Download Forgiving each other.

Forgiving each other.
• The Challenge and Art of Forgiving.
– Biblical basis
– Guidance of Jesus
– Basis of salvation
• A practical example
– Joseph
• Putting forgiving into practice.
Forgiving each other.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor repaid us
for our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the
earth, so great is His grace toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed
our transgressions from us.
Like a father has compassion on His children, so Yahweh has
compassion on those who fear Him. For He knows how we
are made, He remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103: 10 - 14
Forgiving each other.
Jesus said:
Even before you ask Him, your Father knows what things
you need. In this manner you should pray:
Our Father who is in heaven, let Your Name be glorified.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our
debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their
trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6: 8 – 15
Forgiving each other.
Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but as
the need arises, speak that which is good for
encouragement, that it expresses grace to those that hear
you.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by which you
were sealed until the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and
railing be put away from you, along with all malice.
And be kind to each other, sensitive, forgiving each other,
even as God in Christ also forgave you.
Ephesians 4: 29-32
Forgiving each other.
And when they came to the place which is called The
Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one
on the right hand and the other on the left.
And Jesus said: Father, forgive them. For they do not
know what they do.
Luke 23: 33 - 34
Forgiving each other.
Biblical meaning.
• Greek word for ‘forgive‘ is aphesis
= a sending away, total dismissal.
.
Forgiving each other.
Then Jesus took a deep breath and breathed on them.
‘Receive the Holy Spirit,’ he said.
‘If you forgive someone’s sins, they’re gone for good.
If you don’t forgive sins,
what are you going to do with them?’
John 20: 22 – 23. The Message.
Forgiving each other.
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was
dead, they said, It may be that Joseph will hate us,
and will fully pay us back for all of the evil which we
did to him.
They sent a message to Joseph, saying, Your father
commanded before he died, saying, ‘You shall tell
Joseph, Now please forgive the disobedience of
your brothers, and their sin, because they did evil to
you’. Now, please forgive the disobedience of the
servants of the God of your father.
Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
Forgiving each other.
His brothers also went and fell down before his
face; and they said, Behold, we are your
servants.
Joseph said to them, Don’t be afraid, for am I in
the place of God?
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God
meant it for good, to bring to pass, as it is this
day, to save many people alive.
Now therefore don’t be afraid. I will nourish you
and your little ones. He comforted them, and
spoke kindly to them.
Genesis 50: 15 - 21
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 1.
Forgiving someone can be a long process.
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 2.
Forgiveness is not dependent on confession.
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 3.
Forgiveness does not require
an agreed version of the facts.
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 4.
Forgiveness means letting go
of my natural desire to retaliate (revenge)
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 5.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting.
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 6.
Forgiveness means to stop digging it up
again and again.
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 7.
Forgiving is not primarily a statement about
what I feel about the other person. It is a
statement of my choice to set aside the wrong
that was done and not bring it up again
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 8.
Excusing the behaviour
is not the same as forgiving
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 9.
Forgiving is easier
when we rest in God’s care
Forgiving each other.
Practical point 10.
Forgiveness is incomplete
until love replaces anger
Forgiving each other.
Forgiving is good for me.
Forgiving each other.
Forgiving is good for me.
• When I learn to forgive I am following the
example of Jesus.
• I find peace of mind.
• It is essential for my salvation.
• It is only when I know the pain involved that I
understand what Jesus and God have done for
me.
• "It is in forgiving that I am forgiven."
Forgiving each other.
Putting it into practice.
• Internal aspects of forgiving:
– What I can do?
– What I choose to do.
– Within my control.
– What Jesus commands me to do.
Sometimes called the ‘private’ aspect of forgiving.
Forgiving each other.
• Forgiving is good for the other person.
• When I forgive, we begin to communicate
again - we understand each other better.
• He/she may realise the true effect of their
actions.
• Hopefully they will come closer to God.
• Hopefully they appreciate the cost of being
forgiven
• Hopefully we can create a better relationship
for the future
Forgiving each other.
Putting it into practice
• External aspect of forgiving:
– Involves the other person.
– Not entirely within our control: partly depends on
the other person.
– May not be possible.
Sometimes called the ‘public’ aspect of forgiving.
Forgiving each other.
Putting it into practice.
Our attitude of mind:
• To choose to forgive is a statement of
intention, rather than a reflection on our
feelings.
• Sets the direction for our lives, our thoughts
and possible actions.
Forgiving each other.
Benefits when we forgive.
• To forgive frees us to go forward in life.
• We are not bound by the need to hate / exact
revenge.
• We can grieve over what is lost and begin to
build a new life.
• We may be able to be find reconciliation and
have a new and better relationship.
Forgiving each other.
•
•
•
•
The things that inhibit us from forgiving.
Fear that it will continue
Our desire to see justice done now (on our
terms)
Our pride
Believing that you must:
– forget in order to forgive
– trust again in order to forgive.
Forgiving each other.
Divide the whole job of forgiving.
Many people are inhibited from starting to
forgive by thinking it all has to be done at
once.
Think of it, instead, as a process with separate
steps.
Forgiving each other.
Seeing the world as God sees it.
We see others as weak
and in need of God’s grace
Others do not behave towards us in love
because they do not have the love of God and
Jesus in their hearts.
Forgiving each other.
Seeing the world as God sees it.
We react as those who hold the precious gospel
of grace.
Our example in forgiving others
shows the love of God to them.
They are confronted, not with revenge but with
our love.
Forgiving each other.
Entering into the mind of God and Christ.
As we struggle with the task of forgiving those
around us, we begin to understand a little of
what God and Jesus Christ have done for us;
to understand a bit better the cost Jesus paid on
the cross.
The
value
of
prayer
and
Communicating with God and Jesus.
reading.
Forgiving each other.
A recipe for forgiving.
Therefore I urge you brothers, by the mercies of
God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable to God, which is your logical
service.
And do not conform to the mould of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may experience what is the good
and acceptable and the perfect will of God.
Forgiving each other.
And having gifts differing according to the grace
that was given to us,
He that shows mercy, (let him do so) with
cheerfulness.
Let love be without hypocrisy.
Abhor that which is evil. Cling to that which is
good.
Love one another with brotherly affection.
Bless them that persecute you; bless and curse
not.
Forgiving each other.
Render to no one evil for evil.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live
peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to
the wrath of God; for it is written:
Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
Forgiving each other.
But if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is
thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so
doing you shall heap coals of fire upon his head.
Be not overcome by evil,
but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12.
Practising forgiving
What needs to be forgiven?
•
•
•
Personal
Deep
Without excuse
Practising forgiving
What needs to be forgiven?
•
•
•
Disloyalty
Betrayal
Brutality
Practising forgiving
Valid Excuses
– The person is not responsible (age or mental health)
– There may be justification (no malice intended)
–An unfortunate outcome , unforeseen consequences
... an accident
Need to reflect first to see if there is a valid excuse
Practising forgiving
Invalid Excuses
Examples:
– Self-justification by perpetrator.
(‘I didn’t mean to hurt him.’ or ‘She deserved it.’)
– Cover-up by victim (Lies or ‘I deserved it.’ etc)
– Evading the need to challenge. (‘He had a poor
childhood.’ ‘He can’t help himself.’)
Responsible people must be held accountable for
their actions.
Practising forgiving
Facing the facts.
First it is necessary to accept the truth of what
has happened.
Secondly, it is helpful to recognise that we are
hurting, have suffered loss.
Thirdly it may be necessary to state the facts.
Example: Joseph:
‘As for you, you meant evil against me.......’
Practising forgiving
Counselling.
It may be wise to obtain help to discuss personal
issues, and the effect it has had on our life and
faith.
Needs a wise and faithful friend – someone who
understands the Christian perspective of the
need to forgive.
Practising forgiving
Choosing what we think about.
It is within our control to decide what we will spend
out time thinking about.
We can choose:
• To pray
• To read encouragement from the Bible
• To think about Jesus:
how he handled his life
Practising forgiving
Statement of intention.
When we say we are going to forgive
it is a statement of our intention.
It is not a statement of how we are feeling.
It does not mean that it will be finished quickly.
Practising forgiving
Statement of intention.
The willingness to communicate when in pain
Practising forgiving
Repentance.
Does repentance come before forgiving?
Consider if the other person:
•has died
•is unknown
•denies any wrong-doing
How long will you wait until you start to forgive?
Practising forgiving
Repentance.
Is the repentance sincere?
How can we judge? How long will we wait?
Are we just deferring our decision to forgive?
Parable of the forgiving father (the Prodigal son).
Luke 15: 11-24
Practising forgiving
Vengeance / Retaliation.
Probably the opposite of forgiving.
Consequences:
Feuds, over-reaction, hatred, bitterness.
We are invited to leave revenge to God who can
judge properly the correct action:
‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’
Deut 32:35, Romans 12:19
Practising forgiving
Sins of corporate bodies, governments and
authorities.
Unlikely to be any external aspect of forgiving.
Need to focus on the internal aspects – that is –
the damage it will do to us if we retain our
hatred, bitterness and pain.
Practising forgiving
Reconciliation.
This will depend on the other party –
as well as ourselves.
Things will not be the same as they were before.
Could be the start of a better relationship.
Consider our own lives before God:
before and after receiving His grace.
Practising forgiving
Retrusting.
Trust has been broken and needs to be rebuilt.
BUT
It depends on the performance of the other
person.
Trust is something that has to be earned.
You need to be satisfied that the other person
has earned your trust first.
Practising forgiving
Mediation.
It may be helpful to obtain help from someone
to act as a go-between.
It can be difficult to approach the person alone.
Practising forgiving
Tolerance
To forgive a person does not mean tolerating
bad behaviour.
Society has limits.
I may forgive someone,
but it does not mean that I have to live with
continuing bad behaviour.
Practising forgiving
Justice.
How does forgiving a person fit in with justice?
If the law is broken, then there must be a
consequence.
Personally though we should choose not to hold
any malice against the individual.
Practising forgiving
Reparation for loss.
Not unreasonable to expect recompense if
damage has been suffered.
However, should be just and
in keeping with the loss.
See Exodus 21: a method of evaluating loss at
the time of Moses.
Practising forgiving
The power of testimonies.
Tell your own story
Or
Tell the story of someone else you know
Or
Read about others who have forgiven.
Perhaps only those who have practised the
difficult art of forgiving are really qualified to
teach others.
Practising forgiving
The appeal.
It is always useful to stop and think.
Do we have anything to forgive?
Are we walking on the road of forgiving?
Is there anything we need to do?
Receiving grace: practising grace
Out of the depths I have cried to You, Yahweh.
Lord, hear my voice. Let Your ears be attentive
to the voice of my petitions.
If You, Yahweh, kept a record of sins, Lord, who
could stand? But there is forgiveness with You,
therefore You are feared.
I wait for Yahweh. My soul waits. I hope in His
word
Psalm 130
Receiving grace: practising grace
As far as the east is from the west, so far has
He removed our sins from us.
Psalm 103 : 8-14
Receiving grace: practising grace
Therefore, be it known to you, brothers,
that through this man (Jesus) is proclaimed
to you the remission of sins.
Acts 13 : 38
Receiving grace: practising grace
Jesus said:
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Receiving grace: practising grace
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring your love
Where there is injury your pardon Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in you.
Oh Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Receiving grace: practising grace
Make me a channel of your peace
Where's there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness ever joy
Make me a channel of your peace
It is in forgiving that we are forgiven
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life
Based on the prayer of St Francis of Assisi
Source material.
• Forgive and forget. Lewis Smedes. 1984
Good analysis. The first major work on the subject!
• Total Forgiveness. R T Kendall.
An evangelical Christian approach. 1st chapter very
helpful on the practical steps we can take.
• Finding Forgiveness. McManus and Thornton.
Pastoral. Different perspectives included.
DVD.
Talking about Forgiveness.
Also a 28 devotional guide through Forgiveness in
the Bible which some may find helpful.
Produced by Damaris Trust.
www.damaris.org/cm/shop/browse/?cid=24