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Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
E. Harlos
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
Whenever there are questions that you need to complete they will have a small
number in brackets at the end of them.
Ex:
What is your favorite colour? (1)
This number is the value of marks this question is worth. You need to write AT
LEAST that many points or sentences. Writing MORE than necessary is always
preferred in case you are a little off on one of your points.
When you answer questions you want to EXPLAIN
DESCRIPTION.
WHY using
Ex:
One of my favorite colours right now is brown. I am really into brown clothing. I love
to wear chocolate brown and so does my daughter! She’s only 2 years old so I guess she has to
like it as I buy all of her clothes!
You do not need to write out the questions… however your answer should
CONTAIN the question in a full
sentence. Avoid using yes (or no) to
answer your questions – write out what you mean.
Ex:
Do
Do you like the show Corner Gas?
NOT do this:
Yes, it’s a good show.
DO: I do like the show Corner Gas because I like the distinctly Canadian humour. I can
relate to the show because I am from the prairies just like the characters on Corner Gas.
The “do not: example” above is a SENTENCE FRAGMENT. You want to avoid
writing sentence fragments. Sentence fragments are missing some key
information. To avoid sentence fragments make sure all of your sentences can
make sense standing alone. That is, if you separate them from the rest of your
writing they still make sense
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- sentence fragments –
Working on avoiding sentence fragments:
When writing, it is important that all of your sentences can stand alone.
Short sentences can not. You want to avoid sentence fragments. That don’t have
enough information. We will work on sentence fragments here. To make sure you
learn how to avoid them.
I have underlined the sentence fragments in the above writing…do you see that
alone they do not make sense?
Short sentences can not. (can not do what?)
That don’t have enough information (what don’t?)
To make sure you learn how to avoid them. (avoid what?)
To fix sentence fragments, either combine sentences or add additional information
to the fragments:
When writing, it is important that all of your sentences can stand alone
because short sentences can not. You want to avoid sentence fragments that don’t
have enough information. We will work on sentence fragments here, to make sure
you learn how to avoid them.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- sentence fragments –
Underline the sentence fragments in the following pieces of writing. Then rewrite the piece without the fragments.
1.
This morning I slept in. If you could call it that. I like to get up early, so
7am is
sleeping in for me. I like to start the day with coffee. Milk in it.
Drinking my coffee.
Watching the news. My favorite way to start the day.
2.
I hear the backstreet boys are getting back together. What a surprise. I
guess they were popular in their day. Although not to me.
3.
Are you getting what sentence fragments are? How to fix them? How to
avoid them? They are the sentences. That can’t stand alone.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
-commonly mis-used wordsIn the English language unfortunately we have a number of words that are the same but not the same. They
SOUND the same but they are not the same WRITTEN word.
its / it’s
Its is a personal pronoun in the possessive form. The dog wagged its tail.
It’s is a contraction of it is. It’s a sunny day today.
there /their /they’re
There indicates a place and is the opposite of here. Over there!
Their is the possessive form of they. Their school work.
They’re is a contraction of they are. They’re good students.
to / too / two
To is a preposition. It is also an infinitive, a verbal. The road to freedom.
Too is an adverb that means “also” or “overly”. It was too spicy.
Two refers to the number. There were two computers.
your / you’re
Your is the possessive form of the pronoun you. Your work.
You’re is the contraction of you are. You’re improving your writing.
accept / except
Accept is a verb that indicates agreement. I accept your invitation.
Except a preposition that means excluding. Everything except apples.
affect / effect
Affect is a verb meaning to have influence or to act on emotions.
Seeing her always affects me.
Effect can be a verb or a noun. As a noun it can mean a result (side
effects) or belongings (her personal effects) or give an impression (he has
that effect on me). As a verb, effect can mean to bring about (I want to
effect change)
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
-commonly mis-used words-
1.
Its/It’s a nice sunny day today.
2.
The cat stretched its/it’s legs.
3.
Go over there/their/they’re now!
4.
There/their/they’re going to get married in the summer.
5.
It is going to be there/their/they’re special day.
6.
I am going to/too/two outside for a walk.
7.
Let me go to/too/two!
8.
So, there are to/too/two of us going on a walk.
9.
Your/you’re writing is going to be great someday!
10.
Your/you’re improving every day.
11.
I am taking all of my clothing on the holiday, accept/except my winter
coat.
12.
I can’t wait to let him know that I accept/except his invitation.
13.
Reading that book really had an affect/effect on me.
14.
It is a side effect/affect of the medication.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
-another commonly mis-used word-
ALOT
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- COMMAS –
A comma indicates a slight pause in a sentence.
Ex:
Before students finish this class, they will learn how to write
like pros!
You try:
1. As you go through these exercises you will get better at writing.
A comma is used to separate words or groups of words within a complete thought.
Ex:
He picked up the pennies, nickels, and dimes.
Ex:
It took all day to separate the coins, count them up, and put
them in their paper rolls.
You try:
2.
Go to the grocery store and buy apples oranges and bananas.
3.
When you get home slice the apples peel the oranges and mash
the bananas.
Use a comma after an introductory word or phrase.
Ex:
You try:
4.
In 2003, there were 300 cars sold.
After grace we ate the meal.
Use a comma to separate two or more adjectives (describing words) that come
before a noun.
Ex:
You try:
5.
Vancouver is a large, beautiful city.
Alice is a shy quiet girl.
Use a comma before but, nor, or, for, so, yet when it joins two separate thoughts.
Ex:
The sky was dark and cloudy, but the sun was still out.
Ex:
The kid must get to bed early, or they will be tired in the
morning.
You try:
6.
I feel happy today yet I am unable to show it.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- COMMAS –
The following piece of writing has no commas in it. Add commas where
necessary.
Once upon a time there was a cute precious puppy named Mojo. She was
always ready to fetch a ball play tug-o-war or chew on a toy. One day in
September Mojo got out of the fence and ran down the street. Luckily a
neighbour found Mojo put a leash on her and brought her home. It scared Mojo
to be outside of the yard yet she enjoyed the run! Thankfully Mojo is learning
the rules these days. She is calming down listening to her owners and being a
pleasant friendly dog.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- OTHER PUNCTUATION –
Colons
Use a colon before a list of items.
Ex:
For the football game, I’ll need to have the following: snacks, pizza,
diet pop, and licorice.
Use a colon after the salutation of a letter.
Ex:
To whom it may concern:
You try
1.
Dear Sam
2.
I have to go to the mall at lunch to buy the following pens, pencils,
and staples.
paper,
Semicolons
Use a semicolon when you are joining two complete sentences that share a similar
thought.
Ex:
One important crop in the West is canola; it is grown for its oil.
You try:
3.
It was a fun day at the beach the sun was hot and the lake was
calm.
Apostrophes
Use apostrophes to show possession.
Ex:
Ava’s toys
Erin’s module
Use an apostrophe to create a contraction.
Ex:
I am = I’m
can not = can’t
You try
4.
I am excited to read Taras assignment.
we are = we’re
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
- PUNCTUATION –
Add punctuation to the following piece of writing:
On Sunday Darian and Patrick went walking to the park. When they arrived they
couldnt decide what to do they sat for awhile to think it over. Once they had
agreed on a game plan they decided on the following ride the teeter toter play in
the sand and end with some swinging. After they finished all of that Darian
discovered that Patricks shirt was ripped. Since neither boy knew how to sew
Darian and Patrick headed for home.
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
FORMAL LANGUAGE Versus INFORMAL LANGUAGE
There is a large difference between writing a text to
someone and writing an essay in University. Certain words
are appropriate in certain situations and not others. In
academic writing, you will be asked to use formal language
in certain situations and informal language in others. Here
is some info on the difference.
INFORMAL LANGUAGE
Can include:
slang or even swears when appropriate
contractions
abbreviations (T.V.)
numbers (1 instead of one)
personal words or phrases like I, you, we
FORMAL LANGUAGE
Excludes:
slang or even swears when appropriate
contractions
abbreviations (T.V.)
numbers (1 instead of one)
personal words or phrases like I, you, we
Writer’s Workshop
learning to be a better writer
FORMAL LANGUAGE Versus INFORMAL LANGUAGE
Decide whether this language is informal (I) or formal (F).
1.
sup?
2.
can’t
3.
will not
4.
I am going to…
5.
The students worked…
6.
r u goin?
7.
LOL
8.
watching TV
9.
The teacher had 4 books to read.
10.
I am going to write about…
The Writing Process
Step 1
Prewriting is a technique for gathering ideas. Pre-writing starts by
just getting your ideas down on paper. Your only focus here is to
generate ideas; to brainstorm… write down whatever comes to
mind about your topic.
Step 2
During drafting your focus is to get your ideas into the assigned
format. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, etc. here you are
just ordering your ideas and organizing them into a desired
format.
Step 3
During revising you will read through your draft and revise. Circle
things, cross out stuff, add etc. Do whatever you need to do to
“FIX” your writing until it is error free. Edit, proofread and polish!
DO THIS ON YOUR DRAFT- you do not need to re-write it – yet!
Once you have completed your own revisions, get a friend, family
member or teacher to revise and edit for you.
Step 4
Now write or type out a FINAL DRAFT and hand it in. Just before
you does this take a quick look at how you are being evaluated
and be sure you have met all of the criteria.
Types of Writing
Personal
A piece of writing designed to talk about the author’s personal experience, feelings or
ideas
Expository
A piece of writing designed to inform, explain and describe
Persuasive
A piece of writing designed to convince or persuade
Narrative
A piece of writing designed to tell a story
Descriptive
A piece of writing designed to describe an observation or experience
Researched
A piece of writing based on discovered facts through ample investigation
Types of Writing Crossword
1
2
3
4
5
6
ACROSS
DOWN
4. talks about the author’s
personal experience, feelings
or ideas
6. based on discovered facts
through ample investigation
1. informs, explains and
describes
2. designed to convince or
persuade
3. tells a story
5. describes an observation or
experience
Writing A PARAGRAPH
Your paragraph should begin with a
TOPIC SENTENCE: this is a sentence
that explains what your paragraph is about.
The BODY of your paragraph explains your
topic sentence: use examples and
description to explain what you mean in 5-8
sentences. Your paragraph should end with
a CONCLUDING STATEMENT: this is a
sentence that sums up everything you have
discussed in your paragraph.
WRITING AN ESSAY
Essays are OPINION pieces that use FORMAL LANGUAGE.
Typically an essay is a persuasive piece designed to answer a posed essay
question. Your goal is to convince a reader to buy into your ideas by offering
well articulated proof and justification for your opinion.
Work your way through this process to learn how to write an essay.
Essay question:
Step 1
Brainstorm (pre-write) ideas as to how you will answer this question and
WHY.
Step 2
Pick the best THREE reasons you came up with for why your opinion is
true.
Step 3
Construct your THESIS STATEMENT
What is a THESIS STATEMENT?
A thesis is your answer to the posed essay question. It
contains your opinion and THREE reasons why your answer is correct.
Template:
________________________________________ because
_______________________________, _____________________________________, and
_________________________________________.
Step 4
Separate the three points from your thesis and begin to brainstorm ideas
and examples to PROVE they are true.
Point 1




Point 2




Point 3




Step 5
Take each point and create ONE sentence that sums up what you have to say
about it. These will become TOPIC SENTENCES. The ideas and examples
from above will form the rest of the paragraph.
Point 1
Point 2
Point 3
Step 6
Begin to write your INTRODUCTION.
Your introduction should look like a funnel
ending narrow.
beginning broad and
Begin your intro with GENERAL STATEMENTS about the TOPIC. Next
begin to narrow your in on your opinion. Lastly, end your intro with your thesis.
General statements about the topic
Narrowing statement(s)
Thesis
Step 7
Begin to write your CONCLUSION.
Your conclusion should look like a reverse funnel
and ending broad
beginning narrow
Start by restating your thesis (use slightly different phrasing). Next review your
points and lastly, EXPAND -- THINK BIG and answer SO WHAT? WHO
CARES?
Restated Thesis
Review of points
Expand, think big… answer so what? Who cares?
Step 8
Put all of your pre-writing into a 5 paragraph formal essay.
Intro Paragraph (pre-writing from page 4)
Body Paragraph One (pre-writing from page 3)
Body Paragraph Two (pre-writing from page 3)
Body Paragraph Three (pre-writing from page 3)
Concluding Paragraph (pre-writing from page 5)
Step 9
Revise, Revise, Revise!
Read through your essay and fix it up. Ask yourself these questions:
□ Is your thesis clear and in the right place?
□ Do you have 5 paragraphs (intro, 3 body paragraphs, conclusion)
□ Do you use only formal language?
□ Do each of your body paragraphs begin with a topic sentence?
□ Is your intro a funnel?
□ Is your conclusion a reverse funnel?
□ Spelling, grammar errors?
□
□
Step 10
Have someone else proof-read your draft.
Step 11
Write on and hand in a FINAL DRAFT.
Formatting your Writing
Please type your work. Hand-writers tended to have more spelling, punctuation, and
little grammar errors that a computer spell and grammar check would fix for you.
Always title your work. Be creative and go beyond Paragraph, Essay or Final Draft
please. Your title should be centred, the same size font, and underlined.
“Glee”: The Show you Should Never Miss
Double space your work. This makes your work easier to read and leaves space for
feedback and revision.
All of your work should be formatted EXACTLY like this:
Your first and last name
The class you are in
The date it is submitted
Your’s teacher’s name
size 12, Times New Roman Font
Top left hand corner, single spaced in regular body of your work (not a header)
Sue Sylvester
Social Studies
September 1, 2011
Ms. Harlos
Glee: The Show you Should Never Miss
Blah, blah, blah and blah and the double space this work.
Code for how I write on your work:
Also
gdleave
= good
an extra space after each paragraph.








vgd = very good
SF= sentence fragment
AWK = awkward; sounds weird
P = paragraph
WW = wrong word
WP = wrong punctuation
RO= run on sentence
If something is circled there is something wrong with it (i.e. it is informal, it is
capitalized wrong, it is spelled wrong…)
APA Format says:
Italicize or underline the titles of longer works such as books, edited collections, movies,
television series, documentaries, or albums: The Closing of the American Mind; The Wizard of
Oz; Friends.
Put “quotation marks” around the titles of shorter works such as journal articles, articles
from edited collections, television series episodes, and song titles: "Multimedia Narration:
Constructing Possible Worlds"; "The One Where Chandler Can't Cry."
Attending to Grammar
A Brief Introduction
Grammar is more than just a set of rules. It is the ever-evolving structure of our
language, a field which merits study, invites analysis, and promises fascination.
Don't believe us? Didn't think you would.
The fact is that grammar can be pretty dull: no one likes rules, and memorizing rules is
far worse than applying them. (Remember studying for your driver's test?) However, as
I've said, grammar is more than this: it is an understanding of how language works, of
how meaning is made, and of how it is broken.
You understand more about grammar than you think you do. Brought up as English
speakers, you know when to use articles, for example, or how to construct different
tenses, probably without even thinking about it. (Non-native speakers of English may
struggle with these matters for years.)
However, when you write, even as a native speaker of English, you will encounter
problems and questions that you may not know how to answer. "Who" or "whom?"
Comma or no comma? Passive, or active?
Most Commonly Occurring Errors
Would grammar seem more manageable to you if we told you that writers tend to make the same twenty
mistakes over and over again? In fact, a study of error by Andrea Lunsford and Robert Connors shows
that twenty different mistakes constitute 91.5 percent of all errors in student texts. If you can
control these twenty errors, you will go a long way in creating prose that is correct and clear.
Below is an overview of these errors, listed according to the frequency with which they occur. Look for
them in your own prose.
1. Missing comma after introductory phrases.
For example: After the devastation of the siege of Leningrad the Soviets were left with
the task of rebuilding their population as well as their city. (A comma should be placed
after "Leningrad.")
2. Vague pronoun reference.
For example: The boy and his father knew that he was in trouble. (Who is in trouble?
The boy? His Father? Some other person?)
3. Missing comma in compound sentence.
For example: Wordsworth spent a good deal of time in the Lake District with his sister
Dorothy and the two of them were rarely apart. (Comma should be placed before the
"and.")
4. Wrong word.
This speaks for itself.
5. No comma in nonrestrictive relative clauses.
Here you need to distinguish between a restrictive relative clause and a nonrestrictive
relative clause. Consider the sentence, "My brother in the red shirt likes ice cream." If
you have TWO brothers, then the information about the shirt is restrictive, in that it is
necessary to defining WHICH brother likes ice cream. Restrictive clauses, because they
are essential to identifying the noun, use no commas. However, if you have ONE
brother, then the information about the shirt is not necessary to identifying your
brother. It is NON-RESTRICTIVE and, therefore, requires commas: "My brother, in the
red shirt, likes ice cream."
6. Wrong/missing inflected ends.
"Inflected ends" refers to a category of grammatical errors that you might know
individually by other names - subject-verb agreement, who/whom confusion, and so on.
The term "inflected endings" refers to something you already understand: adding a
letter or syllable to the end of a word changes its grammatical function in the sentence.
For example, adding "ed" to a verb shifts that verb from present to past tense. Adding an
"s" to a noun makes that noun plural. A common mistake involving wrong or missing
inflected ends is in the usage of who/whom. "Who" is a pronoun with a subjective
case; "whom" is a pronoun with an objective case. We say "Who is the speaker of the
day?" because "who" in this case refers to the subject of the sentence. But we say, "To
whom am I speaking?" because, here, the pronoun is an object of the preposition "to."
7. Wrong/missing preposition.
Occasionally prepositions will throw you. Consider, for example which is better:
"different from," or "different than?" Though both are used widely, "different from" is
considered grammatically correct. The same debate surrounds the words "toward" and
"towards." Though both are used, "toward" is preferred in writing. When in doubt, check
a handbook.
8. Comma splice.
A comma splice occurs when two independent clauses are joined only with a comma.
For example: "Picasso was profoundly affected by the war in Spain, it led to the painting
of great masterpieces like Guernica." A comma splice also occurs when a comma is used
to divide a subject from its verb. For example: "The young Picasso felt stifled in art
school in Spain, and wanted to leave." (The subject "Picasso" is separated from one of its
verbs "wanted." There should be no comma in this sentence, unless you are playing with
grammatical correctness for the sake of emphasis - a dangerous sport for unconfident or
inexperienced writers.)
9. Possessive apostrophe error.
Sometimes apostrophes are incorrectly left out; other times, they are incorrectly put in
(her's, their's, etc.)
10. Tense shift.
Be careful to stay in a consistent tense. Too often students move from past to present
tense without good reason. The reader will find this annoying.
11. Unnecessary shift in person.
Don't shift from "I" to "we" or from "one" to "you" unless you have a rationale for doing
so.
12. Sentence fragment.
Silly things, to be avoided. Unless, like here, you are using them to achieve a certain
effect. Remember: sentences traditionally have both subjects and verbs. Don't violate
this convention carelessly.
13. Wrong tense or verb form.
Though students generally understand how to build tenses, sometimes they use the
wrong tense, saying, for example, "In the evenings, I like to lay on the couch and watch
TV" "Lay" in this instance is the past tense of the verb, "to lie." The sentence should
read: "In the evenings, I like to lie on the couch and watch TV." (Please note that "to lay"
is a separate verb meaning "to place in a certain position.")
14. Subject-verb agreement.
This gets tricky when you are using collective nouns or pronouns and you think of them
as plural nouns: "The committee wants [not want] a resolution to the problem."
Mistakes like this also occur when your verb is far from your subject. For example, "The
media, who has all the power in this nation and abuses it consistently, uses its influence
for ill more often than good." (Note that media is an "it," not a "they." The verbs are
chosen accordingly.)
15. Missing comma in a series.
Whenever you list things, use a comma. You'll find a difference of opinion as to whether
the next-to-last noun (the noun before the "and") requires a comma. ("Apples, oranges,
pears, and bananas...") Our advice is to use the comma because sometimes your list will
include pairs of things: "For Christmas she wanted books and tapes, peace and love, and
for all the world to be happy." If you are in the habit of using a comma before the "and,"
you'll avoid confusion in sentences like this one.
16. Pronoun agreement error.
Many students have a problem with pronoun agreement. They will write a sentence like
"Everyone is entitled to their opinion." The problem is, "everyone" is a singular
pronoun. You will have to use "his" or "her."
17. Unnecessary commas with restrictive clauses.
See the explanation for number five, above.
18. Run-on, fused sentence.
Run-on sentences are sentences that run on forever, they are sentences that ought to
have been two or even three sentences but the writer didn't stop to sort them out,
leaving the reader feeling exhausted by the sentence's end which is too long in coming.
(Get the picture?) Fused sentences occur when two independent clauses are put
together without a comma, semi-colon, or conjunction. For example: "Researchers
investigated several possible vaccines for the virus then they settled on one"
19. Dangling, misplaced modifier.
Modifiers are any adjectives, adverbs, phrases, or clauses that a writer uses to elaborate
on something. Modifiers, when used wisely, enhance your writing. But if they are not
well-considered - or if they are put in the wrong places in your sentences - the results
can be less than eloquent. Consider, for example, this sentence: "The professor wrote a
paper on sexual harassment in his office." Is the sexual harassment going on in the
professor's office? Or is his office the place where the professor is writing? One hopes
that the latter is true. If it is, then the original sentence contains a misplaced
modifier and should be re-written accordingly: "In his office, the professor wrote a
paper on sexual harassment." Always put your modifiers next to the nouns they modify.
Dangling modifiers are a different kind of problem. They intend to modify something
that isn't in the sentence. Consider this: "As a young girl, my father baked bread and
gardened." The writer means to say, "When I was a young girl, my father baked bread
and gardened." The modifying phrase "as a young girl" refers to some noun not in the
sentence. It is, therefore, a dangling modifier. Other dangling modifiers are more
difficult to spot, however. Consider this sentence: "Walking through the woods, my
heart ached." Is it your heart that is walking through the woods? It is more accurate
(and more grammatical) to say, "Walking through the woods, I felt an ache in my heart."
Here you avoid the dangling modifier.
20. Its/it's error.
"Its" is a possessive pronoun. "It's" is a contraction for "it is."
Attending to Style
Introduction
Most of us know good style when we see it. We also know when a sentence seems
cumbersome to read. However, though we can easily spot beastly sentences, it is not as
easy to say WHY a sentence - especially one that is grammatically correct - isn't working.
We look at the sentence; we see that the commas are in the right places; we find no error
to speak of. So why is the sentence so awful? What's gone wrong?
When thinking about what makes a good sentence, it's important to put yourself in the
place of your reader. What is a reader hoping to find in your sentences? Information,
yes. Eloquence, surely. But most important, a reader is looking for clarity. Your reader
does not want to wrestle with your sentences. She wants to read with ease. She wants to
see one idea build upon the other. She wants to experience, without struggling, the
emphasis of your language and the importance of your idea. Above all, she wants to feel
that you, the writer, are doing the bulk of the work, and not she, the reader. In short, she
wants to read sentences that are forceful, straightforward, and clear.
The Basic Principles of the Sentence
Principle One: Focus on Actors and Actions
To understand what makes a good sentence, it's important to understand one principle:
a sentence, at its very basic level, is about actors and actions. As such, the subject of a
sentence should point clearly to the actor, and the verb of the sentence should describe
the important action.
This principle might seem so obvious to you that you don't think that it warrants further
discussion. But think again. Look at the following sentence, and then try to determine,
in a nutshell, what is wrong with it:
o
There was uncertainty in President Clinton's mind about the intention of the
Russians to disarm their nuclear weapons.
This sentence has no grammatical errors. But certainly it lumbers along, without any
force. Now consider the following sentence:
o
President Clinton remained unconvinced that the Russians intended to disarm
their nuclear weapons.
What changes does this sentence make? We can point to the more obvious changes:
omitting the "there is" phrase; replacing the wimpy "uncertainty" with the more
powerful "remained unconvinced"; replacing the abstract noun "intention" with the
stronger verb "intended." But what principle governs these many changes? Precisely the
one mentioned earlier: that the actor in a sentence should serve as the sentence's
subject, and the action should be illustrated forcefully in the sentence's verbs.
Whenever you feel that your prose is confusing or hard to follow, find the actors and the
actions of your sentences. Is the actor the subject of your sentence? Is the action a verb?
If not, rewrite your sentence accordingly.
Principle Two: Be Concrete
Student writers rely too heavily on abstract nouns: they use "expectation" when the verb
"expect" is stronger; they write "evaluation" when "evaluate" is more vivid. But why use
an abstract noun when a verb will do better? Many students believe that abstract nouns
permit them to sound more "academic." But when you write with a lot of abstract nouns,
you risk confusing your reader. You also end up putting yourself in a corner,
syntactically. Consider the following:
Nouns often require prepositions.
Too many prepositional phrases in a sentence are hard to follow. Verbs, on the other
hand, can stand on their own. They are cleaner; they don't box you in. If you need some
proof for this claim, consider the following sentence: An evaluation of the tutors by the
administrative staff is necessary in servicing our clients. Notice all of the prepositional
phrases that these nouns require. Now look at this sentence, which uses verbs: The
administrative staff evaluates the tutors so that we can better serve our clients. This
sentence is much easier to read.
Abstract nouns often invite the "there is" construction.
Consider this sentence: There is much discussion in the department about the
upcoming tenure decision. We might rewrite this sentence as follows: The faculty
discussed who might earn tenure. The result, again, is a sentence that is more direct
and easier to read.
Abstract nouns are, well, abstract.
Using too many abstract nouns will leave your prose seeming un-rooted. Instead, use
concrete nouns as well as strong verbs to convey your ideas.
Abstract nouns can obscure your logic.
Note how hard it is to follow the line of reasoning in the following sentence. (I've boldfaced the nouns that might be rewritten as verbs, or as adjectives.) Decisions with
regard to the dismissal of tutors on the basis of their inability to detect grammar
errors in the papers of students rest with the Director of Composition. Now consider
this sentence. When a tutor fails to detect grammar errors in student papers, the
Director of Composition must decide whether or not to dismiss her.
Which sentence, in your opinion, is easier to follow?
(PS. You should note that abstract nouns often force you to use clumsy phrases like "on
the basis of" or "in regard to." How much better the above sentence is when it relies on
the simple word "when" to make its logical connection.)
Principle Two, The Exception: Abstract Nouns & When To Use Them.
Of course writers will find instances where the abstract noun is essential to the sentence.
Sometimes, abstract nouns make references to a previous sentence ("these arguments,"
"this decision," etc.). In other instances, they allow you to be more concise ("her needs"
vs. "what she needed"). In still other instances, the abstract noun is a concept important
to your argument: freedom, love, revolution, and so on. Still, if you examine your prose,
you will probably find that you overuse abstract nouns. Omitting from your writing
those abstract nouns that aren't really necessary makes for leaner, "fitter" prose.
Principle Three: Be Concise
One of the most exasperating things about reading student texts is that students don't
know how to write concisely. Students use phrases when a single word will do. Or they
offer pairs of adjectives and verbs where one is enough. Or they over-write, saying the
same thing two or three times with the hope that, one of these times, they'll get it the
way they want it.
Stop the madness! It's easy to delete words and phrases from your prose once you've
learned to be ruthless about it.
Do you really need words like "actually," "basically," "generally," and so on? If you don't
need them, why are they there? Are you using two words where one will do? Isn't "first
and foremost" redundant? What is the point of "future" in "future plans?" And why do
you keep saying, "In my opinion?" Doesn't the reader understand that this is your
paper, based on your point of view?
Sometimes you won't be able to fix a wordy sentence by simply deleting a few words or
phrases. You'll have to rewrite the whole sentence. For example: Plagiarism is a serious
academic offense resulting in punishments that might include suspension or dismissal,
profoundly affecting your academic career. The idea here is simple: Plagiarism is a
serious offense with serious consequences. Why not say so, simply?
Principle Four: Be Coherent
At this point in discussing style, we move from the sentence as a discrete unit to the way
that sentences fit together. Coherence (or the lack of it) is a common problem in student
papers. Sometimes a professor encounters a paper in which all the ideas seem to be
there, but they are hard to follow. The prose seems jumbled. The line of reasoning is
anything but linear. Couldn't the student have made this paper a bit more, well,
readable?
While coherence is a complicated and difficult matter to address, we do have a couple of
tricks for you that will help your sentences to "flow." Silly as it sounds, you should
"dress" your sentences the way a bride might - wearing, as the saying goes, something
old and something new. In other words, each sentence you write should begin with the
old - that is, with something that looks back to the previous sentence. Then your
sentence should move on to telling the reader something new. If you do this, your line of
reasoning will be easier for your reader to follow.
While this advice sounds simple enough, it is in fact not always easy to follow. Let's take
the practice apart, so that we can better understand how our sentences might be "welldressed."
Consider, first, the beginning of your sentences. The coherence of your paper depends
largely upon how well you begin your sentences. "Well begun is half done" - so says
Mary Poppins, and in this case (as in all cases, really) she is right.
Beginning a sentence is hard work. When you begin a sentence, you have three
important matters to consider:
Is your topic also the subject of your sentence?
Usually, when a paper lacks coherence, it is because the writer has not been careful to
ensure that the TOPIC of his sentence is also the grammatical SUBJECT of his sentence.
If, for instance, I am writing a sentence whose topic is Hitler's skill as a speaker, then the
grammatical subject of my sentence should reflect this: Hitler's skill as a speaker was
far more crucial to the rise of the Nazi party than was his skill as a politician. If, on the
other hand, I bury my topic in a subordinate clause, look what happens: Hitler's rise to
power, an event which came about because of Hitler's skill as a speaker, was not due to
any real political skill. Note how, in this sentence, the real topic is obscured.
Are the topics/subjects of your sentences consistent?
For a paragraph to be coherent, most of the sentence subjects should be the same. To
check for consistency, pick out a paragraph and make a list of its sentence subjects. See
if any of the subjects seem out of place. For example, if you are writing a paragraph
about the sex lives of whales, do most of your sentence subjects reflect that topic? Or do
some of your sentences have as their subjects researchers? Sea World? Jacques
Cousteau? While Sea World may indeed have a place in your paper, you will confuse
your reader if a paragraph's sentence subjects point to too many competing ideas.
Revise your sentences (perhaps your entire paragraph) for coherence.
Have you marked, when appropriate, the transitions between ideas?
Coherence depends upon how well you connect a sentence to the one that came before.
You will want to make solid transitions between your sentences, using words such as,
however or therefore. You will also want to signal to your reader whenever, for example,
something important or disappointing comes up. In these cases, you will want to use
expressions like it is important to note that, unfortunately, etc. You might also want to
indicate time or place in your argument. If so, you will use transitions such as, then,
later, earlier, in my previous paragraph, etc.
Be careful not to overuse transition phrases. Some writers think transition phrases can,
all by themselves, direct a reader through an argument. Indeed, sometimes all a
paragraph needs is a "however" in order for its argument suddenly to make sense. More
often, though, the problem with coherence does not stem from a lack of transition
phrases, but from the fact that the writer has not articulated, for himself, the
connections between his ideas. Don't rely on transition phrases alone to bring sense to
muddled prose.
Principle Five: Be Emphatic
We have been talking about sentences and their beginnings. But what about sentences
and how they end?
If the beginnings of your sentences must look over their shoulders at what came before,
the ends of your sentences must forge ahead into new ground. It is the ends of your
sentences, then, that must be courageous and emphatic. You must construct your
sentences so that the ends pack the punch.
To write emphatically, follow these principles:
As we've said, declare your important ideas at the end of your sentence.
Shift your less important ideas to the front.
Trim the ends of your sentences.
Don't trail off into nonsense, don't repeat yourself, don't qualify what you've just said if
you don't have to. Simply make your point and move on.
Use subordinate clauses to house subordinate ideas.
Put all the important ideas in main clauses, and the less important ideas in subordinate
clauses. If you have two ideas of equal importance that you want to express in the same
sentence, use parallel constructions or semi-colons. These two tricks of the trade are
perhaps more useful than any others in suggesting a balanced significance between
ideas.
Principle Six: Be In Control
Readers know when a writer has lost control of his sentences when these sentences run
on and on. Take control of your sentences. When you read over your paper, look for
sentences that never seem to end. Your first impulse might be to take these long
sentences and divide them into two (or three, or four). This simple solution often works.
But sometimes this strategy isn't the most desirable one: it might lead to short, choppy
sentences. Moreover, if you always cut your sentences in two, you'll never learn how it is
that a sentence might be long and complex without violating the boundaries of good
prose.
So what do you do when you encounter an overly long sentence? First consider the point
of your sentence: usually it will have more than one point, and sorting out the points
helps to sort out the grammar. Consider carefully the points that you are trying to make
and the connections between those points. Then try to determine which grammatical
structure best serves your purpose.
Are the points of equal importance?
Use a coordinating conjunction or a semi-colon to join the ideas together. Try to use
parallel constructions when appropriate.
Are the points of unequal importance?
Use subordinate clauses or relative clauses to join the ideas.
Does one point make for an interesting aside?
Insert that point between commas, dashes, or even parentheses at the appropriate
juncture in the sentence.
Do these ideas belong in the same sentence?
If not, create two sentences.
Fixing your Essay’s Formal Language
Go through your essay and search for:
□ Numbers
□ Contractions
□ Slang
□ Informal or unsophisticated words
□ Personal phrases such as I, you, we
Circle them and put in alternative words/phrases
Get a second
to:
Go through your essay and search for:
□ Numbers
□ Contractions
□ Slang
□ Informal or unsophisticated words
□ Personal phrases such as I, you, we
Circle them and put in alternative words/phrases
Fixing your Essay’s Grammar
1. Check your sentence structure
□
Vague pronoun reference
□
Wrong/missing inflected ends
□
Wrong/missing preposition
□
Tense shift
□
Unnecessary shift in person
□
Sentence fragment
□
Wrong tense or verb form
□
Subject-verb agreement
□
Pronoun agreement error
□
Run-on
□
Fused sentences
□
Misplaced modifier
□
Dangling modifiers
□
Wrong word
2. Check your punctuation
□
Missing comma after introductory phrases
□
Missing comma in compound sentence
□
No comma in nonrestrictive relative clauses
□
Comma splice
□
Possessive apostrophe error
□
Missing comma in a series
□
Unnecessary commas with restrictive clauses
□
Its/it's error
Fixing your Essay’s Style
The Basic Principles of the Sentence:
□ Principle One: Focus on Actors and Actions
□ Principle Two: Be Concrete
□ Principle Three: Be Concise
□ Principle Four: Be Coherent
□ Principle Five: Be Emphatic
□ Principle Six: Be In Control
Fixing your Essay’s Structure
1. Make a paragraph here! Record the last sentence of your introduction, the first
sentence of each of your body paragraphs, and ending with the first sentence of your
conclusion.
?? Ask yourself: ??
□ Does your paragraph contain 5 sentences?
□ Does this paragraph make sense? (it most definitely won’t be the most interesting or
reader-pleasing paragraph, but it should make sense)
□ Does everything relate?
Does your paragraph contain:
□ Your thesis?
□ 3 topic sentences (one from the beginning of each body paragraph)?
□ Your restated thesis?
Basic Essay Structure
Introduction
Body
Para. 1
Starts generally, with info about the
topic
Defines terms
Narrows
Ends with a thesis statement
Begins with a topic sentence that outlines the 1st point from your thesis
Proof
Evidence
Facts
Deal with opposition
Body
Para. 2
Begins with a topic sentence that outlines the 2nd point from your thesis
Proof
Evidence
Facts
Deal with opposition
Body
Para. 3
Begins with a topic sentence that outlines the 3rd point from your thesis
Proof
Evidence
Facts
Deal with opposition
Conclusion
Begins with restated thesis
Reviews argument & deals with
opposition
Pushes readers to wonder, ask
questions, think globally