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Communication Is the Key
Wendy Karr, Elementary School Counselor, Spring Hill, KS
Today children have access to a variety of communication tools, e-mail, text messaging, social
media and Instagram—these make communication with others simple and easy. While each of
these tools has made it easier to contact others, I am not sure it has increased our ability to
effectively communicate. Over the past 7 years I have tried to identify key topics to help my
students be better prepared for the changing world we live in. One area I have spent a great
deal of time trying to help my students master is communication.
Being a good communicator is an important skill to develop because it can affect all aspects of
our lives. The ability to communicate in an effective way positively affects friendships, conflicts,
learning, team work and problem solving. While some students quickly learn how to
communicate with their peers, others need to be taught basic skills to help them develop
positive social interactions. Students participating in a small group to improve their
communication skills take part in 4 mini lessons to help them navigate through communication
difficulties.
First students learn to identify the various ways we communicate with each other. Using large
construction paper students brainstorm all the different ways people communicate. Once the
paper is filled with ideas like e-mail, text messaging, phone, talking, social media, video and sign
language the group discusses how these fit into communication styles. Communications styles
include verbal communication, written communication, and non-verbal communication. Good
communicators will vary their style of communication and may use more than one style to
share their ideas with others. Explain to the students 93% of all communication is non-verbal.
The actual percentages of communication break down to 55% body language, 38% tone of
voice and 7% the actual words used in a conversation. To reinforce the importance of
communication styles ask the students to role-play situations limiting their use of a
communication style. For example, ask the students to line up in order of their shoe size
without talking. They should quickly understand they can still communicate using body
language. Continue role-playing until all communication styles are used. Students will quickly
identify the communication styles they feel the most comfortable using and which style they
may need more practice in mastering.
The second group session emphasizes the importance of listening. While many conflicts
students have with their peers relate closely with them not listening to another individual, it
also is affected by students not receiving or recognizing the signals beings sent during
conversation. The purpose of this lesson is present three important listening skills needed for
effective communication.
1. Listen for feelings.
2. Listen with direct attention.
3. Observe body language.
The materials needed to help teach the idea of listening are: 5 film canisters and various items
to place in the canisters (ex. Rice, paper clips, erasers, sand). Allow each of the group members
the opportunity to shake the individual canisters and guess what they think may be inside. Do
not let anyone open the canisters to look inside. The group leader will then list the items inside
each of the canister in no particular order. Have the individuals shake the canisters a second
time and identify what they think is inside. Ask the group members, which was easier?
Identifying the contents of the canisters before or after I told you what was inside? This activity
helps them recognize it is easier to hear what is being said when we know what to listen for.
When we concentrate on an individual by facing them and looking at them we are better able
to recognize non-verbal communication. When we listen in a way to identify an individuals
feelings we make better choices in how we respond. A second activity to help students practice
reading body language allows group members to practice facial expressions to communicate
their feelings to others. Have group members sit in a circle so they can observe each of their
expression while the leader asks students to show sadness, happiness, fear, shyness, and
surprise. Discuss with students how they were able to see the different emotions only through
body language. If time allows extend the activity by asking students to wear a hat with a note
card attached. The individual wearing the hat will need to share a story or an event with the
others. The note card will direct the individuals listening on how to respond to what the
speaker is saying. The note cards on the hats could be; act bored, act like you do not
understand me, act like you agree with everything I say, act annoyed with me. Once the
speaker has finished talking see if they can identify what the note card said based on the
listeners body language. This can be a very powerful activity, many students do not realize
others identify their feelings and thoughts by the way they stand or act during a conversation.
During the third group session I use a few demonstrations to help students understand how
words and actions can either lift a person up or pull them down. While sitting in a circle, I give
each student a travel size tube of toothpaste and a paper plate. I ask them to squeeze out some
of the toothpaste on the plate and have them attempt to put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Group members may explain they were able to get some toothpaste back in the tube but the
majority remained either on their fingers or on the plate. Discuss with the group how their
words and actions once out, may not be taken back. While an apology can help resolve a
conflict, it may not always erase all of the damage done to a relationship. Next remove a sheet
of aluminum foil from the box and ask the group if they remember a put down they received
when they were younger. Allow students to share their feelings if they choose. Explain to
students put downs often leave a mark on a person. Take the foil and crumple it into a ball.
Then ask a volunteer to restore the foil to its original condition. Students quickly realize while
the foil can be spread out and it is still useable, scars and marks remain. Explain this is what
happens to an individual’s self-esteem when they receive a put down from others. Switch the
focus of the group to compliments. Ask members to identify the people who give them
compliments and how it makes them feel. End the group time by each member giving and
receiving a compliment from others.
The fourth and final session of the communication group should emphasize the importance of
stopping and thinking before communicating with others. If we do not think through our
thoughts and our words we may be making some common communication errors. Two
common communication errors of spreading rumors and using messengers can often result in
misunderstandings. To help students understand how messengers are used in a relationships
complete a role-play with the group. Have one student to be upset with another student
because they have not been playing together. Rather than having the student talk with the
friend directly about the problem have them communicate through a third friend or a
messenger. Students will quickly see communication through messengers will only make the
problem worse and will often create problems with other students. Next play the telephone
game. This will show the students how communication can become distorted when it passes
through several sources.
I hope the above ideas assist others in finding ways to teach communication skills with their
students. My goal is to help students navigate through their conflicts and disagreements with
the confidence and assurance they can truly solve the problem themselves. Ideas presented in
this article have been adapted and used from a book written by Kathie Guild “Just Say It!”