Download Sexual Addictions

Sexual Addictions
YEDEM & Believers Network Club
GHANA
Sex Addiction
• Leads to Unmanageability
– Loss of control!
– Sex addicts are in fact double
minded. “double souled” there is a
part of every addict that wants to be
sober, yet another part that doesn’t.
This is the unmanageability.
– It is unmanageable, but this does not
mean that we don’t have the ability
to decide to recover from it. To be
well and trust god.
• Creates Tolerance
– The brain had the ability to adjust to
whatever we present to it and would
need more of it. (De-sensitization).
– The nucleus accumbence (pleasure
centre). Sexual addiction increases
dopamine and serotonin in the brain. A lot
of things elevate dopamine (caffeine,
nicotine, sexual fantasy) together they
produce a synergistic effect.
– The fear and anxiety of it increases
adrenaline which in turn increases
dopamine.
• Degenerative/Progressive
– Masturbation escalating to affairs or
escalating in frequency but same
behaviors.
• Destructive/Negative
consequences
– Financial.
– Legal
– Health (STD, trauma)
– ٍSpiritual
• Used to Escape Feelings
– Stimulation effect
(dopamine/serotonin/adrenaline)
– Relaxation effect (opiates,
catecholamine)
• Creates Sense of Entitlement
– Anger, hurts and abandonment.
– I work too much, I need this
relaxation, and my wife is denying
me. I’m entitled to some
excitement/relaxation
• Used as a reward
• Feeling of Power
– Controlling their own mood
– Controlling other people (some sex
offender can be sex addicts (50%).
You can be a sex offender and not
sex addict (personality disorder/
power/anger/etc.)
Forms of Acting out
(Building Blocks)
• In out of the shadows Patrick
Carnes gives 3 levels of sex
addiction
• Level I
• 1) Fantasy “Everything is first created in the
mind then in reality” Michael Angelo.
• 2) Masturbation
• Dangerous to encourage. It conditions you to
be dissatisfied with intercourse “Conditioning
exercise”
– quick orgasm
– type of friction (much more than is possible)
– availability
– Fantasy and pornography.
• 3) Affairs
• 4) Prostitution
• 5) Anonymous Sex (friends with benefits)
You don’t have to graduate from one
stage to another.
The progression from one stage to
another is dependent on psychological
and personality factors
(If you are introvert, you many
remain the in the masturbation forever)
• Level II (Paraphilias)
• Fetishes (sticking things in one
body/enema/..) Dr. John Money 350
category of fetishes.
• Exhibitionism. The dress is rather
exhibitionistic (we are living in a rather
exhibitionistic culture)
• Voyeurism
• Indecent Liberties (touching)
• Phone/Cyber Sex
• Bestiality
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Lever III (Sexual offending)
Rape
Incest
Molestation
Authority Rape (minor form is sexual
harassment).
Formation of the Addictive System
• Initiation Phase
• Situation of great psychological stress and intense
pleasure
• Creation of a pattern of using sex to cope with stress
• Catalytic Environment
– High performance expectation
– Boredom and a lot of unscheduled time
• An environment of extremes and unpredictability. This
leads to Anxiety and the desire to control. The two key
elements in the development of addiction in general.
• Catalytic Events.
• Trauma or neglect events
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Sexual events (exposure or abuse).
• It is important to explore these events and determine how
it has lead to thoughts of self-doubt.
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Establishment Phase
Establishment of an addictive pattern.
Regularity of the compulsive behavior.
The appearance of the addictive cycle
– Pre-occupation
– Rituals
– Compulsive behavior
– Shame and despair
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Preoccupation
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Rituals
Most thoughts are sexualized
Most people are sex objects
All places are potential places for sexual activity
(even at work)
It is important to determine the times, events and
places that trigger preoccupation (home alone!)
Enhance pre-occupation and heighten Stimulation
Behaviors (Cruising)
Clothes
Drugs
Emotions (e.g. anger)
Rituals like preoccupation can produce sexual
arousal “trance-like” state
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Compulsive sexual behavior
Out of control
Regular or binges
Occupies most of the time
Repeated failed attempts at abstinence
Shame and despair
Withdrawal
Consequences
Isolation
Shame and
Despair
Preoccupation
Compulsive
Behavior
Rituals
Broader Addictive system
• The Addictive cycle is a part of a broader addictive
system that consists of 3 more elements
• Faulty Belief System
• Thinking Errors
• Unmanageability
• Faulty Belief System
• The basic core belief that feeds the addictive
system is the lack of personal value (due to
abuse and neglect). This leads to lack of trust that
others will be caring enough; therefore the addict
believes that he/she has to be controlling in order
to survive.
• When sex gives pleasure, false sense of care or
sense of value or superiority, they think it is there
only need and best friend.
Belief System
Unmanageability
Thinking
Errors
Addictiv
e cycleCycle
Addictive
Sex Addiction and the Internet
Users of online sex can be divided into 2 broad
sectors
• Recreational Users
• Do not use it compulsively and Do not lie about it
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(Addiction = Loss of control + Dishonesty)
• Appropriate recreational use
• Exploration
• Education
• Inappropriate recreational use
• Embarrassments
• Harassments
• Problematic Users
• Their use of online sex constitutes a problem for
them
• Discovery Group
• No history of sexual problems
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May spend too much time
May expose themselves to risks, however when severe
problems arise, can quit.
• Predisposed Group
• Experience their first out-of-control sexual activity online
after a long time of preoccupation
• The internet can lure them into crossing the boundaries
they have made to themselves and become addicted.
• Life-long sexually Compulsive Group
• Suffered from sexual compulsivity all their lives
• The internet provides a new exciting field
The Power of the Internet
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First: Acts as a powerful trigger
3A
Accessible
Affordable
Anonymous
Second: Leads to more social isolation
More detachment (a defense used extensively
by children of dysfunctional families)
• More poverty in social and interpersonal
skills.
• More low self esteem. (The basic core belief)
• Third: Effect on arousal templates& erotic
moments
• Arousal templates
• The arousal template is what turns the person on
sexually. It was developed unconsciously during our
development.
• How they develop?
• Includes many factors:
– Biological, physiological and hereditary
– Ethnical, cultural and religious background
– Family history
– Experiences of abuse
– Common life experiences
– Sexual history and sexual experiences allover the
years.
• Our behaviors affect the hard wiring of our
brains.
• In the past, a research revealed that 80% of
sex addicts were sexually abused. The
percentage is going down because of the
internet.
• In the past, it was thought that women are
less stimulated visually than men. Now , the
brain wiring of females is changing and they
get more stimulated visually because of the
internet (you can rewire the brain)
• Erotic moment
• The erotic moment is not necessarily related to
orgasm. The erotic moment for a person
depends on his/her arousal template.
• It can be the sense of control and seduction
• It can be bondage and humiliation
• It can be seeing others naked without them
knowing.
• The powerful thing about the internet is
that it is capable of providing different
people with all the erotic moments they
want at any time and in ways not
accessible to them in their cultures and
life circumstances if it were not for the
internet.
The Twelve Steps
and Recovery from Sex Addiction
• How the Different Elements of the
Program deals with the Different
aspect of the Addictive System.
• Delivering the Message (12th step
call)
• Bill Wilson’s and Bob Smith’s visit to Bob D.
• Challenge the basic belief of the addict.
• He/She is important and needed.
• Breaks the isolation and stigma
• Starts meaningful relationships
• The Power of Community
• Experiencing unconditional acceptance by people
who know the secrets and still accept.
• Learning from the experiences of others
• Support by people facing the same disease, in a
non-supportive world.
• Awareness that he/she is not unique in suffering
• Breaking secrecy and shame
• Feedbacks correct negative core beliefs and
provide positive ones.
• Sense of value and importance when he/she
produces positive influence in others.
• Accountability relationships
• Acceptance + Accountability = Recovery
• Seeing and helping new addicts reminds older
ones of the reality of their struggle.
• Dealing with Grief
• Loss of the compulsive behavior is the loss of
the closest “relationship” in the addict’s life.
• In the stage of Shock and Denial: 1st step
and facing powerlessness and
unmanageability. Presenting the 1st step in
the group or with another member relieves
shame.
• In the stage of Anger: 2nd and 3rd steps
provide a framework of trust and surrender
to the higher power. The source of anger,
resentment and bargaining is fear and desire to
control.
• In the stage of Depression and self-hatred:
4th and 5th step come when the addict
makes a fearless moral inventory, exploring
positive and negative elements in the
personality. In step 4, there is more sorrow
and low self-esteem. When crosses over to
step 5 and shares his/her 4th step with
another and feels accepted in spite of
defects, the self-image becomes more
positive.
• In the stage of bargaining where the addicts
has memories and imaginations of the erotic
moments and thoughts of trying to test
boundaries: 6th and 7th step encourages
him/her to continue to surrender character
defects to the Higher power.
• Following a big loss, people experience
re-definition of their identity. In this
stage of re-definition, steps 8 and 9 are
important to rebuild relationships with
family and friends through making
amends.
• Steps 10, 11 and 12 are important
“maintenance” steps to protect too
much grieving from re-establishing the
addictive system.
• The Power of Rituals
• Healthy routine heals
• The human brain needs routine to
function
• Rituals give structure and support
(predictability)
• Replaces addictive routine
• Controlling anxiety
• Dealing with sex addiction is more
difficult than with chemical addiction
because the addictive “substance” is
within!
• Someone said that recovery from sex
addiction and alcohol if you were a bar.
• One of the goals of the program is to
help the addict face reality and control
anxiety. This is done through Clear
definition of sobriety.
• Each fellowship of sex addicts have its
own way of defining sexual sobriety. It
may be more strict in one fellowship than
the other however they are clearly
defined. This helps control anxiety.
• In the fellowship of Sex Addicts
Anonymous SAA, they have the concept
of The 3 Circles
• For another fellowship like Sexaholics
Anonymous SA, the definition is more
strict. No sex or yourself or anyone
other than your spouse.
• 12 Steps Spirituality
• The 12 program reflects a consensus
among mental health workers about the
importance to spirituality in recovery.
• Spiritual routing and discipline serves a
lot of functions for recovery.
• Dependence on the Higher power
counters the addicts tendency to control.
• Submission counters anger, resentment
which feeds the addiction
• The Serenity prayer in particular faces the
struggle the addicts have between trying
to control everything and despair.
• Restoring Healthy guilt and shame
• Healthy guilt and shame stops short of
self-hatred. It serves a needed function
to change destructive behavior without
feeling bad about self. This is done
through the balance between
acceptance and accountability.