Download Perspectives on love

Perspectives on
love
Neurochemistry revelations vs.
12th century passion and
commitment
What is love?
A growing, giving, voluntary feeling of
intense affection and commitment to
another?
 OR
 An intoxicating, overpowering mix of
neurotransmitters fine-tuned by
evolutionary processes to draw us
together to reproduce?

Does this sound
familiar?
You meet and subsequently become
deeply attracted to someone.
 You constantly think of them.
 You tingle in their presence.
 You plan on reunion whenever apart.
 You worry about whether they share your
feelings.
 You are utterly devastated if they do not.

The real chemistry
of love

Just as they influence our mood, energy
levels, motor skills, and impulse control,
neurotransmitters have a profound effect
on sexual attraction.

Two appear to have a particularly dramatic
role to play – phenylethylamine (PEA) and
dopamine.
Phenylethylamine
“pea”
A neurotransmitter closely associated with
intense passion and attraction
 Surging levels accompany the initial
elation and intense excitement and
euphoria of new love
 Chemically similar to amphetamines
 “ When we meet someone who is
attractive to us, the whistle blows at the
PEA factory.”

examples

Love at first sight

The “thunderbolt”

A “crush”
dopamine
Allied to pleasure, reward, and addiction
 Its release produces great pleasure,
“telling” us what we like
 Also similar to amphetamines
 MRI’s of those passionately in love
demonstrate that a picture of our beloved
leads to heightened activity in parts of the
frontal lobes saturated with dopamine
receptors

Effects on behavior
and experience
We can talk all night
 We’ll sacrifice sleep – we don’t seem to
need it anyway
 The whole world seems to pulse with new
beauty and excitement
 We focus on the object of our desire
 We take risks

The down side
We are anxious and awkward like never
before
 We can be overly sensitive and emotional
 And if things go bad ….
We feel searing emotional pain
We can’t sleep or suffer “early rising”
We feel worthless, humiliated
 It’s like withdrawal from an addictive drug

As time goes on …
Even if we stay together, the potency of
this “chemical cocktail” slowly fades
 We just can’t maintain this high
 Maybe it’s a simple matter of building

tolerance

Or maybe it’s because we just need four
years of intense bonding for two parents
to conceive and nurture their child
Chemistry and love
part ii

But just because the neurotransmitters
aligned with infatuation fade, does that
mean that such chemicals play no further
role in keeping couples together?

Nope, different neurotransmitters and
hormones exert their influence to keep us
together.
Endorphins to the
rescue
Some theorists contend that as the
intense passion and lust prompted by PEA
and dopamine fades, the brain produces
more and more endorphins soothing us
with their morphine-like effects
 They give us security and serenity
 But if their source vanishes, for whatever
reason, nasty withdrawal ensues

The “cuddle”
chemical
Another chemical influence that keeps
couples together is the hormone oxytocin
 Released when we express physical
affection, especially through skin contact
 Hugging, massage, foreplay, and
especially, breast feeding
 Strong feelings of intimacy and
contentment
 Prairie voles have it in spades, until ….

And then there’s
testosterone

A hormone crucial for sexual interest and
response for both men and women
Women have much less, but are more
sensitive to its effects
 Produced in the male’s testes and
women’s ovaries
 If a male endures castration (surgical
removal of the testes) his sexual interest
and activity diminish dramatically

Behaviors
that bind us
Gottman examined why relationships last
and thrive or fade and fail
 The 5 to 1 ratio
 Successful relationships have at least 5
positive interactions to every negative
interaction
 More important than compatibility,
frequency of fights, etc.
