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The Model Wedding
Ephesians 5v22-32
I don’t normally make personal announcements in church. But given the
subject matter for this morning, I thought it would be appropriate to say this.
Most of us know Bongo and Sim. If I can just ask you both to put up your
hands. Well I just wanna announce this morning that Bongo and Sim have got
engaged. And they’ve actually been engaged for quite a while. And the
wedding let me tell you. this is gona be some party. Its gona outdo any
wedding uv ever been to. But I also need to say. And I’m sorry if I’m
disappointing you. But they not engaged to each other. Bongo is not engaged
to Sim. They both engaged to someone else. And actually this wedding that I’m
talking about. It isn’t just their wedding. Its all of our wedding if we are in a
love relationship with Jesus.
So I’m sorry if Iv tricked you. Bongo and Sim hopefully will get engaged one of
these days. But this morning I want us to see the greatest engagement and the
greatest wedding is the wedding between Christ and His church.
And so we gona be talking about marriage this morning. There gona be lots of
applications for married people and for those aspiring to get married… not
mentioning any names.. But some of you might not fall into those categories.
You might be widowed. You might be committed to singleness for the gospel.
And I want you to know. This sermons also for you. Your love relationship with
Jesus. I want you to examine whether ur in that relationship. And if you are. I
wanna remind you what a precious relationship that is.
So we in Ephesians. And we come to a new section this morning. Right at the
end of our passage last week we noticed the command to be filled with the
Spirit. Chapter 5 verse 18. Do not get drunk on wine which leads to
debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit.”
And it doesn’t come across clearly in the NIV. But in the Greek we are then
given 4 participles unpacking what this command means. What does it mean
to be filled with the Spirit.
1) Speaking to one another with Psalms hymns and spiritual songs
2) Singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord
3) Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything
4) And then the 4th participle is in verse 21. Submitting to one another out
of reverence for Christ
Those are all participles unpacking the spirit filled life.
And so for the next three weeks we gona be focusing on that 4th participle.
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. This is also part of the
Spirit filled life. A willingness to submit.
But you need to understand what verse 21 is saying. It isn’t a command for you
to submit to everyone no matter who they are. As if there’s no authority
structures in life. We must all just submit to each other. As if a boss must
submit to his employer. As if the father must submit to his child. Everyone
must submit to everyone. No. of course not! Instead Verse 21 is a heading for
the next three sections. Paul’s gona tell us who must submit to who. These are
the authority structures in life.
So firstly he tells us: wives submit to your husbands. Then children submit to
your parents. Then finally slaves submit to your masters.
And so that’s what Paul means when he says: submit to one another. He
doesn’t mean everyone submit to everyone. He means that in the authority
structures of life, each one of us will have someone in authority over us. And in
that relationship we need to submit. That’s part of what it means to be filled
with the Spirit.
And so this morning we focusing on marriage.
And I think we’ll all agree that marriage is increasingly belittled and scorned
and treated with disdain in our world today.
More and more people live together without getting married.
Its very hard to find a couple in love on TV unless they out of marriage.
The Biblical definition of marriage is being ignored.
And so this morning I hope to elevate our view of marriage. It’s a wonderful
gift from God. and especially when its modelled on the relationship between
Christ and the church.
You just need to glance through our passage to see that Christ and the church
is our model.
Verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church
Verse 24. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their
husbands
Verse 25. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church
Verse 29. No one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as
Christ does the church.
And so clearly, this is our model. The marriage between Christ and the church.
Well here’s the model for marriage.
Firstly, its a model of submission
Secondly, a model of self-sacrifice
Thirdly, a model of self-interest
So firstly, a model of submission. You can see it in verses 22-24.
“Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the
Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to
their husbands in everything.”
You see, Jesus is the head of the church. In other words, He’s our leader. He’s
our boss. And by the way, this is a good way to test whether you really part of
the church. Whether ur just a nominal Christian sitting on our chairs or
whether ur a real part of the living church. Can you say that Jesus is ur head? Is
He the One leading your life?
Not like Bon Jovi who sang:
“Its my life”
Like Frankie said “I did it my way”
I hope you realize how wicked those words really are. In fact that’s pretty
much the definition of wickedness.
Thinking your life belongs to you and you gona live it your way. That you the
boss of your life.
If you truly part of the church, then you’ve come to realize your life doesn’t
belong to you. It belongs to Jesus. He’s your boss. And you seeking to submit to
His rule in every area of your life. The church submits to Christ.
And so that’s the model for marriage. Wives must submit to their husbands.
Now I know this isn’t popular. To many it sounds old fashioned. As if this
comes straight from a 1950’s. You might associate it with the following quote
from a 1950’s home economics text book called fascinating womanhood. This
is from the chapter on how to welcome your man home when he comes home
from work.
No 1. Get your work done. Finish your tasks or interrupt them an hour before
he is expected.
No 2. Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time.
No. 3 Prepare yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you can be refreshed when he arrives. Turn off the
worry and be glad and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. When you
arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in
your hair and be fresh looking. Be a little more interesting. His boring day may
need a lift.
Well those might be the kind of associations you have when you hear this
command to submit. But that’s not really what submission means. Submission
means to let your husband lead
And I know this isn’t popular today. But clearly it’s what the Bible teaches. It
goes all the way back to creation. It’s the way God made us.
And its helpful if we recognize the following two qualifications.
Firstly, this doesn’t mean that your husband is the highest authority in your
life. The verse says wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. And so the
highest authority is the Lord. And so if your husband asks you to do anything
opposed to the Lord, then obviously the Lord comes first. Then you mustn’t
obey. You only need to submit as long as it doesn’t contradict the will of the
Lord.
And the second qualification is that this is simply a role that’s been given to
husbands. It doesn’t mean that husbands are more important or valuable than
their wives.
So just think about an aeroplane. Whenever you get on the plane, the air
hostess goes up and down telling people what to do: fasten your seat belts,
pack away your bags, turn off your cell-phones. All kinds of commands. And
she speaks the commands with authority. And we have to submit. But there’s
never anyone on the plane complaining that they being treated as inferior
human beings or that this air hostess is so arrogant. thinking shes more
valuable or important than the rest of us. Of course not! We all understand.
She’s been given authority on the plane to make sure things run smoothly.
That’s her role.
In the same way, Gods given the husband has the position of authority in the
marriage. Its got nothing to do with our value as human beings. It’s simply a
different role. And it helps the marriage to run smoothly.
And so I’ve got a wife who’s more intelligent than me, more beautiful than me,
more wise. And yet she submits to me. And it helps us to work together.
And so ladies. Will you submit? Will you allow your husband to lead? Be willing
to go with what he decides even if you disagree.
Will you encourage him to take the lead? Not knock him down every time he
takes initiative. Not run him down to your friends. Respect him. Let him know
ur behind him. Ur on his side. You respect him. You willing to follow his lead.
And you men. If you looking for a wife. Look for a girl who submits. Not to you.
Cause you not married yet. But to the authority figures in her life. To her
parents. To her boss. To God. If she submits to them then she’ll be willing to
submit to you. That’s the kinda girl you should want.
And those of you men who are married. This means you need to step up and
take the lead? Often women are forced to lead simply because their husbands
refuse to do it. So let me ask you men. Are you taking the spiritual lead in your
home? Who’s the one making sure you do family devotions? Who’s the one
making sure you come to church on Sunday? If ur the man, That’s your
responsibility. Ur the head. And so there is a sense in which you are
accountable for your family. Of course we each have to answer to God for our
own lives. But there’s also a sense, When you stand before God one day, God
will ask you as man about the spiritual well-being of your family. Are you
taking the lead?
So that’s the first model. A model of submission.
Secondly, a model of self-sacrifice. Husband’s this one’s for you. Wives, maybe
you thought your command was hard. I think this one’s even harder.
You can see it in verse 25.
“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up
for her to make her holy,”
You see, it’s one thing to tell someone that you love them. Its another thing to
show them your love. And that’s what Jesus has done for us. He loves the
church. And He’s shown it in the most sacrificial way. He gave Himself up for
us.
And so I wonder if uv ever known anyone who has shown you this kind of love.
They didnt just write you a poem. Or buy you flowers. Or give you some thing.
Theyv given you themselves.
Many of you will know the story of Rachel de Beer. A South African girl who
lived about 150 years ago. And she and her family were travelling across the
country with their cattle and their carts. And the one day it was snowing. And
they realized one of their cows had gone missing. And so they divided up into
different search groups and they went out to go and look for their cow. But as
it began to get dark, Rachel and her little brother got separated from the rest
of the search party. And they found themselves isolated and lost in the snow.
And so Rachel realized that if she doesn’t do something, she and her brother
are both going to freeze to death. And so she found an anthill. And she dug a
hole in the anthill. And she put her brother in the anthill. Then she took off her
clothes and wrapped them round her brother. And then she lay at the
entrance to the anthill, protecting her brother from the cold outside. And so
the next morning, when the search party found them, Rachel was dead. frozen
to death. But her brother was still alive. You see that’s real love. Rachel loved
her brother. she gave herself up for him.
And so have you realized there’s someone who’s loved you like this. And even
more
Rachel covered her brother and experienced the full force of the cold so that
he could be shielded from it. But Jesus covers us and experienced the full force
of God’s judgment so that we can be shielded from it. He gave Himself up for
us.
And so what a high standard this is! husbands, this is how you are called to
love your wife. And it doesn’t just mean literally dying for her. If someone
holds a gun to ur head and says, will you die for your wife? In some ways that’s
easier as a once off event. But This means everyday. in the day to day decisions
of life. giving yourself up.
And so let me ask you men: are you doing that? in what practical concrete
ways can you say that you are sacrificing yourself for your wives?
It might mean doing the dishes. It might mean looking after the kids so that she
can have a night out with her friends. It might mean going shopping with her.
Think about it. If I asked you. Would you be able to mention practical obvious
ways in which you doing this? sacrificing your hobbies and your priorities and
your time to serve your wife.
And notice how Paul defines this love. it doesnt just mean giving your wife
whatever she wants. Sometimes itll mean that. But thats not the ultimate goal.
Look at verse 25 again.
“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up
for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the
word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or
wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless.”
Now obviously we can’t apply this in every detail. There’s no way we can wash
away our wives sins. Like Jesus did.
And This isn’t saying we must buy her anti-wrinkle cream so we can present
her without wrinkle. This is just an analogy.
But the main point is clear. The goal of our love should be to make our wives
holy. And so let me ask you again: What are you sacrificing for that goal? What
are you doing to make her holy. It might mean giving up your evening TV so
you can read the Bible together. Have you set aside time to pray with her. It
might mean looking after the kids so she can attend the women’s breakfast.
Or it might mean not giving her what she wants if you don’t feel it’ll be good
for her godliness. The goal of our love isn’t just to give our wives whatever they
want.
Iv told you the prayer my wife sometimes prays for me: “Lord may Kyle not
indulge my every desire, but meet my every need.”
I think that’s a great prayer. My role as a husband isn’t to indulge my wife’s
every desire, but to meet her real needs, which is ultimately for her to become
more godly.
And so you single ladies. if looking for a husband.
This is the kinda guy you should be looking for. Not necessarily the guy who’s
outwardly strong. and cool. The smooth talker. Rather the guy who’s inwardly
strong. Loving. Caring. Gentle. Willing to serve
And Don’t look for a guy who’s always gona give you whatever you want. Look
for a real man who’s gona be strong. Sometimes he’ll disagree with you. And
stop you if you want something bad.
Not indulge your every desire, but meet your real needs.
That’s the kind of man you should be looking for.
And so that’s the model of self-sacrifice
Then thirdly, the marriage between Jesus and the church is a model of selfinterest.
Now that might sound strange. I mean we’ve just spoken about a model of
self-sacrifice. How can this also be a model of self-interest?
Isn’t self-sacrifice the opposite of self-interest? Well, in a marriage it’s not.
In a good marriage, self-sacrifice is actually self-interest.
And you can see that in verse 28.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body,
but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are
members of His body.”
Once again, Jesus and the church are the model. If you really part of the
church, then you’ve become part of Jesus’ body. His Spirit lives in you. And so
He fills you.
And so here’s the amazing thing. Jesus loves you as much as He loves Himself.
Just like you get hurt if you kick your toe. In the same way Jesus hurts if one of
His people are hurting.
Just as you care for your body parts. You wash them. You look after them. In
the same way Jesus cares for His people.
What a massive security that is? To know that the Creator of the universe
identifies with you. and loves you as His own body.
What a blessing to be part of the church. You are the body of Christ.
And the same is true in marriage. When a man and a woman come together in
marriage they become united as one.
And so from now on, your interests are tied together. You not rivals. If one of
you succeeds. The other one also succeeds. If one of you hurts, the other also
hurts
And so husbands sometimes it’ll feel hard to love your wives. It might seem
painful in the moment. As if you harming yourself. Like you missing out. But
actually, you doing what’s best for yourself.
And one of the ways you see this is in the sexual relationship. If you approach
sex just focused on gratifying your own desires. Its gona lead to unfulfilling sex.
If you approach sex focused on trying to satisfy your wife’s desires. Well you’ll
gona find uv got a much better sexual relationship. If you a man hooked on
pornography and masturbation. Then you gona be robbing your wife. And you
mustn’t be surprized if your sexual relationship suffers.
And actually this is true in every area of life. Its nothing new. This is the way of
the God’s kingdom. The way up is down.
You wanna be exalted. Humble yourself.
You wanna become a leader. Serve.
If You Try and save your life. you’ll lose it.
If You deny yourself and Lose your life. you’ll save it. The same is true in
marriage.
Live for yourself and you’ll destroy your marriage. You might not even have a
marriage.
Deny yourself. you’ll save it.
And so I appeal to you married men. Even out of concern for yourselves. Serve
your wives.
But now finally. Paul’s been using the relationship between Christ and the
church as a model for human marriage.
But now in our final verses he goes even further. Not only is this relationship
the model for human marriage. In fact it is the ultimate meaning of marriage.
This is the real marriage. This is what marriage is all about
Look at verse 31. Paul quotes from Genesis. “For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one
flesh.”
NowThat’s a quote from Genesis 2 when God created Eve out of Adam’s rib
and and presented her to him as his wife. And so you would think this verse is
talking about human marriage. The marriage between Adam and Eve. But look
at what Paul says in verse 32. “This is a profound mystery – but I am actually
talking about Christ and the church.”
And so this actually teaches us something about how to read our Bibles. We
often say the NT fulfils the Old. The OT gives predictions. The NT fulfils.
But its important to understand the type of predictions the OT makes. The way
it predicts. It doesn’t just give specific details about whats gona happen. Like
“the Messiah will be born in Bethlehem”. “He’ll be born of a virgin”. “He’ll be
despised by men.”
There are a few predictions like that. But most of the predictions are made by
using types or patterns.
For eg in the OT you’ll have the temple: God living with His people. That’s a
pattern of Jesus. The ultimate temple: God living with His people.
In the OT uv got the Sabbath rest. One day in seven. You mustn’t do any work.
That’s a pattern of Jesus and the ultimate Sabbath rest. The spiritual rest we
have in Him.
In the OT you’ll have the lamb sacrificed for the forgiveness of sins. That’s a
pattern of Jesus. The ultimate Lamb sacrificed on the cross.
And so that’s the type of prediction we find in this verse. When God instituted
marriage. He intended it to be a pattern of the ultimate marriage between
Jesus and the church.
And so I wonder if you realize this: you married people. The main prupose of
your marriage is to be a picture of Jesus’ relationship to the church.
And so I wanna end this morning by asking all of us: Are you experiencing this
ultimate love relationship?
I’m sure all of us knows what it feels like to be in love. Of all the earthly
experiences we can enjoy, being in love must be one of the most wonderful. It
comes the closest to satisfying the deepest longings of our soul. The delight in
another person. The longing to be loved. The desire for intimacy. Those are the
deep longings of our soul.
And there moments when we deeply in love that we feel like maybe this is it!
Maybe this is the real deal. The fulfilment of my deepest longings.
But as with all earthly experiences, those feelings will fade. The happiness will
fade. We will be left feeling disappointed.
As the atheist philosopher Jean Paul Sartre once said:
“There comes a time when one asks, even of Shakespeare, even of Beethoven,
“Is that all that there is?”
And at some point, you will ask the same question of every human
relationship. Even of marriage. Even of sex. Is that all there is?
No earthly relationship can satisfy the deepest longings of our souls. And that’s
because we’ve been made for something greater.
As CS Lewis once wrote:
Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists.
And if you think about it he’s right
A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food.
A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water.
Men feel sexual desire. Well, there’s such a thing as sex.
And so he says, ‘If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world
can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another
world.”
You see, deep down inside all of us we’ve got this longing for another
relationship. A heavenly one. A match truly made in heaven. A love
relationship with Jesus.
And so that’s what I’m asking you: Do you know this relationship for yourself?
This is the ultimate marriage
And so that’s my greatest desire this morning. Its not just that we’v learnt a
few lessons for marriage. Its that we’ll all experience the ultimate marriage
with Jesus.
And so I’m gona pray now. And as we close our eyes, I’m gona give you an
opportunity to examine yourself.
Are you really part of the church?
Are you the bride of Christ?
Can you say Jesus is your head? Is He really the leader of your life?
Can you say Jesus is your Saviour? Are you relying on His love?
Father we thank You again for marriage. Thank you that we can be engaged to
Jesus. Please may none of us miss out on this relationship. May we know His
love. May we know His leadership.
And we pray that this will be the model for our marriages. We pray that we
wont follow the wrong influecnes we see in the world all around us. We pray
that we’ll follow You. And that our marriages will bring glory to You.
In Jesus Name
Amen