi ng her wrapper whi ch has been
folded i n her shawl strap repai rs to her berth
After fasteni ng the buttons of the curtai ns s he
disposes of her clothing as best s he can folding
each article s moothly and carefully and placi ng her
money watch and ti ckets i n her wrapper pocket
—
h
And then s e should try to rest the porter will
call her i n good season and her ti cket will not be
asked for d u ri ng the night In her strap whi ch
Shows as it s outer wrappi ng a shawl or travelling
rug s he may have her ow n pi llow i f She desires i t
But this is not a necessi ty as the cars are supplied
wi th li nen that i s usually fresh and clean In the
morning the wise gi rl will put on her stocki ngs an d
Shoes i n bed leavi ng the laci ng or buttoni ng o f
them un ti l later Then she wi ll as sume her other
garments and repai r to the toi let room where s he
should as expedi tiously as po s sible make herself
neat tri m and fres h that her fri ends who are to
meet her may n ot find her dusty nor travel stai ned
This must be done qui ckly that She may n ot be
classed among the women who are the dread of all
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The A r t o
f
Tr av ell ing
Ea s ily
1
7
1
consi derate women on parlor -car s — the women
who take and hold pos s es s i on of the toi let r oom as
if it were a fort
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AB OU T HER A RR I V A L
I f fri ends are to meet you and en tertai n you the r e
is nothing for you to trouble about except the fi n d
ing of them i n the great crowd whi ch is likely to
be as sembled at the s tation But i f you are goi ng
to a hotel i t is a li ttle di fferent and now I wan t
you to take m y advi ce about this Do not take a
strange cab but the carriage or omnibus that bear s
the name of the hotel When you reach the hotel
you will b e shown to the reception room ! then
send word by the s ervant that you wish to speak
to the clerk giving the servant your card When
the clerk comes tell h im i f such is the c as e that
yo u r rooms were engaged by letter or wire i f not
tell him exactly what you want and what yo u
wish to pay Make the matter perfectly busi ness
like S ometi mes it is w ise to mention the name
of whoever recommended you to the hotel es pe
c ia lly i f you are entirely alone
I f your t runk has
not come u p wi th you gi ve the check for i t to the
clerk who wi ll attend to i t for you and I do n ot
thi nk you will have any trouble In this country
women who are alone are respected and i f you
are quietly d r es s e d and ladylike i n yo u r appearance
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Side Talk s
7
2
th G ir l s
wi
men in all stations of li fe w ill respect you and Sho w
you the deference due your s e x
.
AB OU T T HE HO T E L
The girl who is stopping at a hotel whether She
i s alone or i n a party must understand that con
S p ic u ou s gowni ng i n the di ni ng room or about the
hotel is in extremely bad taste At a famous hotel
i n Washi ngton they always conclude that the
w oman who wears a tea gown i n the di ning room
knows nothing about hotel li fe and i n this they
are correct Your gowns want to fit you well !
they may be as smart as you desi re but they must
be qui et and they must n ot expose your neck or
arms If you ar e goi ng ou t wi th friends after di n
ner and Wish to wear an elaborate toi lette then as
sume i t after dinner But do not go i nto t he
publi c room dressed i n your party frock Then
about service It is quite true that you are payi ng
for servi ce but that servi ce has i ts li mits and i t
does not mean the runn ing of your errands the
attendi ng to your pers onal affairs unless you pay
extra for i t I f you wish a carri age find ou t di
the o ffice exactly how much i t will
r e c t ly from
cost you and do not put yourself in the position
There is
of having to wrangle over the pri ce
probably no better test of a well bred woman than
her appearan ce and manner in the cars or i n a
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1
Side Talk s
74
th G ir ls
wi
the real from the i mi tati on Therefore m y dear
girl be s atisfied wi th the fri end s you hav e
Put
S tart ou t determi ned to have a good ti me
i n your travelli ng bag a great lump of hope ! make
as li ttle as possi ble of the troubles and as much as
possible of the pleasures and when you ar e talk
i ng it all over you will s ay :
I never had such
a good ti me i n my li fe
And maybe somebody
“
who is a bi t li ke me wi ll whisper to you
It
w as because you started ou t with that i ntention
My girl on e makes or mars mo s t of the pleasures
If you are only determi ned to
of life oneself
s ee nothi ng but the si lver lini ng i t wi ll al w ays
appear
G od bl e ss every on e of you and make
m
a y be
ha
v
e
a
happ
y
time
where
v
er
you
u
o
y
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THE
MOT H E R
OF
MY G I R L
m y girl is seven years
old s ometimes s he is fifteen some
ti m e s s he is eighteen and agai n s he
may be any age and yet feel as
though she would like to be mothered a li ttle
And when I read her letters I wonder what the
mothe r s all over the world are doi ng I wonder
i f they remember that when th e great command
ment w as given that res pect should be shown to
paren ts by thei r children i t w as m ean t j ust as
certai nly that a respect should be shown to
children by thei r parents and es peci ally by thei r
mothers ? Your girl has come i nto this world
endowed wi th a brai n an d a heart and your first
du ty is to cultivate both Then she may be s e n
s it iv e
sh e may b e
s h e may be qui ck tempered
nervous where you are stolid calm and equable
Now my fri end the obli gation you ow e that gi rl
is a grea t one You have got to think ou t her
character and ca ter to it I do not mean that you
O M E TIM E S
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Side Talk s
8
7
th G ir ls
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should go but H e expected that mother love
would make you study the difference between
on e girl and another and m ake you discove r the
bes t way to gi ve happines s to your ow n gi rl
S ometimes when s he gets to be si xteen you com
plai n that you had hoped to find s o much comfort
i n her but that s he seeks strangers i nstead of you
and finds her greatest pleasure away from you
Th iiik back duri ng the years
R em ember when t he child came to you wi th
the story of her joys and you told her you were
R emember when s he came i nto
t oo busy to listen
the parlor where you were enterta i n i ng fri ends
and you told her to go ou t that grown u p people
wan ted to talk abou t thi ngs she mustn t listen
to As you di d this why are you surprised that
be far away from you n ow ? Wh y
s he should
should you wonder that her clos est fri end is not
her mother but some young girl who li v es i n the
neighborhood
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B E C A REFU L
HO W
Y OU S P E A K
O nce when your gi rl w as very li ttle She as ked
to be allowed to choose her own hat S he had the
i nsti ncts of an arti s t and s he knew the hat you
bought her di dn t sui t her but you i nsisted on her
Now why couldn t you have g i ven i n
w eari ng i t
I f She had chos en something t oo delicate
t o her
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Mother
The
o
f
My G ir l
1
79
too expen s i ve you could have explained to her
the reas on w hy i t w as i mpossible and then b e
tween you s omething could have been s elected
that would have pleas ed both As i t w as your gi rl
wen t home looked at he r s elf i n the glas s and made
u p her m i nd s he w as ugly that i t didn t make any
di fference what s he did that nobody car ed for he r
becau s e s he w as ugly and that nobody ever would
And s he su ffered as only a sensi ti ve girl can su ffer
And I would like to warn you my fr iend t hat the
si ns you comm i t ag ai ns t your chi ldren will cer
t a in ly either here or hereafter rise u p very black
before you
I know of t w o w omen who were told when they
were children that they were ugly O ne of them
brooded over i t w as hurt by i t never ceased
thinki ng of i t w as awkward and s hy until on e
day when s he w as about sixteen s he met a man
who loved her and who married her H e laughed
at the i dea of her bei ng ugly ! he took her to a
mi rror and showed her a pair of bright e y es and
he told her that her ha ir w as bea uti ful S he w as
but a year s
s lender i t is true and a bi t sallo w
travel and a year s love and a yea r s constant b e
lief that after all s he w as not ugly made her i f n ot
a beauti fu l at least an a t tracti ve woman whi le
becoming dress e s brough t abou t eas e of m an ner
and the ugly duckli ng to everybody s s urpr ise
was counted among the swans But t o this day s he
or
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1
Side Talk s
80
th G ir ls
wi
never forgotten and never ceased to dis li ke the
people who told her s he w as u gly
And the other girl ? That w as a tragedy S he
bore the comparison between her and her sister
unti l s he w as seventeen and then unhappy
wretched child s he ki lled herself
Now don t
u
think you ought to consi der your daughte r s ?
o
y
You wi ll not hurt them by telli ng them of any
charm they may possess There is a dear gi rl of
my acquai ntance whose quick temper w as cured
by a wise mother telli n g her of the beauty of her
eye s and of how differently they looked when s he
w a s angry
has
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AB OU T HE R RE LI GI O N
There comes a time in every gi rl s li fe when the
questi on of right and wrong presen ts i ts elf to her
very positively S he has heard prayers and s e r
mons all her li fe long but s he has not thought S u d
de n ly sometimes from a physi cal sometimes from
a mental state s he is overcome with the thought
Ju s t
of religion and a desire to do what is right
at this time s he needs her mother to guide her !
s h e wants that mother to teach her that religion is
for every day use ! that i t is something i n li fe
which has a close relation wi th the rest of the world
and that it is not merely the goi n g off ei ther to
church or to her room and throwi ng herself i nto
a state of ecstasy H er mother must teach her
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Side Talk s
82
th G ir ls
wi
mother this can be easily done by setting a good
example and by encouragi ng your daughter s faith
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AB OU T HER S W EE T HE A R T
ome day your gi rl blushes and stammers and
looks extremely conscious and i f you are her con
fi da n t e s he tel ls you about the young m a n who
walked home from ch u r ch wi th her The w ise
m other will take that purely as a matter of course
s a y that i t is very poli te in hi m and i gnore the
blu s h es and the shyness But she wi ll find ou t
about that young man and then when s he thi nks
i t prope r s he wi ll i nvite him herself to come into
the home There he will be seen as he is and
time wi ll prove whether he is the real sweetheart
or whether he merely turns ou t to be on e of the
pleasant fri ends which i t is always a gi rl s right to
have i n her mother s ho m e
Many girls have
made bad marri ages and foolish ones simply b e
cause they never saw the man whom they event
u ally married except i n the house of strangers at
entertainments or when these two were enti rely
alone And n o gi rl ever became thoroughly ac
wi
th
a
man
i
n
this
way
The
wise
u
a
i
n
t
e
d
q
mother wi ll sympathize wi th her gi rl in the story
of her sweetheart ! wi ll have hi m around very
much with all of them wi ll make him on e of them
s o that the girl sees his v irtu e s an d his faults an d
S
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M
The Moth er o
f y
G ir l
1
83
an opportun i ty to decide whether s he loves
him well enough to n ot only admi re the fi r s t bu t
bear wi th the second S he i s a bad mother who
makes her girl s small vani ty at the admi rati on
shown her by a young man a s ubject of ri dicule
for at once the gir l s hear t wi ll clo s e up and never
agai n will s he confide in her mother I wish oh
s o much that mothers wo u ld thi nk of this
S urely
then m ore gi rls would be saved from unhappy
marri ages an d fewer lives would be made w retched
forever
has
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THE GI
R L S V I R T UE S
’
C an you expect your gi rl t o be chari table when
i n her presence you do not hesi tate to talk of your
neighbors mali ciously ? Can you expect your gi rl
to be free from envy when i n a fault -fin din g way
o
u
compare
what
u
have
w
i
th
that
whi
ch
o
is
y
y
poss es s ed by your richer nei ghbor
C an you ex
pe e t your gi rl to be modes t when you sh ow no
respect for her and think that s he n eed not mi nd
sayi ng or doi ng anythi ng before her m other ? Can
you expect your girl to tell the truth when to save
yourself a li ttle trouble or be cause i t would i nvolve
a long explanati on or for some equally silly reas on
you do not hesi t ate to tell a fal s ehood ? Can you
expect you r girl t o gi ve to you the respect that is
due when s he hear s you laugh and make a j est of
your own mother s peculiari ti es ? Can you ex pect
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Side Talk s
84
th G ir ls
wi
your girl s religi on to be on e to li ve by when s he
Can
s ees that i t has no part i n your daily li fe ?
you expect your gi rl to be a good and noble
woman when you are petty and selfish and trifli ng ?
E very day i n your life you must rem ember that
you are the li vi ng example that your dau ghter is to
follow E very morni ng you ough t to pray for help
t o live s o well duri ng the day th at your daughters
wi ll find i n you thei r i deal of the perfect woman
The girl w ho is happy enoug h to have her mother
represent all that is good is the gi rl who cannot
but be good herself S o much of i t rests with you
I tell you the cry of the children all over the land
is for mothers for tho u ghtful mothers lovi ng
mothers and sympatheti c mothers S o many girls
are hungry for a little lo ve and a li ttle sympathy
and you W ho should be s o generous wi th them
you from whom they have a right to as k s o m uch
you let them s tarve Certainly your reward
wi ll come to you ! there would be no j ustice i f i t
did n ot and knowing this I beg of you to thi nk
of your chi ldren and be mothers not s trange r s
to them
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IN
Y OU R
O LD AGE
Then it will all come up before you — the mi stakes
that you have made And you wi ll reali ze that
n ot only have you fai led i n your duty to w ard G od
.
MY S W E E T H EA RT AN D I
H AT
the way I think it ought to be
worded Because then the trace of
selfishness that suggests i tself i n Me
and M y S weetheart is entirely l ost
And there can be no real love where selfishnes s exists
You may smile at this my dear gi rl and thi nk that
then there mu s t be very little love i n the world
there is only a li ttle bit but you have a ri ght to
your share of i t Yo u r sweetheart and you ! I
wonder i f you kno w what that means to people
whos e sweethearts have dri fted from them
whose sweethearts have forgotten them or whose
sweethearts have been taken away from them by
that i nexorable tyran t Death
The days are long
and sun s hiny and the knowledge that y ou pos ses s
a s w eetheart a real on e ought i t s eems to m e
make your heart dance wi th delight every duty
become a pleasure and every pleas ure seem
tri pled
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My Sw eeth ea r t
a nd
I
1
87
Perhaps you have known y our s weetheart for
y ears perhaps you have only kno w n hi m for a few
months but nevertheles s he has discovered that
you are the on e woman for him and the on e who m
he w is hes to have walk bes ide hi m all his li fe s har
i ng his s orro ws an d hi s j oys And you ? You
are only t oo glad to be his com pan ion And thus
bei ng o f one mi nd i t becom es necess ary that you
shall thi nk ou t what are your duties toward each
other for li fe is not all love though as far as you
t w o are concerned you may make i t s o
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MA K E H I M Y OU R FR I E ND
F irst of all i t is neces sary that your s weethe rt
a
hould be your compani on and your affectionate
fri end as well as your lover Indeed u nles s you
combi ne thes e two— the friend and the lover—the
lov e will wear away and the lover wi ll grow weary
S o i t seems good and ri ght that you s hould thi nk
of the things which i nterest him and als o th ink ou t
thi ngs which ough t to i nterest him and by pleas an t
talk make him aware of them What I mean m y
dear girl is t hat wh ile the expressi on of love is
righ t and proper and t hat i t is qui te right that the
man who is to be your husband should greet you
wi th a lo v i ng kiss an d words that tell of his affe c
ti on for you sti ll your hold on hi m will be grea ter
i f you m a ke him i nterested i n the books you have
s
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Side Talk s
88
th G ir ls
wi
read and the plays you have seen or i f you talk to
him about some question which has i nterested you
and abou t whi ch you have a decided opinion I n
thi s way you will become compani onable and let
me tell you that while i t is the easiest thing i n the
world for a young gi rl to get a sweetheart i t is only
by becomi n g his good friend that s he can keep him
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T HE MA R MA LAD E OF LOVE
But s ays some girl who has v ery in de pe n d
ent ways
why shouldn t he cater to my i de as
why should I cater to his ?
O h my dear what
a mistake you are maki ng You are not cateri ng
to his ideas you are only doing that which is right
and womanly and endeavori ng to keep the love
which you have gained You may discu s s nothing
more seri ous than the difference between yellow and
brown hai r and your s weetheart may s ay to you
that brown locks are the lovelies t i n the world and
his eyes may tell you the reas on why he thi nks s o
Then you may defend golden hai r the eveni ng
through and when you t w o par t you have had a
m er
li ttle ti me you have made your sweetheart
forget the car es of li fe and i t has been entirely b e
cause you talked about s omethi ng that each w as
interes ted in Another evening i t may be a book
another eveni ng you may let hi m explain to you
all about the politi cs of the country and still an
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9
Side Talk s
0
th G ir ls
wi
i n the eveni ng let him come where all the
rest are mother and those bad boys and the other
girls— let him come ri gh t into your home life
fill your place !
s e e what i t is like an d how you
i n time your i nterests wi ll become his You hang
your head w hen I s a y thi s —you think you would
rather s e e hi m alone well i t is not such a long
ti me si nce mother w as a girl herself and s he wi ll
manage before he goes that you shall have fifteen
mi nutes or half an hour to talk over wi th hi m
whatever seems of most importance to you
That
half hour will appear more to both of you than
all the res t of the eveni n g but do you thi nk i t
would have been cou nted s o valuable i f you two
had be en alone all the time ?
I t is pos si ble that you r sweetheart i s going to
es cort you to a concert ! then let hi m take you
from the very mi dst of your fami ly your mother
wishi ng that you m ay have a good ti me and my
dear gir l i f he al w ays thi nks of you as surround
ed by ca re and consideration his self respect
when he is honored with the charge of you wi ll
keep him from doi ng or saying anythi ng that
wo u ld n ot be done or sai d in the home nes t
you
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S
MA LL COURT E S I E S OF LI FE
It is possible that your sweetheart may never
have had any si s ters to tell hi m of the li ttle thi ngs
My Sw eethea r t
I
an d
1
9
1
that an noy women and that he has never before
cared enough for a girl to gi ve her the ri ght t o
make known to hi m what s he thi nks ar e odd little
ways O nce or twice he has caught you by the
arm i n getti ng through a crowd or when you
were wal ki ng together in the eveni ng naturally
you did not like that
Well tell him so but
don t draw your arm away and be cross about
i t ! i nstead look hi m right straight in the face
and say
Dear b oy I would s o much rather
lean on you than ha v e y ou lean on me
Then
sli p y our hand where i t belongs u nder his left
arm close to his heart
S uppose your s w eet
heart should i ncline to s carfs you don t admire
I once heard a girl tell a man s he hated him
You needn t
b ecause he wore a pale blue scarf
be as posi tive as that but you can suggest to
h im that as a blonde he always looks better i n
an all -black s carf while as a brunette he can
wear the whi te ones all day and put on the
black ones for very formal occ as ions Men are
very much what women make them and i t is
the easiest thi ng i n the world to teach your
sweethear t how to act and dr ess accordi ng to
the s ocial laws and he will ne v er dream that he
is bei ng taught but will beli eve that ever y s u g
ges tion has emanated from h is ow n brain Le t
hi m u ndersta nd that he is never to be an ything
but respectful an d considerate of your fami ly
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9
Side Talk s
2
th G ir ls
wi
and make this an unwritten law by showing r e
Spect and consideration for his
Never permi t him to gossi p over the affairs of
his fami ly wi th y ou
Their secrets are not
yours and you have no right to know them
I f something is forced upon you make up your
m i nd to thi nk the best of i t This is some
thi ng you w i ll n ever regret
Don t let your
sweetheart because you have told him you love
him neglect any of the li ttle courtesi es about
whi ch you were s o careful before he had gotten
this confessi on of your love S e t nothing down
to lack of thought but gi vi ng proper thought to
all small politenes s es yourself exact the same
from hi m Never let that meanes t of all things
jealou s y enter your heart I f the man is worth
your love i f you hav e promised to trust and
believe i n him you are wronging him when
you permi t suspi ci on to come to you and i t
I f before you
w ill i njure you i n every way
told him your lo v e you had not thought ou t
whether the love he offered you w as a good and
true on e then i t is possible you des erv e to suf
fer from your c ar eles snes s but i f you believe i n
your sweetheart you are i nsulting him when you
let yourself become a prey to j ealousy Poli te
ness is on e of the ca rdinal vi rtues and i ts great
v alue is never s o much appreciated as when every
on e of it s la w s obs erv ed between people who care
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1
Side Talk s
94
th G ir ls
wi
that i t is an engagemen t ri ng does not excuse the
assumpti on of an enormous di amond
A ri ng
w hich h as some sentimen t attached to i t or one
that has i ts ow n story for two is a thousand times
more to be desi red than the ki nd of ring that can
be bought by anybody
Certai nly you do not
want to begi n your engagement wi th as it s
souveni r a ri ng that has caused your sweetheart to
as sume a debt for that would be a very bad c om
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m en ce m en t
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If your sweetheart is away from you i t goes Wi th
Now
ou t saying that you will wri te to each other
I do not want to start a grai n of suspi cion in your
mi nd but I must s ay : do n ot wri te to hi m every
thing you would s a y Men are proverbially care
less and you do n ot know whose eyes may res t
upon your letters and strangers might find i n them
a source o f amusement that would be extremely
morti fyi ng to you
Then t oo while you may
gi ve your s w eetheart for his own special pleas ure
one pi cture do not let him decorate his rooms
wi th i nnumerable photographs of you for stran gers
ey es to res t upon and strangers lips to cri ticise
F renchmen s a y that i f you are looking for the
woman a man loves you wi ll not find her pi cture
i n his room that though there may be pi ctures of
many other women there the woman of his heart
cannot be found It is the woman who is n ot
there whom he loves
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My Sw eeth ea r
t
an d
I
1
95
AB OU T Y OUR RE LI GI O N
ome t i mes you tell me that you and your s weet
heart get i nto heated religious discu s s i ons
If I
were you I wouldn t do this N o m an w as ever
convi nced of the beauty of religion by argument
You must m ake your fai th a li vi ng on e to i mpres s
your lover with it s b e au t v and worth Your r e
ligion must show itself i n your every day li fe and
by your works he w ill know how great and beauti
ful a thing i t is I do n ot thi nk that h appy mar
r ia es
ensue
when
people
have
exactly
oppo
ite
s
g
opi ni ons and very decided ones about thei r b e
li efs and for that reason I should not adv ise your
acceptance of a man whose faith is di fferent from
your own Man y a girl wi ll tell you that s he
knows of such marri ag es but a happy marri age
pres upposes simi lari ty of though t about matters of
gr eat im portan ce and certai nly one s reli gion is
the mos t important F ai ths i n whi ch people have
bee n born and educated m ean much t o them and
a hou s e di vided agai nst i tself is certain to fall
Into the religi ous ques tion about you and your
sweetheart comes the consideration due to your
father and m other and I must say i n answer to
man y of my gi rls that I can no t advise them to
m arry agai nst the wishes of their parents I b e
lieve that i f a gi rl wi ll tell her father that she b e
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1
Side Talk s
6
9
th G ir ls
wi
loves a certai n man and will as k why he
objects to hi m that s he wi ll be made to understand
i t all F athers are reason able creatures especially
where the happiness of thei r daughters i s concerned
for we all kno w that though they may hav e a cer
tai n pride i n thei r s ons i t is thei r daughter s who
always get closes t to their hearts
Iie v es
s
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A T I NY S ER M O N
To the gi rl who has a s weetheart I would say be
as careful of your love as i f i t were the most fragi le
chi na and do not let i t ever be nicked i n any
way for you wan t nothing less than a perfect love
This may be you r s if you wi ll guard your love
Your love may be as ide al as you please and yet
because love i tself is above the mere thi ngs of earth
i t can yet govern your li fe practically s o that for
dear love s sake the unkind word wi ll not be spoken
and the cruel thought will never enter your heart
S ometi mes for dear love s sake we suffer but the
love i tself is so well worth having that on e can
endure the pain T o you and your sweetheart I
be true be lovi ng have a great
s a y be faith ful
affecti on for the friend wi th the great love that
goes to the sweetheart and you wi ll attai n that
perfect union which on the day when you t w o
become on e will sho w i tself i n your lover s face
“
and the lookers on will know that the heart of
her husband doth safely trus t in her
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1
Side Talk s
8
9
U ND E R
th G ir ls
wi
T HE GOO D
C LOA K
I t is almo s t imposs i ble for you to listen t o u n
k i nd words yet I want t o tell you of the di fferent
m ethod s of repelling gos s ip s hould i t come to you
This kind of chatter whi ch is n t always evi l is
the begi nni ng of that gossip whi ch
u nfortunately
i n ti me dri fts i nto being mali cious and i nduces
the speakers to thi nk that a clever thi n g even i f
i t is bitter and s arcas ti c is righ t and proper to
Now you who are bright and merry can
s ay
stop this sort of t alk very quickly and the best
way is by showing not only an absolute indi fference
to it but by bei ng s o qui et that your sti llnes s a t
tracts attention then i t will soon dawn upon the
talkers that your si lence means scorn
“
“ B ut
my bri ght girl
suppose they
s ays
are saying disagreeable things of my friend ?
Then of course you must defend her but be c a re
Make i t a quiet and reason
fu l i n your defence
able one and not an excited defence that is wi th
and whi ch only tells how much
ou t argument
y ou care for the fri end agai nst whom the disagree
able words are being said S ometi mes more is
t he pi ty the truth is told but told i n a h ar d u n
ki nd way Then if I were you I should s ay
T hat is true but this girl is my friend and I
S upp os e we
for on e would rather not hear it
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C
h
t
a
i
r
The Ma n tle o
y
f
1
99
all thi nk of the wors t about ourselves and how an
accoun t of i t would sound i f i t were told
In
the presence of scandal mongers take under your
man tle of char i ty all thos e people whom you can
defend and show your contempt for evil speake r s
by defending the right i f you can or b ykeeping
perfectly qui et
”
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FOR EVER Y
DAY
US E
For your cloak
Not j us t for fes ti ve occas i ons
must be worn all the time and your ch ari ty m u s t
be n ot only of words and deeds but of looks A
pleasan t smile will someti mes make a great man y
people fee l happy when before they were all as
“
the children say
as
cross as sticks
Chari ty
really means considera t i on When you go into
the breakfas t room you may wonder that yo u r
mother is quiet and seems a li ttle troubled and
n ot
very much i nterested i n the idle tal k of the
chi ldren Be sure that to mother s brai n com e
many worries and frets s he has to thi nk ou t the
a rrangement of th e household ! s h e has
to con
si der how best the limi ted sum of mo ney can be
d isposed of and s o you m ust bri ng to her pres
ence all the consideration you can and try and li ft
at least some of the burdens from her shoulders
You are employed i n an o ffice ! you may find
your su pe r i or a li ttle i rri table incli ned to b e fault
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Side Talk s
2 00
th G ir ls
wi
findi ng and showi ng himself anything but pleased
at the morni ng even ts G o along and do your
work properly and exactly ! when spoken to an
swer pleas antly ! do what i s absolutely right and
i f fault is found wi th yo u you can afford to forgi ve
i t becau s e you know that time wi ll prove all
thi ngs Whi le you have a mi nute to thi nk t e
member that you s it at your d e sk or your type
wri ter and when the end of the week comes draw
your salary and the only respons i bi lity on your
shoulders is to do good work whereas your em
ployer has to study the nee ds of the market has
to submi t to bei ng a loser when the days are dull
and bears on h is shoulders the b u rden of many of
who
si
mply
do
your
work
and
draw
your
sala
o
u
y
ries Chari ty toward employers is accordi ng to
the newspaper s ou t of fashi on bu t I like to thi nk
that m y girls know how valuable i t is i n i ts u s e
toward every on e wi th whom they may come i n
contact
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T HE O N E W HO N EE DS
To most people chari ty represen ts givi ng In
reali ty i t means as well the gi vi ng of ki n dly words
of material help or whatever may at times be
needed M any young women thi nk that the giv
i ng of a li ttle money here and there cons ti tutes all
the acts of chari ty they need to perform Now
giving from a chari table stand point is utterly
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Side Talk s
20 2
th G ir ls
wi
they used to be and the cheerful visi t pai d to
some one who is ill— all thes e are acts of charity
that will stand ou t like golden stars opposite your
n ame on the judgment -book The girl who won
ders listlessly w hat i n the w orld s he can do to
help anybody need only open her eyes very wi de
and s he will qui ckly discover In every fami ly
i n every neighborhood there is work of this ki nd
to do and whi le i t would not be called chari ty
work sti ll i t is that for chari ty pi tieth much A
few cheerful visi ts a fe w ki ndly acti ons and a few
cheerful words are worth more than all the penni e s
that were ever collected for the heathen F or we
have so many heathen at home and the bes t way
to reform them is by example
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AN OT HER FOR M OF C H A R I TY
That is con s i derati on for the young and the
awkward The young girl or boy may not kno w
just the fork that i t is proper to u s e to eat some
special dish with an d you are doi ng a kindly act
when you quickly pick u p yours and so end the
embarras sment That other boy who in the parlor
dance or the game always seems to k nock things
over and to make everybody conscious of his arms
and feet can by a little care on the part of the
con s iderate gi rl b e gui ded i n such a way that he
will become a pleasure rather tha n a horror a n d
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a
C
h
t
i
The Ma n tle o
r
y
f
203
remembe ri ng after his departure how eas y i t w as
to be graceful he wi ll think over an d take to heart
the lem on s o gently gi ven to him I tell you m y
dear gi rl there can be no happy life without char
i ty and you not only wan t to pray for i t day and
night but you s hould prac t i s e i t so pe r s istently
that i t b ecomes part of yourself When you hear
“
somebody s a y
I like that gi rl you never hear
her s a y anythi ng di s agreeable and s he always
makes people feel comfortable
conclude that
that girl h as si mply learn ed the beauty of chari ty
and assumi ng it s mantle has taken under it s shel
ter those w ho were s h y who were troubl e d or i n
pain I do not thi nk a chari table gi rl remi nds
people of the folli es that have brought abou t cer
tai n res ults but whi le she tri es to c u re the pain
and eventually succeeds s he lets the su fferer thi nk
ou t for herself how it all came about and how a
pleas ant folly w as succeeded by much sorrow
Nobody who makes a m is take likes to be told
that they were warned about i t be fore The
“
habi t is one that is more u n
I told you s o
chari table than almos t any other bec ause i t is
u nprovoked Your fri end undoubtedly thought
that she was doing right and when s he makes a
mis take i t becomes your place n ot to remind her
of w hat led up to i t
S he h as learn ed her les s on
sa dly and s orrow fully
The h ars h meth od of
tr ea ti ng her s u ffer i ng of teari ng her wound apart
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Side Talk s
2 04
th G ir ls
wi
and pouring aci d upon i t is
Chris t would have commended
,
n
that
ot
w
hich
.
T HE WAYS OF C H A R I T Y
Many hundred years ago the G od Man said
that only those who were wi thout s in should dare
throw a stone at a si nner S o you who ar e going
to walk i n the ways of charity must learn first of
all to control your tongue You have no right
to j udge an y human be ing You kno w nothing
of the temptation you know nothing of the
temperament that made i t s o eas y to yi eld and
you do not know what the motive w as when
the poor s i nner first started to do what afterward
turned ou t to be all wrong You know that s he
told a lie You don t kno w what s he told that
lie for That i t w as wrong nobody can doubt
Maybe i t w as told to hide poverty ! maybe i t w as
told t o protect some one else ! maybe i t w as told
without thought
Nothing can make i t right
B ut be a li ttle chari table i n your j udgment Try
and pu t yourself i n that girl s place and i f you
succeed i n doing that you wi ll be s urprised to dis
co v er that under the same circums tances you
would probably have done much wors e
S ometimes people are branded with si n s that
they do not commi t but the world accuses them
and the unchar i table s tand afar off an d condemn
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Talk s
S ide
2 06
th G ir ls
wi
myself O f course i t w as n t stolen and I am
sorry anythi ng w as said about i t
I t w as a li t
tle late to be sorry for the girl who had bee n
accus ed of bei ng a thief w as lying i ll wi th a fever
brought on by exci temen t and the other t w o gi rls
were both ill with nervous attacks S urely no
on e i n that house wore the mantle of ch ar ity for
there hadn t been a woman to defend those gi rls
and almost everyone had wi thout a thought c on
The ways of char ity ar e broad
de m n e d them
maki ng on e thi nk well before speaking and al w ays
gi vi ng to the one accused the benefi t of the doubt
’
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AN OT HER WAY OF C H A R I TY
You thi nk the way to H eaven requi r es th e
walking over a certai n path of belief
Yo u r
neighbor believes that i t is approached by an
other and her nei ghbor by s ti ll another You
all have fai th i n the same great truths and only
di ffer i n a fe w forms
Yet i f a disc u s sion should
ar ise on e would think from the way you speak
that your neighbor worshi pped graven i dols and
that i nto her religion there came nothi ng that was
beauti ful or good or lovely You bitterly con
de m n her ideas i n regard to music or whether s he
should kneel or stand when prayi ng to the good
G od and you wonder how i n the world s he can
expect a happy hereafter when she doesn t elect to
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a
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C
h
t
r
The Ma n tle o
y
f
207
follow certai n ceremoni es here N ow j udge your
self What must G od thi nk of you ? H e s aid
that i n H is F ather s hou s e there w ere many man
si ons May there not b e m an y path s leading to
them
A nd you who clai m to be upon the right
on e s o far forget the very firs t of the virtues of
pure religion chari ty that you condemn yo u r
neighbor S he goes along her way pouri ng oil
upon the wounds of the si ck gi vi ng drink to
tho s e w ho thi rs t and a helping hand to whoever
may need it whi le you do not hesi tate to s a y that
her way is wrong I don t like to thi nk that an y
on e of m y girls is like this and yet youth is in
c lin e d to be severe
Chari ty s hould pervade the whole of li fe j ust
as the fl esh odor of the trees fills the air wi th a
thousan d s weet s cents
I t should make the words
that you say better the d eed s that you do worthi er
and s o permeate every act of your li fe that to the
world at large you yourself seem an outward si gn
of goodnes s and kindnes s
Truly i t is a beauti ful
th ing the possession of thi s v i rtue
F aith and
hope stand bes ide i t but 10 i t is the greatest of
all You and I will pray for i t s o that li fe may
become more beauti ful
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THE
P H Y S I CA L
LI FE
O F A GI RL
‘
E AU T Y of
body and face which is
much to be desired con s titutes a
letter of introducti on to the people
on e meets but does nothing beyond
that A woman who seems to be beauti ful may
become absolutely ugly by showing herself to be
i ll tempered vain or malici ous Wrinkles u pon
the face are v ery often the res ult of bad pas s i on s
The mouth my dear gi rl draws down at the
corners from malice the eyes grow small by the
lids comi ng together when on e is po s s es s ed of a
cunning curiosity ! the chi n doubles i tself from
gluttony and the cheeks i ncli ne to fold over when
self to grow cross and to speak
n e allows one s
o
with s hri ll high notes
The strai n that results
from s peaki ng loudly causes the muscles of the
throat to over -develop and makes i t look stri ngy
and unfemi ni ne
S o first of all s he who would be charmi ng
must remember that the woman who allows her
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Side Talk s
2 1 0
th G ir ls
wi
dab over your face whirl the cloth around your
neck carefully bathe your hands and then go out
of the bathroom fully satisfied that you are quite
clean ? There are thousands of girls who consider
this all that is neces s ary and yet as the old darky
ma mmy would s ay
That s nothi ng more than a
li ck and a promise
There are few American
hous es i n whi ch there is not a bathroom and i f one
is s o unfortunate as to live i n a boarding -house
where on e has not a pri vate bath there wi ll be wis
dom i n paying a li ttle extra for the pri vilege of
having the bathroom to one s s elf at a certain hour
and sa v i ng this on car fares My dear gi rl I know
exactly what this is and i t is not a woman w ho
has never lived i n a bo ardi ng house who is talk
i ng to you Therefore Is ay take five m inutes to
yourself and scrub that tub out well with soap and
water before you get i nto i t I do not recommend
for any girl i n this country a perfectly cold bath
Ameri can women are inclined to be nervous and
are not over strong consequently the wisest thi ng
to do is to plunge i nto water that is tepid and
which when one gi ves one s self a thorough rub
bi ng will not cause the much —
to b e dreaded cold
This morni ng bath is taken for cleanli nes s and it
is the only way unless i ndeed one stand s up and
is carefully sponged by whi ch one can be s ure of
perfect physi cal sweetness Us e s oap ? Plenty of
i t But this soap need not be of an expe nsi ve
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The P hy s ical Life o
f
G ir l
a
21 1
kind and the wi s e girl is that on e who choos es
the si mplest quali ty an d that which is not scented
A hot bath whi ch is desi rable at least twi ce a
week s hould be taken at night and the ti red
gi rl will be s urprised to find not only h ow rest
ful i t is but how perfectly deli ci ou s her own body
feels when s he lie s do w n and the eyelids gradu
ally fall over the eyes weary of looki ng all the da y
long The cheap napery that IS s old makes a good
wash cloth for you must remem b e r that whi le the
sponge is desirable i n the bath somethi ng more
than a Sponge is required t o make on e abs olu tely
clean B y the bye a light quali ty of fl annel on e
combi ning cotton wi th wool is als o recommended
for a was h cloth
It is only after on e has grown
accustomed to the morni ng bath that one reali ze s
a ll that it means
how i n the bes t way i t wakens
on e up mentall y and phy s icall y and s tarts on e
ou t read y to begi n the work of anothe r day
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A FT ER T HE B A T H
After y ou hav e bathed and dre s s ed yourself put
ti ng on underwear suffi ci ently warm but not heavy
arrangi ng your stays s o that they are well fitti ng
but n ot tigh t and havi ng a gown ou t of whi ch all
the dus t has be en shaken s o that none of i t wi ll
s eek a re fuge i n your s ki n
go
to
your
break
o
u
y
fast And what do you eat ? F i r s t of all oa t
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Side Talk s
21 2
th G ir ls
wi
meal because you hav e heard i t is healthy Now
oatmeal is good for a big strong man who is ou t
i n the O pen ai r a great deal for a woman who is
n ot
i t first of all has a tendency to cause a greas y
ski n and i n time to ups et the diges tion In addi
ti on nine times out of ten oatmeal is not well cook
when properly
e d—it is s er v ed i n lumps whereas
boiled i t should be like good ri ce each grai n
bei ng absolutely s eparate from the other Then
do you eat the oatmeal properly
More than any
other food i t requires to be well che w ed or else i t
wi ll s olidi fy and form an i ndi gestible and heavy
lump i n the s tomach Physi ci ans s a y that oatmeal
that is swallowed whole is more to be dreaded than
meat taken in pieces at a gulp I f you are really
found of a cereal then choose cracked w he a t w hic h
is not as heating as oatmeal is more easi ly digested
and i s more generally well cooked That the
brawny S cotchman is a wonder of health upon an
oatmeal di et is not deni ed but he unlike you i s
taking much exercise and spends nearly all his
time i n a wonderful braci ng ai r A fter this you
elect to have some bee fsteak In the firs t place
that s hould have been broiled and the only gravy
about i t should have been that which comes fro m
the meat i tself And then yo ri as k for a well done
piece O h dear
There you have made three
mistak es
Beef is not fit to eat when i t is cooked
u nti l the j ui ce is gone out of i t and i t is dry—in
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21
Side Talk s
4
th G ir ls
wi
AB OU T Y OUR
WA LK S
Many of the books that I have read givi ng s u g
gestions about walking do not hesi tate to talk
about five mil es a day as bei ng proper exercise
N ow there are a great many of us who couldn t
walk five mi les one day wi thout bei n g lai d up for
the next Personally whi le I regard walking as
good exercise I thi nk i t is more apt to do on e
goo d when i t is taken ei ther with an object at th e
end of the wal k or i n pleasant companionship
O ver -qui ck walki ng is not good for anybody a n d
the time to stop walki ng has been reached before
one gets ti red Tennis golf an d croquet ar e all
healthy ou t of door games and I advise m y girl s
to i nd u lge i n them as far as po s si ble al w ays wi th
a proviso that thei r love for the game does not
m ake them stay at the sport too long nor i n their
exci tement must they allow the m selves to be t oo
energetic As I have never ri dden a bi cycle I
can say v ery li ttle about i t only I cannot believe
that i t is wise for on e to overdo any good thi ng
no matter how charmi ng i t may s eem at first I
wish that all my girls would learn to w a lk well
good walki ng means neither to stride nor to hop
but to place the front part of the foot deli berately
on the ground allowi ng the heel to follo w and
then to take a s tep i n proportion to the length of
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The P hy s ical Life o
f
G ir l
a
one s legs Danci ng when on e does n ot do too
much of i t and when i t i s limi ted to a well aired
parlor i n one s home is a gentle desirable e x e r
cise Much good may come from the exerci s es i n
a g ym nas ium but so m any young girls overdo ath
le t ics nowadays that I al m os t fear advis ing them
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T HE V A LU E OF RU B B I N G
The old ti me remedy a thorough rubbing is
n ow a fas hionable one u nder m any names massage
bei ng the usual one A good r u bbing is the b est
remedy for the tired body but t hat rubbi ng mu s t
be given evenly and qui etly and the pati ent mus t
not be allowed to talk To the worn out girl
who cannot sleep a few pennies are well spent
w hen this
mode of gaini ng res t is chosen i n
preference to opiates The arms the back under
the knees and the forehead should all have even
rubbing made smoother by the hands of the rub
ber having a li ttle cocoa butter or vaseline upon
them If one is fortunate enough to be wi t h
one s own people then a s ister or better s ti ll the
mother w ill be the m a s s eu s e I n additi on to gi v
i ng on e a good res t a rubbi ng tends to develop
the body and to make i t more supple The rub
ber i s advised to culti vate a very even impres s i ve
movement but while i t sugges ts str ength i t must
not be rough e lse sleep or rest will never come
and excitement be the only res ult
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21
Side Ta lk s
6
th G ir ls
wi
When the head and eyes are tired a systematic
smoothi ng of the hair whi ch of course must be
loosened and have all i ts pins taken ou t is a great
relief The eyes may be rested by bei ng dabbled
w i th hot water —remember gently dabbled with
an old han dkerchi ef not wi th cold water and not
rubbed
R ubbi ng wi ll irritate them when the
soft pressure of a good dabbli ng will relieve them
very much As soon as there is the slightest evi
dence of a weakeni ng on the part of the eyes go to
a good oculi s t E cono m ize as you will but i f
u
can
keep
your
eye
s
ight
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AB OU T Y OU R M E D I C I N E S
I f on e is ill i t is proper to go to a doctor And
the doctor should be sought at the very begin
ning of the illnes s so that a cure may come
sooner H owever there are various li ttle med
ic in e s that on e may keep among one s belong
i ngs for the li ttle troubles that are certain to
come and which are e as i ly cured For the girl
who suffe r s from indigestion there i s t o be taken
from Apri l u ntil S eptember whenever i t may
be needed for i t is n ot recommended for cold
weather the creamy mixture of sulphur and mo
lasses Thi s wi ll clear the eyes make the ski n
white and firm and u nless the trouble should be
of long standi ng put the stomach i n good condi
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21
Side Talk s
8
th G ir ls
wi
T HE M I ND AND T HE B O DY
I want my girls to understand thoroughl y the
close relati on that exists between the mi nd and the
body Wi th the body uncared for i t does not
seem as i f the m i n d could be i n good order And
surely when one has bad thoughts and bad man
ners the body wi ll ce as e to be beauti ful The
best motto for you to take i n regard to your body
is Be clean
Many of us are u nhappi ly handicapped from birth
by i ll health Then all that we can do i s to tr y
and keep as well as possible and to determi ne
that the weakness of the body shall not be reflected
“
upon the m i nd When one s back is bad and
one s legs are queer
then to make an e ffort to
forget this and to fill the mi nd s o full of cheerful
ness that the looker ou will believe one beauti ful
is the greatest hero i sm M y dear gi rl take care
F ew
of yourself ! try and keep well and cheerful
people di e from overwork Many lose thei r good
looks from idleness and sulkiness I t is sai d that
i t is better to wear out than to rust out N ow
you and I are not anxious to do either i n a hurry
but we will joi n hands and resolve that bei ng
happy healthy and wise we wi ll make o u rselves
physi cally and mentally a j oy to all those who
love u s or who m we love
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A S T R A N G E R IN A ST R A N G E
LA N D
H AT S what you are you and I
We
have come to th is great ci ty to earn
ou r bread and butter and the people
we loved and who loved u s the peo
ple who had ki ndly thoughts of u s the people who
were interested i n ou r hop es ou r jo ys and ou r
sorrows are all left behi nd A nd we are facing a
new world Now how shall we do i t ? S hall we
pe rform ou r tasks i ndi fferently returni ng home to
mope and be unhappy and refusi ng to find any
thing good in li fe becau s e the dwellers i n this new
land do not put ou t the hand of good fellows hip ?
I f that is what we i ntend doi ng you and I we
may as well make up our mi nds that we will r e
mai n strangers forever There is an old fashi oned
s ong that says
Tis home w here the heart is
and you and I mus t remember that we can carry
home i n ou r hearts and find i t wherever we are i f
we wi ll only remember that G od is i n his H eaven
and that all goes well on earth
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Side Talk s
2 20
IN GOO
D
th G ir ls
wi
S OC I E
TY
urely we need not count ours elves as among
the dwellers in tents when we can build a beauti
ful mans ion i n which love and friendshi p may be
enshri ned You who are wi thout hope s ay t o me
We are two strange girls who are working to
earn ou r bread and who li ve i n a small room in
a boardi ng -house How can we get i nto society
N ow I who am a
no one wants to know u s ?
bit hopeful laugh at you and answer
There i s
every reason why people s hould want to know u s
We are brigh t i n wi t and we are healthy i n body
These thi n gs make u s agreeable compani on s
Then I continue
cal l up s ome of your honest
pride and remember that where M a c G r egor si ts
there is the head of the table consequentl y that
where you and I are is good s ociety
In the first place i t isn t wise to solidi fy one s
self into an ice block and refuse to know an y
body In findi ng the flo w ers on e must come across
some weeds To m ake pleas ant acquaintances you
and I wi ll have to go through some experi ences
that are probably not qui te pleasant In the o ffice
where I work there is a pretty girl who after
twenty -four hours of acquaintance wi th me de
clares that s he ne v er before met anybody for
whom s he cared s o much is eager to tell me all
S
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Side Talk s
222
th G ir ls
wi
and a li ttle card saying that s he hopes you will
bri ng me We go together and after the co n cert
i s over s he introduces her sister and pos sibly her
brother to u s
Perhaps two weeks later we are
as ked to spend an evening with her liste n to some
m usi c and have a bi t of supper
H er home is only
a li ttle fl at but her mother is there and the whole
place is fragrant wi th an essence of hospi tali ty
Mo nths and years m ay pass and that girl though
we may become great fri ends or si mply pleasant
acquai ntances wi ll never be as e ffusi ve as the
young woman who was i n the office wi th me but
s he wi ll as the fri endshi p grows prove that her
affecti on is worth having and therefore worth win
ning An acquaintance made wi th great eas e is
u sually dropped i n the same rapid way
Time
does wi ther i t and cus tom proves it s undes i rabili ty
D o you s e e what I mean
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AT T HE B OA R D I N G HOU S E
I t is s o di fficult to know how to do what is jus t
right here Nei ther you n or I want to s it at the
table like disagreeable mummi es and s a y nothing
I have no trouble in deci d
s o what s hall we do ?
i ng that I prefer to go from the table to a book
and have nothing more than a mere bowi ng a c
quai ntance with any of the people there But
who
are
a
sociable
li
ttle
creature
you
o
u
h
o
w
y
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St r a nger in
A
a
St r a nge
La n d
wonder w hat pleasure I find i n books would like
t o know about the pretty girl who si ts opposite to
you and i f the young man nex t her is really i n
love wi th her and whether the young m atron at
the end of the table makes a ll her pretty go w ns
or i f she doesn t how s he occupi es her ti me
You
who repres en t the general woman wan t to kno w
your ki nd and be of them You are perfectly
ri gh t in saying that I i n m y love for solitude and
books am different
You become acquainted
wi th the pretty girl s h e i ntroduces to you two or
three of the you n g men you meet the young
matron and at night you are all do w n i n the
parlor laughing and having as m erry a time as
“
po s s i ble Then after a whi le there comes
the
li ttle ri ft wi thi n the lute
the go s s ip of the house
—there always is on e — whispers to you that the
matron laughs at your c ou n t r ifie d dresses
that
the youn g gi rl is jealous of you and that they
thi nk there must be something queer about me b e
cause I prefer to keep to myself The gossip i n a
boardi ng house is always dramati c and she credi ts
people who merely want to be left alone w i th hav
i ng some fri ghtful pas t You come up to me and
cry as i f your heart would break and all I can s ay
to you is
My dear i t isn t worth i t ! take the
ple as ur e ou t of i t all as you do the cream from the
milk and let the rest go S ometimes i n a bo ar d
i ng house an acquai ntance becomes a fri end bu t
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Side Talk s
2 24
th G ir ls
wi
i t is only occasionally that this happens so regard
these people as you do the pleas ure of the moment
G e t from yo u r i ntercours e wi th them all that you
can i nnocently and refuse to s e e or hear the dis
agreeable si de
After we have had a li ttle ex
e
r ie n c e we learn the absolute unstability of sudden
p
friendships whether made i n the office or i n the
parlor We kno w by heartaches and tears shed
by disappoi ntments and facts that friendshi p is a
plant of very slow growth and that i t mus t be as
tenderly cared for as the finest orchid
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AT T HE C HUR C H
have brought from your clergyman at home
a letter of i ntroduction to a clergyman i n the ci ty
You present i t
H e is genial and kind and tells
o
u
that
he
must
find
you
some
friends
among
the
y
congregation
You go regularly to church to
S unday -school and to prayer meeti ng but at the
end of three months you know as many people as
y ou did when you first came Your clergyman
h as been to call on y ou but you were out
his
wi fe came to v isi t you and the s ame thing hap
pened You di d not take the trouble to tell h im
that you were busy all day and s o both he and
his wi fe came at the w r on g t im e You thi nk ver y
black though ts about mi nisters who are paid big
salari es and pay no attention to thei r pari s hi one r s
You
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Side T alk s
2 26
th G ir ls
wi
sort of pri de who were shabbi ly dr essed and
others who had the tenderest most lovi ng hear ts
hidden under ri ch apparel
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AB OU T OUR MAN N ER S
and I thi nk that we know all about good
manners and yet j ust as the cut of the gown and
the shape of the hat i n the big city differ from
those worn i n the li ttle town s o there a r e some
cus toms that are di fferent and if we wish t o gai n
a s ocial positio n we must notice and imi tate them
I may be none the less a clever woman and yet
drink my tea from a cup with m y spoon i n i t !
but my cleverne s s would amount to very little i f I
did not di s cover that people generally do not do
this You m ay be as pretty as pos si ble but peo
ple will forget your prettiness i f the ys e e you cut
ti ng your as paragus an d eati ng it fro m a fork
rather than from the stalk held i n your fingers
These are li ttle thi ngs but the li ttle thi ngs that
you and I mus t learn i f we wish to be something
more than mere s trange r s
Then when i n answer to a letter of in t r odu c
tion somebody w ho could be of help socially to
both of us calls on u s leavi ng a card on whi ch her
recepti on day is engraved we make the m istake
of returni ng her visi t on some other day only to
be told that she is not at home N ow the wises t
You
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A
St r a nge r in
a
St r a nge La n d
227
thing t o do as we can not go upon her day at
home is to wri te her a pleasant li ttle note telli ng
her that we are busy women that we cannot come
upon her day at home and as ki ng i f she wi ll per
You who
m it us to come at some other ti me
clai m to be very i ndependent s a y that you will
not gi ve i n to her i n th is way That is r idic u
lous S he is a wom an older than ei ther of u s
and res pect is due t o her for that reas on i f for
no other Then too we have sought her i n pre
senti ng the letter and i f we wish to continue the
acqu ai ntance and to gai n her fri en dship we mus t
make i t plai n to her j ust h ow we ar e si tuated B e
i ng a ki ndly woman she asks u s to come and have
a cup of tea on the home day S unday or el s e s he
i nvi tes u s on some speci al evening and then we
be come acquai nted wi th her S o you s e e ou r man
ners i n regard to cards and letters as well as at the
table have much to do with ou r gai ni ng friends
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A F A LS E P R I D E
You say you are sensi tive I s a y you are fool
ish Wh en any one s eems to o verlook you you
clai m i t i s becaus e you are earning your li vi ng
N ow I i nsist that that has nothing to do wi th i t
I t is because there is somethi ng i n you that doesn t
attract thi s person People are liked soci ally for
what they are and w hat the y can give and not for
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Side Talk s
2 28
th G ir ls
wi
“
what they do When I s ay gi ve I do not
m ean i n it s ordinary sense but I do mean i n the
sense of bei n g generous wi th pleas ant words and
by showi ng an i n teres t i n whatever is going on
You have the wrong kind of pride about your
work You s ay wi th a curl of the lip and a
toss of the head to some on e who has j ust been
i ntroduced to you and who i t is mo s t likely wi ll
“
be only a five mi nutes acquai ntance
Oh I
am a worki ng woman
Now that is none of
her or his busi nes s
S trangers are not interested
i n i t and you have no right to thrust your pri
vate affairs upon them I t is qui te as v ulgar to
talk conti nually of one s poverty as i t is to flaunt
one s ri ches and i ndeed s ometi mes I think i t is
the more v ulgar of the two
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FOR
Y OU AND M E
“
S o for
you and me who are strangers in a
strange land there are m any thi ngs concerni ng
which we must be careful i f we wish to gai n and
to keep a s oci al position F irs t of all we must
be careful i n making fri ends and I think i t is a l
wa ys w ise to beware of the new acquaintance who
is over -fami liar and over -c on fide n t ial
Then
too we mus t take advantage of what we can bri ng
from home that is the letter of i ntroduction to
the clergyman and to the var i ous ladi es who may
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T H E Y O UN G W I F E S
’
F I R ST Y E A R
E R Y many of m y girls were l as t June s
brides and yet they have been lov
ing and ki nd enough to ask that they
may still be on the list to which they
belonged before the ti tle of mistres s
w as put
before their names
As the days go by it dawns on the mi nd of the
young wi fe that the man s he loves is regarding her
no longer as an angel no longer as a bi t of Dres
den china and j us t at first s he is surprised No
body has told her that the first year of her marri ed
li fe would be the most di ffi cult on e During that
ti me s he m ust learn what i t is to be a companion
to her husband S he must remember that she has
entered i n to h is li fe that she must be his comrade
through good fortune an d through bad and e n
courage him to look a t the best si de of life a nd al
ways to hope when i t is dark for s unshine i n the
future The years or months of courtshi p have
not made these two people acquai nted wi th each
other The li ttle bi t of temper that w as s o care
’
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The You ng
Wife s Fir s t Yea r
’
231
fully concealed the habi t of sayi ng some has ty
li ttle word that w as s ubdued and the u n des ir
able m ethod of bei ng unpunctual and a bi t careles s
that w as hidden —all these are gradually dis c ov
ered duri ng the first year of one s married li fe
And no matter how much a wife m ay suffer ( and
s he cer tainly wi ll
she
must
learn
to
control
her
!
s elf an d to bear as m uch as possi ble wi th her hus
band s weakness es
The advanced woman may
think that this s ounds very weak and not at all
progressi ve Perhaps i t is not bu t v ery certai nly
i t is the only way that on e can become a good
w ife and a happy on e
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HIS LI
TT LE WAYS
Perhaps the husband you s o much love is in
c lin e d to be unti dy
to throw a s car f there and a
piece of soiled li nen here ! to lay a book down
where i t do es not belong an d to leave a pile of
photographs i n disorder s o that i t really requi res
some trouble to arrange them N ow the wises t
thing to do i s to say nothi ng about the careles s
ways but after the lord an d m aster has departed
to take a l ittle time to put everything back i n it s
place I t i s m uch better to give that time and
that little extra w ork than i t would b e to find
fault for whi le the first w ords of fault -fi n din g
might b e listened to wi th a certai n amoun t of
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2
3
Side Talk s
2
th G ir ls
wi
grace the next migh t be met wi th frowns and the
next wi th disagreeable words And then j ust as
certain wi ll come the first quarrel
And when two people who love each other
quarrel they can s ay more bi tter words to each
other than any people i n the world
Your
husband wi ll go away feeli ng that you do not
care for hi m ! you will cry unti l your head ach es
and all because you refused to take a little bi t of
trouble Think of the trouble that he takes for
thi
nk
f
the
many
hours
when
busi
ne
s
o
u
o
s
!
y
cares are upon his s houlders abou t whi ch you
know nothing ! and thi nki n g of this remembe r
that all he as ks of you is to be a good hous ewi fe
,
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,
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F I RS T
THE
L
U
A
RRE
Q
I t will s urel y come Two healthy people are
bound to differ about something and all that I
can advise you to do when i t does appear is to say
that you are sorry and you hope that i t will
never happen again No matter i f you are i n the
right do this You are i n the wrong for quarrel
i ng and you can apologi z e for that Be sure that
your husband wi ll find ou t where he was wrong
and after your little reques t for forgiveness he wi ll
make his Then when you feel incli ned to
quarrel the next time don t do i t Don t set
your teeth and close your lips and make up yo u r
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Side Talk s
2 34
th G ir ls
wi
Wi ll you treat her just as you do your own mother
n ot being afrai d to tell her of your li ttle affai rs
receivi ng her as on e of your own and maki ng
her feel happy i n the fact that s he h as not lost a
s on bu t has gai ned a daughter
and a lovi ng con
siderate daughter ? Will you remember this too
that before you came your husband w as all i n a ll
to his mother And someti mes when s he comes to
won t you leave these two alone and let
s e e you
them talk together as they did before the two b e
ca me a tri o
Do n t make i t eviden t that you are
doing this but go off for a lit t le while and attend
to s ome of your household duties You wi ll be
loved all the better for it and be sure that i f any
thing is said about you the words wi ll only be
those of appreciati on and love
Don t make your husband s mother an utter
stranger recei vi ng her i n the drawi ng -room and
changi ng all your arrangements s o that s he may be
treated exactly as i f s he were a formal visi tor
When
You do not do i t wi th your own mother
s he pays you a vi si t s he comes u p stairs where you
are busy working and i f s he feels like giving a
helpi ng hand you take i t i f not she chatters and
gossips while you are sewi ng and both of you have
a pleasant morning I f s he s tays to dine or lunch
wi th you you m ay make a little ch an ge putti ng
S ti ll you do
s ome speci al delicacy on the table
treat her as you would a visi tor from far off
n ot
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The
You ng Wife s Fir s t Yea r
’
2
35
whom you know s lightly And you must not i f
wish to retai n her love and s ympathy recei ve your
husband s mother i n any other way Listen t o her
word s of ad v i ce think them o v er and i f you do
not believe i t is wi se to follow them give her your
reas ons for t hi s Don t i gnore the wisdom that s he
h as gai ned by experience S omebody asks
S hall
s he be a slave to her hu s ban d s
people !
Cer
t a in ly not
No good lovi ng woman ever w as a
slave when s he d id what was ri ght But no
good lovi ng woman ever treated the mother that
s h e has gai ned by m arriage i n the way that I have
s een s ome mothers treated —mothers who wi s hed to
give t o their s ons wives exactly the same love and
s ympathy to s how the same ki ndn e ss and gi v e the
same active help that the y have always gi ven t o
thei r ow n daughte r s
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TO
KEE P
U
I
E
T
Q
R emember that what y ou learn abou t your hu s
band s family i s to be kept to yourself ! that when
you marri ed hi m and took his n ame you beca me
on e of the fami ly and the li ttle trouble the little
skeleton is n ot to be discussed wi th the members
of the fam ily of whi ch you were born T o your
sister it may mean nothi ng that some trouble has
come to your husband s brother You may tell i t
to he r i n s ec r ec y and i t may s eem of s o little im
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Side Talk s
2 36
th G ir ls
wi
portance that s he will repeat i t to her s ister in
la w and gradually what w as meant to be a s ecret
is told all round the neighborhood The art of
keeping to yo u rself what you hear on each s i de of
the house is on e that you mu s t cultivate for i t
mean s the keepi ng of peace S urely you would
n ot wish to hurt your hu s band and yet y ou wi ll
do i t i f you cannot reali z e the i mportance of
s i lence
When you enter his mother s house anythi ng
that is told to you in confidence must be forgotten
when y ou lea v e i t unles s i ndeed it is di s cussed
w ith your hu s band and the s ame rule wi ll apply
to you r ow n family Don t i magi ne that every
li ttle frown every little di s agreeable word is
meant for you and do not retai l t o your husband
anythi ng unpleasan t that may have happened when
you were visi ting at his mother s hou s e Think
that s he is your mother too and give her the
privi lege of s peaking to you as your mother does
I know i t isn t always easy to have fault found wi th
on e when on e is tryi ng to do one s bes t but think
over what w as s aid i f there is anythi ng helpful in
i t and let the rest go R es pect your hus band s
mother as you do your ow n and the res pect wi ll
beget love and confidence as well as happi ne s s for
y ou both i n the new li fe and the new home
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Side Talk s
2 38
th G ir ls
wi
consi derate i n you to make an e ffort to find ou t those
things ? My dear girl don t soi l your mi nd wi th
such knowledge and don t lower yourself morally
by cultivating a n d encouraging a vile curiosi ty
Be eager to kno w the best abou t your husband s
ki n S e e the best and tell of i t and when they do
—
these people who bear your husband s n ame
some ki nd act don t forget to tell those from
whom you came about i t and never no matter
what may happen carry an u nki nd story about
your husband s mother to the mother who bore
you I f s h e be wise s h e would not listen But
sometimes extreme love makes people unwise and
s he might forget to repri mand her daughter for
talking about th ings that i t would be wiser to for
get Learn to control y our ears as w e ll as your
tong u e ! be only eager to hear word s of prais e
rather than words of blame
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A
T
LI T LE
THING
ome morning when Jack goes down town
there is a perplexed look on his face and when he
kisses you you thi nk he does i t rather as a matter
of habi t than d esi re and like the loving li ttle
goose that you are you go up s tai rs and have a
hard cry concludi ng that your h u sband has ceased
to love you Now that is all nonsens e If you
have bee n a wise li ttle woman your husband loves
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l he You ng Wife
’
s
Fir s t Yea r
23
9
you t o day a thousand ti mes better than he di d
d u ring the honey -moon But while he w as put
ti ng on his coat he remembered some busi ness
perplexiti es and when he said good b y he w as
thi nki ng of them Instead of cryi ng you ought to
be glad that he thi nks i t worth whi le i n th es e
days when many men are thoughtless to care to
earn comforts and luxuri es for you The ki s s does
be come a habi t but non e the les s is i t a loving
habi t
F orget all about the perplexed look on his face
be ready and full of good cheer to m eet him when
he retu rn s and i n your society let him fin d such
compani onshi p that the down town troubles will
be forgotten and the worries wi ll be worries no
longer becau s e after all the s urmounti ng them
mean s making a home whi ch is a n es t of bliss ful
refuge Don t be afraid to le t your hu s band be
fami liar wi th the home Dres s yourself as pr e t t ily
as
you like for di nner but let hi m lay as ide the
business sui t and pu t on a loos e jacket let hi m
don so ft sli ppers a nd be as comfortable as he can
whi le he i s enjoying his di nner
home
Le t
and you mean rest
I don t mean that he
shall forget the word politeness but I do mean
that after the long toi lsome day he shall be per
m it t e d to have res t of body and mi nd
Perhaps
he may want to take you out to some plac e of
amusement perhaps not
I f he does go wi th
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Side Talk s
2 40
th G ir ls
wi
good wi ll and enjoy i t this pleasure t hat he has
rovided
for
you
I
f
not
make
your
elf
happy
in
s
p
your home and make that home a ple as ant place
for his friends to come If you do this he will not
seek his friends outside
Most women forget the value of making fri ends
Possi bly there may be
of their husbands fri ends
on e or two whom you d islike wi th good reas on
Don t sho w this dislike but after a whi le tell your
hus band of the faults or the weaknesses that you
have noti ced and you two may ei ther form a band
to help the man or i f he thi nks i t wise gradually
drop his acquai ntance No man wishes his wi fe
to be surrounded by men who are not des irable
I t seems to me that your motto for this firs t year
be that v ery old fashi oned on e
Be
s hould
pati en t
Be always patient and i n time the
fruits of your pati ence wi ll be a happy home a
lovi ng husband respect from your fri end s and
res pect and love from all who are uni ted to y ou b y
the ti es of law and lo v e
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Side Talk s
242
th G ir ls
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bags i f she needed them And then —
and then
you come back to the li ttle nes t that is goi ng to
be home to you and you make a wonderful dis
c ov e r y
It is that this marvellous creature this
exquisite bei ng this dream is after all only a
woman I f she had been an angel s he wouldn t
hav e married you S he is human and therefore
s he has her weakn esses and her li ttle faults and
thes e you wi ll have to be i ntroduced to and you
will have to have patience with them You wi ll
hav e to learn to u nderstand her and t hem during
this fi r s t year of your married life
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B OT H OF Y OU
It is a hard ti me for both of you
S he
knows li ttle of the peculi ari ties of man and
you kno w nothi ng of the weaknesses of woman
All during the honey moon there were kisses
and smiles and pretty words and dainty com
u
and
that
are
back
home
l
i
m
n
n
o
w
o
e
t
s
y
p
that you have taken up your busines s li fe that
you are i ndeed livi ng the ordinary li fe of a man
you forget some of these affection ate acts You
come home i n the eveni ng to be greeted by a wi fe
whose eyes are fiery red whose li p qui vers and
w ho cannot speak wi thout bursting i nto tears
What i s the matter ? As you rus hed away to
catch the car i n the morni ng you forgot to ki s s
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t Year
The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s
’
2 43
her good b y and tell her that you hoped s h e
would b e happy all the d ay long It is a li ttle
thi ng to be sure but you trai ned her to thi s
caress duri ng the honey moon and you hurt her
feelings when you leave her w ithout a word now
A woman my fri end is not an angel but s he i s a
sens itive bei ng who likes to have as a wi fe the
expressi on of affection that yo u gave her as a
s w eetheart and
during that happ y month after
s he w as a bride
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T HE F I ND I N G F A U LT
thi nks i t is queer that you didn t d is cover
t hat s he pos s es s ed all thes e faults before y ou mar
ried her A nd s he wonde r s as s he s its by herself
and s tares out of the wi ndo w wh y i f s he had s o
man y faul t s anybody ever cared for her
It
is true that the break fas t w as very bad
I t is
also true that s he has had four or five cooks
w i th in the last two months but s h e is try ing her
very best to get a good one and s he does w ish
that you would encourage he r a li ttle bi t i n her
troubles and not find fault wi th her all the time
es peci ally this morni ng whe n her head aches as i f
i t wo u ld split S he could h ave said some very
n as ty things to you when you spoke to her but
she tried not to and then you called her sulky
And s h e wonders i f men ever have headach es as
women do And her back ach es t oo and s ti ll
S he
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Side Talk s
2 44
th G ir ls
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must discharge that cook who s he knows wi ll
be i mperti nent to her And s he wonde r s what
the next on e wi ll be like I thi nk you mi ght
have had a little patience with her I t i s true
your mother s household runs like a perfectly
oiled machine but then your mother has been
keeping house for fifty years and thi s li ttle girl
who i n her white s ati n and orange blos s oms a
couple of months ago you thought must be an
angel has only been experimenti ng a short time
Just remember that physically women are not
as s trong as m en
and that a headache that makes
her eyes burn and a backache that makes her
wonder if s he can walk ups tai rs s ometi mes come
to her forci ng her to be con s cious of nothing but
her physical misery It isn t necessary for you to
say that you like the bad breakfast but you can
encourage her and hope that she wi ll soon have
a better cook and you could remi nd her that these
are the early days of her housekeeping That is
where your strength ought to come i n That is
the time when you should represent to her not
only her hus band but her helper
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HER
LI
TT LE
WAYS
O f cou r s e s he has them And i t is jus t pos s ible
that some of them may not sui t you But don t
you think i t would be rather ni cer for you to
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Side Talk s
2 46
th G ir ls
wi
sake s he wi ll make her ways your ways and li fe
w ill be happier all around
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T H A T F I LT HY
U C RE
L
I f anybody had told you that you would be
stingy to your own wife you would have cut hi m
dead And yet when the summer time pas sed
and the autumn days were over and the winter
bon nets came i t w as n t v ery ni ce of you when
s he said s omethi ng about getting a new bonnet
“
to s ay
Why I thought you had eight or ten
bonnets i n your trousseau
And I don t thi nk
i t is very ni ce in you to as k her to tell you ex
A
a c t ly h ow s h e spent the hou s ehold money
woman my friend will economi ze clos ely for
the man s h e lov es but tha t man has no right to
conclude that s he i s n t a partner in the purse
You are wi se i n gi vi ng her a regular s u m for her
household expenses but i f you are both wise and
lovi ng there will be another li ttle purse that you
will fill unasked for her personal expenses I
and yet the woman I know best said
s a y this
that s he never mi nded aski ng her h usban d for
money ! that s he loved hi m well enough to know
that he wouldn t refuse and that she di dn t as k
him unless s he wanted i t S till I thi nk i f you
are a generou s -mi nded man you will never let
your wi fe as k you for money and s o n ever
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t Yea r
'
The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s
247
make her feel that what s he has is not hers by
right S he earns i t j ust as much as you do for
she makes a home for you and s he gives you
such happi ness as can come from no other woman
Don t do as s ome men let a woman make bi lls
all over the to w n and never give her any money !
but let her learn the value of money by handli ng
i t let her realize what i t means let her deligh t
i n buyi ng for you wi th the m oney that i s hers
something for your birthday or for C hri s tmas
or to introduce a N e w Year of lo v e
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Y OUR W I FE
’
S
M O T HER
wi s h her to love your mother ! then you
must show the same ki ndly feeling to hers Think
i t all ou t and realize how close a gi rl is to her
mother ! how my m other represents consola
tion and wisdom to her how she goes to mother
wi th her grief and her happi ness and remember
that you have to be not only husband but mother
for you must be s o tender t o her that with her
head on your breast and your arms about her s he
will tell her troubles and her worries her joys and
her pleas ures and not only look for bu t recei ve
sym pathy from you And then when her mother
is there be gentle and considerate of her S he
has gi ven you her companion an d her li ttle helpe r
an d be sure that there has been many a lonely
You
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Side Talk s
2 48
th G ir ls
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hour for her si nce that gay weddi ng day S O r e
member that you ow e her thanks that must express
themselves i n a pleasan t manner and i n courteous
speech None of us can love people at once bu t
maki ng u p our mi nds to care for them wi ll make
affection come and best of all stay I f once i n
a whi le your wife should quote her mother listen
t o thi s patiently for do not forget that to the
good daughter her mother represen ted wisdo m
before s he even knew you
Men my friend are
not thankful enough to mothers
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A P H AS E OF T E M P ER
had the headache When you as ked he r
s omething s he answered wi th a certai n amount of
i ndifference and you grew si lent and s ulky At
night when you came home s he had forgotten all
about i t there w as a dai nty di nner for you and
a bright happy looking wife to greet you and you
were still sulky You though t i t due your di gni ty
to make her comprehend that s he could not ignore
a speech of yours What a miserable di gni ty th at
is I I can t imagi ne i t belongi ng to anybody but
a schoolboy and yet you clai m to be a m a n S he
came up to ki s s you and you dre w away and s he
wondered what w as the matter wi th you You
ate your di nner and seemed to enjoy i t but you
didn t s peak After di nner you read the evening
S he
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5
Side Talk s
0
th G ir ls
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T HE T E N D ER N E S S OF A MAN
That is your best si de When you are manly
enough to be womanly and to be chari table to
the phys ical and mental side of your wi fe You
laugh wi t h disdai n as is proper at woman s s u f
frage ! then you must u nderstand that the woman
who is not capable of taki ng the posi ti on of a
man in the world requi res from men a deal of
consideration Perhaps the ti me will come when
the li ttle wi fe may whisper to you that wi th the
there wi ll be s omebody else for you
s ummer ti me
to love Now comes the ti m e for you to show
your manliness You can t possibly know all that
that means to her and when the li ttle baby comes
you are not goi ng to be mean enough to be j e al
ou s and complai n becaus e all your wi fe s thought
and all her love seem to be gi ven to the new
comer You kno w why it is ? Because i n him
she sees the pi cture of you and though she may
appear to regard hi m as the most important person
i n the world i n her heart of hearts i t is you who
have her best love And you must learn to be
very thankful for that little chi ld for unles s your
household is peopled with children you won t
have a home Children are needed to make i t
and when the ye ar s have gone by and the time is
growing very near for you to leave this world you
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The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s t Yea r
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2
1
5
will find a joy and satisfaction i n them that noth
i ng else can gi ve
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F I RS T
HIS
YEAR
I t is the mos t i mportant of all You are two
people who are getti ng acquainted wi th each other
and this acquai ntance means a friendshi p for li fe
You must have fir s t of all a good stock of pati ence
You kn ow li ttle about the ways and weaknesses of
women and you mus t learn to be ar wi th them
You have promised to love and protect this w om
an and you m us t show that you are a m an of
your word You must protect her from your ow n
folli e s and you must be man enough not to be
afrai d to tell her of your love The Spoken word
of love means very m uch to the wi fe The kiss
O f greeting or farewell tells a more lovi ng tale to
the w i fe than i t ever did t o the sweetheart You
must cultivate i f you wish to make your wife
happy the expression of love Many a woman
has died believing that her husband did not love
her because he thought i t unmanly to tell i n
words or d eeds of all the love in his heart U n
manly ? I t is manly It is great and strong to
take the woman you love close to you close to
your heart to make your wi fe unde r sta nd that
every day bri ngs her nearer to you every hour
makes you love her m ore and that you are ten
ti m es happier when you think o f her as your wi fe
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Side Talk s
th G ir ls
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than when you dreamed of her as your sweetheart
A man is at his best when he loves most And
he is the best husband w ho makes his wi fe mo s t
thoroughly unders tand the s trength of his love
and all that She is to hi m
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