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SPH Writing lab
Notes on Clutter
Kirsten Herold
Style matters. No matter how good your ideas may be, if your reader has to wade through a slough of vague language,
confusing referents, misused words, and redundant statements, he or she will quickly lose interest. Any paper is first
and foremost written with words, not ideas. It is the job of the scientific writer to communicate those ideas in the most
effective way possible. The suggestions below are intended to help you communicate more effectively.
First and foremost, remember academic writing consists of strong verbs and nouns. Is, seem, do, or make for instance
are rarely strong verbs. And don’t overdo it on the adjectives and adverbs; in the words of E.B. White, “the adjective
hasn’t been built that can pull a weak or inaccurate noun out of a tight place.” Make each word count and deploy your
colorful adjectives and adverbs with care.
Make sure you use strong verbs, rather than weak verb plus noun. For example:
NOT: we will make a comparison. INSTEAD: We will compare
NOT: we will conduct an analysis. INSTEAD: We will analyze
NOT: we will make use of.
INSTEAD: we will use
Avoid unnecessary modifiers/ intensifiers -- very, quite, many, really, totally, completely. The study is completely
wrong. The results were very contradictory. I was really sick of it.
Any sentence starting with “there is/there are/it is,” (and especially “there is … that ….”) should be rewritten for a more
direct, active statement.
Modify sentences ending with a meaningless/redundant prepositional phrase, like in the study, or at this time, or in this
population (of course sometimes you DO need those, but usually you don’t).
Edit relative clauses that could easily have been turned into a single pronoun or adjective, For instance:
The point we are trying to make = our point
The theory of many … = this common theory
In a manner which was halting and uncertain = in a halting manner, or haltingly
The illness that it caused = the resulting illness
Many writers feel safer when they have more words; one common construction to watch out for is the “A and B”
construction (whether it is verbs, nouns, adjective, or whatever). MAYBE A and B mean two different things, but often
they mean basically the same, and the writer hasn’t bothered to figure out which one is better. Admiration and
attention. Intervention and involvement. Studied and analyzed. Aspects and facets. Changes and advances.
Developed and designed. Your job is to be critical: does this word add to the meaning of my sentence? And which is
the more precise of the two?
Another variant of the same problem is the adverb that is already contained in the verb: Whisper softly. Analyze
carefully.
Finally, this advice from Strunk and White, Elements of Style, Rule 22: “Put the emphatic words of a sentence at the
end. The proper place in the sentence for the word or group of word that the writer desires to make most prominent
is usually the end. … [This] principle applies equally to the words of a sentence, the sentences of a paragraph, and the
paragraphs of a composition” (32-33). In my judgment, this is probably the single most helpful piece of advice about
writing ever. (The article “The Science of Scientific Writing” calls this THE STRESS POSITION.)
A few cautions:
In your zeal to cut clutter, don’t go overboard. Some words you need. For example, avoid free-standing this which
often creates confusion. Always attach a summary noun. This point, this difference, this finding. And do not edit
away your transition signals. However, on the other hand, in addition, furthermore, all are helpful road signs for the
reader.