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THE PERFECT PAPER>> Writing Revision Polish Your Prose ONCE YOU HAVE EDITED THE ARGUMENT AND STRUCTURE OF YOUR ESSAY, YOU CAN FOCUS ON THE WRITING ITSELF. LC SHOWS YOU HOW TO MAKE ROUGH SENTENCES SHINE. By Sarah Montante T he goal of all writing is to communicate, and the ultimate measure of your work is clarity. No matter how great your ideas, they are useless if your reader can’t understand them. This month’s Perfect Paper shows you how to give your strong ideas the clear expression they deserve. Check your second draft against each of the following principles as you edit and you will most likely improve not only the quality of your writing, but also of your thought. Below is a short list of words that can usually be eliminated without any loss. a bit sort of in a sense rather quite very too pretty much Try putting brackets around words that might be superfluous and then read your sentences without them. If no meaning has been sacrificed, eliminate the extra words. I was feeling [kind of ] down, so I went for a walk. I didn’t get [too] far before I ran into my friend Jane, who cheered me instantly. 36 MAY 2004 Literary Cavalcade > USE ADJECTIVES SPARINGLY USE ADJECTIVES SPARINGLY Rather than rely on long-winded adjectives, choose nouns that stand on their own. Refer to a small house as a “bungalow” or “cottage,” and you will not only save space, you will add color to your writing. Never include adjectives that tell the reader something she already knows about the noun, as in “white snow” or “brownish dirt.” > AVOID ADVERBS AVOID ADVERBS In most cases, adverbs are redundant to the meaning of the verb. There’s no need to “slam the door loudly,” because “slam” already contains the meaning “loudly.” ILLUSTRATION BY ROB DUNLAVEY > CLEAN CLUTTER CLEAN UPUP CLUTTER In The Elements of Style, William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White phrased this principle most succinctly: “Omit needless words.” Good writing is simple, clear, and direct. As you edit your second draft, look for places where you can trim extra words, phrases, or even sentences. The resulting paper will not only be easier to read, but also more effective. How will you know clutter when you see it? Clutter is anything that takes up space in your writing without adding meaning. Avoid preambles of all kinds in your writing. Never begin sentences with phrases like, “It is interesting to note,” “It should be pointed out that,” or “This is a subject that.” Simply begin your thought where it begins and spare your reader the buildup. Sometimes the adverb serves as a crutch for a weak verb. In this case, it is better to find a more specific verb to do the job. Why cry dolefully when you can wail? Why criticize harshly when you can excoriate? Overly long sentence: A prolific writer, Shake- speare wrote more plays than any other writer in the history of the English language, which has sparked a serious scholarly debate over whether Shakespeare himself could have written so many plays, and has led scholars to suggest that Sir Frances Bacon may have written some of them. sentences: A prolific writer, Shakespeare wrote more plays than any other writer in the history of the English language. The sheer volume of his oeuvre has sparked debate over whether one man could have written so many plays, and has led scholars to suggest that Sir Frances Bacon wrote some of them. Corrected > BEWARE THE VERB TO BE BEWARE THE VERB ‘TOBE’ There are two reasons to avoid the verb to be. 1 The verb to be often leads to the use of passive voice, which is far less effective than the active voice. > VARY SENTENCE STRUCTURE VARY SENTENCE STRUCTURE Repetition is fine for Dr. Seuss, but not for formal writing. If all of your sentences sound the same, your reader will have little incentive to go on to the next one. Add a little spice to your sentence structure. Repetitive sentence structure: Shakespeare was Passive voice: The sheriff was shot by Bill. Active voice: Bill shot the sheriff. The active construction is both stronger and shorter than the passive one. Use active voice wherever possible in your writing. 2 If you rely too much on the verb to be, you are probably asking your adjectives to do more work in your writing than they can handle. Verbs are the true muscles of good prose and should bear the burden of description. Jane is heartbroken over her fiancé’s death. Jane mourns her fiancé. > BREAK LONG SENTENCES BREAK UPUP LONG SENTENCES The sound of your writing is just as important as the sense. Try reading your sentences aloud. If you run out of breath reading a sentence, then it’s too long. Rather than torture your reader, divide the sentence into smaller, more manageable units. the greatest writer of all time. He wrote many plays during his lifetime. Shakespeare was a true genius, writing in iambic pentameter and inventing enduring metaphors. Corrected sentences: Shakespeare was the greatest writer of all time, composing dozens of plays and poems during his lifetime. A true genius, he wrote in iambic pentameter and invented enduring metaphors. Take the time to follow these principles in your writing, and the quality of your work—not to mention your grades—is likely to skyrocket. The best writers know that a final edit makes the difference between a second draft and a perfect paper. Literary Cavalcade MAY 2004 37