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Unity Between Husbands and Wives; Husbands & Wives Living as One.
Reconciliation For Husbands and Wives.
Going to continue talking about marriage. Again the message isnt only beneficial to
husbands and wives it can help everyone to experience freedom and love and
compassion in their relationships.
Want to look at how the wisdom of the world; the carnal mind comes against men and
women and how it wants to get husbands and wives to live as if they are against each
other and to see each other as a thorn in each other's side.
In the letter to the Corinthians Paul said he did not want them to be ignorant of the
devices of the serpent. He didn't want them to be deceived by the serpent in the same
way that Eve was by not seeing how the serpent will come against them.
In the same way we want to have eyes to see how the wisdom of the serpent comes
against men and women so we are not ignorant of what the serpent wants to do to
cause bitterness and separation in marriages.
Wisdom of the world is not conducive to enjoying marriage. It is not conducive to
husbands and wives enjoying life together. It is not conducive to them sharing life
together the way it was originally intended. It will leave the husband and wife feeling at
odds with one another.
Explain seeing things concerning our spouse through heart of faith
When we can see how the wisdom of the world tries to come against our spouses it
gives us eyes to be able to discern the thoughts and intents of their heart according to
the mind of Christ instead of the mind of Adam in the midst of their weaknesses;
shortcomings; failures, and we can see them for who they really are.
It can give us great discernment to be able to see things as they really are instead of
how they appear.
Paul said we live by faith not by sight. He wasn't saying we don't live by sight he was
saying we live with faith as our sight. He was saying the life we live now in the flesh we
live with the faith that was made flesh in Jesus as our sight.
And he said this faith that is now our sight comes by hearing the word that is Christ.
This faith that is now our sight comes by hearing the Word of what God believes. It
comes by hearing the Word of what God sees and believes.
God wants us to be able to experience life from the foundation of seeing things through
His eyes. He wants us to experience life seeing things through His heart; seeing things
the way He sees them. Because the way He sees things will always end up in the
manifestation of peace, and love, and joy, and kindness, meekness, patience no matter
what He encounters.
We don't really see things with our physical eyes. We process images with our
physical eyes. But, we really see with our hearts. Whatever wisdom is dwelling in our
hearts will decide how we see things.
When we can hear the truth about what is actually going on in our spouses when they
say and do harmful things to us that truth can begin to dwell in our hearts and become
the eyes by which we see our spouses and what is happening there.
We want to see Christ in our spouses not just when we think they are getting it right.
We want to see Christ in our spouses in the midst of their failures and shortcomings and
their weaknesses. We want to see Christ in our spouses even in the midst of their
transgressions against us.
Meaning we want to see them as innocent in the midst of their failures and
shortcomings and weaknesses and transgressions against us.
When Jesus hung on the cross with all the sin and death of the world on him. The the
carnal mind was there to accuse him based on the death that was upon him. It was
there leveling accusation and judgment against him based on the death that was
manifesting in him. Saying he was not the Son of God; saying that he was an orphan
in the world; that he had been forsaken by God. The carnal mind was there trying to
define Jesus by what was manifesting in him outwardly.
Trying to get us to see Jesus through the carnal mind; wisdom of the world;
accusations. But, Jesus was innocent of all the accusations. None of the accusations
leveled against him were the truth.
In the same way in the midst of our spouses failures and shortcomings and weaknesses
and transgressions. The carnal mind is there accusing our spouses to our hearts.
Trying to get us define our spouses by what is manifesting in them outwardly. Trying to
get us to judge the thoughts and intents of their heart as if they are against us.
Telling us the reason they have acted the way they have or said what they said is
because they are against us; they don't love us; they are inconsiderate; they are selfish;
they have rejected us; they dont care about us; they are dissatisfied with us; we arent
acceptable to them; they dont see any value and worth in us. Trying to get us to see
them as victimizing us instead of seeing them as being victimized.
But, If we can see them and what they have said and done through the heart of faith
instead of the carnal mind we will see them as innocent of the accusations. We wont
impute their transgressions to them. We wont judge the thoughts and intents of their
hearts towards us according to their weaknesses and failures and shortcomings.
We will see the thoughts and intents of their heart is not to be against us or to not love
us. We will see the desire of their heart is to be good to us; to love us; to care for us.
And our hearts will be set free to feel compassion instead of offense; our hearts will be
set free to feel love for them in the midst of their failures and shortcomings and
weaknesses and transgressions. We will be set free to be with them in their time of
need and wrap our arms around them and remind them of who they are and how loved
they are by God and the life they have in Christ just by being with them in that place.
it's the intent of a person's heart that impacts what we feel about what they say and
do. If we can see the intent was only good the blow becomes softened. It's the
judgment we make about the thoughts & intents of the heart that control what we feel.
Example of lady in the car:
Have any of you ever noticed how if someone does you wrong on the road, they cut you
off; pull out in front of you; dont go at a green light. How easy it is to find yourself
feeling frustrated and angry with them and judging them as being inconsiderate; selfish;
no business driving; license should be revoked, etc...
But have you also noticed how that if they wave their hand saying sorry they didn't
mean to do it the sting of what they have done to you is removed. It's like the moment
we can think they didn't intend to do that to us the sting of how their behavior impacted
us is gone. What they did still happened but the impact it had on our hearts completely
changed based on how we see the intent of their heart in the thing.
Let's say I am behind a woman at a red light and the light turns green and she just sits
through the entire green light and never goes and I am stuck at the red light all over
again. Maybe I need to be somewhere or need to get to work and now I'm going to be
late.
Now if I view the woman as being inconsiderate and selfish and judge her heart
according to that I will feel very angry with her. I will take what she has done
personally. My mind will be filled with what she has done and how it has harmed me.
But, let's say the woman has just come from the hospital and her husband has just
passed away and she is riddled with grief and was crying and was just trying to figure
out how to breath with the heaviness she felt. And I could see what she had done to
me through those eyes my heart would not be filled with what she had done to me but
my heart will be filled with compassion and love towards her because of what she was
going through. I would be thinking of how I could care for her or help her.
I'm still stuck at the red light. I'm still going to be late. But, now all of a sudden I dont
really care because I don't see what happened as this woman did something to harm
me I see that great harm has come to this woman
God wants to come through Christ and give birth to His faith in us so we can see our
spouses through His eyes instead of the seeing them through the carnal mind in the
midst of their failures and shortcomings and transgressions. God wants to dwell in us
through Christ & discern the thoughts and intents of our spouses hearts in the midst of
their weaknesses so we can see them through a heart of faith instead of seeing them
through the carnal mind. And we can be filled with love and compassion towards our
spouses in the midst of them experiencing darkness.
Part about how wisdom of world comes against.
One of the things that keeps us from being able to be filled with compassion towards
our spouses when the wisdom of the world is coming against them is we wrongly judge
the thoughts and intents of their hearts as being against us in those moments.
The wisdom of the world wants to do everything it can to get the man & the woman to
be filled with bitterness towards one another. It wants to pit the man and the woman
against each other.
It wants to get the man & the woman; husbands & wives to live as if they are each
other's enemies. Wants their lives to be born from the foundation of them being
against each other. Wants us to live as if the other one is keeping us from happiness
and if they can just get it right then all would be well. Wants husbands and wives to
feel separated from each other and far from each other instead of feeling close.
One of the effects of the fall is that it brought a wisdom into the world that sent the man
and the woman off to experience a life of self justification. They began looking to one
another and the things they said and did for the evidence they were as they ought to be.
husbands began to look for evidence they are acceptable & good in the emotional state
& behavior of the wife. Becomes burden & bondage that leads to hardened heart
towards wife & bitterness.
The man began to look to himself and his ability to bring forth life in himself and in the
woman. Because of that he was always looking to the woman and how things were
going for her; if she was happy; if she was joyful; if she had everything her heart desired
for life to believe he was a good man; to believe he was as he ought to be as the
husband; to believe he was a good husband; that he was a good man.
The husband feels great pressure from the wisdom of the world to bring forth life in the
wife, and because of that he is always looking to see if he is making her happy. If she
is approving of him; if she is agreeable with him.
Kinda of like an atta boy so to speak where the wife will give herself over to him
because he has done a good job. The husband desires for the wife to give herself fully
over to him. And the world tries to get him to function from the place where if he can
bring forth life in her then she will give herself over to him. That if he can be a good
enough man then she will give herself over to him. This leaves the man judging
himself and whether he is as he ought to be by looking to the woman and how things
are going with the woman.
And because of the fall the woman's desire was unto the man. She began looking to
the man to find the evidence that she was acceptable. She began looking to the man
for the evidence that she was as she ought to be. She began judging herself against
the man to determine if she had value and worth. She looked at all the things the man
said and did to determine if she was acceptable and full of value and worth.
The wisdom of the world wants to do everything it can to make the woman feel
inadequate; as if she is less than. As if she is a disappointment.
The wisdom that comes against the man in the world is with the intent to not just destroy
him but to destroy the relationship and intimacy with the woman. The wisdom that
comes against the woman is not just with the intent to destroy the woman but to destroy
the relationship and closeness with her husband.
If the husband and wife are relating to each other through the carnal mind guess whats
going to happen? They will judge the thoughts and intents of each other's hearts
through the carnal mind and will impute each other's transgressions. They will see
each other as the enemy. They will cannibalize each other. They will see each other
as being against the other.
All the while if we could stand outside of it and see the situation for what it really is we
could see that it is not them that are beating on each other and standing opposed to one
another. We would see that they are actually standing together and they are both
getting beat on by the wisdom of the serpent. The serpent wants to beat on us and get
us to think it is our spouse that is beating on us.
One of the biggest issues in marriage is that through the course of time and the things a
husband and wife have been through they struggle to see each other for who they
actually are. They can no longer see that the heart of their spouse has only ever been
to love them and be for them. But, they see each other through their failures and
shortcomings and transgressions and the image they have of each other becomes
marred.
Explain heart of husbands for their wives
Wives your husbands look at you and they only want good for you; they only want all
your dreams to be satisfied; they want all your desires for life to come to pass; they only
want you to be happy.
Ladies they want that more than you can imagine. They hurt more if they see you
hurting than they do when they are the one's hurting. They want your happiness so
badly they will sweat blood trying to see that thing come to pass.
Ladies if it appears your husbands are dissatisfied with you at times. If it appears as if
they've lost that loving feeling towards you, and they are against you. They are not
against you. The wisdom of the world is coming against them. They are suffering at
the hands of sin and death. They are feeling condemned in their own hearts. They
are feeling like failures; feeling like they are not good enough; feeling like they lack a
good report and there is nothing of value in them. They are feeling pressed in on by
the cares of the world. They feel frustrated at their inability to satisfy your needs; they
feel frustrated at their inability to bring forth life in you. They feel helpless to stop what
is hurting you and your lives together.
Ladies when your husbands can freak out sometimes they are not rejecting you; they
feel great frustration because they only ever want for you to be happy and to have life.
And they feel it is their responsibility. So if they don't see it happening they take it
personally and they try to make it right harder & then if it doesn't work they can feel
frustrated & the way that look sometimes is that it can look like it is directed towards
you. But, it is actually just frustration in general and I would say in most cases they
can't even explain it.
Ladies your husband actually only desires for you to be happy with him; to be close to
you; He desires for you to feel so safe with him and taken care of by him that you feel
to give yourself fully over to him.
Explain heart of wives for husbands
Husbands your wives only desire to be a crown on your head. They only desire to be
close to you; to know they are pleasing to you. They only desire to be a blessing in
your life. They only desire to know that you like being with them.
Husbands your wives are really only ever for you. They only want to see you succeed
and enjoy life. They only want to see you happy. They are the same woman you fell
in love with in the beginning.
In the midst of their weakness and transgressions against you their intent is not to be
against you. The wisdom of the world is pressing in on them telling them they arent
acceptable; telling them they arent lovable. And they feel rejected and as if they arent
as they ought to be. They feel afraid that you and your life is slipping away from them.
They are crying out for you and your life together.
Husbands when you think your wives are against you. When it seems like they are
unhappy with you. When it appears as if they are being critical of you. They are
suffering in their hearts and feeling naked and afraid. They are feeling pressed in on
by the wisdom of the world and they dont know how to handle it. They are not trying to
put any burden on you to fix it. They are not trying to put a burden on you to bring forth
life in them. They are feeling inadequate and as if they lack because of the wisdom of
the world pressing in on them and they dont know how to deal with it. They are crying
out for comfort and a sympathetic ear.
Our spouses never want or intend to say and do things that are hurtful. What happens
is their thoughts have been taken captive by the wisdom of the world and it has caused
them to do things they never wanted to do. And on the inside they actually feel horrible
because of it.
Many times in the midst of our spouses suffering we see our spouses as if their desire is
to come against us and hurt us. As if their intent is to be hurtful to us. But, if we saw it
as them being taken captive by fear and lack and caused to do things they didn't want to
do the sting of what they do will be much less.
Example of gun:
Think of the last time you thought your spouse said or did something harmful to you. If
you saw it as someone had a gun to their head and took them captive and told them
unless they said or did those things to you they would kill them. You wouldnt even care
about the hurtful things they said or did to you. Your only care would be for them and
their life because they had been taken captive. We cant see it that way with our
physical eyes but if we can get spiritual eyes to see what is happening in those
instances it would be like our spouses being taken captive by a person with a gun to
their head.
When a person is drowning in the water you don't despise them for kicking and
screaming. The lifeguard isn't offended should they kick and scream and hit them
when they come to save them. Why? Because they know they cant help themselves.
They know their heart is not to fight and hit them but they have been taken captive by
the fear of drowning.
I dont know if any of you have seen the movie the matrix or not. But, in the beginning
the main character neo cant really see the matrix for what it is and so the enemy is
always able to get the upper hand and wreak havoc over him. But, in the end his eyes
are opened and he can see the matrix for what it actually is and because of this the
enemy is powerless against him and what he couldn't do before using every ounce of
his strength he was able to do with only one hand and not even really paying attention.
What he couldn't do through all his effort he found happening effortless in his life when
he had eyes to see the matrix for what it was.
If we can see these things for what they are and see how the devices of satan try to
destroy our relationships we can be like neo in the matrix and in seeing things as they
actually are and what is going on we can find freedom from offense in our marriages
and we can see reconciliation and compassion and love in the midst of each other's
weaknesses instead of seeing anger and offense and separation. And we will draw
near to one another in our moments of darkness instead of drawing back.
Part at end about how love and compassion can overcome weaknesses and failures
and darkness of spouse......
What Paul described in Ephesians 5 about husbands and wives walking in love towards
one another is what the relationship between Adam and Eve looked like effortlessly
before the fall and the carnal mind came in and began shaping their thoughts and
bringing forth a life of self justification in them.
Before the fall Eve never had a thought of being less than Adam. She never had a
thought that it was negative to be submitted to Adam. She never even looked at it as if
she was submitting she just found herself experiencing a certain life. She never had a
thought that it was a negative thing to be the helpmate of Adam.
Adam never had the thought of how he was above Eve. He never had a thought of
how he must get Eve to submit. He never had a thought about how he was the head.
He never had a thought of how he must establish himself as the head. He just thought
of how lovely Eve is and how she is one flesh with him.
They both just functioned effortlessly together as husband and wife because there
wasnt any system that said one role was greater than another. There wasn't any
system that said there is more value in one over the other.
It's like with the Father, Son, and Spirit. Separate but the same. Different roles with
the same value. The Son never looked at the place he occupied in the Godhead and
said because it is not the same as the Father that somehow means I am less than the
Father or do not have the same beauty and value and worth as the Father. It was the
same with Adam and Eve. It's the wisdom of the world that judges value and worth
based on position occupied.
I mean if we look at the body of Christ someone is the arm and someone is the leg but
the arm is not more valuable than the leg. A foot is not more valuable than an eye.
An apostle; a prophet is not more valuable than anyone else in the body. All are equal
no matter what part they are. So it is with husbands and wives.
The wisdom of the world would say the man can straighten his wife out and cause her
to be submitted to him and that the woman can straighten the man out and cause him to
love her. But, this will result in the war of the roses like the movie with Michael Douglas
and kathleen turner. God's wisdom says look unto me let Me give birth to my life in you
and that life will impact your spouse without you doing anything.
Men being the head of the house doesnt look the way we think it looks. We dont get
the woman to submit by telling her she must submit. So many times the man has been
taught he must establish himself as the man. He must put the woman in her place.
Let me tell you that does not bring peace; that will never bring forth something in the
woman where the desire in her heart is to be submitted to her husband. It's actually
the foundation from where you will draw the wife into a life of self justification.
Men you dont need to lay down the rules or fight to prove you are the man. The way
you are the man isnt by outwardly ruling. The way the man can be the man is by
seeking to be justified by the faith that was made flesh in Jesus. Through the man
walking in the truth what will happen because of the dynamic between husbands and
wives. As the man walks in the truth that is Jesus and this truth starts to manifest in
the man it will bring calmness and safety to the heart of the woman. It will cause the
woman to feel loved like Christ loves the church.
Its not that the man must come in with vocal correction or pushback against the woman.
But, the man can allow the truth to be made manifest in him and it will impact the heart
of the woman and she will find her heart desiring to give herself over fully to the
husband. She will feel safe and cared for by the man and she will find herself
submitting into his arms.
Its like with my life with God. When my heart was persuaded of the integrity of His
thoughts and intentions towards me I felt safe with my life in His hands. I felt a desire
in my heart to let myself fall into His arms. Its the same dynamic with husbands &
wives.
The best thing the man can do to lead isnt to try and get his wife in line. It isnt to try
and tell her where she's off; it isnt to try and tell her where he thinks her belief is all
jacked up necessarily. The best thing the man can do is to just allow the truth to
manifest in him so that it spreads peace and rest and love throughout the whole house.
The wife will be influenced by that because the woman was created to be influenced by
the man.
We can flip flop the dynamic with the ladies. Cuz the woman can be the one with the
revelation before the man. And so the woman can influence the man by just seeking to
be justified through Christ and allowing the truth to manifest in her towards her husband
instead of going to him and saying these are all the ways you are not loving me. Which
is the temptation because you can see where things are going awry and the temptation
is to try and get in there and help it along. But, what would really help the most is the
truth manifesting in the woman and the woman encouraging and comforting the man.
You being at rest; you being calm because of the truth and you just affirming the man;
declaring the goodness you see in the man. That's what would bring life.
Doesn't mean you can't ever talk to each other about things you see...
Listen we dont judge ourselves by whether or not we can get this right. We just allow
ourselves to hear this truth and commit it unto God to bring it forth in us.
You cant hear what i say and put it to work as a law. It has to be born in you by God
and His doing. All you can do is seek to be justified by looking to the word that was
made flesh in Jesus.
All you can do is commit your desire to enjoy you husbands or wives as God has
intended into the hands of your Heavenly Father.
Husbands fellowship with the father by looking to the Word He has spoken over your life
in Jesus when you feel pressed in on by what is going on in your wives. Commit your
desire for your life with your wife to God.
Wives fellowship with the Father through Jesus when you feel pressed in on by what is
going on in the husbands. Commit your desire for your life with your husbands into the
hands of your Heavenly Father.
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Wisdom of world tries to make woman feel as if she is less than the man or that she
must prove she is equal to the man. That the wisdom of the world would highlight the
difference between man & woman. Equality is not found in occupying same position as
a man. Seeking equality with the man through the system of the world. Labor to be
justified by usurping the man.
The wisdom of this world that came in from the fall wants to do everything it can to
make the woman feel less than the man. It wants to do everything it can to get the
woman to have her life born from the foundation of trying to be justified by proving that
she is equal to the man. It wants to get the woman to live from the foundation of
striving to prove she is just as valuable & good as the man by trying to exalt herself
above the man.
The woman will look for evidence she is acceptable by looking to the man but will only
be able to find evidence she is not acceptable because she was never created to find
evidence she is acceptable by looking to the man, and her soul will be subverted.
Then the man will see the woman's soul being subverted and because he is looking for
evidence that he is a good husband by seeing the wife is happy and satisfied with her
life it will result in them feeling
Men do not think of the wife as being less than you but honor her as co equals with you
& Christ. Honor her according to the price that was paid for her...
Christ saw the church as his own body this is how he loved her. The wisdom of the
world teaches us to see our wives as separate from us instead of seeing them as one
with us; as if they were part of us. When we see our wives as one with us even should
our wife be having a difficulty or committing transgression against us we will not see it
as she is doing me wrong we will see it as something is happening to the both of us to
try and harm us both.
Husbands are not designed to lead by telling their wives they must submit. They are
designed to lead by seeking to be justified by the word God has spoken through
Christ.****