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Obstructions to Communication Connections Have you ever . . . • Had difficulty using badly written instructions? • Received an incomprehensible email from a client? • Misunderstood a text from a friend? Errors in grammar and language can seem to make sense to the writer, but completely confuse the reader. The reason why we have language rules is so that we can communicate clearly. Some of the most common obstructions to communication involve confusing word order or too many words. Imagine two children talking through two tin cans connected by a string. The sound waves travel across the string from one tin can to the other. If the string is straight and taut, the sound travels easily. If the string is twisted, tied, or blocked, the sound is obstructed. Confusing sentences, awkward structure, extra words, dangling modifiers, or illogical word order can all cause twists and turns in your language. They prevent clear communication from traveling to your reader. To clarify sentences, think about your purpose and audience. What are you trying to communicate? How will your reader understand it? Then, think about the parts of your sentence. Who is the actor? What is the action? What are the important details that need to be included? Identify the best way to clearly communicate your idea to the reader. 247 Essential Writing & Language Skills Learn It! FREE to Fix Obstructions to Communication You can identify obstructive language by thinking like a reader. What will your reader understand from your writing? Imagine you are writing a speech for a PTA meeting about the overuse of rewards for children. You have written the following paragraph. Children benefit from an authentic feeling of accomplishment, and a participation award or trophy doesn’t provide that feeling. When receiving trophies for no reason, the trophies don’t have any meaning that they should have for them. Soon, no trophy or award will have any meaning for our children. Children need to learn that they can achieve a reward through work and practice. They shouldn’t think that rewards are meaningless and arbitrary. Focus on a Sentence When you are looking for obstructions to communication, you need to keep in mind the context and organization of your writing. However, it’s still important to look at each sentence separately. You can identify problematic sentences as you read your writing and then examine them more closely. ? 1. Read through the passage to understand the context and organization of the writing. Then, choose a problematic sentence to examine for obstructions to communication. The second sentence has problems that obstruct communication. Focus on this sentence: When receiving trophies for no reason, the trophies don’t have any meaning that they should have for them. Read Aloud Read the sentence aloud, and think about what you hear. Is the language confusing? Do you know which words to emphasize? Is it clear what words and phrases reference? ? 248 2. Read the sentence aloud. Fix any obstructions to communication that you notice. Obstructions to Communication You might notice that the last part of the sentence doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s not clear who the word “them” references, and “that they should have” seems unnecessary. You might revise the sentence to eliminate the last phrase: When receiving trophies for no reason, the trophies don’t have any meaning. Look for Common Errors Watch for the following errors: • Dangling modifiers: Clauses and phrases that describe a word not clearly stated • Wordiness: Redundant or unnecessary words • Awkwardness or Illogical Word Order: Unnatural-sounding phrasing that makes the sentence difficult to understand ? 3. Check the sentence for common errors. Fix any problems that you find. This sentence contains a dangling modifier. The clause “When receiving trophies for no reason” is a dangling modifier. Who is receiving the trophies? The sentence doesn’t say. You might revise this sentence by making it clear who receives the trophies: When children receive trophies for no reason, the trophies don’t have any meaning. Evaluate the Corrected Sentence Read over the corrected sentence. Can you do anything to improve communication? ? 4. Read the corrected sentence and make any improvements. You might decide that you could revise “don’t have any meaning” to “have no meaning” to make the sentence simpler: When children receive trophies for no reason, the trophies have no meaning. Build Your Writing Skills Dangling modifiers are common at the beginning of the sentence. When a sentence begins with a modifier, look for the word it references. 249 Essential Writing & Language Skills e ic Pract It! Use the following passage for exercises 1 through 4. A trigger is anything that causes or worsens asthma symptoms. Asthma attacks can be triggered by many indoor allergens and irritants, such as molds, dust mites, pet dander, secondhand smoke, and cleaning chemicals. Having asthma, any individual should look for which triggers are the ones which trigger that one’s asthma attacks or worsen them, also. Asthma sufferers may respond to one or several triggers. Working with a doctor to identify and avoid triggers can help reduce asthma episodes. 1. Read through the passage to understand the context and organization of the writing. Then, choose a problematic sentence to examine for obstructions to communication. 2. Read the sentence aloud. Fix any obstructions to communication that you notice. 3. Check the sentence for common errors. Fix any problems that you find. 4. Evaluate the corrected sentence and make any improvements. 250 Obstructions to Communication Use the following passage for exercises 5 through 8. Starting a car share program in our neighborhood is an excellent project for our community council. A car share program will save our community members money and provide transportation for residents who don’t have a car during the day. Additionally, a car share program will allow our community to invest in fuel-efficient vehicles. In a recent poll, 86% of neighborhood residents expressed interest in joining a car share program. These results of the poll show that there is enough interest in a car share program in our community and among our community members to make one a financially viable choice for our community. 5. Read through the passage to understand the context and organization of the writing. Then, choose a problematic sentence to examine for obstructions to communication. 6. Read the sentence aloud. Fix any obstructions to communication that you notice. 7. Check the sentence for common errors. Fix any problems that you find. 8. Evaluate the corrected sentence and make any improvements. 251 Essential Writing & Language Skills Use the following passage for exercises 9 through 12. Plato said, “When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.”1 Many complain that a complex tax system makes it easier for the unjust to avoid paying fair taxes. Remaining controversial, how to fix the current complex tax system and make it simpler continues to be elusive. Some favor a flat tax, which would tax income at the same rate for everyone. Proponents say that a flat tax would be both simple and fair. However, others favor a simplified progressive tax. Under a progressive tax, those who earn less pay a lower tax rate. Those who earn more pay a higher tax rate. Supporters of a progressive tax say that it removes an undue burden on the poor and middle class, shifting a greater tax burden to those who can afford it. Source: Plato, The Republic, Book 1, approximately 380 BC 9. Read through the passage to understand the context and organization of the writing. Then, choose a problematic sentence to examine for obstructions to communication. 10. Read the sentence aloud. Fix any obstructions to communication that you notice. Writing Tip To use FREE for multiple choice or drop-down exercises: 11. Check the sentence for common errors. Fix any problems that you find. 12. Evaluate the corrected sentence and make any improvements. • Focus on the whole sentence. • Read the sentence with each answer choice. • Check each answer for common Errors. • Evaluate the sentence with your chosen answer. 252 Obstructions to Communication Check Your Skills Use the FREE process to choose the best answer for exercises 1 through 4. I am writing to express my appreciation for the excellent service I received at Bluebell Car Service in Cordova, Vermont. On January 3, I visited the station (1) Jack Montoya serviced my car (2) He completed the oil change quickly and efficiently, and he also noticed that my car tires needed to be replaced. (3) I am very appreciative of the (4) 1. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 1? a. to get for my 2005 Toyota Corolla an oil change. b. to get an oil change for my 2005 Toyota Corolla. c. for my 2005 Toyota Corolla, to be getting an oil change. d. for my 2005 Toyota Corolla to get an oil change. 2. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 2? a. while there. b. while being there. c. while I was there. d. being while I was there. 3. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 3? a. Because of his help, I avoided the inconvenience and expense of a blown tire. b. Helping me, I avoided the inconvenience and expense of a blown tire. c. Because of his help, avoiding the inconvenience and expense of a blown tire. d. Helping me avoided the inconvenience and expense of a blown tire. 4. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 4? a. excellent customer service receiving. b. excellent customer service of which I received. c. excellent customer service that I received. d. excellent customer service I was receiving of. 253 Essential Writing & Language Skills Use the FREE process to choose the best answer for exercises 5 through 8. Vaccines prevent dangerous, even deadly, diseases. Vaccines greatly reduce the possibility of infection (5) Vaccines imitate infections without causing illness. (6) do cause the immune system to produce T-lymphocytes and antibodies. (7) the false infection may cause minor symptoms. These symptoms, such as a low-grade fever or headache, are normal (8) 5. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 5? a. by the body’s natural defenses causing development of immunity. b. by the development of the body’s natural defenses into immunity. c. by causing development of immunity by the body’s natural defenses. d. by causing the body’s natural defenses to develop immunity. 6. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 6? a. These imitation infections b. Imitating infections, c. When imitating infections, d. When the infections imitated, 7. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 7? a. After having received a vaccine, b. After receiving a vaccine, c. After a patient receives a vaccine, d. After a vaccine receiving, 8. Which is the best option to correctly complete blank 8? a. and should not cause concern. b. and should be not something to cause concerning. c. and should not cause concern, worry, or upset. d. and should not be a concerning aspect or cause. Remember the Concept Use FREE to find and fix obstructions to communication. • Identify potential problem areas and Focus on a sentence. • Read aloud to find confusing wording. • Check for common Errors, including dangling modifiers, wordiness, awkward structure, and illogical word order. • Evaluate the corrected sentence. 254 Answers and Explanations Obstructions to Communication page 247 FREE to Fix Obstructions to Communication Practice It! pages 250–252 1.The following sentence is problematic: Having asthma, any individual should look for which triggers are the ones which trigger that one’s asthma attacks or worsen them, also. 2–3.The sentence has several errors that you might find through reading aloud and checking for common errors. The phrase “having asthma” is awkwardly placed. Although it does refer to “any individual,” the word order is unnatural. The phrase “which triggers are the ones which trigger that one’s” is awkward because it repeats the words “trigger,” “which,” and “one” and uses the pronoun “one” in an unclear way. The verb “worsen” should be “worsens,” and the word “also” seems awkwardly placed at the end. 4.The corrected sentence might read: Individuals with asthma should identify triggers that cause or worsen their asthma attacks. 5.The following sentence is problematic: These results of the poll show that there is enough interest in a car share program in our community and among our community members to make one a financially viable choice for our community. 6–7.The main problem with this sentence is wordiness. “These results of the poll” could be stated more simply: “the poll results.” The phrase “in our community and among our community members” is redundant. The writer uses the phrase “our community” three times. 8.The corrected sentence might read: The poll results show that there is enough interest in a community car share program to make it financially viable. 9.The following sentence is problematic: Remaining controversial, how to fix the current complex tax system and make it simpler continues to be elusive. 10–11.The phrase “remaining controversial” is awkward. It applies to a lengthy noun phrase, “how to fix the current complex tax system and make it simpler.” This lengthy phrase with an awkward modifier is confusing. Focusing the sentence’s content and creating a simpler structure will help clarify the meaning. The phrase “remaining controversial” is also redundant with “continues to be elusive.” Although “elusive” and “controversial” have different meanings, the author is trying to convey a similar idea with both. 12.The corrected sentence might read: The best method to simplify the current complex tax system remains controversial. Check Your Skills pages 253–254 1.b. to get an oil change for my 2005 Toyota Corolla. This response has the most logical word order. 2.c. while I was there. This response clearly communicates who was there. 3.a. Because of his help, I avoided the inconvenience and expense of a blown tire. The other responses contain illogical word order and dangling modifiers. 4.c. excellent customer service that I received. This response has logical word order. The phrase “that I received” is clear and modifies “customer service.” 5.d. by causing the body’s natural defenses to develop immunity. The vaccines cause the body’s defences to develop immunity to the diseases. This choice states the idea the most correctly and succinctly. i Essential Writing & Language Skills 6.a. These imitation infections The sentence needs a subject, and the other options are modifying phrases or clauses. 7.c. After a patient receives a vaccine, This phrase clearly tells who receives the vaccines. The other phrases are dangling modifiers. 8.a. and should not cause concern. This is the simplest way to complete the sentence. The other choices are unnecessarily wordy, awkward, or illogical. ii