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Session 3 Conciseness Concreteness Conciseness Conciseness is… Terseness and economy in writing and speaking achieved by expressing a great deal in just a few words Using clear, precise expressions in few words Conciseness Conciseness is the art of cutting overweight sentences down to size with flair. Quantity doesn't always equal quality in writing. But don't sacrifice clarity and readability for conciseness. Make sure the sentences flow smoothly as you cut unnecessary words and phrases. Benefits of being concise A concise message saves time and expense for both sender and receiver. – Avoiding wordiness means using the fewest number of words possible to express your ideas. The reader can see your main ideas easily. Your main points stand out. Conciseness Problems Redundancy – Repeating words, phrases, ideas and character traits • If we are going to see the movie on opening night, we will have to get there early. We have to get to the movie early because it’s opening night. Faulty repetition (Tautology) – saying the same thing twice • Past history • Safe haven Conciseness Problems Repetitive Acronym Syndrome – Automated Teller Machine Machine (ATM Machine) – Personal Identification Number Number (PIN Number) Circumlocution – use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few – indirect or roundabout language Be brief and to the point In all necessary essentials, the report is complete and finished. The report is finished. •Eliminate redundancy/verbosity. •Reduce faulty repetition. Make every word count Concise writing is clearer and more emphatic than wordy writing. – “In view of the fact that your reader is busy, I would suggest that you make every effort to be as brief as humanly possible.” (25 words) – “Because your reader is busy, try to be brief.” (9 words) Write in the “positive” As a rule, it takes fewer words to say what something is than to say what it is not. – Advisers who do not take time to study financial statements do not have more credibility than those who do. (19 words) – Advisers who take time to study financial statements are more credible than those who don’t.” (15 words) Eliminate deadwood Many phrases commonly used in business writing contain redundancies and deadwood. – mutual cooperation = – 8:00 a.m. in the morning = – At this point in time = – Free gift = – complete monopoly = – completely unanimous = Take the most direct route Prefer action verbs to nominalizations and adjectivizations. – A nominalization is a verb that has been turned into a noun. • My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the length of the cloak. – An adjectivization is a verb that has been turned into an adjective. • The judge was dismissive of counsel's arguments. Take the most direct route Avoid needless attribution. – As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the harder you fall. – It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity. Replace wordy expressions with single words I demand a full and complete explanation. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers Wordy – Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. – Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. More Concise Words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer kind of sort of type of really basically for all intents and purposes definitely actually generally individual specific particular Change phrases into single words Wordy – The employee with ambition... – The department showing the best performance... More Concise Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases Wordy – The duties of a clerk are to check all incoming mail and to record it. – A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases More Concise Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail Wordy – I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes, we do have... – It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail Concise Make the complex simple A chronic disposition to inquiry deprived the feline carnivorous quadruped of its vital quality. Persons deficient in the faculty of determining values move with impetuosity into a realm which purely spiritual beings view with trepidation. Tips for Conciseness Write what you mean -nothing more, nothing less. Distrust your first draft. Trust yourself and respect yourself as a writer enough to state, but not overstate, what you mean. Conciseness Exercises At this point in time, we can't ascertain the reason as to why the screen door was left open. What is your basic understanding of predestination? Conciseness Exercises At what point in time will a downturn in the stock market have a really serious effect on the social life of people as a whole? Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman Santos was totally exhausted by his last campaign, there was an expectation on the part of the voters that he would not reduplicate his effort to achieve office in government again. Repetition vs. Redundancy Repetition, if used well, can be a good tool to use in your writing. It can add emphasis to what you are trying to say and strengthen a point. Source: “Repetition and Redundancy,” Nick Jobe and Sophia Stevens, April 2009, University of Houston-Victoria Types of Repetition Isocolon – a structural repetition technique that can give academic and business writing – as much as literature and speech – momentum, rhythm, and emphasis – “…that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” –John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961 Isocolon Pay any price Bear any burden Meet any hardship Support any friend Oppose any foe Types of Repetition Anaphora – the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive phrases, clauses, or sentences. Most often writers use this form of repetition for its dramatic effect in speech or writing – “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…” –Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities Types of Repetition Epistrophe is the repetition of a word or words at the end of a phrase or clause. Its placement in a sentence is the opposite of anaphora’s placement of words or phrases. Quite similarly, though, its rhetorical function is to provide dramatic or poetic emphasis on an idea or a passage. – “…and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.” –Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address Concreteness Concrete vs. Abstract Words Abstract terms refer to ideas or concepts; they have no physical referents. – love, success, freedom, good, moral, democracy, and any -ism (e.g., chauvinism, communism, feminism, racism, sexism). Concrete terms refer to objects or events that are available to the senses. – spoon, table, green, hot, walking General vs. Specific Terms General terms refer to groups – The more you rely on general terms, the more your writing is likely to be vague and dull. • Furniture/Jewelry Specific terms refer to individuals – As your language becomes more specific, though, your meanings become clearer and your writing becomes more interesting. • Chair/Ring How to write more concretely Use concrete words and concrete subjects – Express something tangible. – Use words where you can use your senses. The man tested the water and found it unacceptable. The DOH inspector measured the water taken from the Pasig River. The bacteria content was above acceptable standards for drinking water. Use specific terms A period of unfavorable weather set in. I need the print-out ASAP. Several employees will be retiring pretty soon. Use strong verbs to make your writing lively and to keep your audience awake and alive to your message • Be of assistance • It is my intention to • Make a decision • Take a look • Put on a demonstration • The contract has a requirement for • Held a meeting and had a discussion • • We will give thought to your proposal He made the payment for his first installment Avoid expletive constructions Expletives are forms of predication (the expression of action, state, or quality by a grammatical predicate) that disguise the subject and weaken the verb – It is, This is, It was, There is, There are It was found in these studies that the funding for the project was insufficient. Write in plain language Use plain language that expresses clear meaning. Avoid showy words and ambiguous expressions in an effort to dazzle or confuse readers. Write to express ideas, not to impress others. Huh? Personnel assigned vehicular space in the adjacent areas are hereby advised that utilization will be suspended temporarily Friday morning. Be conversational but professional Most e-mail messages, business letters, memos, and reports replace conversation. They are most effective when they convey an informal, conversational tone instead of a formal, pretentious tone. – Strive for a warm, conversation tone that does not include slang or low-level diction. Unprofessional Conversational Formal (Low-level diction) (Mid-level diction) (High-level diction) Badmouth Criticize Denigrate Guts Pecking order Nerve Courage Line of command Dominance hierarchy Rat on Rip off Snag Inform Steal Win Betray Expropriate Secure Talk to the reader with words that you find comfortable. Stay away from third-person constructions. – All employees are herewith instructed to return the appropriately designated contracts to the undersigned. – To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your negotiations urge that the membership respond in the affirmative. Use vivid words and specific facts Dull – house – good sales figure – the newspaper – Computer – soon Vivid – cottage, mansion – P24 million in sales – Philippine Daily Inquirer – Apple – by Tuesday, February 2 Concreteness Exercise Rewrite the following sentences to make them more concrete and specific. The movie earned a lot. There are indications that our economy will improve after the political exercise. There was a breakthrough made by the R&D department. I saw your picture in the newspaper. He’s our best employee. Oral Lecture Voice Projection Voice Projection Your volume should be loud enough for everyone to hear, but not so loud as to overpower your audience. Variations in intensity can create different effects. For example, a soft voice can sometimes command more attention than a loud one. Pronunciation Frequently mispronounced words Accent on the first syllable – – – – – – – – Circumstance Deficit Tourism Conduit Inventory Equitable Forfeited Delicacy Accent on the second syllable – – – – – – – Initiate Negotiate Evaluate Interpret Contribute Associate Condolence Enunciation Clear-cut shaping of speech sounds into clear and distinct speech syllables Clear enunciation depends on: – Clearness in sounding consonants – Proper separation of syllables – Proper separation of words Enunciation Rate – Normal speed: 120 to130 words per minute – When speaking, vary your rate: • slow for weighty and complex matters • faster in pure narration • legato (smooth and connected) for dignified and beautiful passages • Staccato (short and disconnected) for exciting passages – Use pauses and stresses to convey meaning. • The most important sound to a customer is his or her name. Faulty Enunciation Laziness in the use of the mouth, jaw, lips, and tongue Speaking through the teeth Inability to project pure utterance of vowel sounds or the crisp definiteness of consonants Word phrasing Shortcomings in Enunciation Slurring Lisping Stammering Over-enunciation Exercise on Emphasis and Inflection “I did not say he stole the money.” I did not say he stole the money. – (If you didn’t, who did?) I did not say he stole the money. – (What did you say then?) I did not say he stole the money. – (Who did steal it then?) I did not say he stole the money. – (How did he get it then?) I did not say he stole the money. – (What did he steal then?) Exercise on Enunciation He hires poor men. He hires foremen. I was tilling a piece of land. I was stealing a piece of land. They moved unhappily. The moved on happily. Exercise on Enunciation I’m going to call/because I want to speak with him. If I’m going to make a speech, I want to prepare it today. If you want to try to look attractive, aren’t you going to try to sound attractive, too? He’s going to ask for a raise, and I don’t want to give it. Exercise on Enunciation Once, a general was addressing a number of young recruits – husky, rugged, young farm boys from the back country who had enlisted for just a few months. “Now, boys,” said the general, “I don’t want to hold any of you who are unable to stay. If anyone wishes to leave, he may indicate this by stepping six paces in front of the line. “But understand,” he added, raising the gun, “I’ll shoot the first one who steps out.”