Download May 24, 2015 - loudonville church of the nazarene

“Submission: The Most Mis-Understood Word in the Bible.”
Text: Ephesians 5:21-6:4
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own
husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should
submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the
word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other
blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they
feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the
first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on
the earth. Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction
of the Lord.
A man and a woman came to a pastor to talk about getting married. The pastor had some reservations
right from the start. The two had some very obvious differences they would have to deal with. The
woman was tall and rather heavy and the man was much shorter than the woman and very skinny. They
also had huge differences in their personalities. To start the conversation with the pastor the woman
introduced her fiancée to the pastor and she told him why they had come. “We are here because we
want you to marry us,” she said. “I have asked this man to be my husband and he has agreed. Now, he’s
got something to say to you,” she said while poking him. “Now say it,” she ordered. “We don’t want any
of that love, honor, and obey stuff in the service,” He dutifully replied in a thin voice. “Is that your idea
or is it your fiancée’s?” the pastor asked. “Well…I think it’s both,” he replied, clearing his throat
nervously.
I’m sure you have figured out by the reading of the scripture, by this illustration and by the title of this
sermon that we are going to talk about submission this morning.
And it may seem to you that it looks like we are going to deal with the need for wives to be submissive
to their husbands. Well that’s partly true! I want us to actually examine the strength of submission for
both wives and husbands. In fact, I believe before we are done this morning we will see how submission
is the secret to all Christian relationships in the church, in friendships and in the family.
In order to arrive at this goal of seeing submission as a positive rather than a negative in all our
relationships, we need to see what submission really is.
I believe Stephen Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” gives us some great
teaching on submission. In Chapter 4 of his book he talks about six different ways people relate to each
other.
Win/Win
Win/Lose
Lose/Win
Lose/Lose
Win
Win/Win or No Deal
I don’t have time to explain how each way of relating works. But I think it’s obvious that the best way to
relate is “Win/Win”. Submission involves a Win/Win relationship.
Let me read to you Covey’s definition of Win/Win.
“Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.
Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a
Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan.
Win/Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Most people tend to think in terms of
dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally
flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is based on the paradigm
that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion
of the success of others. Win/Win is a belief that says: ‘It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a
higher way.’”
Win/Win relationships sound like this:
I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to win, and I want you to win, I wouldn’t want to get my way and
have you not feel good about it, because downstream it would eventually surface and create a
withdrawal. On the other hand, I don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So
let’s work for a Win/Win. Let’s really hammer it out.
Many of us have experienced more than our share of win-lose relationships. One person usually
dominates and controls at the expense of the other having to give in. I don’t believe that is God’s plan
for us in relating to each other. I believe there can be win-win relationships in which everyone wins. This
is the way God wants it to be. And the way we accomplish this is through mutual submission.
A win/win relationship is just a more modern way of looking at the biblical concept of mutual
submission.
Stephen Covey is just putting forward an old, old truth that Paul shared with the Ephesians. In v.21 Paul
says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
This was a revolutionary concept in Paul’s day and I believe it still is today.
In effect what Paul is saying here is: “Because of what Christ has done for us, because of His outpouring
of love, forgiveness, acceptance and grace we must be mutually submitted and submissive to each
other.”
In order to really understand submission we need to look at Jesus because He is the greatest example of
submission.
In John 13 we see the perfect illustration of submission.
In this scripture we see that, when Jesus and the disciples arrived at the Upper Room for the last supper,
someone was missing. The disciples probably noticed it first. “Where is the servant?” they may have
asked. “Who will wash our feet so that we can be properly prepared for the Passover feast?” Then Jesus,
taking the basin and the towel, did for them what the servant would have done.
In v.8 Simon Peter protested with astonishment, “You shall never wash my feet!”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
We see in v.15 that when Jesus finished, He said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I
have done for you.”
What Jesus demonstrated for the disciples and for us in the Upper Room that night is that Christians are
called to serve Christ by serving each other. That is mutual submission!
Submission according to Christ is being willing to acknowledge the value of another person, to listen to
that person, to receive them, accept them, and serve them as the Lord has done so with us.
The Greek word for submission is “Hupotasso”. It was a military term that meant to arrange troops
under a leader so that the whole unit could work together in battle.
And in the book of Acts we see this happening over and over in a spiritual sense. The church rallied
around leaders like Peter, James, John, Paul, Barnabas, Silas, and more. The church worked as a unit to
battle the spiritual enemies together and further the gospel of Christ.
The neat thing about Christian submission is that the leader doesn’t always have to be the same person.
With mutual submission we accept leadership from others and provide it for others.
At one point we are the leader and at another point we are the servant who is serving others.
In this scripture in Ephesians 5 Paul is making it clear that in order for the church and the family to grow
and flourish we must accept the leadership of one another. In order for us to have the oneness that Paul
talks about in v.31, in our relationships that God desires for us, we must be willing to submit to each
other.
He also makes it clear that the only way mutual submission is going to happen is if both parties in a
relationship are submitted first and foremost to Christ.
Many of us don’t like this idea of sharing leadership. We want to assume leadership on an autocratic
basis simply because we have a title.
For instance, being the pastor of a church gives me absolutely no rights of leadership that I do not earn
daily. If I am not a listener, if I am not sensitive, if I do not pray my prayers, read the Scriptures, and
allow others to share the process of what we do together, then I deny the biblical principle of mutual
submission. I cannot say, “Just do it because I order it.” I am a just a brother in Christ, called and given
gifts to share in the leadership of the church.
The key word here is “share”. We must share the leadership. We must realize in the church, and in the
home, that the Lord uses all people to lead. This means men and women, young and old, rich and poor,
pastors and lay people, trained and untrained.
For many years the church taught submission out of context with the whole of scripture. The church
created a concept of the hierarchy of leadership. This is not what Paul intended when he wrote this
scripture. He’s talking about mutual submission and shared leadership that is patterned after Christ.
So we’ve defined submission and examined it in a more complete biblical interpretation now let’s apply
it.
What does submission mean in terms of marriage, family, and church relationships?
In order to answer this question we need to examine the context out of which Paul wrote these divinely
inspired words.
In Paul’s day women were playthings for men and children were not allowed to speak in public. They
were considered inferior.
In the Roman context, a newborn child was laid before the father for judgment. He had the power to
decide whether to keep the child as his own or to kill it.
Sometimes, inferior children were drowned. Often, children were sold in the marketplace. People who
purchased children kept them alive in order to sell them later into the slave market.
But Paul knew better. He spoke from the foundation of what Jesus taught about women and children.
Jesus’ attitude toward women and children was revolutionary. No rabbi would ever dream of elevating
children and women to the same level as men.
But Jesus did! Jesus treated women and children as equal to men.
Paul just built on what He had learned from Christ.
When Paul said in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her…” These were words that would shock the Christians who read them. Paul’s words
cut deep into the old way of doing things.
He was boldly saying that the misuse of women and children had to stop.
But still today when this passage of scripture is used in sermons the emphasis is mainly on the
submissiveness of women. It angers me that we haven’t learned the real truth of what Paul is saying to
us here.
Yes, Paul does say that wives are to submit to their husbands but he does so in the same section where
he tells husbands to express cherishing love and commitment to help their wives be all they are meant
to be.
In v.25-33 Paul tells husbands that they are to enable their wives to be all God wants them to be, just as
Christ enables the church to be all God wants it to be.
Jesus Christ did not die primarily for the church, in order that the church would love Him. He died for the
church because He loved it. Romans 5:8 says “While we were still sinners, He died for us.”
You see, Paul is talking about the self-sacrificing love of a servant here.
He’s talking about a husband washing his wives feet and submitting to her leadership, just as she
submits to his leadership. Again the whole context of this scripture is mutual submission.
The concept of submission that some have taught, has a chain of command that goes like this: Christ,
husband, wife, kids, dog and so forth. That teaching is inaccurate scripturally.
In the light of the death of Christ, that has set us all free to have individual, unique relationships with
Christ, the old idea of submission, taken out of context, is absurd. Paul says it best in Galatians 3:27,28
where he says “You are all one in Christ Jesus”.
“27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither
Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
People, we are all one in Christ. Husbands and wives are to be submissive to one another. Men and
women in the church are to be submissive to each other. They are to listen, to care for, pray for, love,
forgive and guide each other.
Mutual Submission in marriage and in the church means shared leadership.
In every marriage and in every church there are different talents and abilities and it is stupidity and
stubbornness and selfishness in a marriage, for example, for a husband not to recognize his wives
talents or for a wife not to recognize her husband’s talents and then accept each other’s leadership in
those areas. The same is true with men and women in the church. We must let both men and women
lead.
In my marriage I would be a fool not to accept my wife’s leadership in many areas and especially in the
area of managing our finances. She has a God given gift for doing so. I could do it but I know God has
gifted her to do it better than I ever could. Again, in order for marriage to be all God wants it to be, in
order for the church to be all God wants it to be, there must be mutual submission. There must be a
Win/Win mindset.
But what about the issue of children and submission?
Again there is so much inaccurate teaching on this. Much of the time we drum into our children
Ephesians 6:1-3, but we forget v.4 and the entire context of mutual submission that this section of
Ephesians deals with.
Verse 4 says:
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the
Lord.”
This verse describes mutual submission with children.
Simply to exercise authority over our children because we are their parents is not enough.
Saying to our children “You must do this or that because I say so, and because I’m your parent” is not
biblical mutual submission.
Children will only grow into Christ-likeness in an atmosphere of love, caring, self-esteem, forgiveness
and grace, not in an atmosphere of legalism and regulations.
If the overriding theme of a parent’s relationship with a child is love and acceptance, when the parent
sets guidelines and exercises discipline and gives punishment the children will accept it and follow it.
They will do so because they have the security of cherishing affection and affirmation as a foundation
for their relationships with their parents.
Parents, many of our children are provoked to rebellion because they don’t see humility, sensitivity,
vulnerability or submission in us.
Our children need to see in us what it means to be submitted to Christ.
They need to observe how mutual submission works between their mom and dad as they work together
under Christ.
You see, this whole issue of submission boils down to one key commitment. It has to do with our
willingness to let Christ be in authority over us.
Many of us resist authority. We grew up either having too little of the right kind or too much of the
wrong kind. So it is difficult for us to submit to the authority of Christ over our lives.
We often give Him part of our lives, we thank Him for saving us and giving us eternal life, but when it
comes down to trusting Him day by day and moment by moment, we run our own lives and wonder why
we have no power, why we have so little energy, why we do so little.
Former Senate Chaplain Lloyd Ogilvie says this that fits here:
“A direct interrelationship exists between receiving the power of Christ and submitting to His authority
and control. The Christian life is a Christocentric life. There is no sidestepping this issue. Christ is Lord of
all, or not at all. Until we accept Him as Lord of all, we are trifling with the Christian faith.”
Martin Luther once said:
“Anything that I have held in my own hand has caused suffering and anything that I’ve placed in His
hand has given me freedom and joy.”
Also, out of his profound understanding of submission Luther said, “A Christian is the free lord of all and
is subject to none, and the Christian is the most dutiful servant of all and is subject to everyone.”
If you are a Christian, have you really submitted to the complete authority of Christ over your life?
Until we submit to Christ we will struggle with the biblical necessity of mutual submission in all our
relationships.
Christian husbands, until you love your wife as much as Christ loves the church, you have no right to
assume leadership in your home. If you are not listening and caring but rather you are establishing rules
and regulations and using title as your basis for leadership, you are way off base scripturally. The Lord
has given your wife great skills and spiritual gifts and you need to be open to letting her lead you as
much as you lead her.
Christian wives and women, after you’ve fully submitted your life to Christ, believe and live as a person
of equal status in God’s eyes. You are not inferior. Be loving, gracious, kind and helpful. If you are
married, when your husband loves you, affirm that love, receive it, and accept it, as if it were from
Christ, because it truly is. Entrust your life to Christ and to your husband. Together think, pray, plan and
make decisions.
These same things apply to men and women relationships in the church. We must share the leadership
of the church.
Christian moms and dads, let your children see you submitting to Christ and to each other. Be willing at
times to even let your children take the lead in family decisions. Tell and show your children how great
they are. Affirm the fact that they are unique, never to be repeated miracles. As you do so your
guidance and discipline will be accepted and eventually your child will bless you.
Someday, I hope that my church, my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and my friends will be able to
say this to me:
For me ’twas not the truth you taught
To you so clear, to me so dim
But when you came to me you brought a sense of Him.
And from your eyes He beckons me,
And from your heart His love is shed
Till I lose sight of you-and see
The Christ instead.
People, let’s not get caught up in old hang ups regarding submission. Let’s submit ourselves to Christ. As
we do that, mutual submission will become a way of life, because after submitting to Christ we gain the
strength to submit to others.
Win/Win relationships are the greatest way to live, it’s the only way to enjoy God, ourselves and others.
Do you need to start today by completely submitting your life to Christ?