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“Sticks and stones will
break my bones, but
words will never hurt
Words, tone of voice
and body language.
Destructive Communication
 Interrupting
 Endless Fighting
 Character Assassination
 Calling in Reinforcements
 Withdrawal
 Need to be Right
Blaming – Frequently blame each other
while trying to find out who is at “fault”,
who started the fight, etc.”
 Examples – You are the one that’s not
listening. You did this…. You should of
Interrupting – Interrupts another person,
it is a sign that one idea is more
important than another.
 Stop communication, Shows disregard
for other person’s ideas.
Endless Fighting – Arguments that
never end. Bring up the old issues that
have nothing to do with what’s
happening now.
 Examples: Just like when you…
Character Assassination – Name
calling, belittling comments about
sensitive subjects, and insulting
remarks. (Sarcasm)
 Examples: Destroys self-esteem, trust,
and communication.
Calling In Reinforcements – Involves
outsiders in your personal relationships
and quarrels.
 Example: to save face
Withdrawal – Withdrawing from
communication avoiding conversation in
families communicates hurt, rejection,
neglect, indifference, &/or anger.
 Example: “I don’t care” “fine” “I’ll do
Need to be right – Some people refuse
to admit any need to always be right.
 Compromise
is a win-win situation.
Constructive Communication
“I” Messages
 Clarity
 Timing
 Asking Questions
 Reflective Listening
 Respect and Consideration
 Avoiding Intense Anger
“I” Messages – State the feelings and
thoughts you are having at the time of
communication. Lets others know how
you feel without making people
Examples “I feel frustrated when…
I am angry because you forgot…
Clarity – Meaning what you say and
then saying what you mean. Problem is
interpretation. (Sarcasm)
 Example: I hope you had a great time at
the movie last night with all your other
Timing – Select a good time to do your
important communicating.
 Examples: Asking for something when
parents walk in from work.
Asking Questions – People seldom say
what they really mean the first time.
Example: Why, What, Where, When,
Do you mean….
Reflective Listening – listener mirrors
back thoughts and/or feelings the
speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to
Example: Are you saying? You seem to
be saying?
Respect and Consideration – One sure
way of ending good communication is
by being critical or judgmental. Respect
the other person’s point of view.
Avoiding Intense Anger – Sometimes
we become to emotional to
communicate effectively.
“I” Messages
State the feelings and thoughts
you are having at the time of
- “I feel … when … because
- “I would like …”
 Don’t blame the other person.
 Name Calling
 Physical expression
Destroys Self- Esteem and creates Fear.