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How to Be an Ally to LGBT People – some ideas for exploration • Use the words “gay” and “lesbian” instead of “homosexual.” The overwhelming majority of gay men and lesbians do not identify with or use the word “homosexual” to describe themselves. • Use non-gender specific language. Ask “Are you seeing someone?” or “Are you in a committed relationship?,” instead of “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” or “Are you married?” Use the word “partner” or “significant other” instead of “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “husband/wife.” • Do not assume the sexual orientation of another person even when that person is in a committed relationship with someone of a different gender. Many bisexuals, and even some gay men and lesbians, are in different-sex relationships. Also, do not assume that a transgender person is gay or will seek to transition to become heterosexual. • Do not assume that a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person is attracted to you just because they have disclosed their sexual identity. If any interest is shown, be flattered, not flustered. Treat any interest that someone might show just as you would if it came from someone who is heterosexual. • Challenge your own conceptions about gender-appropriate roles and behaviours. Do not expect people to conform to society’s beliefs about “women” and “men.” • Validate people’s gender expression. For example, if a person assigned male at birth identifies as female, refer to that person as “she” and use her chosen name. If you are unsure how to refer to a person’s gender, simply ask that person. • Speak out against statements and jokes that attack LGBT people. Letting others know that you find anti-LGBT statements and jokes offensive and unacceptable can go a long way toward reducing homo/bi/transphobia. • Educate yourself about LGBT histories, cultures, and concerns. Read LGBT-themed books and publications and attend LGBT. • Support and involve yourself in LGBT staff and student networks, organizations and causes. Donate money or volunteer time to LGBT organizations, such as Pride Bristol. Write letters to your political representatives asking them to support legislation that positively affects LGBT people. (Adopted from the Stonewall Centre, University of Massachusetts, USA) Become an Ally An “Ally” is “a person who works to end oppression and create inclusive culture in his or her personal and professional life through support of, and as an advocate for equality and diversity. An Ally strives to… Be a friend; be a listener; be open-minded; have his or her own opinions; be willing to talk; commit him or herself to personal growth in spite of the discomfort it may sometimes cause; recognize his or her personal boundaries; recognize when to refer an individual to additional resources; confront his or her own prejudices; join others with a common purpose; believe that all persons regardless of age, sex, race, gender, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation should be treated with dignity and respect; engage in the process of developing a culture free of homophobia and heterosexism; recognize his or her mistakes, but not use them as an excuse for inaction; be responsible for empowering his or her role in a community, particularly as it relates to responding to homophobia; recognize the legal powers and privileges that heterosexuals have and which LGBT people are denied; and support the ally program of his or her university or workplace. As important as it is to define what an Ally is in a positive sense, it is also helpful to understand the boundaries of an Ally’s role. An Ally is NOT… Someone with ready-made answers; necessarily a counselor, nor is he or she necessarily trained to deal with crisis situations As an Ally, how can you show support? (Other points to add to the list on the page 1) ■ Assume that, wherever you go, there are LGBT people present who are wondering how safe the environment is for them. Provide safety by making it clear that you support LGBT equality. ■ Notice the many ways in which you reveal your heterosexuality. Imagine how it would feel if you had to keep it hidden. ■ Speak out about stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination or any kind. ■ Sometimes it is the assumptions as well as anti-gay statements, which need challenging. The assumption that everyone present is heterosexual (Heterosexism) is discounting and hurtful to gays/lesbians/bisexuals. Challenge it. ■ Get to know someone who is gay/lesbian/bisexual. Listen to his/her feelings and experiences. ■ When speaking of your heterosexual companion, point out that he/she is of the other gender, implying that he/she would not necessarily be. Or, in situations where it is unclear whether you are seeing a man or a woman, leave it that way. Your choice not to exercise your “heterosexual privilege” will convey that the gender of one’s partner doesn’t matter. ■ Realize that the cultural oppression of gays/lesbians/bisexuals is perpetuated in social situations where the only hugging and physical affection is between men and women. You can refrain from romantic touching with the other gender, and/or be affectionate with persons of the same gender. (Excerpted and adapted in part from writings of Warren J. Blumenfeld; G. Goodman, J Lashof, E.E. Thorne, and Una Fahy).