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Thai Men Say “Duck is off the Menu”
Posted on March 11, 2012
The perception among Thai people is that the Southern Thai are known for their
outspokenness and straightforward behavior, qualities that are not so prevalent in other
regions of Thailand due to the cultural aspects of the society.
It is understood Thai Southerners have tempers that are best not provoked, otherwise
dangerous repercussions may result.
To the uninitiated to be at the stabbing end of this wrath the first time is a shock. My wife is
from the South, her way to anger is bellicose in nature, building into an uncontrollable bluster
that ends in bombastic volcanic displays of fury. I can best describe the oncoming of this
reaction like fountains of verbal fire bursting out of her, building up into an argument against me
like a skillful prosecuting lawyer arguing for the death penalty.
For years whilst living in Bangkok and engaging in idle chit chat with taxi drivers who always
seem to ask the same questions: Where are you from, how did you learn Thai so well, are you
married to a Thai girl? Then the question the taxi driver will always ask is “where is your wife
from?” When I explain my wife is from Sungkla province born and raised in Hatyai in the deep
South – the common response is always “kor toad pak dai” which means, Oh my God, she’s
South – I am sorry for you, followed with a bit of laughter and light banter.
The norm in Thai culture is to hold your cool no matter the circumstance. Those that can
maintain a sense of calm even under the most stressful situations are admired in Thai society.
“Jai-ron” a common word in Thai language, means to have a hot temper. Displays of anger, rage
or being rude are not well regarded in society. On the other hand showing consideration for
others by not revealing your inner feelings or displaying exorbitant emotions whilst under stress,
no matter what the cost to your personal comfort are fundamental traits learned from an early age
in Thai Society. Keeping your cool gains a certain respect.
This does not mean Thai people do not get mad or express anger, quite the contrary. The point I
am making is the Thai – just like any other society get mad at each other, tempers are lost and
the result can be disastrous; but as a general rule the Thai are a polite society. With regard to the
Southern Thais, they too are as cool as the rest but be warned – you do not want to push them too
far, their rope is a lot shorter than the rest of Thai society and their means of retribution can spell
trouble for the would be attacker.
It is a well-known fact in Thailand that in a jealous fit of rage, Southern Thai wives have the
dubious reputation of exacting a mean revenge on her adulterous husband. In this case there is no
pussy footing around, she has deemed her husband persona non grata and will deal with him
irrespective of the law. This intimidating behavior is troubling and has always given me pause
with my own loose-cannon Southern born Thai wife roaming the dark hallways of our home at
night.
If all of the graphic deeds described above is not enough to send you running off to safe harbors
in the North, please let me present you with another story about Southern Thai wives. However, I
must digress for a moment, by stating something opposed to what was described above:
“Given my choice I prefer to live in the South but away from the ducks.”
What could possibly be the reason for anyone to ever want to live in Southern Thai territory with
high-tempered straightforward people? Southerners tell it like it is a trait not as common in the
rest of Thailand. It is true Southerner’s tend to have a temper but they also possess a tremendous
light hearted wit and humor. They are warm and gracious to all and best of note Southerners
have a deep sense of loyalty to family and friends. Personally, I have enjoyed the many years of
traveling throughout the Southern territories of Thailand.
South Thailand is resplendent in beauty. Starting at Chumpon and continuing all the way to
Satun near the Malaysia boarder anyone driving through it is deeply pleasured by the remarkable
scenery. The topography is both mountainous and flat encompassing many agricultural sections.
There are countless tropical islands both on the Andaman Sea and the Gulf of Thailand side. The
area is incredibly productive – growing fruits and vegetables, rice, palm oil and rubber. The
South is stunning, sophisticated and interesting drawing a majority of foreign tourists visiting
Thailand.
I have presented opposing points of view that Southerners have a reputation for their
outspokenness and temper. It could not be avoided because before telling you dear reader what is
commonly known in Thailand about Southern women, all sides of the coin had to be revealed
about the South.
By this time you may be wondering about the title of this piece “The Penis and the Duck” which
I must now explain. The first time I heard about the unusual method of revenge used by Southern
Thai wives, a vengeance and retaliation aimed at their unfaithful husbands, well– of course I
couldn’t believe it. I thought it was exaggeration or make believe.
What I am about to tell you is true, I have read about it in newspapers countless times and had
many a conversation with Thai people that outright swear it is a true fact of life in the Southern
provinces of Thailand.
Curious and cruel it may seem but justly it could be described as an outrageous attack on
manhood the known custom practiced by these women –I can only describe it as morbidly
creepy. What I am unfolding is the offensive practice that is the norm in the South, wives
retaliating against their husbands for the debaucheries, the outright sins made against them by
their cheating husbands. Those rapscallions!
Her premeditated attack is performed in cold calculating silence in the darkness of the night,
without remorse. The scorned woman knows just what to do, patiently waiting until the right
time to carry out her venomous attack. She carefully chooses a dull knife from the kitchen or a
heavy duty pair of rusty scissors and then sneaks through the house toward her sleeping husband
in the dead stillness of a dark night.
She performs her self-appointed duty comparable to a trained assassin with cunning
determination and self-control. Her plan is thought out in a series of steps because to her there is
no going back, there is no forgiving. What she is about to do must be completed all the way to
the end. She knows the pain she is about to cause, she knows the screams will be loud and that
the current calm of the night will be broken by the furry and savagery of her act.
For her a jealous victim, this is all part of the plan; it is about teaching her husband he was wrong
to hurt her by breaching the mutual trust of their vows. She is no longer the loving wife, her tears
have long ago dried up – for now her will is strong; her senses are mired in a cold calculated
revenge.
Brandishing her cutting tool she stealthily enters the bedroom where she and her husband have
slept since the first day of their marriage. For a moment she reflects on happier times but brushes
away those distracting irrelevant thoughts for now she is careful not to wake her sleeping
husband whilst approaching his side of the bed. In flash of trepidation she slowly begins to lift
the sheet away that is covering her snoozing husband’s body. His snoring diverts her
momentarily from her arduous stealth thinking he may have awakened; but no – he’s sleeping
deeply, unsuspecting of her presence and completely vulnerable to attack.
The sounds of the family ducks and fowl can be heard stirring about on occasion outside the
bedroom window.
She waits patiently staring above him – feeling a sense of empowerment holding the sharp blade
in her right hand freeing up her left. She gathers her nerve for the last time and quickly pulls
down her husband’s undergarment exposing his adulterous penis in the cascading moonlight.
In gladiator like fashion filled with purposeful vengeance she swiftly strikes her unsuspecting
husband’s penis with punishment, cutting it off quickly. He screams in agonizing pain and is in
sudden shock not knowing what just happened. Her job is not yet completed her heart not yet
filled with the sweet feeling of revenge; she must not allow him to recover his precious member
of his manhood. He is screaming, begging her to give it back, to call a doctor but she ignores his
pleas for help and must perform the last part of her plan.
This moment she has thought about for days, she knew this would be the hardest part of her
vengeance but she prepared mentally knowing that to hesitate now would be to fail. The only
way to the end is through the ducks. They must be fed his cherished penis at all costs.
Through the screams of agony and horrid shock on her husband’s face – through the pleading
and begging she coldly throws her ex-lover’s penis out to a covey of hungry ducks. They gobble
it up quickly erasing any chance for recovery, eradicating any hope for him to regain his
manhood.
That will teach him! She feels vindicated but slightly ashamed. Vengeance is not so sweet as she
thought. The police and prison are just around the corner.
Bangkokbanks
January, 2012
Posted in It could happen to you, Thai Culture | Tagged Bobbit, duck, haunt, penis, real stories,
scary, south thailand, truth | Leave a reply