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Ancient Roman Weddings
When did they get married? Both parties had to be adults, and they could not marry
more than one person at a time. For the first 500 years in Rome, divorce was
unknown. So, a great deal of care was taken selecting a marriage partner. Probably the
groom had to be at least 14 years old, and the bride had to be at least 12 years old. The
bride and groom could not be closely related. In general, marriage was forbidden
between relatives four times removed, and between anyone connected by marriage.
Thus, in ancient Rome, if you happened to fall in love with your fourth cousin, or
your sister's husband's brother, too bad!
Consent: Consent to the marriage had to be shown. Consent was very important and
consisted of three steps. First, consent had to be shown in public prior to the wedding
ceremony. One way to show consent was for the future bride and groom to appear in
public holding hands! Consent was shown again during the wedding ceremony, and
once again at the door of her new home, before she entered. More on consent below!
Engagement: An engagement period before the wedding was considered good
manners, but it wasn't a legal requirement. An engagement ring was usual, when
affordable. This ring was worn on the third finger of the left hand, as it is today,
because the ancient Romans believed that a nerve ran from this finger directly to the
heart! The ancient Romans invented the use of rings as tokens of friendship and
engagement.
Dowries: A woman brought into her marriage what goods her family could supply, or
goods she could supply herself. The bride's family might provide slaves, clothing,
jewels, and furniture. These belongings became the property of her husband.
Wedding Preparations: On the night before her wedding day, the bride-to-be gave
her bulla (her birth locket) to her father, and gave her toys away to her family. She
tried on her wedding dress, which was straight tunic, woven in one piece, which had
to be long enough to reach her feet. On the morning of her wedding day, the bride was
dressed by her mother. The most important part of her wedding dress was a belt, tied
around her waist in the "knot of Hercules". (Hercules was the guardian of wedded
life.) Only the husband could untie this knot. Over her tunic wedding dress, the bride
wore a flame colored veil. The veil was topped with a wreath of flowers, which the
bride had to gather herself.
The Wedding Ceremony: Only the three acts of expressing consent were necessary.
Everything else varied. The actual ceremony was held usually at the bride's father
house, with guests present.
There had to be witnesses to the ceremony to make it legal, typically at least ten
witnesses. The bride and groom would stand before a priest, hold hands. The bride
had agreed to the wedding by appearing in public holding hands with her future
husband. Once again, the bride had to consent to the marriage during the wedding
ceremony, this time by saying words of consent in public. These words were a chant,
and were the same words for all brides and grooms. The bride would say: "Quando tu
Gaius, ego Gaia." (When-and where-you are Gaius, I then-and there-am Gaia.) This
chant may have been chosen for the lucky meaning of the name.
After the words of consent, the bride and groom sat on stools, facing the altar. An
offering was made to the god Jupiter, which usually consisted of cake. Once the priest
had made the offering, this cake was eaten by the bride and groom. Then followed
congratulations by the guests.
Wedding Dinner: After the actual wedding ceremony, there was usually a dinner at
the bride's house or possibly the groom's. Dinner was ended by passing out pieces of
wedding cake, as it often is today.
Bridal Procession: After the dinner party, the bride was escorted to her husband's
house. This ceremony was essential to the validity of the marriage, so it could not be
omitted. Anyone could join the procession, and many people did, just for fun. In the
evening, torchbearers and flute players appear at the bride's father's house. The mother
held her daughter, and the groom took his bride with a pretend show of force from her
mother's arms. Then, everyone and anyone paraded over to the groom's house. On the
way, nuts were thrown, rather like we throw rice today.
Arrival at her new home: In front of the open door, the bride once more recited the
consent chant. Then the bride was carried over the threshold by her new husband, and
the doors were closed against the general crowd. Invited guests, however, could enter.
In the fireplace, wood was laid ready for a fire. The bride lit this wood with her
"marriage" torch, a special torch that had been carried in front of her during the
procession. The torch was then blown out, and tossed among the guests, who
scrambled for it, like a bride's flower bouquet is today.
Marriage in Roman times began as a sacred institution. Divorce was unknown. Patricians
married only patricians, and they were married in the stately form of marriage called
confarreatio (the only legal form of marriage at the time). The patrician took his bride from her
father's family into his own, with the direct consent of the gods (revealed by the auspices), in the
presence of representatives of his gens. In this form, the wife passed in manum viri (under her
husband's authority) and her husband would also become, in a way, her master. The ceremony
involved the joining of hands of the bride and groom by the pronuba (a matron who had been
married only once and was still living with there husband) in front of ten witnesses, representing
the ten clans of the curia, an old patrician division of the people. The term confarriato came from
the cake of far (spelt, an old variety of wheat), which was dedicated to Jupiter by the high priest
and the priest of Jupiter.
Plebiens (free non-citizens), however, had their own form of marriage, called usus. In modern
times, usus would be similar to our commonlaw marriages. Essentially it consisted of the living
together of man and woman as husband and wife. There were probably other forms and
ceremonies of which we know nothing. Paticians did not recognize plebian marriages because
plebians were not citizens. Usus did not involve manus. A wife could remain a member of her
father's family and hold whatever property her father allowed her by staying away from her
husband for three nights in succession each year. If she did this, her husband could not control
her property.
Another Roman form of marriage, coemptio, was ancient - but not so old as usus. Coemptio was
a fictitious sale by which the pater familias of the woman, or her guardian if she had one,
transferred her to the man in marriage. This form may have been a survival of the ancient custom
of purchase of wives. Of course, it entailed manus, since in form it was a transfer of property. It
seems to have been considered socially a better form than usus. Coemptio survived usus as a
form of marriage with manus. For the ceremony, five witnesses were necessary. The purchase
money was represented by a single coin laid in scales held by a scale-holder. The scales, scaleholder, and witnesses were all essential in the ceremony.
When plebians became citizens, their forms of marriage were legalized, but they still did not
have the right of intermarriage (jus conubii) with patricians. This was mostly due to the
patricians' religious objections. Since the gods of the State were their gods, auspices could be
taken only by patricians, and therefore only marriages of patricians were sanctioned by the gods.
Patrician orators protested that unions of plebeians were not justae nuptiae (legal marriages).
Although many plebeian families were almost as ancient as patricians and many were rich and
powerful, it was not until 445 B.C. that marriage between the two classes were formally
sanctioned by law, at which point new conditions were fixed for justae nuptiae. Coemptio
became the usual form of marriage when one party was pleveian. Marriage with manus became
less common as patrician women realized the advantages of marriage without it. Taking the
auspices before the ceremony became a mere form, and marriage gradually lost its sacramental
character. Later, these changes resulted in a laxness in marriage and a freedom of divorce that
seemed int he time of Augustus to threaten the life of the Roman commonwealth.
By Cicero's time marriage with manus was probably uncommon and consequently confarreatio
and coemptio were not generally used. However, confarreatio never really died out because
certain Roman priesthoods could only be held by men who had been married in this form. To
induce women to be married by the confarreate ceremony, Augustus offered exemption from
manus to a wife after she had three children. This proved not to be enough and under Tiberius
manus was eliminated from confarreatio in order to fill even the few priestly offices.
In order for a marriage to be legal, a number of criteria had to be filled. The consent of both bride
and groom, or that of the pater familias if both were in patria potestate, had to be given. In the
time of Augustus a law was passed forbidding the pater familias from refusing his consent
without showing valid reason. Both parties had to be adult (probably meaning fourteen for the
groom and twelve for the bride). Both man and woman had to be unmarried (Rome never
sanctioned polygamy). The contracting parties could not be closely related. Marriage was
forbidden between ascendants and descendants, between other cognates within the sixth (later
the fourth) degree, and between the nearer connections by marriage.
Other distinctions might affect the civil status of a couple's children. If all requirements were
fulfilled and both parties were Roman citizens, the children were legitimate, and by birth
possessed of all civil rights. If one of the parties to a marriage was a Roman citizen and the other
a member of a community havin jus conubii but not full Roman citizenship, the children took the
civil standing of their father. If the father was a citizen, so were the children; if not, they were
foreigners like him. If either party was without jus conubii, the union, although legal, was an
irregular marriage; the children were legitimate, but took the civil position of the parent of lower
degree.
A formal betrothal before marriage was considered good form but not legally necessary; it
carried with it no obligations that could be enforced by law. Betrothal involved the girl being
promised in solemn form by her pater familias or guardian to the man if he was independent, or
to the head of his house. The word spondeo was used for this promise, and the girl was
henceforth sponsa (promised/engaged). The person making the promise had the right to cancel it
at any time. This was usually done through a third person, a nuntius (messenger). The formal
expression for breaking an engagement was repudium renuntiare (to send a rejection), or simply
renuntiare.
A man almost always presented gifts to his betrothed, such as a ring or sometimes articles for
personal use. The ring was worn on the third finger of the left hand because there was a belief in
Roman times and for centuries later that a nerve or sinew ran directly from this finger to the
heart. Engagements and wedding rings are still worn on this finger. Also the girl usually made a
gift to her betrothed.
It was a point of honour with Romans for the bride to bring her husband a dowry (dos). If the girl
was in patria potestate, this was provided by the head of her house. If she was independent, she
supplied her own dowry, or if she had no property her relatives might help out (if they were
unwilling, there was a process of law with which she could compel her parents or grandparents
to furnish it).
Roman marriage required no license or state officials. The essential consent had to be shown by
some act of personal union between the parties (marriage could not be entered into by letter,
messenger, or proxy). This public act could consist of the joining of hands in the presence of
witnesses, the bride's letting herself be escorted to her husband's house, or in later times, the
signing of the marriage contract. Escorting a bride to her new home was a custom never omitted
when those concerned had any social standing.
The choice of wedding day was a complicated one. The Kalends, Nones, and Ides of each moths,
and the day following each one, were unlucky. So were all of May and the first half of June,
because of certain religious ceremonies observed in these months, the memorial days (February
13-21), and the days when the entrance to the lower world was supposed to be open (August 24,
October 5, and November 8). The great holidays, too, were avoided, because friends and
relatives were sure to have many engagements then. A woman marrying for the second time
might choose one of these holidays, so that her wedding would not be conspicuous.
On the evening before her wedding day, a bride dedicated to the lares of her father's house her
bulla (locket), and if she was young, her childish toys. For the sake of a favorable omen, she
tried on her wedding dress, the tunica recta (straight tunic), woven in one piece and falling to the
feet. It was supposed to have taken the name recta from being woven in the old-fashioned way
an upright loom.
On the morning of her wedding day a bride was dressed by her mother. The tunica recta was
fastened around the waist with a band of wool tied in the knot of Hercules (probably because
Hercules was the guardian of wedded life), which only the husband was privileged to untie. Over
the tunic the bride wore a flame-coloured veil (so significant that nubere, to veil oneself, is the
word regularly used for a woman's marriage). The bride's hair was divided into six locks by the
point of a spear, or a comb of that shape (a practice surviving perhaps from the ancient custom of
marriage by capture. These locks were coiled an held in position by ribbons. The Vestal Virgins
wore their hair this way, so the style must have been an extremely early one. In addition, the
bride wore a wreath made of flowers and sacred plants which she had gathered herself. The
groom, wearing a toga, had a similar wreath of flowers on his head.
The actual wedding ceremonies depended on the particular form used, and varied considerably.
Most weddings were probably simpler than those described by our chief authorities. The house
of the bride's father, where the ceremony was performed, was decorated with flowers, boughs of
trees, bands of wool, and tapestries. The omens had already been taken before sunrise. If the
omens were pronounced favourable, the bride and the groom appeared in the atrium and the
wedding began.
First came the marriage ceremony, varying according to the form used. Next came the wedding
dinner, usually given at the house of the bride's father, sometimes very extravagant. After this,
the bride was always formally escorted to her husband's house. This was the wedding procession.
The marriage hymn was sung and the groom took the bride with a show of force from her
mother's arms (seen by the Romans as a reference to the rape of the Sabines, but more likely an
allusion to the tradition of marriage by capture). The bride, attended by three boys whose parents
were both living, joined the procession. Two boys held her hands and one carried the wedding
torch of hawthorne. Behind her walked the camillus, and someone carrying a distaff and spindle
(emblems of domestic life). During the march rude songs called the versus Fescennini were
sung. The crowd shouted the ancient marriage cry, whose origin is unknown. There are many
variations of it, most of them sounding something like Talassius or Talassio. The bride had three
coins with her, one of which she dropped as an offering to the gods of the crossroads, another of
which she later gave to the groom as an emblem of the dowry she brought him, and the third she
offered tot he lares of his house. The groom scattered nuts, sweetmeats, and sesame cakes
through the crowd.
Upon arrival at the groom's house, the bride wound the doorposts with bands of wool (probably a
symbol of her future work as mistress of the household), and anointed the door with oil and fat,
emblems of plenty. She was then lifted carefully over the threshold (possibly in order to avoid
such a bad omen as a slip of the foot on entering her new home for the first time, possibly
another reminder of marriage by capture). In the atrium, the husband offered his wife fire and
water in token of the life they were to live together. The bride kindled the hearth with the
marriage torch (the torch as later tossed among the guests to be scrambled for as a lucky
possession). The bride recited a prayer and was led by the pronuba to the wedding couch. On the
following nights, there were other festivities and dinner parties.
After a woman was married, she was a person of incredibly high position. She was the absolute
mistress of the house, overseeing education of her children as well as the slaves. She often
helped with business. She had a place at public games, at theaters and at great religious
ceremonies of state. She could testify in court and until late in the Republic, might even defend a
case. Often she managed her own property. Her birthday was sacredly observed. The Roman
Matronalia was very much like our own Mother's Day, celebrated on the kalends of first day of
March. When a woman of a noble family died, she might be honoured with a public eulogy,
delivered from the rostra in the Forum.