Download Protecting God*s Children Teaching Touching Safety

Why is this necessary?
 Statistics
 Your duty as a parent
 Sex Education vs. Sexual Abuse Prevention
Education
 Prepare yourself
 What to know
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What to Teach
› Boundaries
› Body parts
› Safe touch vs. unsafe touch
› Grooming behavior
› No secrets
› Stranger danger
 K-5, middle school, high school
 Resources
 Q&A
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Teaching children to protect themselves is part
of the mandate of the Charter for Protection of
Children & Young People adopted by the United
States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
June 2002.
 1 in 5 girls & 1 in 10 boys will be sexually
victimized before adulthood
 86 % of sexual assaults perpetrated against
children go unreported
 In Texas, 1 in 5 women & 1 in 20 men are
sexually assaulted-the vast majority before
their 18th birthday
 1 in 7 youth online (10 to 17-years-old)
received a sexual solicitation or approach
over the Internet
 4% received an aggressive sexual
solicitation - a solicitor who asked to meet
them somewhere; called them on the
telephone; or sent them offline mail, money,
or gifts
 34% had an unwanted exposure to sexual
material -- pictures of naked people or people
having sex
 27% of the youth who encountered unwanted
sexual material told a parent or guardian
 42% told a parent or guardian IF the encounter
was defined as distressing - episodes that made
them feel very or extremely upset or afraid
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It is the right of parents to educate, especially in the
areas of:
› morals
› values
› sexuality
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Parents have the right to opt out of the mandatory
teachings
Parents then “have the DUTY to give children adequate
formation, appropriate to each child or young person’s
state of development.”
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Sex Education
› Teaching children how to live as adults in a
loving, chaste, sexual relationship with their
marriage partner
Sexual Abuse Prevention Education
› Teaching children about Touching Safety
› Empowering children to resist the advances of
child molesters & the lure of manipulative,
controlling people who would exploit children
for their own sexual gratification.
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Know that children, in general, are comfortable
learning about Touching Safety
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Parents often exhibit more discomfort!
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Be prepared!
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Choose a setting where your child’s attention is
focused on YOU!
Select a time where there are no interruptions or
distractions
Allow enough time to answer completely all
your child’s questions
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Keep the rules simple & easy to understand
› KISS--Keep It Simple Silly!!!!
Take advantage of ‘teachable moments’.
› Ex: When a child asks a question that provides
the opportunity to discuss Touching Safety
Give specific examples when describing safe
touches vs. unsafe touches
› When Daddy hugs you goodnight vs. when one
child hits another
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Be careful to avoid training children to fear others
› Children & adults must know the difference
between having a healthy suspicion vs. being
afraid of everyone
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Teach respect
› A child who respects his or her own body &
demands respect from others is more likely to be
in control of his or her physical well-being than
peers who lack an understanding of respect
 Children must be able to identify & resist
any touch that can harm them-sexual or
non-sexual
 Children must respect their own health &
safety & the health & safety of others
Children MUST know:
 The anatomically correct names for their private
body parts
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The difference between safe & unsafe touches
What to do if a child, adolescent, or adult touches
them in an unsafe manner
That they cannot keep secrets about unsafe touches
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Rules: discussing with your child the importance of
rules for behavior around others
Respect: explaining why the rules are necessary - your
child has a right to feel safe, but so does everyone else
Responsibility: the hard part - teaching your child to
follow these rules through reminders and
encouragement
Reading: encouraging your child's awareness of their
social environment
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Limits that define one person as separate from
another or from others
Promote & preserve personal integrity
Give each person a clear sense of ‘self’ & a
framework for how to function in relation to others
Bring order to our lives & empower each of us to
determine how others will interact with us
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Personal boundaries are formed during our
early years
As we react to the attention we get from parents
& other influential adults
Parents say & do things that model
appropriateness of boundaries in relationships
 Have some flexibility & some defined limits
 Move appropriately in response to situations-
out for strangers, in for intimates
 Distinct enough to keep values & priorities clear
 Open enough to communicate priorities to the
right people, yet closed enough to withstand
assault
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Children are naturally curious!
Children who are not provided adequate
answers from their parents or guardians, are
MORE VULNERABLE to abuse
Head, shoulders, knees, & toes, eyes, ears, &
mouth & nose! Include it in a game!
The names a doctor would use to describe body
parts
Private body parts are ‘private’ for a reason
Private body parts are ‘off limits’ to almost
everyone
Nobody has the right to touch or see a child’s
private body parts except for keeping the child
clean & healthy.
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Teaching children about their private body
parts, IS teaching them that it’s okay to ask
questions about their body
Children who know they can ask their parents
ANYTHING, are more likely to speak up if
someone is inappropriate towards them
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Teaching children the proper names for their
body parts is giving your child the ability to
accurately communicate
A child MUST communicate to parents, medical
personnel, or even police if the child is ever
harmed
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Explain safe touch with a child’s own experiences:
› Mom or Dad kisses you goodnight
› Dad hugs you after he comes home from work
› The ‘high five’ you gave Tommy when he made a basket at
the ball game
› Shaking hands with someone
› A pat on the back
Why are these touches safe?
› Have a good purpose
› Not intended to hurt
› Are familiar & safe
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Any touch that is meant to hurt or scare
someone
› Hitting
› Kicking
› Punching
› Tripping
› Spitting
› Touching private body parts (any place that a
bathing suit covers)
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Not all safe touches feel good
› Ex: Doctor giving a shot
Not all unsafe touches hurt
› Ex: Being shown affection by someone you
don’t know well
TEACH CHILDREN TO TRUST THEIR OWN
INSTINCTS & TO SPEAK UP WHEN
SOMETHING MAKES THEM
UNCOMFORTABLE
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A child molester grooms a child using
techniques:
1. Choose the most vulnerable child
2. Engage the child in peer-like activities
(playing with the children, playing games,
etc.)
3. Desensitization of the child to touching
4. Isolating the child
5. Making the child feel responsible & thus less
likely to disclose the abuse
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It’s important to choose your words wisely.
Don’t ask children to keep secrets
Use the word ‘surprise’ instead of secret in
regards to Christmas presents, birthday plans,
etc
There are NO secrets when it comes to personal
& physical safety
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Stranger Danger is important for children to
understand but it doesn’t stop there
It’s not enough to just know what to do if a
stranger approaches
Most children are harmed by people they
know, trust, & care about
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How to send a clear message that unwanted
behavior will not be tolerated
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It’s okay and they are encouraged to yell NO!!!!!
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They will NOT be in trouble for saying NO!!!
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Even if it’s uncle…
It is NOT safe to keep secrets about unsafe
touches…even if the person apologizes or said it
was an accident
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3-5 Year Olds› Teach children how to say NO!!!!! to someone
who makes sexual advances or requests that
causes a child to feel uncomfortable. Give
your child direct answers to questions about
sex
5-8 Year Olds› Talk about safety away from home, scary
experiences, & the difference between safe &
unsafe touch
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8-12 year olds› Teach & focus on personal safety issues
13-18 year olds› Discuss personal safety issues
› Rape
› Date rape
› HIV & STD’s
› Unintended Pregnancy
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Counseling Institute of Irving
› Dr. Craig Spillman, PhD-Parishioner
Coppell Counseling Center
› Dr. Theresa Vo, PhD-Parishioner
Texas Woman’s University Counseling Center
University of North Texas Counseling Center
www.ChildHelp.org
www.ChildWelfare.gov
www.PreventChildAbuse.org
www.ParentsAnonymous.org
Department of Family & Protective Services
www.dfps.state.tx.us
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D. Finkelhor. (1994).“Current Information on the Scope and
Nature of Child Sexual Abuse.” The Future of Children: Sexual
Abuse of Children, 4, pg 37.
D. Finkelhor. (2002). Protecting God’s Children: A Time to
Protect God’s Children. The National Catholic Risk Retention
Group, Inc.
D. Finkelhor, K. J. Mitchell, & J. Wolak. (2006). Online
Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. Alexandria, Virginia:
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, pgs 7-8, 33.
The United States' Stop It Now! Foundation